Uncle Joe: BIG DICK IPOD SAMURAI CRAZY TAXI SYDNEY POITIER! Now that should attract more spam, you know, for my Hawaiian friend and Main Page writer guy Hustle. Anyway folks, thanks to those who read/and or voted in our most recent episode of debauchery, and to those who chose to stay away:
Smarks Court - THE VERDICT - Reigns, Rollins or Ambrose? (CPR Productions)
May 9, 2013 - 9:34:03 AM
Eh, I don’t blame you.
Anywho, after 7 days of voting, the gods have decided that there can only be one; one ring to rule them all. And the winner of the Cock Ring 2013:
WINNER: DEAN AMBROSE & GLOW
Glow: Thank you! Thank you! That is actual footage of The Crow and I celebrating my landslide massacre of a victory btw.
Now that the debate is over I can finally say that Reigns should also have a good career once he gets the major main event push. I just hope he stays away from drugs of any kind or any other type of legal problems because he will be refreshing in the main event picture. Don’t be surprised if you see him feuding/interacting in some form or fashion with his cousin The Rock in the near future.
Glow 1-0 in smarks court > Taker 21 - 0 at WM
Uncle Joe: Congrats bredren; I’m all out of patois so I guess that’s that. Maz, Randy, any parting words?
Mazza: This sucked. But it could be worse. At least I’m not Randall.
Uncle Joe: Eff aye gee gee oh tee.
Randy: Careful guys, don’t want to come across as homophobic now, do we? Eh, anyone that batted for Rollins was going to have a hard time making him look big. I’m quite happy with my turnout though, so there’s that I guess, despite Joe’s accusations against me which surely didn’t help....
Thanks though goes to Maz for asking me to do this, great craic was had and Glow-Joe went easy on me thankfully. Ha, gay innuendos....Choke on it Facebook comments hate, just like Joe’s momma does! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have kids to er, shoo away from my front door.......
Uncle Joe: Alright ya’ll we off this!
When a child molesting transvestite, an impotent chronic masterbater, a potential (probable) rapist and some random black guy get together to talk about wrestling, well; let’s just say that things could get gay.
Gayer than two dicks touching.
What’s up lordsofpain reader person, tis another showcase of everyone’s favorite show that averages more votes than your local assemblyman’s election; BANGBROS. Sorry, SMARKS COURT, but with a twist; it is I, Joe of Uncania, who shall be the master of ceremonies; the microphone controller; your MC of the evening. Today’s edition will be a 2 rounder revolving around the question
“WHO WILL HAVE THE BETTER CAREER: SETH ROLLINS (TYLER BLACK), DEAN AMBROSE (JON MOXLEY) or ROMAN REIGNS (ROCKS 3rd COUSIN OR SOMETHING, I’M SURE).
Now for the intros;
- Batting for Roman Reigns, in the rather drab mango 2 piece ensemble, Smarks Court co-star, Maz.
- Making his case for Dean Ambrose, who will try and confuse the white cracker audience with his expertise in Jamaican Patois I’m almost positive, Glow.
- Last and certainly least, Seth Rollins future friend with benefit, Randy...er what is your LOP name bro? Whatever doesn’t matter. Let’s get it on!
Mazza vs Randall vs Glow: Regins vs Rollins vs Ambrose?
Judge Joe: Ok fags, before the tussle here are the rules; keep it clean, no hits below the belt, use your better judgement and if hunger strikes you during, Fandango and myself have made some glass sandwiches you guys can feel free to dig in to. Mazza, as you’ve heard many times in those gloryhole contests you frequent, you’re up first.
Mazza: You know me so well, Unc. Right let’s get this underway. First thing I’d like to say is that I have been mightily impressed with The Shield and whilst it took me awhile to get on board with Rollins, I now believe that all three have very good careers ahead of them. That said, for me it is the man who was initially the odd man out of the group who will be the one that stands the tallest once we look back on their careers however many years down the road. The first reason is just that. When The Shield made their impressive debut at Survivor Series, the IWC marked out but there was a little caveat to their joy. Why Reigns instead of Ohno? To be honest it was an understandable question. I watch very little outside of the WWE and there were three names I kept hearing about as the next big things to be called up - Moxley, Black and Hero. It almost made sense they’d come up together but the WWE isn’t the indies. Everything about Roman Reigns absolutely screamed “WWE produced” at first glance but any IWC resistance to the man died almost immediately. The reason is simple. He has fit in perfectly next to the two indy darlings and added a great dimension to the group. But the fact that he got the smarks with itchy trigger fingers and loaded guns to drop their weapons speaks volumes.
Now back to the point about his look. Whilst that isn’t as important as it once was if you want to make it in the WWE, make no mistake, having that look Vince loves will give you a headstart. Looking like you are the offspring of a disturbing affair between Dwayne Johnson and Adam Copeland however pretty much guarantees you a test world title run by itself. He has the size, he has the muscle, he has the kind of face that you’ll remember. It’s not just the Rock’s look that he shares either. He also has that Samoan wrestling royalty bloodline. If the look alone doesn’t make him most likely to have the biggest career of the group, being part of the Anoa’i dynasty will. We’ve seen many a hoss show up on WWE television over the last decade or so but very few hit the ground running. Some grow into their push, some don’t but not many look as comfortable between the ropes as Reigns has so far. Whilst obviously not showing off a range of technical and highflying ability like his stablemates, he has an extremely effective big guy moveset which is believable, headlined by a picture perfect Spear which helps forget how weak Edge and Christian had made the move look. He has a good base on the mic too. Sure, he isn’t Paul Heyman but he seems comfortable and has what he needs at this stage, and he will only get better with time. The final thing he has is that intangible IT factor. It’s there in everything he does. Sure you could say the exact same thing for Ambrose but I think the company see that a little bit more in Roman. Why else would would the WWE have him come through the crowd on his own while Ambrose and Rollins have to hold hands? In all seriousness though, he has every tool he needs and I honestly can’t see anything stopping that momentum once The Shield split up (which hopefully isn’t anytime soon). Whilst I see a strong midcard to upper midcard career for Rollins and possibly a part-time main event career for Ambrose, I see WrestleMania main events and the like in Reigns’ future as one of the top two or three guys in the company. Unc, back to you.
Judge Joe: Hm, interesting. Ok so for those of you keeping score, Mazza’s trying the old Johnny Cochran “Voodoo who do?” defense: he argues that while Reigns comes from a more prestigious background than either Rollins or Ambrose, his filthy Polynesian bloodline surely means that the foreskin is probably consumed for some backwards ritual involving pigs and pineapple, thus surely meaning he is indeed most likely to be the uncircumsized one from the trio. Well gents looks like you have your work CUT out for you.
Next up is Glow, who is Jamaican...Haitian...Trinidadian...whatever he’s from some island.
Glow: Uh... thank you Unc. I have the fairly easy task of just reminding everyone what they already know. Dean Ambrose will have a better career compared to his two counterparts once it is all said and done. He is already having a markedly better career than they are which points to his higher ceiling for success; let me explain.
Ambrose has been in the wrestling scene the longest (beats Rollins by a few months) and has been able to stand out everywhere he has been. He used to stand out among the “vanilla midgets” of the indy circuit because he found his character early and completely embraced it. From the small mannerisms he makes when cutting a promo to the way he just carries his self when he is in the ring, Ambrose never leaves character. This leaves the people watching always unsure just how much his “unstable character” is really just a character. In a basically kayfabe-less world, Ambrose being a real character reels people in making them want to see more. He has been called anything from unstable, intriguing, deranged, emo, genius, and flat out insane all because you can’t figure him out. His in ring style also changes very fluidly depending on what his “character” is trying to accomplish in that match. If it is just a regular match his body may start twitching or his face may contort into sick mannerisms as he gets more and more excited over hurting someone. Now If it is a match with a rival or there is something to prove, his behavior becomes more erratic with how he moves around with no cares for personal safety. He starts to yell, his eyes become more deranged and shows that he is not afraid to use his body as a weapon. He won’t hesitate to get as ruthless and vicious as he need to if that is what the situation calls for. Ambrose picks his moments to show this dramatic range of his character which leads to many memorable actions or promos. Normally finding a character that can connect with fans is the hardest thing a wrestler has to figure out and this level of character mastery usually isn’t seen in a talent this young.
He became a must see act as a solo wrestler in DGUSA, Insanity Pro, and more recently FCW. I can attest that many of the IWC pundits (a few LOP main page writers included) didn’t pay much attention to FCW until Ambrose started making appearances. His matches and promos from his DGUSA feud with Bryan Danielson (Daniel bryan) and his FCW feud with William Regal still get talked about to this day. Ambrose has that infamous IT factor that is very undefined but noticeable when you see “it”. The WWE has noticed it and has made clear signs that they do. When CM Punk went to FCW who did he wrestle? Ambrose. When The Shield do their promos who usually talks first and handles any extra talking while being positioned in the middle? Ambrose. At WM29, who was showcased and handled most of the in ring work? Again Ambrose. The list goes on and on when looking at the signs that WWE know that have an emerging star on their hands. Just last week on Smackdown the Undertaker, yes the deadman himself, wrestled a one on one main event against yea you guessed it, Dean Ambrose. I know what some of you are saying, “But Glow he lost in a 5 minute match”. Hello! He got a main event with the biggest special attraction the WWE has now which is the Undertaker and he even got a good amount of offense in. Taker has reached the point that due to age and injuries he doesn’t just hop in the ring with a talent he doesn’t respect or don’t trust that could injure him. That is very huge cosign by both him and the WWE. On this upcoming Smackdown, Ambrose is again being showcased in this feud by being the main event against Kane who is looking for retribution for last week. It clearly shows what they think of him and his future.
Judge Joe: Mi no sewn de fyah mi bredren.dat maan Reigns need tuh blackslide fuh I calls me dem shottas, dig it; noting but mi old bad of juice mah youte. Crazy me no seee de chichi rollins mah youte, crazy hurr me let the fire RAIN DOWN on the batty man yu know? But bwoy dat man Ambrose be rawkin and rawkin de riddum n beefin on de stage brudda; he be a bad bwoy a bad bwoy. AY YI YI YIIII!
Oh where were we? Oh yeah, next up is Randall making a case for his life partner Rollins.
Randy: My username is RantingRandall and I hope you’re referring to yourself as the rapist, because I’m a racist, you useless ni.....hmm, somehow I get the feeling Maz intentionally made me the only white guy here. Anywho, time to appease the predominantly white readership out there.
To all 12 of you Indy fans, the name Tyler Black makes your little balls tighten up. For everyone else, the name Seth Rollins makes you think of 3 things; 1) he’s a member of The Shield, 2) he’s a CM Punk wannabe and 3) he’s only there to make up the numbers. What I hope to do is convince you fuckers that he has a solid future ahead of him in the Fed (WWE) so to do that, we shall look at his past to show you how well he has done for himself.
For those of you that watched ROH, you may remember the Man Up PPV in 2007, when Jimmy Jacobs, Necro Butcher and Tyler Black arrived on the scene and beat the fuck out of The Briscoe Brothers. This is a man who, only 2 years earlier, had only started wrestling to work his way up the independants, winning Tag Team titles and each promotions World Titles. Someone in ROH obviously saw big things for Mr Black (racial innuendo?), so what better way to introduce him with a bang than to make him a member of the Age of the Fall? Black’s reign (that sounds like a racist’s nightmare) started by winning the Tag Titles. He constantly fought for the World Title and had another reign as a Tag Team champion. His biggest progression happened a year after his debut when he was betrayed by the dastardly Jacobs, with this kick started his true singles push that showed Ring of Honor’s intention. Black racked up wins over former/current World Champions before finally securing the World Title in 2010. He lost it 7 months later to leave for the Fed after holding the title hostage when word broke out that he had signed with the WWE.
As Seth Rollins in FCW, he became the first ever FCW 15 Champion and also captured the Tag Team Titles. He went on to have a series of acclaimed matches with future stablemate, Dean Ambrose, over the FCW 15 Championship before losing the title to Damien Sandow. After becoming FCW Florida Heavyweight Champion he dropped it to be promoted to nXt. Naturally he became the inaugural nXt Champion after winning the Gold Rush tournament in August 2012 before losing it in January of this year due to his involvement with The Shield.
You all know by now the story of The Shield. I believe in them, but I believe in Rollins more. He has a different look, much like CM Punk did when he debuted. People didn’t give much hope for Punk, much like they do with Rollins now, but look how that turned out for Punk? Granted, Rollins hasn’t showed much verbal ability as Punk so far, but you got to remember, he isn’t the next Punk, he’s the first Seth Rollins. In my opinion, he’s the second best seller in the WWE right now, right after Dolph Ziggler. He can flying around that ring, but can get down and technical with the likes of Daniel Bryan. People claimed Roman Reigns was the “weak link” because they knew nothing about him, bar the fact he was The Rock’s cousin, but now people are claiming Rollins fills that role as Reigns is surprising a lot of people. I believe the problem lies within people’s high expectations of Rollins. because they know what he is capable of, due to his past experiences, but to me that is unfair. Right now, he’s fulfilling his job well as the guy that can make opponents of the Shield look good without being the weak link and his tag team experience shines through with the cohesiveness of The Shield being displayed. He’s 27 with so much experience behind him, so things can only get better, as it has only been his first 6 months on the main roster. After The Shield business is over, he can be turned on like the Age of the Fall and be built up as a face slowly with a midcard title before finally breaking through and reaching the main event scene. He has all the tools to make it big and could possibly go down a Daniel Bryan path with untapped potential that hasn’t been seen before. He is highly athletic and can put together an entertaining match, so the sky’s the limit for this young man. Who knows? What I do know is, I believe in Seth Rollins. Just like Joe believes I touch young kids, which I don’t.....
Judge Joe: DING DING DING!
Ok you fucks round 1 is officially in the books. Although I don’t agree with your lifestyle choice Randy, I do accept that because of men like you, men like us don’t have to fear getting pummeled in the arse whilst we slumber, so thank you for all you do, Randall; and please stay away from the children.
So if you’re still here, reading; take a break, take a toke, take a shit, take whatever you want; we’ll be back after this break.
Judge Joe: Welcome back to Smarks Court. Round 1 is in the books, and now the 2nd and final round will constitute of each one of the combatants to duel to the death; by breaking down the others arguments in order to make theirs look better. Maz, as I’m sure you haven’t heard from a lover since your early 20’s, you’re up again.
Mazza: Ah, my early 20s! I remember I used to watch Raw at 10 on a Friday night and then go out. Talking of watching Raw, that’s exactly what I did during our little recess and what did I happen to see?
Yep, that’s right. A certain Roman Reigns pinning the WWE Champion and Posterboy clean in the middle of the ring, 1-2-3. Not after a three man powerbomb either, after a Spear, his own Spear. I’d take that over a four minute tap job to the Deadman any day of the week. It’s just one more in a long list of signs that the future is brighter than bright for Reigns. But this is round two and it’s time to start pointing out the holes in my opponents’ rather “Leakee” arguments (see what I did there?). First lets look Randall Rollins.
Judge Joe: No, I don’t but proceed.
Mazza: Errrr... if you say so. Anyway. I can’t argue a great deal with the points that Randall has made. Rollins sells well, Rollins flies around like a paper airplane, Rollins has had a good start to his WWE career and I believe that can continue... to a certain point. It’s that same point that Jeff Hardy took years to get past and despite an illogical amount of fan support, didn’t take a great deal further. It’s that same point that Dolph Ziggler has only just moved past with no indication as of yet that he is going to be moving up the card. It’s that same point where Kofi Kingston has been standing and looking towards but has too much trouble to make the next step to paradise. Everything about Rollins spells midcarder. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think it’s thrown around like it’s offensive but the foundation of companies is built on strong midcarders and that is exactly where I see him. Sure he may get an odd main event push here and there and maybe even the odd token runs with a world title but not much more than that. Would you really want to see him in a main event with John Cena when you can watch him in a “Spot The Difference” match with Justin Gabriel? I just don’t see that intangible quality to take him to a permanent spot at a higher level.
There can be no argument however when it comes to Ambrose having that IT factor. He has it in abundance. Ah fuck it. A lot of you will think of this as blasphemy but I am sure there are some of you who are waiting for someone to say it. Maybe he has a little too much IT factor. Or should I say, maybe he needs to learn to channel his eccentric side a bit. I’m going to do something now. I’m going to liken this current internet darling to the king of all internet darlings. I’m going to compare Dean Ambrose to Shawn Michaels and that can’t be a bad thing, can it Joe?
Judge Joe: Did you just do what I think you did? I ought to throw you into a jail with nothing but hot women as punishment you sick fuck. Why would you even attempt to sully the name of Jon Moxley er Dean Ambrose by comparing him to gay ass HBK?!
Mazza: Ok, calm down, we’ll lose the two people who haven’t clicked back out of a serious sense of being offended. Shawn was a top in-ring talent who was very charismatic. Ambrose seems set on that path. Shawn was also a terrible actor who would go so far over the top with his character and selling at times, it was embarrassing. Ambrose also seems set on that path too. There are times when the volume on Mr Moxley is ramped up to 100 when it would be better off at around 35. Of course I am sure there are plenty of people who think that’s a good quality in Ambrose, just as they did with HBK and to be honest it really is neither here nor there. My bigger point is that Ambrose has the potential to be the next Michaels. A term that has been thrown around a lot over the years without anyone really getting anywhere near doing it justice. But even if Ambrose does do it, he’ll be just that. A guy who will be remembered for his performances rather than a guy that can lead a brand or a company. He can be that guy that has match of the year accolades all over his CV. He can be the guy that is stealing the show. But once he is back in the lockerroom having a shower, Roman Reigns will be closing out shows just how he closed out Raw. Spear... One... Two... Three...
Judge Joe: Ok ok ok Maz enough with the gay innuendos, I get it, you like Reigns but relax this is a PG show bro; there’s fucking kids reading this y’know? Plus you’re treading on Randy’s gay gimmick. Anyway, yo Glow where you at?
Glow: If you listen to that Brit without knowing better you would think Reigns won that match 1 against 3 and is now our WWE champion. Anyone who saw the match noticed that Reigns was fairly invisible the whole time until he did his Rhino impression. Besides the most memorable part of the match was Ambrose mocking the Undertaker and adding even more fuel for his *gasp* next main event 1 on 1 match against Kane. Relax your ten digits and take a tea break Young Mazda. Joe, I have no clue how you deal with him all the time.
Judge Joe: Just toss him mangos every half hour and Playgirls every 4 and he’s actually pretty calm when you look at it. Wait, please don’t look...please, don’t.
Judge Joe: What what what?! Fuck your objection; Randall goddamn you, hide your erection!
Glow: A judge that raps about erections, only in America.. Now lets focus on the task at hand. First of all I think it is ridiculous to say someone could possess too much of the IT factor. Hogan, Austin, Flair, and Rock all had ridiculous levels of the IT factor and I could be wrong but I think they had fairly decent careers. I do like that he did use a comparison to HBK to make his case against Dean Ambrose. If I had to bet both Rollins and Reigns would love to have a career at least half as good as HBK’s so I don’t see the insult in that.
Let’s do some legitimate comparing now. 6’2, 217lbs - 6’3, 265lbs - 6’4, 225lbs. Those are the metrics respectfully for Rollins, Reigns, and Ambrose in that order. Now for some more context: Ryback 6’3, 291lbs - Brock Lesnar 6’3, 286lbs - Mark Henry 6’3, 418lbs. You must be wondering why I am beating you over the head with measurements or what I am trying to get at. The biggest plus that everyone points to about Roman Reigns is supposed to be his size. Comparing him to his team he is only 40lbs heavier than Ambrose which I guess makes him look like a slight monster but compared to the resident monsters of the WWE he is coming in kind of light. Not to mention he is smaller than Sheamus, Cesaro, and Mason Ryan for example who doesn’t even get TV time anymore. All that to say this, physically Reigns isn’t anything special in the WWE. He might even be closer to what is now the WWE average. Besides this isn’t Vince’s WWE anymore but now the WWE of Steph and HHH who both have said in interviews before that they are looking for more versatile or athletic talent. Size doesn’t guarantee you a thing anymore besides a tv look here and there. Once you strip Reigns of his biggest plus what does he have left? Is it his promo ability? Well we still don’t know exactly how strong it is but judging by his FCW days don’t expect the second coming of his cousin The Rock. He has been limited to one to two lines every promo segment since he can hide behind Ambrose and Rollins which doesn’t prove anything for him. Is it his in ring ability? Uh... there’s a reason why he gets limited to spears at the end of tag matches. All jokes aside he started wrestling in 2010 and is still a bit green. Not to say that he isn’t working hard to try improve and hide the fact that he is weak in the ring but he is still just learning how to wrestle unlike Ambrose who is at point of trying to perfect his craft. That leaves Reigns limited to be able to wrestle just one style which may make him look like the generic big man to the fans once he starts standing on his own two feet. Dean Ambrose in turn is able to work with many different styles and different sized wrestlers due to his Indy career. Judging by the wrestlers getting over more lately (Punk, Bryan, Ziggler) that is an ability which is being sought out and appreciated more by the powers that be. Reigns is a solid prospect and I hope he does develop because I think there should always be Samoans involved in wrestling someway somehow. It’s just that career wise there are always many more Rob Terrys, Ezekiel Jacksons, and Mason Ryans than there are Batistas.
Seth Rollins. What can be said about the artist formally known as Tyler Black? Out of the 3 members of the shield he is the one that can be most accused of not having that IT factor or charisma. Rollins is a special case because just like Ambrose he has had a lengthy indy run but he never stood out to me on his own despite his accomplishments. Every time he was out generating buzz it was off of someone else’s energy or as they used to say swag. Unlike Ambrose, Rollins is still lacking when defining his own character. He is most known for his Ring of Honor run which honestly was based off of other people. Jimmy Jacobs (a past amazing LOPR interview guest btw >>>Listen Here<<<) who most consider one of the best wrestling minds in the business today made a young Tyler Black into what he was. As long as Tyler kept his mouth shut, made emo faces like Jimmy, and flipped around the ring when needed Jimmy made sure he looked better than what he was. Even when they had Jimmy turn on him, Jimmy carried him through that feud promo wise. Some people would then point to his ROH title run which was just a copy of CM Punk’s title run/angle. He didn’t try anything to not come off as diet CM Punk but instead just used that man’s energy and called it his own. Now we are seeing it again with his inclusion into The Shield stable. When the group first started he didn’t look comfortable but as the weeks went on he started taking on more of Ambrose’s characteristics. It started with him mimicking Ambrose’s promo style by copying faces and twitches and tone. All of the sudden Im hearing “Rollins is really improving on the mic”. What a surprise! Then it moved to him following how Ambrose walks and moves around outside of the ring. This man doesn’t know how to stand on his own and develop his own craft. I am not saying you shouldn’t learn from your peers but sooner or later he would need his own character and stop just steal other people’s energy. I know he is afraid of it because he was bland in PWG and bland in FCW when he was on his own. Rollins is the perfect tag team wrestler and his career so far shows it. Just give him a partner that he can feed off of and he can make himself blend in. He also can do the spot monkey thing which is good in small doses in the tag team format. Rollins is great at blending in which makes him terrible at standing out.
The man who will have the better career is the one that gets compared to Mick Foley for his promo ability.The man who is the most well rounded in the group and have tons of intangibles that follow him. From the way The Shield cuts promos, the group’s stalker like tendencies, the unstable looking manner in which they are carrying out their “mission”, and the way the group pops out on screen can all be argued to derived from this man because that is who he is. That man is Dean Ambrose and he is the future of the WWE.
Judge Joe: All di while, All fruits ripe, yu dig brudda? Shouts to mi bobodreads; we are a slave to de riddum but mastas ov da beat BLOO BLOO!
Randy: What the fuck did you just say? I swear Judge Joe-dy, sometimes I think you’re on crack. Ass crack that is and if you’re not on it, you’re in it, faggot breath. Now, let’s get the racial irony out of the road and pick on the black man’s defense of a white man.
I like Ambrose, I really do (no Joe) but for me, he’s too over the top with his selling. His facials during promos are great as he comes across as a crazy bastard, but when using them in the ring (see the suplex spot onto the ladder at TLC) they could turn into unintentional comedy. Look how HBK’s selling of Hogan turned out at Summerslam, it took away from the match as it made it look like Michaels was taking the piss, which he probably was. On the other hand, Rollins can sell so that when he gets hit, it looks like he’s been hurt bad, without being over dramatic so that it looks silly. As for Ambrose’s wrestling ability, it’s good, but it’s not great. His history involves working for hardcore based wrestling promotions, which does not need that much training for, not that you can train for being beaten half to death with a chair.... Hardcore is a niche, always has been, always will be. Ambrose could have become the second coming of Mick Foley with his schtick, but the times have changed and we’re in a PG era that isn’t shocking or friendly towards psychological wrestlers. With someone like Rollins, he can fit in and wow the kiddies with his flying about because it captivates the kids attentions, whereas a storytelling match from Ambrose would make them lose interest. Fuck, I dig that shit, but we are not what the Fed is catering to, so Ambrose ain’t going to fit in. You picked the wrong era to wrestle in pal, my condolences.
Now onto The Reigns. I have been surprised by the guy considering I never heard of him before he debuted. The man is a beast, I’ll give him that, but to me, he just screams enforcer guy through and through. As Glow rightfully pointed out, he’s not that much heavier than Ambrose, yet he’s considered a “big man” (fuck up Joe) but he’s one of the smallest big men I’ve ever seen. His Rhyno tribute and the powerbomb isn’t enough to wow people anymore because we’ve all seen it. If this is his schtick now, who’s to say it’s going to be any different if and when he goes out on his own? If he ends up being used as the menacing bodyguard for an up and comer, I’m all for it, as it’ll big him up and his partner before they inevitably part ways. As for pinning John Cena this week, it don’t mean jack shit, it’s just a way to put The Shield over even further.
Rollins is your man. He has a strange grunge look about him, he has different styles and the experience to back it up. Reminds me of Daniel Bryan, minus the emo look. No-one gave him a chance when he debuted in the Fed, yet here we are with a reinvented dude that gets constant reactions wherever he goes. Rollins could be that man. I say let everyone underestimate him, because whenever he does come out (er...) and wow people with a side no-one has ever seen before, I’ll be waiting with a smile knowing he made it. Give the man a chance and fuck the CM Punk comparisons, he’s the first Seth Rollins and he WILL be a star! I just hope it’s not that anti-bullying faggotry....
Judge Joe: THAT’S IT HOES! WE. ARE. OOOOVER. Damnit Randy you haven’t won, stop having celebration sex with Seth over there, fuck. I get it, you’re here, you’re queer and blah blah blah but ain’t nobody got time fuh that.
Randy: Don’t I get to say my thanks and claim my innocence for the child abuse/gay claims?
Judge Joe: Nah, let the credits roll baybeh.
Judge Joe: Ok that wraps up this latest shitfest, and most of you know the deal. For those that don’t; we will have the voting open for about a week, and there you’ll help decide the weiner. So go ahead and vote for either Rollins, Ambrose, Reigns. Or not, I don’t care; I’m not debating this time so fuck it. And if you really feel like talking to one of these cunts, well here ya go:
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Judge Joe: So yeah, peace.