‘Sup, Lords of Pain? Well it’s time for another Smarks Court verdict. We had a good response to the the best fresh feud case with the LOPNXT rookies but there could only be one winner...
Smarks Court - THE VERDICT - Best Feud Yet to Happen (CPR Productions)
Mar 27, 2013 - 1:27:28 PM
Judge Mazza: So Uncle Joe gets to show off in front of the rookies and wins for his proposal of John Cena vs Daniel Bryan. To be honest I will be very surprised if we do not see this happen in the next twelve months. Anything you want to say about your victory, Johan?
Uncle Joe: Ok ok Maz, I hate to flex my muscles of glorious victorious ...so I’ll just say "fuck everyone who didn't vote for me".
Judge Mazza: Very gracious of you. Anyway, I’d like to thank Freeman, LWO4Life, BeyondKnight, Skulduggery and Maverick for taking part. Great to see that everyone got at least 50 votes. In fact Maverick has a few words to say before we sign off...
Maverick: Well, I can't say I'm terribly surprised that Bryan vs. Cena got the nod from the general populace. As soon as I saw the match ups others had picked, I had a fair inkling that people would go for the indy darling against the franchise player. It's just a really good combination, as we saw when Punk first locked horns with Cena a couple of years back(PLUG: there's a column series by yours truly about this in the CF RIGHT NOW). There's also the fact that the American Dragon just needs that extra leg up to become a true main eventer, and Cena could give him that rub. As for my match up, well, I still think it would be very fresh and involve a very good main event match, but everyone loves Daniel Bryan in the same way everyone loved Chris Jericho in 2000, so I can understand, you know?
Judge Mazza: So there we have it. The NXT final is in the voting stage right now so you will see either LWO or Freeman on the Main Page again very soon. As for the others, you can find them in the Columns Forum along with a number of other talented writers. But that’s all from us for now and until next time, Court is adjourned.
‘Sup, Lords of Pain? After another rather dull stop along the Road to WrestleMania this Monday on Raw, it is the perfect opportunity to look forward. I am sure a lot of you have seen mention of the NXT tournament currently going on in the Columns Forum. We are down to the wire now but I decided to invite the final five participants to flex their muscles in the court. After all, the winner will be the next main page writer and the others will be very well placed for future call ups too. That said, Uncle Joe is still unhappy over losing the last case and also fancied a chance to flex his muscles against the rookies. So enough of the chit-chat, lets get on with this special NXT edition of...
So my original choice of subject for this was going to be who should The Undertaker face at WrestleMania 30 but apparently Cena would have been the runaway choice (I really don’t get it myself) so that went on the shelf. Then Unc came up with an idea. It was basically what would be the best fresh feud the WWE could produce. Joe had his idea but with plenty of part-timers showing up at this time of year, there would be no shortage of options for the five NXT rookies to put forward. The criteria was basically something that could happen over the next couple of years. We drew the line at bringing people out or retirement but the guys that show up once in awhile were all eligible. Finally it is fine if they have met in the ring before, as long as they hadn’t had a full blown feud. So it’s over to the courtroom and Judge Me as Smarks Court brings you...
Unc & The NXT Rookies: Best Feud Yet to Happen?
Judge Mazza: So here we are. The first man up needs no introduction as the man who started this badboy rolling talks about why his idea for a feud is absolute money.
Uncle Joe: Team Hell No reign supreme in the tag division up until Summerslam. While facing Team Rhodes Scholars, a robed figure appears at the entrance. His distraction is enough to cost them the titles and as if that isn't bad enough, said robed figure makes a gesture and the Shield come down and attack the two, leaving Kane so bad that he is forced into retirement, much to the chagrin of D Bry. D Bry tries to take on the Shield in his comrade’s honor but gets his ass ripped open. The ass kicking, however, seems to have given him a new focus because post beatdown he’s been on a huge roll, from the falling of the autumn leaves, to the first fall of snow, D Bry has almost been unstoppable.
Raw holds qualifiers for the MITB PPV and Bryan makes it. Cut to the match, which sees Cena take a horrific fall off the ladder, referee throws up the dreaded 'X' and Cena is carted off. At the end of the match, D Bry and Swagger are dueling at the top of the ladder; Bry gives one huge kick that knocks Swagger off. As Bry reaches up, the Chicago crowd is at a fever pitch; until the robed figure pops up and the Shield descend on the ring and assassinate Bryan, costing him the MITB briefcase.
Cut to the rumble: D Bry makes his entrance at a modest #11 before lasting all the way to the final four. The Philly crowd are insanely behind D Bry, which is amazing considering the other 3 consist of IWC heroes Punk, Ziggler and Jericho. D Bry comes to the brink of elimination, only to escape every time until the last two: Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. After a mistake by Punk, the crowd goes wild as D Bry is on the verge of winning until the robed figure reappears and the Shield storm the ring and destroy him and leave. Punk wakes up with not a clue, eliminates Bryan and wins the rumble, to the dismay of the crowd.
Bryan calls them out on the next night’s Raw but no one comes out; not so much as a response. He takes his frustration out on random jobbers in the back. The Rock, stops him and challenges him to take on the Great One, to which he agrees.
Bryan manages to reverse the People’s Elbow into the Yes Lock, only for the Shield to make their way down the ring and deny Bryan what would have been his biggest victory in his life. The match ends in a double dq as the Rock and Bryan are destroyed. The robed figure appears and makes a gesture on the Shield stop and bow. The figure stands there, pulls back the hoodie and the figure is none other than WWE Champion, John Cena. End of Raw.
Next week, Cena explains that he created the Shield to protect the WWE brand, from leeches like the Rock, and indy scene scum like Punk. He’s always looked down on them as they didn't come up through them, and always viewed Punk as the man he should take down; until he noticed someone more dangerous to the company brand; Daniel Bryan.
Cena sees his potential...and Cena must destroy him, for the good of the company.
The rest writes itself. The end.
Judge Mazza: You could have just said Daniel Bryan vs John Cena and left it at that man. Anyway, time to check out your competition. Next up is the man who is my “rookie” in this tournament. In reality however he has been writing longer than me and is hands down one of my favourite columnists. He would have surely been a main pager by now if it wasn’t for the fact that he ups and disappears every couple of months. The moral of this story of course is that drugs are bad, mmmkay (as are 15 year old pop culture references). Anyway, here is BeyondKnight going to bat for a CM Punk vs Brock Lesnar feud.
BeyondKnight: Greetings and salutations Nation! It’s time for more awesomely sensational journalism, straight from my mind to your mind. Let’s get this epic mind-meld started!
Nation, I am contractually obligated to appear in this kangaroo court as part of the payment for services rendered in the LOPNXT competition. I don’t know what the other humanoids that Mazza roped into this farce will try and tell you, but there is only one mega-feud left on the WWE’s current roster, and it’s one that I expect will run this coming summer: Brock Lesnar vs CM Punk.
It’s a very intriguing matchup of the two most prolific quote unquote “Paul Heyman Guys”. Lesnar is quite possibly the most intimidating specimen that has even been involved in sports entertainment. His transition to MMA came as no surprise to any long time fan, because Brock’s largest issues with the business were based on his inability to understand why he had to lose to serve the storyline. He is the absolute model of the “It’s still real to me, damnit!” mindset we see from certain members of the IWC.
On the other end of the spectrum, CM Punk was done everything in his power to try and overcome his unimpressive physical presence. All of his strengths rely on him being able to drop one of his coveted pipe-bombs on his opponent. Punk isn’t able to sell a feud with a silent stare-down in the same way the other behemoths of WWE can. Punk is forced to aggravate his opponent and the audience with his rhetoric instead of through sheer brute force like Lesnar can unleash.
I imagine the feud will begin to plant its seeds in the post Wrestlemania environment in the traditional sense. After two respective losses at Mania, Punk and Lesnar will unite in their common quest to vanquish the status quo of McMahon and Company. After several weeks of domination, cracks will appear to develop in alliance; Brock will be the one doing all the enforcement and carnage while Punk slowly begins to take all of the credit. The company shifts Lesnar’s aggressions from the establishment onto Punk and Heyman, turning him face in the process. If any of this sounds familiar, it’s because that exactly how Lesnar’s first reign unfolded. Let’s face it Nation, the man doesn’t have that much of a dramatic range. Punk will run his mouth, Lesnar smash, and SummerSlam sells. It’s not complicated Nation. But it will be fun.
Judge Mazza: I’ve got to say that whilst I do like the idea of this match up, the thought of just how good Heyman could be in the build up has me totally intrigued. But BK wasn’t the only rookie who wanted to capitalise a bit more on Lesnar’s return to pro-wrestling. Like BK, Freeman has been around the CF for quite a while but is prone to disappearing. He is also the Prince of Chavs and the heir apparent to Uncle Joe with his comedic stylings and he wants to see a battle of the hosses in Brock Lesnar vs Ryback.
Freeman: Ryback vs Brock Lesnar is a no brainer. I'd argue with anyone until I'm blue in the balls that Ryback is the number two face of the current active WWE roster, and could potentially become the company's top dog in a couple of years. I also strongly believe that Brock Lesnar is currently the biggest drawing heel in North America at this moment in the time, and that includes CM Punk. With that in mind, a match between the two makes perfect sense. WWE's other top faces, John Cena and The Rock, have already feuded with Lesnar in the past, whilst CM Punk is currently a heel, and heel vs heel matches don't really work for me. You could argue that one man could turn face, but Punk is so awesome in his heel role at the moment that it would be such a waste, and Lesnar quite frankly sucks as a good guy. Therefore, Ryback vs Lesnar is the biggest feud that WWE can do now that hasn't already happened.
The storyline to this one would pretty much write itself. You've got two guys who are very similar in both in ring style and gimmick, as both men have been pushed as unstoppable wrecking machines who rarely lose, which has lead to both wrestlers drawing comparisons to Goldberg at some point in their respective careers. In fact, this is perhaps the reason I like the idea of this match so much. It has the potential to be everything the infamous Goldberg vs Lesnar Wrestlemania feud was not. It's no secret that a lot of fans felt let down by that match and the feud that preceded it, as it was always touted as a big fight feel dream match that fans wanted to see. Therefore, this is WWE's chance to right the wrongs of that match by booking Ryback vs Lesnar. To start with, this one might actually be built up properly, and to top it off, we'll probably get a better match than that Wrestlemania 20 stinker. Ryback is solid in the ring without being spectacular, and has actually surprised me with how capable he actually is, whereas Lesnar is Lesnar, and has had his fair share of decent matches during his WWE tenures.
As for the match itself, don't expect a technical classic. It would be hard hitting, slow paced and probably feature some sort of hardcore stipulation. Thinking about it, this bout would probably resemble Lesnar's last two matches with Triple H and John Cena respectively. No, you're not going see a bunch of chain wrestling and smooth transitions between holds, but what you will get is two men beating the holy fuck out of each other for a decent length of time, and I can dig that. If not, then there's always my second choice of R-Truth vs Alex Riley, but for some reason Mazza didn't seem too keen on that one.
Judge Mazza: No shit. As a guy that grew up on Vince’s style, nothing screams wrestling more than two muscle heads pounding the shit out of each other. Of course nothing screams gay porn more than that either but that’s another case for another day. Next up is a relative newcomer to the CF. The NXT tournament came just as Skulduggery was coming off his first Columnist of the Month victory. He managed to snag Hustle as his pro for the tournament and has been excellent throughout. Now it is time to see if he can hang with the big boys though and sell turning The Viper back into The Legend Killer for Randy Orton vs The Rock.
Skulduggery: Biggest new feud in the WWE? I chose Randy Orton and The Rock.
Given that it’s Mania season, I know a lot of people have sprouted massive hate-ons for Rocky, stubbornly boycotting the product and doing their best to angrily tear apart and then lick their Tooth Fairy DVDs. So it may be tricky to sway some people. Hear me out regardless.
One thing is perfectly clear. Dwayne rakes in cash for McMahon like Jenna Jameson would for the adult theatre industry if internet never existed. Every time Vinnie Mac puts that eyebrow on RAW, he might as well drag a dozen powerful magnets through Scrooge McDuck’s vault. People pay to see the man.
Here’s another thing about the Great One: since his quasi-return in 2011, whether he’s chirping with John Cena, feuding with CM Punk, or brushing his teeth, he’s the biggest thing on WWE programming. Every match of his has been a PPV main event, even going on after HHH/Taker at WM28 and the Royal Rumble this year. It wouldn’t matter if he feuded with Curt Hawkins’ great aunt, that angle would be the focal point of RAWs and the PPV; it’s moot if a fraction of viewers dislike the fact. The way I see “biggest feud” is how WWE would treat the feud. Any rivalry in which Rocky finds himself is going to be big.
However, he’s not about to trade a series of verbal barbs with Ms. Hawkins, so it would be beneficial to have a credible tango partner. Cena and Punk, the company’s two biggest names, have already battled The Rock, so feuds wouldn’t exactly be new. Who has yet to be on the receiving end of repeated Kung Pow Bitch-esque one liners? Enter Mr. Orton.
The two share similarities. Each guy is a third generation wrestler with a rich pedigree. Both superstars have athletic builds and could put on a very good match, be it ten minutes or thirty. They have some history without directly feuding, having wrestled on opposite teams at WrestleMania XX. But what intrigues me the most is their potential. The Viper has done his best character work as a heel (notably in 2009), and the Scorpion King’s most exciting build-up in the last few years has involved face-heel physicality (brawling with Punk, for instance). Orton could easily steal some quick-face-heel-turn pills from Big Show or Alicia Fox and provide his foe with a diabolical adversary.
Think about the build. Dwayne could light up crowds with his charisma and mic skills, which, although has not been god-like as it was in the early 00s, is still better than those of 80% of the current roster. IED could counter by pulling out some of the most heinous acts done to The Rock that have not included a bridge. Attack his family. RKO his mom. Pick any Samoan wrestler, as they’re likely related through twelve or fewer family branches to the Rock, and punt their ass so hard that Afa feels it in his knee. The possibilities are endless, but they’d all be gold.
Though he’s been building a nest in the upper midcard for over a year now, it would take nothing more than a snap of the fingers for Orton to zip straight to the top of the card. Sure, he might have two strikes on the Wellness Policy, so many think Randy might be guarded from card-running angles, but do you think McMahon built an empire by always playing it safe? Despite the risk, I think WWE could and will focus a lot of energy toward the biggest new feud, Randy Orton versus The Rock.
Judge Mazza: Something's gotta give soon for Randy. He’s too good to be floundering where he is. If this was back in the day, he would have been fast tracked to the WCW main event scene but these days he doesn’t have much of a choice. A feud against The Rock would certainly jump start his career again. Anyway I predict that Skul will be a main page columnist at some point during 2013, as will the next man up, Maverick. Mav, like Skul was heating up at just the right time for this tournament and will probably be the guy that leaves it taking the most from it. He has also opted for the Lesnar approach but has managed to find a loophole in a guy who was there during his first run as he will argue for Brock Lesnar vs Chris Jericho.
Maverick: The idea of biggest WWE feud yet to happen is obviously subjective. I like to look at it from this point of view: if you take all of the Fed’s headliners, full time and part time, and think of the matches that haven’t taken place between them, which combination of workers would result in the most interesting bout? So that was exactly what I did, and one head to head immediately stood out a mile in terms of intrigue and match quality: Chris Jericho vs. Brock Lesnar.
Back in 2002 and 2003 when the Anomaly was at his brutish peak, he was separated from Y2J by the brand split, with the Canadian tearing it up on Raw while Lesnar was dominating the Smackdown landscape. With the premature departure of Brock to football and MMA, we never got to see a feud between these two thoroughbred grapplers, but with both men now back in the ‘E on part time deals, the possibility now exists and it’s a damned exciting one.
All of the former Next Big Thing’s best matches were with smaller guys that could “go”, primarily Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero. Chris Jericho absolutely fits that mould, and the contrast in styles would make for a compelling battle between the two. Since coming back to action last year, Y2J has shown that he hasn’t missed a beat and can still work incredible matches with the likes of Punk and Ziggler. Unlike, say, The Rock, Jericho’s cardio remains deeply impressive and he can work and carry a lengthy match with ease. Lesnar, meanwhile, has also retained a physical impressiveness, despite his stomach issues, and the sheer aura of danger surrounding the Minnesotan means that he can go from methodical to explosive in a heartbeat. Put simply, he truly is an “ass kicker”.
The other fascinating aspect of this dream match up would be the promo battle. Imagine Jericho locking horns with Paul Heyman, as once happened during the InVasion storyline many moons ago. Jericho’s renaissance in his Y2J persona has reminded us all of how much fun he is as a babyface, and you can well imagine the insults he’d have in store for the mighty Lesnar as well as his conniving manager, and you just know that Paul E’s slimy comebacks would be equally brilliant. All Brock would have to do is stand there looking mean, something he’s very adept at, of course.
Although this feud might not stick out as an immediate OMG money maker like something involving The Rock or Cena, it is something that the more smarkish side of the audience would love to see, and Jericho is as over as he’s ever been. Plus, both men retain a freshness, since they aren’t on our television screens every single week making toilet humour promos (hi there John). In short, it’s a match that would grace any pay-per-view, but how about Survivor Series? That’s the big four event that most needs a boost and Jericho would be done with the summer festivals by then, too. Book it Vince!
Judge Mazza: Two words. Ass cream. But yeah, I would definitely be interested to see if Lesnar can still mix it up with the smaller and more technical guys. Last but not least is LWO4Life. He has brought a touch of old-school to the NXT tournament. What I really like about his columns is I always seem to learn something new. He also gets love from me because not only did he cleverly exploit a loophole, but he also brought the Game to the table as his choice for a fresh feud is Triple H vs The Shield.
LWO4Life: As a huge Hip-Hop fan, I will always remember the battle between Nas and Jay-Z. For the better part of 5 years, these two rap heavyweights traded rhyme after rhyme trying to prove that they were the better rapper. What made this battle great was that Jay-Z represented the Hip-Hop establishment, a record label owner who sold millions of records; while Nas represented the Hip-Hop rebellion, a gritty rapper who struggled against his own label to put out music he wanted. So what does this have to do with today and wrestling? In the WWE right now exist the rebellion, three men joined together by their pursuit of justice; on the other side exist a man who is the ultimate symbol of the establishment who used his power to hold more world titles than anyone else today. The Shield is that rebellion and Triple H is that establishment.
It’s a power struggle as old as time itself. No matter if you are lions or people, there are those plotting to overthrow the powers that be. Right now in the WWE, it seems as though Triple H might be the biggest authority figure in the company. The balance between being a performer and also holding the title of Chief Operating Officer would be something to cloud his judgment. There has to be checks and balances to anyone’s power, which the Shield could fit that role nicely. Armed with the truth, the Shield would be perfect to point out any abuse of power by Triple H and then punish him, or his friends when needed. The storyline even rights itself.
As Triple H is leaving his match with Brock Lesnar, the injustice at the end of the match called for the Shield to right the wrong. The establishment is now being called out for their crimes against the other WWE superstars, and it’s the Shield who will be judge, jury, and executioner. For Triple H, since he is the establishment he has a wide variety of allies on his side to start this feud, beginning with the returning New Age Outlaws. Ironically it was the New Age Outlaws and D-Generation X in 1997 that were the rebellion as they destroyed the Legion of Doom, which was the moment the New Age Outlaws were seen as a real threat to the tag team titles. As the Shield battles Triple H and his D-X teammates, it becomes clear that the Outlaws are not the allies Triple H needs, as the Shield finally dish out the justice for that LOD attack 15 years ago. Triple H is now looking for stronger allies. How long can the establishment hold down the rebellion? Eventually at SummerSlam, Triple H has a six man tag match with Ryback and Sheamus against the Shield. At the end of the match match, Ryback turns on Triple H and Sheamus to finally join the Shield. The Shield are now ready to fully take over the WWE.
Judge Mazza: Feed me more. Or something. I actually really like the sound of that. I’d have it go on longer though. The more Raw’s that open with Hunter the better. Or if not Hunter, then Titus O’Neill. Anyway, that wraps up our arguments for today. Unc, anything you’d like to say about your competition?
Uncle Joe: Thanks to the rooks for coming out and flexing their writing muscle; it was fun. BK and Freeman, whats up mothafuckaaaas? Ok bye.
Ok wait. Whoever doesn't vote for me loves big veiny cocks in their anus and mouth. So there: take that rookies.
Judge Mazza: There’s a lovely image. Well you know the deal by now. You have seen the cases delivered, now it is time to vote. Which of these 6 feuds would you like to see the most. Of course, once you have voted below, you can always explain your choices at the bottom of the page and even let us know if you have a different feud in mind. As always, we will be back in the same place in a week or so with the results, but until then, Smarks Court is adjourned.
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