LOP on Facebook LOP on Twitter LOP on Google Plus LOP on Youtube LOP's RSS Feed
News | Results | Columns | Forums

Home | Headlines | News | Results | Columns | Radio | Indy | Forums | Contact | Bookmark | Share

Posted in: CPR Productions
Oh Come All Ye Faithful (RTT Advent Calendar) Days 13-18
By Mazza
Dec 18, 2012 - 4:10:39 PM

Writers Note: ‘Sup, Lords of Pain? You know the deal by now. We are in the second half of the countdown and things are going to get real busy now.


DAY 18


Today we have a screamer, lads, and if you’re anything like me, that is already one in the positive column for Ms Perez. Of course that is more than offset by her messing with JoMo but that’s a conversation for a different advent calendar. Fact is Melina doesn’t seem to be the prettiest of divas due to the fact she always seems to be sporting two inches of makeup. That said, for me she always brought sex appeal to the ring by the buckets loads, especially with the way she carries herself. And oh those splits!!!

Melina was always one of my favourites as an in-ring competitor. I thought she had the perfect balance between the model type and the wrestler. You could tell she loves what she does and she had a lot of entertaining matches throughout her run. Her flexibility was always a plus too. She was also a good manager during her run with MNM and she did some good work with Mick Foley as well. Her talents are missed in the WWE even if her attitude isn’t.


Today we have the awesome novelty Christmas song, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey. It may never carry the reputation of some of the classics or the popularity of some of the songs from the 70s and 80s but this sure as hell out funs any other festive tune.


DAY 17


And another Canadian. Damn, loads of these divas come from the great white north. We all know about Trish’s T&A. She was all that and a bag of donuts in the Attitude Era and just one of her trademark cleavage posts. To be honest I actually find Trish even better as a brunette on her more recent returns but she really was the face of divas for a long time, and what a nice face it was.

In ring she is often touted as the greatest female performer of all time. Of course that is utter rubbish but she still deserves a lot of credit. She learnt a lot very quickly and became more than competent but she always had stronger wrestlers around her which allowed her to steal the show with her presence. Her legacy will be huge and whilst it maybe a little over-inflated, she still deserves most of the plaudits she receives.


Some top class disco cheese today with Boney M’s take on Mary’s Boy Child. It really sums up the era but there are certain days and moods where it will be the perfect listen.


DAY 16


And today we have an Amazing French Canadian. So I have one question. What is up with that retarded Québécois accent? It is one of the silliest sounding things on earth and is probably what stops Maryse from appearing a little later in this thing. Outside of that however and she is definitely H-O-T Hot. Well, if you can ignore the fact that Miz is tapping that.

I really enjoyed her work in the WWE and think it’s a shame she left. She really perfected that “bitch” role during her time with the company and although I can’t remember much of her in-ring work, I do seem to recall that she improved quite a great deal in a short space of time. If you are going to hire divas purely based on their looks then Maryse seems to be the type you’d want to go for.


Today we have another musical entry from Phil Spector’s Christmas masterpiece. Once again it is Darlene Love but this time she is belting out the classic Winter Wonderland. Plenty of versions done over the years and whilst it is hard to pick an absolute favourite, this one is definitely up there with the very best.


DAY 15


Ok, who hasn’t had that old twin fantasy? Going two for one today because I really can’t differentiate between them, and quite frankly, why would you want to unless you were Daniel Bryan or John Cena. If they’re good enough for those guys, they’re good enough for me. There are actually times where they look really skanky (which I guess some guys like) but most of the time they’re just hot. Especially when they do that little twirl thing at the top of the ramp.

Whilst they weren’t particularly good in the ring or out of it, I usually enjoyed them being on my TV. They weren’t the greatest valets/hosts ever but they did a decent job. Their wrestling skills are fairly standard of their era but I always marked out when they pulled twin magic. Actually, no I didn’t mark out but I found it gave at least some minimal interest to a division that was at its lowest. Bringing them back now and putting them is a storyline based on their current real life relationships would have to be pure gold.


Today we have another very British Christmas song from the 70s. Wizzard’s I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day lost a battle with another song we’ve seen here (Slade’s Merry Xmas Everybody) but when it comes to earning royalties every December since, it has probably done just as well.


DAY 14


“Maria, you’ve gotta see her. Go insane and out of your mind”. Man there were times when I was totally smitten with Maria back in the days. She kind of has all the attributes that I really like in a lady, especially that very cute “girl next door” look. “So, Maz, how come she isn’t closer to Christmas then” I hear you ask. Well she annoyed the hell out of me. When she played the dumb bimbo role, it was a real turn off and when she eventually stopped, it just seemed wrong.

So I guess that sums up what I think of her career wise. Poor girl, it probably isn’t even her fault she got lumbered with a bimbo gimmick. She probably could have made a decent interviewer and valet if it wasn’t for that. She wasn’t much cop in the ring however but that probably puts her in the “above average category” compared to today’s divas.


Another classic today and is older than time itself with millions of versions. A caroler’s favourite for sure but my version goes Motown courtesy of the awesome Smokey Robinson.


DAY 13


Butterface alert. Butterface alert. Rosa’s a strange one. There are days when I look at her and I think “damn” and then other days I just think “euuuuuuu”! The way she winds her body on the apron usually gets me though. The WWE are obviously slow burning a relationship with ADR and that should get her on TV a bit more than Primo and Epico do. Maybe then I can finally make my mind up whether she should be a permanent member of Team Hot or Team Not.

In terms of her work, I am not sure what to think. She doesn’t actually do much. I can’t remember the last time I saw her wrestle or even how bad she is. As a manager she just shouts a lot in Spanish. In fact she is pretty damn useless.


Song to day is back to classics after some 80s cheese yesterday. Baby it’s Cold Outside is a very smooth boy-girl song and seems very innocent if you ignore a few rapey undertones (Hi Unc). As for the version, I have gone with with Dean Martin’s take on it from 1959

  • Mazza Marks... For Mania Macho Madness (CPR Productions)

  • The Devil's Advocate - So Much Universe

  • Smarks Court - Who Got NXT? (CPR Productions)

  • Mazza Marks... For Tag Teams (CPR Productions)

  • The No Movement (CPR Productions)

  • Mazza Marks... For the Mid to Late 00s Midcard (CPR Productions)

  • Mazza Marks... For One More Match (CPR Productions)

  • From Five Stars to Crashed Cars in Philly (CPR Productions)

  • ATTITUDE! WrestleMania X-Seven (CPR Productions)

  • ATTITUDE! No Way Out 2001 (CPR Productions)