Oct 2010 COTM (ChrisBear presents 'A Christmas Wish-List')
Nov 15, 2010 - 3:52:05 PM
All year I have been good, eagerly trying to impress you so that this year, you would maybe grant my wishes. Now, before we begin, let me put one thing straight. What happened in my girlfriends’ new house was a straight-up accident...
Alright. There are a few things I want for Christmas, a few things that I feel I deserve after my good deeds of the past twelve months.
First up, I’ve not really let it be known I’m a huge William Regal fan. I am. Huge. So, Santa, I humbly ask for the feud that myself, Hustle, Skitz and many others have all requested.
Vince wants Daniel Bryan to be a star. I want Daniel Bryan to be a star. Most importantly, William Regal wants Daniel Bryan to be a star. Regal just recently announced, during the European tour, that he is soon to retire. I’m not as sad as perhaps I thought I would be, given that he has signed a new four year contract, however now, he can put it all on the line to give Bryan an extra push. In front of thousands, he has proudly shouted, "I've been in this business for 27 years and never thought I'd see a better wrestler than me. Well, this man is, ladies and gentleman, Daniel Bryan". It’s tailor made for a belt vs retirement match.
Have Regal step down and simultaneously leave us with a vivid reminder of what he was about. His career spanning upwards of 27 years deserves one last great showcase of his skills, his promo work and his ability to raise people’s games. There is no worthier opponent for Regal than Daniel Bryan.
Make it happen Santa. Make it happen.
Oh, just to clarify further, the alleged incident at my girlfriends house. I was sure it was her room. How was I to know her younger sister had the same duvet cover?
Anyway, the second thing I want for Christmas regards a moment in which I want to re-live...
Remember when R-Truth got blown up? Then miraculously re-appeared the following week?
The thing with Killings is, I’ve never liked him. He was brought in as a guy who had lived a hard life, had served time, came from the streets. What a stark contrast to now. These days he is KoKo B-Ware without the parrot, the generic black man who dances his way to the ring. It’s not like I feel sorry him, though, as he annoys me tremendously with his over selling. Not only that, but his move-set is faker than Michael Cole’s reading glasses, and weaker than my penis after nine pints of beer.
People say his mic skills are great, that he is charismatic and over with fans. I don’t see it. I see him as one dimensional with the stick, that rapper gimmick is tired, and fans react very little to him these days. I wholeheartedly believe someone like JTG could play this gimmick much better, and more importantly, back it up with bags of potential.
Do it Santa. Just do it. Permanently.
Seriously, though, my girlfriend's Dad overreacted, as I’m sure you’ll agree. Can you see to it that he gets a signed AC/DC CD, labeled from me?
And oh yeah, back in June, when we woke up and the bed was soaking wet, I really didn’t know what to do. I knew my girlfriend would go mental if she knew I’d wet the bed, so what else could I do but blame the dog? I was just as upset as anyone when I found out she’d put her down. I believe I've paid heavily for my sins. Again, it was just an accident, Santa. Honest.
Santa, when Mason Ryan joins the roster, please, please, PLEASE do it at the correct time. By his own admission, he isn’t quite ready for the push he is getting, and ideally, he would have someone like Abe Washington as his mouthpiece for a number of months. Don’t get me wrong, Mason is no slouch on the mic. When he was ‘Goliath’ on UK Gladiators, he played his character better than anyone. He just isn’t used to cutting a WWE promo yet, and he’s modest enough to admit that.
The gimmick is what worries me; already he has been touted as ‘the next Batista’...
He is a big guy, a fucking huge guy, in fact, but his background in wrestling ‘entertainment’ is limited. He has wrestled for only 5 years, though before that he trained in a Greco-Roman style and mixed martial arts. Based off of this, I feel he’s more to his game than being the generic powerhouse. However, I fear that’s the way it will go. It shouldn’t, though, Santa. His trainer was one of British wrestling most popular figures, Orig Williams. Williams was a powerhouse back in the day, and renowned all over the world as ‘El Bandito’. Before his death in 2009, he taught Ryan the art of self promotion, the same art he taught Johnny Saint, Mark ‘Rollerball’ Rocco and Adrian Street before him.
Mason Ryan can achieve much in WWE, it just needs to be done at the correct time and not rushed.
Oh, before I forget, remember last Christmas? I had no idea that guy was Jewish. No idea at all.
It’s no secret, Santa, that the reason I even got the chance to write this letter is because I’m an advocate for British wrestling and wrestlers. In addition, I believe the hottest heel in the company at this minute is an Englishman. He goes by the name of Wade Barrett. To many, he is the single most captivating commodity on RAW, and has been incredibly over during these past few months since that first shocking Nexus beat down. And then, when we grew tired of the beat downs, he picked up the mic and smugly gained some of the best heat we have seen in years.
He has more than held his own both on the mic and in the ring, against John Cena and Randy Orton, no less. For a wrestler so new on the scene, it is unprecedented that he would be given such an opportunity, especially in his first year in the company. To me, having the most dominant faction in recent history without their leader holding the title devalues the significance of the group. Wade needs to be made more credible, so I say give him the belt and let him defend it. Cleanly. The leader will eventually have to stand on his own two feet one day, and if he hopes to succeed, he needs the credibility of being a former champ.
Santa, Wade Barrett is the future of WWE, and the talisman for British wrestlers. I need someone to replace Regal as my favourite world renowned Brit, Santa, and Ryan or, especially, Barrett could easily do this. I’m open to having Drew McIntyre take the spot, but if we go that route, can you please ensure that he gets a haircut? Please? I’m also a fan of Doug Williams, Nick Aldis and Nigel McGuiness, but the TNA product currently makes sure I’m quickly turned off, regardless the potential Brit pushes.
Again, I am soon to lose my beloved Regal, and Wade Barrett, more than anyone, has the best shot at making this country feel proud of it's wrestling heritage again. Johnny Saint, Mick McManus, Adrian Street, Kendo Nagasaki, Davey Boy Smith, William Regal, none have claimed the prestige of carrying wrestling’s highest accolade. There has never been a British World Champion.
We have waited too long, St. Nick. We have waited far too long.
That’s about it, Santa. I’m sure you’ll agree that I have done much this year to deserve an excellent Christmas present, and any misunderstandings over the past twelve months have been just that... misunderstandings. Seriously. I promise.
P.S. I really didn’t mean to upset Morpheus, so can you please make sure that his beautiful newborn daughter receives a long, full and healthy life? And stays off the stripper pole? And avoids the ginger gene that her father so cruelly passed on to her?
If you wanna feedback CB, hit him up at firstname.lastname@example.org