Posted in: Column of the Month December COTM - 'The Shinobi Series' by Joey Shinobi
By JoeyShinobi
Jan 13, 2009 - 8:40:33 PM
Hello, readers. Some of you may be encountering me for the first time, so allow me to introduce myself. I'm Joey Shinobi, winner of December's Columnist of the Month award, and this is my Shinobi Series. I hope you all enjoy it.
I’m telling you people, 2009 is going to rock. You can be as downhearted as you like about the state of the global economy, but if you’re a wrestling fan, this market is as strong as it’s been for a long time; perhaps since before the collapse of WCW. I don’t know about you, but I think the future’s starry-bright for wrestling in 2009 and beyond.
As WWE commentators like to remind us at this time of year, we are well and truly on the road to Wrestlemania. This year, I’m trying to restore some innocence to wrestling in terms of my enjoyment of it, and I’m placing a blanket ban on spoilers. I won’t read them. They spoil everything. The clue’s in the name. Do yourselves a favour in 2009; shun the spoilers and read some columns instead. We’re better writers, anyway.
A consistent theme that has come out of my last couple of columns is the importance of building for the future. I think WWE in particular has worked hard on this in 2008, and so I’d expect some really exciting storylines to involve younger breakout talent over the next 24 months or so. The second half of 2008 was all about talent reaching new pinnacles in their careers; the likes of Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho among others. But the storyline that got real buy-in from me in the early part of 2008 was the Ric Flair retirement angle. Some people plan their own funerals; Flair getting to hand-pick his final Wrestlemania opponent is almost the wrestling equivalent of that. While it’s great that there is so much young talent about, it’s almost like we may be in danger of neglecting the older stars; the one I want to look at today is The Undertaker.
But Joey, I hear you crying out, how can you say he’s being neglected? He was involved in one of the top two feuds of the year! Well, I’ll concede there’s truth in that, but he didn’t make that feud – Edge really upped his game and came out of it stronger than Taker. I think it’s fair to say, he is on his last legs as a top-level performer; I discussed briefly in my tenth column how Ric Flair perhaps outstayed his welcome at the top. I would hate (and I’m sure a number of you would agree with me) to see The Phenom go down that same route, so it would be prudent of WWE to start thinking about how the career of one of the most revolutionary wrestlers of our time will come to a close.
I’ve said a couple of times that wrestling is one of the few ‘sports’ in which the dream outcome can occur, and does more often than not. However, the characters are played by real people, not stunt men, so injuries and personal demons often make the end of a career less clear cut than the moments which define it. Stars like The Rock just disappeared off the radar; others like Austin had their careers cut short by injury. Every year, we now get queries regarding one last Austin match; I often worry that if he had one last match, that is how so many will remember him. What if it sucks? Worse still, there are some like Hulk Hogan, who won’t pull down the curtain on their careers because of the lure of one last payday, and God knows Hogan might need one. A good wrestling career should be like a good book. It should have a beginning, a middle, and perhaps most importantly, an ending. Yet so rarely is this the case.
So, where do they start? Ric Flair was so revered, and his on-screen character was so real and true to himself, that an emotional exit was inevitable. That night after Wrestlemania XXIV was such an incredible event, but can any of you really say with any conviction that a similar send-off would be appropriate for Taker? Of course it wouldn’t. But that shouldn’t mean that Undertaker’s last night in the spotlight cannot be equally special and memorable.
I for one am really looking forward to the end of The Undertaker’s career. Don’t get me wrong; I have huge respect for what Mark Callaway has achieved in his time with WWE, and he’s still one of my favourite characters in the WWE today, but there are two main reasons I’m anticipating it with great optimism. Firstly, as I’ve mentioned, I’d hate to see Taker break down mid-match because his knees are shot; he’s supposed to be indestructible, so having to him limp out for the last time from a botched apron leg-drop would be a pretty humiliating exit. The second reason is a tribute to Callaway’s ability to reinvent his character. All of those classic feuds he’s had over the years, combined with his ability to work with many different talents, mean there are plenty of potential exit routes for The Deadman to take. There are so many possibilities for The Undertaker’s Last Ride.
If we’re talking about ending the career of the most mysterious force in the history of professional wrestling, we need to be clear about a few things.
The first is that the ending absolutely has to be done in character. Undertaker is a dying breed; his character always lives in kayfabe. The whole story of The Undertaker has been a dark, hellacious tale, decorated with fire, metaphors of death, a bottomless pit of mystery. It would be quite wrong for kayfabe to be broken and a celebration of his career to take place on one of the shows, Ric Flair-style, with all of his old rivals coming out to shake his hand and wish him the best in his retirement. No, no, no…it needs to be big. There needs to be fire, coffins – all of those things that make an Undertaker moment special. His exit should recognise all of the facets and characteristics that made Undertaker great, and it needs to be done in such a way that we all know he’s gone. For good. To make this moment all the more special, I honestly believe Undertaker will need to turn heel, so that the crowd want him to be banished, all the way to Hell.
History tells us a few things about The Undertaker. His entire character is built on the premise that he is a supernatural being; he can summon lightning, he is impervious to pain and impact that would immobilise a mere human. Ultimately, and most importantly, he is evil. The trouble with The Undertaker in his current incarnation is he’s one of the top faces; to make the most of Taker at the end of his career, he needs a heel turn. Not just any heel turn, but a heel turn that takes us back to The Phenom at the very height of his depravity. A heel turn that puts together all of the pieces of the jigsaw, that combines all of the facets that have made each version of The Undertaker so engaging. A Super-Taker, if you will. Bring out the very worst of his evilness. This way, his ultimate, final downfall will be that much more memorable and special. What’s more, it should absolutely be done at Wrestlemania, because that streak acts as a metaphor for Taker’s immortality; if it’s broken, he is finished. Being beaten at Wrestlemania should be The Deadman’s last act. It’s his last stronghold, and if he is defeated there, there is nowhere else for him to stand. It should be broken, too. If it isn’t, then the door is left open for him to return. If he’s going for good, we shouldn’t be left with that unlocked door.
Who to do it? Who do you entrust with the axe? I’ve got only one name in mind. A month or so ago, RIPbossman wrote one of my favourite columns of 2008 – you can find it here (consider it essential reading at some point) – and he put across the theory that Undertaker’s matches are only as good as his opponent. That is to say, that if he is in the ring with a very talented worker, between them they will make a great match. If he works with a poor one, then it comes across badly. Perhaps in some ways, Undertaker is the measuring stick for how good a wrestler is. It’s no surprise that Edge has had such a good year in 2008 following his program with Taker. By the same token, we cringed at how badly Taker fared with Mark Henry a couple of years back; it's no secret that Mark Henry is not a particular good wrestler, either in terms of moveset or his ability to create suspense, tell a story. So, we should rule out anyone whose ring storytelling skills are a little questionable. It won’t be anyone new, and it won’t be John Cena either. Sorry, Cena lovers – I think this match needs to be epic, extraordinary; until you can point me in the direction of an extraordinary John Cena match, that isn’t all about him, he shouldn’t enter the reckoning here. I also think we need to rule out anyone he has feuded with over the last two years, to make sure the feud is fairly fresh; for that reason, it won’t be Edge, it won’t be Batista, and it won’t be Jeff Hardy.
What we need here is someone who can hold their own against the best and the biggest. Someone with the ability to overcome mind-games; that is the big strength of the Undertaker. To take Undertaker out, it will take someone who knows his weaknesses, someone who has been to the brink of hell with him, and survived. Perhaps a man who has something at stake far greater than championship gold, or even his career.
By that criteria, there is only man I think we could have banish The Undertaker. There is only one man who plays the desperation role to a tee; that man…is Shawn Michaels. A feud that many have earmarked for the Silver Wrestlemania this year in Houston, but I’d love to see it pushed back a year. It would give us one more year of both these men, and it would allow the following story to potentially play out.
How about it? If Undertaker was built on a dominant streak for about a year (not necessarily unbeaten, just fucking fearsome), perhaps starting at Wrestlemania, and carrying on with him becoming more and more irrational as the year wore on. I’d have him drafted to Raw, in the draft – we haven’t seen him up against the new Randy Orton, the new Chris Jericho – a Jericho-Taker feud is long, long overdue. A heel turn against one of those two can lay the foundations for his last heel run. Perhaps, on the way, a big feud with Kane. We could put that story to bed for good. I watched the match between them at Wrestlemania XX last night; although the match itself was nothing special, what was most noticeable about the confrontation was the effect that Taker has on Kane; the fear imposed on Kane that doesn’t come from any other being, that fear makes any storyline between them potentially epic. Now would be a good time to make the most of that chemistry. Undertaker would look as strong and as unstoppable than at any other point in his twenty year career. He is always at his strongest when he has some kind of psychological edge over his opponent; so the stronger you book him, the more indestructible he will look.
Then, around this time next year, we could introduce HBK. A man who has got his life back on track following hard times, a man who we know is committed to his family and friends. Say The Undertaker were to threaten everything that is dear to HBK; not just like Jericho did in 2008, but to go beyond that. To make Michaels not care about winning titles, or even having a career, and set up a match that would risk it all for a chance to condemn The Undertaker to spend his remaining afterlife in The Devil’s Playground. Remember the Michaels from Wrestlemania XXII? That’s the one I’d like to see if this feud ever came to pass. That intense, violent Michaels.
The great thing about booking a match like that is that you would have two legends fighting for their survival. Michaels can go some, and he has the knowledge to bring down The Undertaker, no matter how dangerous he might be. Undertaker, by the same token, knows HBK; seeing as HBK himself is no spring chicken, let’s have a retirement angle where both careers are at stake. The storylines where you can’t be sure how it will play out are always the most engaging ones, and HBK and Undertaker are masters of suspense when it comes to maintaining interest in a story. After all, despite them not being the key beneficiaries to their respective feuds last year with Jericho and Edge, make no mistake; those feuds would never have had the longevity they did without the two veterans. And although I’ve picked out a very select course of events that could take place, the best thing about ending on a feud like this is it wouldn’t be predictable. Shawn Michaels has overcome the odds so many times that you could never write him off against anyone, no matter how dominant they may have been. Although we know the Undertaker is on the way out, the possibility of a night where it becomes a reality seems difficult to accept.
Sometimes, we just need to know when a story has finished; the problem with wrestling is it frequently crosses the line between fiction and reality. It is so rare that we get to see the end of a wrestler’s story; Stone Cold Steve Austin never got his comeuppance, because the back of the man who portrayed him gave up before his terrorisation of Mr McMahon did. Bret Hart never got his big send-off, despite being an icon, because of contractual disagreements and that night at Survivor Series 1997. We won’t even go into the half-finished stories of Bret’s brother Owen, Chris Benoit, and Eddie Guerrero. All too often, the conclusion of wrestling careers becomes more about the wrestler who portrays the character, and we never get to say goodbye to the character. The Undertaker will not be forgotten, and Mark Callaway will get his name in lights once again at the Hall of Fame, one day. But for me, with someone like The Undertaker, it is essential that a storyline ending is executed properly to keep the character alive in our hearts for ever. He can’t be allowed to just fizzle out like so many before him. That would be almost as tragic as him limping out with shot knees. For so many of us, the character and evolution of The Undertaker is something we’ve grown up with, so the end of this illustrious career needs to give us proper closure. WWE need to think carefully about how the legacy of The Undertaker is carved out, because it’s such an important story in their past. It’s something they need to consider with Shawn Michaels, too. Triple H is another, and even Vince McMahon. And they have a golden opportunity to give us closure on the tale of The Undertaker, when all too often those chances pass the WWE, and us fans, by.
While I have the opportunity on the big stage...if you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to go and check out the Columns Forum. The Column Series Invitational tournament is in full swing, and it’s about to get a whole lot more interesting, as yours truly and the other 2008 Column of the Month winners are about to enter the fray. There are some fantastic unsung columnists taking part, some familiar faces from the main page, as well as a number of less experienced writers taking the steep learning curve. Without that place, the columns you read on LordsOfPain.net would be nowhere near as high quality, so please support these guys as well as you support the writers here.
That’s a wrap. This has been your Column of the Month, and I hope you enjoyed it. Feedback is always appreciated; LOPForums members can feedback in my thread, or you can email me at shinobiserieslop@googlemail.com.
Watch out CSI – roll on The Dragon’s Lair...
Author’s Note: in doing some background research on closure, I discovered this blog post by New York writer Lindsey Beyerstein. While not especially relevant to my research, it was an interesting take and subsequent debate on closure and grief...if you’re into that kind of thing, read it here.
