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Posted in: Chair Shots
Chair Shots: The Fandango Pin Drop
By TripleR
Mar 5, 2013 - 9:34:47 AM

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What’s up Chair Shotters? As I sit here in B’more preparing for some kind of snow storm, I took the time to watch last night’s Raw and reflect on the ridiculousness of a blow-off show with only 5 weeks left until Wrestlemania. So much of the evening was pointless, but instead of recapping the entire evening, just go read Al’s 30 Thoughts column when you’re done here. However there was one thing that stuck out to me; one thing that above all else killed an entire arena- Fandango!

Now hopefully you’ve heard of the Haas Pop and X-Pac Heat when referring to certain wrestlers. If you haven’t, well the Haas Pop refers to the lack of reaction that a wrestler gets when making his way to the ring. X-Pac Heat is when a wrestler gets booed not because they’re a good heel, but because we hate them so much we want them to get run over by a semi-truck, and then put into a large barrel filled with C4 and blown up until its raining body parts. Last night, Fandango managed to combine both of those things together into what I’ll call the Fandango Pin Drop.

After weeks of vignettes that made just about every wrestling fan groan with confusion, we knew that the WWE was going to unleash yet another dancing wrestler gimmick onto the WWE Universe. This time, we were going to be graced with an evil ballroom dancer. I mean, honestly, we’ve had an evil dentist, and evil plumber, and a happy go lucky trash man, why not an evil ballroom dancer? Because we’re not in the 1990’s anymore that’s why. Now I’m all for character development, but either WWE Creative is too lazy to come up with something clever or Vince McMahon JUST NOW realized that Dancing with the Stars was a thing.

I feel bad for Johnny Curtis actually. He’s been bounced around from NxT, taking part in not only Season 3 of the show, but the never ending Season 5. When he was on Season 3, he was pouring milk on his head and appearing in other ridiculous promos that seemed to have no rhyme or reason to them whatsoever. In Season 5, he came back as a creepy heel character, and was hooked up with another suckhole of charisma, former WWE Diva Maxine. He really hasn’t gotten a chance to show if he has any real talent whatsoever because he has had no time to establish a character that he can run with.

But now he’s got one, and what a winner it appears to be. First off, let’s not overlook the fact that he’s named after an online movie ticketing service, which I’m surprised hasn’t already sparked some kind of lawsuit. I’m sure that the WWE could have come up with some other name that screamed ballroom dancer, like Flamenco, or Salsarita, or Mizfan- you get the point right? Instead, all I can think of when I hear that name is the stupid paper bag puppets that bug me during the previews when I go to see a movie.

To make matters worse for Johnny Curtis, nobody cares. Twice now we’ve been promised his debut, and twice now it hasn’t happened, and twice now nobody gave a shit. This is another trap that the WWE seems to fall into, thinking that if they announce a wrestler’s debut and then don’t deliver it that we will be waiting with bated breath for it to actually occur. They did the same thing with Brodus Clay, promising his in-ring debut week after week, until finally we got the arrival of the Funkasaurus. The difference with Brodus and Fandango, is that there was at least a modicum of interest in seeing what Brodus could bring to the table. I don’t think the same can be said for the debut of the evil Derrick Hough.

As I watched last night, I kept being reminded that the in-ring debut of Fandango was coming, and each time I saw the graphic I felt the need to take a shot. Then the moment came, and Kofi Kingston, now jobber extraordinaire (oh Kofi, what the hell?), stood in the ring waiting for his opponent. Out came a female ballroom dancer, and the crowd didn’t give two shits. Well, let me take that back. Most of them probably were in the bathroom since there wasn’t a divas match and they were giving two shits. She danced around a bit, kind of like Mizfan, and then out came Fandango to the sound of crickets. He proceeded to yell at Justin Roberts about how to say his name, which he repeated over and over and over- to ZERO reaction. At one point he even held for a dramatic pause, and the only thing that came to my mind was that he shouldn’t stay still for too long because even drunk wrestling fans can get a lucky shot in sometimes.

It was at that time, that I realized without even setting foot in the ring, that this gimmick was already a failure. He had scored a double. Fandango had X-Pac Heat, of a crowd and a viewing audience that wanted to see him go away, with the apathy of the Haas Pop. The crowd was so silent, that you could hear a pin drop, and that my friends is the sign of a terrible, terrible gimmick. So please Vince, please WWE Creative, watch back last night’s show and see just how horrible Fandango is. If you’re really in love with ballroom dancing, the new season of Dancing with the Stars starts soon. Andy Dick is one of the celebrities. I mean his last name is Dick, you guys think that’s funny right? But for the love of Kate Upton, please don’t subject us to this crap.

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Until next time,
Trrrrrriiiippp (roll the R) Out!

Find me on Facebook:TripleR

Follow me on Twitter:@TripleRLOP

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