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Posted in: Chair Shots
Chair Shots Presents: 1218 LBS
By Rob Simmons
Jul 25, 2017 - 1:48:00 PM

On August Two-Oh in the town that’s named twice,
A war will be waged between men not so nice.
Four mountains of manhood who don’t mess around
Who together weigh in over 1200 pounds.

They’ll fight for the belt of the whole universe
Which is red and might come with its own matching purse.
It’s currently held by the Beast Incarnate
With an awful tattoo across his breastplate

His name is Brock Lesnar, who they must all defeat
Or else he will Eat, Sleep, Conquer, Repeat.
He’ll suplex you once, then several times more
Of course in the ring, but perhaps on the floor.

He fought MMA, until his ass got defeated
Then tried to play football, but was quickly deleted.
Now he’s the Champ, beating all we can see
Except for that guy in the AARP.

But a challenge he’ll face at the event of the season
Brock has cause for alarm and it comes with good reason.
He’ll face one large man, then another, then one more
In the night’s Main Event, a Fatal Four Way War.

His first challenge comes from a man from Samoa
With a temper as fiery as the great Krakatoa
They just call him “Joe” but that’s all that you need.
Don’t let the name fool you; don’t let it mislead

He’s got quite the temper, this fiery fighter
With a spark that ignites as quick as a lighter.
He’ll punch you and kick you again and again
Until your body cries out in unspeakable pain.

You see Joe has no fear, not one bit is apparent.
His lack of compassion is a trait that’s inherent.
He’s choked out Paul Heyman, who is Brock’s advocate
And perhaps made him cry and perhaps urinate.

These two fought before during Great Balls of Fire
But to see it once more is what we all desire.
So Joe’s in the match, with two more still to come.
To decide who’s victorious in the final outcome.

The third is a man that I’ve praised once before.
He’s quite like an animal, perhaps a wild boar.
You can just call him “BRAUN”, but say it quite loud
Or he might pick you up and throw you through the crowd.

Braun likes to pile bodies, it’s kind of his thing.
On the floor, in a car, and oh yeah, in the ring.
He’ll pick things right up, and then slam them right down.
And perhaps if you’re lucky, you’ll bounce off the ground.

He’s quite unpredictable, I’ll say in advance
As he once threw a man and a whole ambulance.
His arms like bazooka, his legs like tree trunks
If he hits you with either, your chances are sunk.

For Brock and for Joe, this challenge is new
But our fourth in this match has had a preview.
Braun took down the Big Dog, choked him with his collar.
Made him even less scary then the old Brooklyn Brawler

He’s the last in the match, the man Roman Reigns
He’s the one people like to detest and complain
He’s Superman Red, with a mean streak to boot.
But his worth is oft questioned, and oft in dispute.

The fans are quite split. Do they like him or not?
The young ones sure like him. The girls think he’s hot.
But many despise him and trash him non-stop
Yet it’s certainly no question he’s right there on top.

He’s battled the Beast, and Braun, and Joe
He’s stood face to face, and went toe to toe
Wins he picked up, but he did see defeat.
But one thing he won’t do is fall back in retreat.

One thousand two hundred eighteen pounds.
A Fatal 4-Way encounter that is sure to astound.
Four goliath sized men will step into the ring.
They’ll fight tooth and nail; they’ll give everything.

The Beast with his suplexes and Joe with his Clutch.
Roman’s Superman Punch that will hurt very much.
Braun’s piling of bodies and unwavering strength.
To become the Champ they’ll go to any length.

Which man will be victor? Who’ll come out the Champ?
Which three hang their heads as they walk up the ramp?
On this night in late August, the conclusion’s foregone
The New Universal Champ will be the one they call…


Until next time,
Rob Out!

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