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Chair Shots Presents: (VOTING CLOSED!) The Worst WWE Gimmick of All-Time Tournament (THE FINALS!)
By Rob Simmons & YourAyatollah
May 17, 2014 - 8:42:54 AM

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Well we made it to the final match-up in our quest to find the ABSOLUTE WORST WWE Gimmick of All-Time. There have certainly been some surprises along the way, including one of our final round participants. Now it comes down to two. Let's take a look at how our final two contenders got here.

Representing YourAyatollah
Naked Mideon defeated Meat, Giant Gonzales, Red Rooster, TL Hopper and Phantasio

In the Final Four, Naked Mideon defeating Farting Natalya (113-109)

Representing Rob
Mantaur defeated Battle Kat, Slam Master J, Isaac Yankem DDS, Beaver Cleavage and The Oddities

In the Final Four, Mantaur defeated Bastion Booger (100-98)

If you look at the ridiculousness that fell to these two gimmicks alone, you can see that this was a bit of a surprise final. But as I said before, the votes fell as they fell and here we are. This my dear readers is your final. Voting will be open until the close of Raw on Monday night, and then we will announce our winner as well as have a special Chair Shots epilogue to this great tournament. Vote now!

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The poll is below. Let's do this!

Until we crown our champion,
Rob Out!

Final Four

So here we are dear readers, The Final Four. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was surprised at how this ended up, and YourAyatollah has a few things to say about that as well. But, this is your tournament and the votes fell as they fell. So before we get to the Final Four, let’s take a look at the results of the four Triple Threat Matches in the Round of 12.

Jerry Lawler Bracket
Mantaur defeated Beaver Cleavage and The Oddities (116-73-19)

Mike Adamle Bracket
Farting Natalya defeated Man With No Face and Stuttering Matt Morgan (114-49-32)

Vince Russo Bracket
Bastion Booger defeated Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon and Xanta Claus (80-75-30)

Michael Cole Bracket
Naked Mideon defeated TL Hopper and Phantasio (113-44-35)

So, I’m gonna turn this over to YourAyatollah, who’s looking for an explanation. Go to it my friend!

If you would have told me at the start of this thing that my two brackets would come down to Naked Mideon and Farting Nattie, I wouldn't have believed you. With names that included such all time legendarily terrible gimmicks as Duke "The Dumpster" Droese, TL Hopper, Giant Gonzales, Red Rooster, Phantasio, Knuckleball Schwartz, The Goon, Real Man's Man Steven Regal, Berzerker and Brother Love, to have these two come out on top is frankly surprising as all hell.

I'm not sure the motivation behind the way these votes have gone, honestly, and would love it if you guys would say why you voted as you did in the comments section down below. I mean, I know that Naked Mideon was pretty silly and that Farting Natalya was incredibly weak sauce, but are either of those truly more ridiculous than a wrestling plumber, a fuzzy bodysuit wearing giant or a seemingly special ed Viking? Are you genuinely telling me that, instead of Mideon showing up wearing only a fanny pack for all of maybe two minutes, tops, that you would rather see A MAN WHO DID MAGIC TRICKS BEFORE PULLING PEOPLE'S UNDERWEAR OFF?

Either way, Nattie took out both The Man With No Face and Stuttering Matt Morgan on her way to this showdown. Naked Mideon had an arguably tougher road in taking out two of the most outlandish gimmicks to ever be attempted, TL Hopper and Phantasio. I don't get it. At all. But that's what happened. May the worst gimmick win.

For the record, I'd like to combine the two gimmicks and have Naked Natalya.

Yeah I’ve got to agree, I’m completely surprised at the way the Cole and Adamle brackets played out. On my side, I’m not at all surprised that Mantaur made it to the finals. I mean the dude dressed up in a giant bull head- A GIANT BULL HEAD! I looked up his stats, and he actually wrestled a heck of a lot more matches than I thought, but primarily against jobbers. His few matches with legit contenders always ended in defeat. But seriously- A GIANT BULL HEAD!

On the other hand, Bastion Booger narrowly squeaked out a victory over Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon. In fact, he was losing for most of the battle until a late flurry pushed him over the top. I honestly thought he’d run away with that one. Poor Mike Shaw wrestled in a filthy diaper like outfit and constantly had food dripping from his face. Someone, somewhere thought that was a good idea.

So that brings us to our Final Four.


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As usual, please use the convenient polls right below. Vote for the Finals!

Check back tomorrow for the Final Matchup. Thanks again to YourAyatollah for coming along for the entire tournament and sharing his thoughts. Always a pleasure my friend. And thanks to you the readers for making this a huge success.

Until tomorrow,
Rob Out!

Round of 12

So here we are readers, down to the Top 12 in our Worst WWE Gimmick of All-Time Tournament. I must say there have been some real surprises along the way. This round will be made up of four Triple Threat Matches, with only one gimmick from each advancing to the Final Four. Before we get to that, let’s take a look at the results from the last round. Voting was slightly down this round, so let’s beef that up the rest of the way. We’ve had great turnout so far, let’s not lose steam now.

Michael Cole Bracket
TL Hopper defeated The Stalker Barry Windham (153-75)
Naked Mideon defeated The Red Rooster (140-99)
Phantasio defeated Rico (140-89)

Vince Russo Bracket
Bastion Booger defeated The Zombie (122-63)
Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon defeated The Dicks (110-83)
Xanta Claus defeated Nailz (134-51)

Mike Adamle Bracket
Farting Natalya defeated Abe Knuckleball Schwartz (140-51)
Man With No Face defeated Make a Difference Fatu (119-66)
Stuttering Matt Morgan defeated Outback Jack (119-68)

Jerry Lawler Bracket
Beaver Cleavage defeated Cross Dressing Vito (117-94)
Mantaur defeated Isaac Yankem DDS (127-84)
Oddities defeated Jean Pierre LaFitte (122-81)

Once again I’ve brought along YourAyatollah to discuss his brackets, so what do you have for us today my friend?

So it's come down to this. A Triple Threat to determine the most Horrible Gimmick from each of our brackets. I would say that those who have advanced this far should be proud but this isn't so much a contest that one can take a whole lot of pride in winning.

The Michael Coleslaw Bracket went about how I expected it to, though I must admit that you guys seem to have a bit of an issue with nudity and bodily functions. Hopper and Phantasio easily deserved to win their matchups, no doubt, but a streaker who never actually wrestled under the persona is worse than a human chicken? Really? I won't argue it, of course, but cock a doodle damn. Regardless, the battle between Hopper, Phantasio and Mideon should be a very interesting one to watch play out.

The Mike Adamle Bracket, much like the Cole one from before, produced two results that didn't really surprise me and one that legitimately did. The Man With No Face (yet another gimmick that saw zero actual ring time) going over Fatu was somewhat expected and Stuttering Matt Morgan dispatching of Outback Jack wasn't a huge shock, either. Perhaps the biggest upset of this entire tournament, though, has to be Natalya taking out Abe Knuckleball Schwartz. I mean, I get it, giving a chick a gimmick in which she has a gas problem is pretty silly. But is it really as ridiculous as a jobber dressed like Mr. Met's mentally challenged brother?

Oh well, you guys voted for what you wanted and I don't argue that in the least. As such, we're left with a bracket final Triple Threat matchup of Farting Nattie vs Brutus NoFace vs perhaps the biggest surprise powerhouse of this entire thing, Stuttering Matt. This one could really go any way. Though he's the least hyped of the bunch, I would never count out ol' No Face as Ed Leslie is undoubtedly the King of Horrible Gimmicks on an overall career basis.

Yeah there were some upsets in your brackets. I guess people really hate bodily functions and speech impediments. Who’d a thunk it? Anyway, in my Vince Russo bracket, my first Triple Threat match will see the disgusting Bastion Booger vs. the Fake Outsiders vs. the evil Santa Claus. Quite a three-way we have here, and not in the sexy-time porn movie kind of way. Because ewww! I know who I’d go with if I were a betting man, but the results have been quite surprising so far so who knows what will happen.

In the Jerry Lawler bracket, we have a child who loves his Mother a little TOOO much vs. a really bad Halloween costume vs. a group of Ringling Bros. rejects. None of the results there were all that surprising, but the winner of this match is completely up in the air. Whatever the case, by the time we come back tomorrow we’ll have our Final Four.

Please be sure to VOTE in ALL match-ups. Let’s really take this home strong. As usual, I’ve conveniently placed easy to use polls right below for your voting pleasure. Thanks again to Your Ayatollah for coming along for the ride (no homo) and thanks to you all for making this a success.

Until tomorrow,
Rob Out!

Round of 24

Welcome back dear readers as we have once again cut the participants in half. There was some fast and furious voting in just 24 hours which saw some upsets so to speak. I’d like to say thank you to everyone that is enjoying this tournament, and taking the time to vote. Let’s take a look at the latest results before we break down the Round of 24

Jerry Lawler Bracket
Beaver Cleavage defeated Kerwin White (166-139)
Cross Dressing Vito defeated Fandango (240-63)
Isaac Yankem DDS defeated Man Mountain Rock (214-92)
Mantaur defeated Slam Master J (246-56)
Oddities defeated Brakkus (155-139)
Jean Pierre LaFitte defeated Dean Douglas (150-143)

Michael Cole Bracket
The Stalker Barry Windham defeated Men on a Mission (127-89)
TL Hopper defeated the Blu Brothers (151-63)
Naked Mideon defeated Giant Gonzales (126-96)
Red Rooster defeated Incest Burchills (117-108)
Phantasio defeated Kwang (143-71)
Rico defeated Flash Funk (126-91)

Vince Russo Bracket
Bastion Booger defeated Max Moon (166-51)
The Zombie defeated Deacon Bautista (159-53)
The Dicks defeated Saba Simba (116-95)
Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon defeated Mordecai (176-44)
Nailz defeated Los Matadores (111-103)
Xanta Claus defeated Sparky Plugg (139-73)

Mike Adamle Bracket
Abe Knuckleball Schwartz defeated Tekno Team 2000 (119-104)
Farting Natalya defeated Tugboat (182-47)
Make a Difference Fatu defeated Big Bully Busick (136-84)
Man With No Face defeated Salvatore Sincere (159-62)
Stuttering Matt Morgan defeated Damian Demento (150-79)
Outback Jack defeated Johnny Polo (136-88)

Back again is YourAyatollah. So my friend, let’s break down the brackets and see what’s up. Readers, please be sure to vote in ALL brackets using the easy to use polls right below the column. Thanks again!

Michael Cole Bracket (Your Ayatollah)

We saw even more surprises from the Michael Cole Bracket this time around, at least in my opinion. The camo painted Barry Windham over the purple parachute material overalls wearing rapper guys? Can't say I saw that one coming, nor did I see Giant Gonzales falling anytime soon, let alone to Naked Mideon. The biggest and perhaps most pleasant surprise was seeing that The Red Rooster bumped off the Burchills. That whole thing was just kinda icky. Not to say that I wouldn't have hit it, of course. Meaning Katie Lea. Not Paul. Though he did make a neat looking pirate.

The resulting matchups we're left with will be less surprising, I believe, as it seems to be the highly horrible against the just somewhat horrible. I mean, nobody wanted to see Naked Mideon but a streaker isn't so much on the same level as a wrestling plumber. I suppose you could all prove me wrong, though. We shall see.

Vince Russo Bracket (Rob)

So the Vince Russo bracket didn’t really have a lot of surprises. The closest battle was between the Puerto Rican bullfighters and the escaped convict. It went back and forth until the end where Nailz pulled out the victory. What we have left though are some seriously horrific gimmicks in matchups that I think are too close to call.

The disgusting Bastion Booger goes head to head with The Zombie. Both men have steamrolled their opponents so far, so this one could go either way. We have a battle of tag teams again as The Dicks face the fake team of Diesel and Razor Ramon. For the record, the man that would be Kane is still in this tournament….twice! Finally, the escaped nemesis of the Big Bossman goes head to head with the evil doppelganger of a beloved children’s icon. Like I said, these are too close to call

Mike Adamle Bracket (YourAyatollah)

The Mike Adamle Bracket provided a few surprises of its own, I must say. I wouldn't have predicted Farting Nattie to go over the human Tugboat (did we ever decide if he was supposed to be a former tugboat captain or actual boat in human form?), nor would I have called either Well Meaning But Shitty Fatu toppling the Man's Man defeating Big Bully Busick or Stuttering Matt Morgan going over the incredibly horrible and outright confusing Damien Demento.

This bracket, unlike the Cole lineup I spoke about before, is really pretty up in the air. I've frankly no clue whether Fatu or The Man with No Face will be deemed worse, nor whether St-st-st-st... Matt Morgan will take out our pal from the Outback. Pretty sure Knuckleball Schwartz has got Fartalya beaten, but hey, I've been proven wrong before. Either way you slice it, this looks like a fun bunch of matchups.

Jerry Lawler Bracket (YourAyatollah)

Man, we’re really getting down to the worst of the worst aren’t we? We start this bracket off with a perverted version of a classic sitcom character that goes against a legitimately tough Italian who just happens to like wearing Versace. I will never understand the thought process of putting Vito in a dress. Just crazy.

Then we have The Man Who Would Be Kane Part II as Jerry Lawler’s evil dentist goes head to head with the man-beast (not so much) known as Mantaur. Lastly we have the fun-loving Oddities going against our remaining pirate Jean Pierre LaFitte who barely survived his battle with Dean Douglas. I don’t have any idea how you’re all going to vote, but this is getting quite interesting

Well there’s your Round of 24. Voting will be open for just 24 HOURS until we get to our final round. Come back daily to see the results and the next matchups. Thanks as usual for reading.

Make sure to vote!

Until next time,
Rob Out!

Round of 48

Welcome back dear readers to the column that had a better record than Manchester United in this year’s English Premier League- Chair Shots! So today we have the Round of 48 in our tournament, and from here on out, we’re going fast and furious. Each round will only be open for 24 hours until we get a total winner this weekend. Before we get into the next round, let’s take a look at the winners of the 3rd and 4th brackets.

Vince Russo Bracket
Max Moon defeated Aldo Montoya (222-110)
Bastion Booger defeated Friar Ferguson (249-86)
The Zombie defeated The Boogeyman (211-127)
Deacon Bautista defeated Reverend D-Von (211-122)
The Dicks defeated The Heart Throbs (246-79)
Saba Simba defeated El Matador (224-102)
Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon defeated Faker Taker (279-61)
Mordecai defeated Kevin Thorn (228-107)
Los Matadores defeated The Mexicools (203-132)
Nailz defeated The Mountie (218-107)
Sparky Plugg defeated Repo Man (212-121)
Xanta Claus defeated Widow Maker Barry Windham (261-71)

Mike Adamle Bracket
Abe Knuckleball Schwartz defeated The Goon (149-141)
Tekno Team 2000 defeated Deuce and Domino (219-75)
Farting Natalya defeated Jillian Hall (229-76)
Tugboat defeated Rosey the S.H.I.T. (169-121)
Make a Difference Fatu defeated The Sultan (148-136)
Big Bully Busick defeated Steven Regal- A Real Man’s Man (160-125)
Man With No Face defeated Who (153-137)
Salvatore Sincere defeated Rad Radford (145-131)
Damian Demento defeated The Berzerker (157-130)
Stuttering Matt Morgan defeated Adam Bomb (233-60)
Outback Jack defeated Skinner (170-115)
Johnny Polo defeated Brother Love (162-122)

Joining me as always is LOP Hall of Famer YourAyatollah to break down his two brackets, while I will take a look at what is ahead for mine. Please remember to vote in all brackets using the conveniently added polls at the bottom of the column. Only YOU can determine the Worst of the Worst in the annals of the WWE.

Whoa, quite a turnout for this whole thing, wasn’t there? Awesome, though I question the judgment of some of the folks out there. Yes, The Godfather was over and was fun. That said, he was a wrestling pimp. That’s the epitome of a horrible gimmick. I digress.

Jerry Lawler Bracket (Rob)

We’ve got some interesting matches in this bracket. In our first match-up, we’ve got two pretty controversial gimmicks going head to head, as the first of our two suggestively incestuous characters, Beaver Cleavage, goes up against a Mexican turned Caucasian in Kerwin White. Neither gimmick lasted long, but that’s because of fan backlash….and the fact both of them sucked ass. Fandango goes head to head with Cross-Dressing Vito in the Battle of the Flamboyant. Two big monsters (or monstrosities), Man Mountain Rock and Isaac Yankem DDS square off to see if bad Rock and Roll can beat Evil Dentistry.

The bottom half of our bracket sees Slam Master J in an uphill battle against the craptastic beast known as Mantaur. Is the white rapper more wiggity wiggity whack than a man with a giant bull-head mask? From there we have the Evil German with no talent, Brakkus, having to take on an entire group of wrestlers, TNA’s Menagerie. Wait that’s not right, but give it time, they’ll get there. No, Brakkus goes up against the group of ridiculous misfits known as The Oddities. Finally in this bracket we get Dean Douglas, fresh off his victory over the Frisbee throwing Genius, up against the winner of the Battle of the Pirates, Jean Pierre LaFitte. Never fear Paul Burchill, you’re still represented well in the tournament.

Michael Cole Bracket (YourAyatollah)

The Michael Cole Bracket gave us a few surprises but mostly went the way it was pretty much expected to go. We’ve definitely got a few guys, here, that very well may be contending for the crown at the end of this whole shindig. If the dude who pretended to be a chicken can get past the completely inappropriate brother sister duo, specifically, then I’m thinking our crowing friend just may make a run for the gold. Cock a doodle ew.

Vince Russo Bracket (Rob)

The first round matches in the Vince Russo bracket were never close, not a one. So now we have those winners facing up against each other. The disgusting Bastion Booger attempts to sink his teeth into the Man of the Future, Max Moon. He’ll probably have little bits of blue costume and skin dangling off his diaper. Deacon Bautista, in a bit of a surprise stomping, takes on SyFy’s answer to wrestling, The Zombie. It’s kind of like Bautista is facing himself isn’t it? The stripper tag-team The Dicks see if they can slide their baby-oil soaked bodies past the racially insensitive Tony Atlas gimmick, Saba Simba. Well, at least they both danced.

The bottom half of this bracket sees the winners of our faker bracket, the Fake Diesel and Razor Ramon take on the religious zealot dressed in white, Mordecai. I guess vampires are still cool, because Kevin Thorn was never close to winning. Our most current gimmick made it past the first round, as the Puerto Ricans posing as Mexicans, Los Matadores put a stomping on The Mexicools. They’ll have a tough battle this round as they go head to head with Nailz. Hah, I bet this is the first thing Nailz ever won! Finally, the evil Santa Claus brought to us by Ted Dibiase (Xanta Claus), takes his big victory over Barry Windham and goes up against the race car driver turned wrestler, Sparky Plugg. Barry Windham is still in the battle though, just see our other brackets.

Mike Adamle Bracket (YourAyatollah)

It would appear that we have quite a few contenders to come out of The Mike Adamle Bracket, as well, though what else would you expect from anything with that name? The saddest thing about that poor guy is that he couldn’t be included in this as he wasn’t working a gimmick. He was just horrible. Between him and Rico the wrestling business has really done a number on my childhood love of American Gladiators.

What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah, the bracket. A few surprises here and there, I must admit. I honestly didn’t expect The Real Man’s Man to be knocked out so early, nor did I in any way see Brother Love going down right off the bat. Again, even if the gimmicks got over, like Love, or the guys behind them were awesome, like Regal, that doesn’t mean that they didn’t suck. Hard. That said, guys like Damien Dimento and unexpected crowd “favorite” Stuttering Matt Morgan, will be tough to take down. This is really anybody’s game at this point.

Shame on you all for not voting for a gimmick based on the Brawny paper towel man, though. Shame.

Well there’s your Round of 48. Voting will be open for just 24 HOURSuntil we get to our final round. We’ll have a champion in about a week, so be sure to vote, and come back daily to see the results and the next matchups. Thanks as usual for reading.

Make sure to vote!

Until next time,
Rob Out!

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