Chair Shots Presents: A Mother's Day Tribute
May 10, 2013 - 10:15:52 AM
Welcome back everybody to the column that got a triple-double against the Chicago Bulls- Chair Shots! In just a couple of days we will be celebrating Mother’s Day here in the United States. My Mom is a very important part of my life, and is still healthy as a horse at the young age of 79. So I thought it would be an interesting idea to look at some of the “Moms” that have crossed our paths in the mostly male-dominated world of professional wrestling. Some of them are real mothers of professional wrestlers, and others are fictional characters designed to advance a storyline. Whatever the case, they now hold a place in the annals of professional wrestling history.
In the Vince Russo days of WCW, almost anything would show up on television, and a lot of times it ended up being hung from a pole. Our first wrestling mother was one of those things. The real-life mother of Buff Bagwell, Judy Bagwell started showing up on WCW television to support her son. She actually stayed on WCW television for quite some time. In 1998, Bagwell and Rick Steiner had won the World Tag Team Championships, but Bagwell turned on Steiner. In a weird turn of events, Steiner actually replaced his former partner with his own mother, Judy Bagwell.
As I previously mentioned, she also ended up being the “prize” in a match between the late Chris Kanyon and Bagwell. As their feud progressed, Kanyon began stalking and harassing good old Judy, so of course the only logical choice to ending that was to put her “on a pole” in a match where the winner received possession of a human being. If Buff won, his mother was free. However if Kanyon won, Judy Bagwell would become Kanyon’s manager. Of course WCW didn’t dangle Judy Bagwell from a pole (although it wouldn’t have surprised me if they did). They put her on top of a raised forklift (because that’s so much better). Bagwell saved his mom, despite interference from David Arquette, and the collective wrestling world sighed in relief that this storyline was over.
Shelton Benjamin was always a wrestler that seemed to be missing that “something” that would take him to the next level. Most fans thought it was his lack of skill with a microphone, but the WWE thought differently. They felt he needed a large, stereotypical black woman by his side playing his mother. In 2006, comedian Thea Vidale showed up on WWE programming yelling at her son for being too soft, for not representing the Benjamin name like he should. She basically became the mouthpiece for Shelton, often challenging other wrestlers to matches.
Shelton went on a bit of a hot streak with his Momma by his side, but it wasn’t until his match with The Big Show did things start to change a bit. Show was having none of Momma Benjamin’s involvement and basically screamed her into a fainting spell. They took her away, only to come back the next week in with a wheelchair and an oxygen tank, which she started using as a weapon. She helped her son win the Intercontinental Title, turning Shelton heel in the process.
Unfortunately for the wrestling world, the storyline didn’t last much longer as Vidale was suffering some medical issues which took her off of television. She was actually quite comical in the role, and brought a little levity to Benjamin’s character, which at the time was sorely lacking.
Not many storylines are as infamous as the one involving Mae Young and her lover, “Sexual Chocolate” Mark Henry. I’ve got to give it to the woman; whatever the WWE asked Mae Young to do she would do with a smile on her face. In this instance, she was sleeping with the “World’s Strongest Man” and despite her advanced age of 76 became pregnant with Henry’s child. Henry was at the time feuding with the Dudley Boyz, and during that feud they powerbombed Mae Young twice, once in the ring, and the second time while in a wheelchair off the stage. This woman was 76 years old at the time taking powerbombs from Bubba Dudley. That’s just insane!
Anyway, everybody knows how this story ends, as Mae Young’s baby was in distress and had to be delivered for fear something bad would be occurring. What happened next was something of legend, as Mae Young gave birth…….to a hand. Yes faithful readers, Mae Young shot a bloody rubber hand out of her 76-year old vagina, in some bizarre reverse fisting scene. And that was the end of it, for 12 years. At Raw 1000, Mae Young showed up with her now adult hand baby in one of the most surreal cameo’s ever in the history of Monday Night Raw.
But let’s not forget, it didn’t end there. On the 2012 New Year’s Eve edition of Raw, Mae Young AGAIN gave birth, at the ripe old age of 89. In an uplifting tale of Immaculate Conception, Mae popped out the Baby New Year, who looked remarkably like Hornswoggle. I’m fairly certain that if Mae lives another five years or so, she’ll probably deliver once again, and lord knows what the hell it will be that time.
Linda McMahon’s on-screen presence in the WWE may be limited, but she was certainly a driving force, alongside Vince, in making it the global juggernaut it is today. When Vince and Linda founded Titan Sports in 1980, they transformed the world of professional wrestling. While Vince was maintaining the on-screen presence, and being the face of the company, Linda was quietly working in the background striking merchandising deals, including the deal for the first ever WWE action figures. They were labeled as business geniuses, turning a bingo hall sport into a worldwide presence.
But Linda did have her share of screen time as well, most notably in the Vince McMahon/Trish Stratus storyline, in which Vince was having an affair behind his wife’s back, all the while flaunting it in front of his catatonic wife who would be wheeled out in a wheelchair. She finally awoke from this state, and kicked her husband right in his turnbuckles.
She would appear sporadically over the years, even being a “heel” at one point in 2005. Most recently though, Linda has thrown her hat into the political arena, unsuccessfully running for the US Senate on two different occasions. As an interesting little tidbit, once of her first rivals in 2010 shares the same name as me- Rob Simmons. It is believed that Linda’s political campaign was a prime reason for the WWE going to a PG format for their programming, hoping to take a little of the stigma of being associated with professional wrestling away from her. It didn’t help, and Linda lost both bids for a Senate seat.
However, on the plus side, she did give us this:
So that does it for this look at some of the famous wrestling mothers. I hope, that if you are celebrating Mother’s Day, that you have a lovely day coming up. But don’t just wait until then to celebrate your Mom, do it every day, because no matter what, she brought you into the world.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
Until next time,
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