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Posted in: Chair Shots
Chair Shots Presents: A Goodbye
By Rob Simmons
Aug 5, 2014 - 9:20:02 AM

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Dear Fans,

I apologize if I don’t start out with the usual niceties today, but I never actually expected to have to do this yet at this point of my career. I wish I didn’t have to quite honestly, but things aren’t exactly where I’d hoped they’d be at this point in my life. We all have struggles, I understand that, but it seems like they keep mounting up to the point that I just can’t take it anymore.

I’m sure this is more than you want to hear, but somebody once told me it’s good to get things off my chest, so that’s what I’m doing. Let me just say, that if it were just this, I think I might be able to handle it, but it’s more than that; way more. I guess it all starts with my relationship with my brother. He’s older than me, but not by much. Our relationship over the years has been……strained. I guess that’s as good a word as any. Let’s just say we fight a lot, and then we make up, and more often than not we end up fighting again. We all have family drama, I get that, but that doesn’t make this any easier to deal with. He can be a bit of a bully, and quite frankly I’ve always had a lot of trouble stacking up. Most of the time I just feel like I’m standing in his shadow, and trust me it’s a pretty damn big shadow. Lately we’ve gotten along OK, but I think that’s because we’ve just gotten out of each other’s way. I haven’t seen him in like 4 months, which is probably best for everybody.

I know I’m coming off as a bit of a downer, but that’s just the way I’m feeling right now. I wish I had somebody’s shoulder to lean on to make the disappointment I’m feeling easier to handle, but I’ve never actually been very successful in that regards either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete tool when it comes to women, it’s just I always seem more interested in them than they do in me. I had a pretty serious girlfriend when I was younger, probably the first I ever really loved, but she was taken way too early. She lost control of her car, and it flipped over and killed her. It’s the first time I’ve talked about it in years, but I’ve really never gotten over that. It haunts me to this day, and has probably affected my career more than I thought it had.

After that I was scared to fall in love again. It’s a scary damn thing if you think about it; certainly a lot scarier than what I do now. But I did, and it was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. I…..did some things I’m not proud of doing. I’m not going to say much more about it than that. But at the time I felt that was my one true shot at happiness. I just wish she felt the same way. We all want that right? We all want to be loved? One of these days maybe….

So you see, it’s a lot more than failing at my job. I feel like all of this has snowballed into this domino-like cycle of events that keeps tumbling and tumbling without end. Maybe I’m doing the wrong thing with my life. Maybe I should stop living in this fantasy world that I’m in now and do something meaningful. I went to medical school growing up. I had a practice for a while, but there was something always missing; something left unfulfilled. And quite frankly, I wasn’t very good at it. So less than a year after the practice opened, it closed down again. After that I hung out with some friends of mine for a while, trying to figure out what I was going to do next. They moved away though, went down south for another business venture. For a time I tried to keep their memory alive, doing what they’d do, saying what they’d say. It didn’t work though. I don’t know how I ever thought it would.

But I eventually got my footing, even if it had to involve my brother. I could never really escape him. He was always the bigger man, and everybody treated him as such. Still, I made my own way. I managed to make it, and I got to the top. I mean nothing’s bigger than where I am now right? It’s pretty hard to argue otherwise. So why do I feel like such a failure? Maybe it’s because at the end of the day, I just don’t feel like I’m getting the job done like I used to. Maybe I feel like I’m going through the motions day in and day out with nothing to show for it. Maybe I’m tired of getting used for my talent without so much as a Thank You! MAYBE I JUST WANT TO BE APPRECIATED! Is that too much to ask? No, I’m really asking a question here. It’s not rhetorical or anything, I really want to know. Am I asking too much of the people I work for to just thank me for a job well done?

I’ve been down this road before, and you’d think I’d get used to the disappointment, but it never really gets any easier. So this might be goodbye. Honestly, I’m not sure yet. But I do know that I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep doing this every damn day feeling the pain in the pit of my stomach that I do all the time. It’s a wonder I haven’t given myself an ulcer. It’s a wonder I haven’t done worse if I’m being honest. So I’ve got to ask you, what do I do? If you were in my shoes, what would YOU do? It’s really not an easy question to answer is it? I just know that right now I’m tired. I’m tired of all the bullshit that has come my way. So I’m taking a break. I might be back, I might not. Hopefully you’ll all miss me when I’m gone. That might make it all worthwhile.

Until next time,


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