Chair Shots: Hell in a Cell- A Preview in Rhyme
Oct 23, 2012 - 3:29:27 PM
Welcome dear friends to a tale that’s been told,
Of strong warriors brave, of strong warriors bold.
They fight for their honor, and some for the glory,
But one can be sure there is more to this story.
For this night ends in torture, this night ends in pain,
In a complex that’s made of blood, sweat and chain.
Two men will enter, for one it ends well.
The other succumbs to the Hell in a Cell.
A twisted concoction, its five tons of steel,
25 times in use- no I’m serious, for real.
It’s a dangerous structure, there’s plenty of proof.
Some broken, some bled, some have gone through the roof.
On this cool autumn night they fight for the gold.
A championship belt for the winner to hold.
There are others that battle ‘fore the cage is brought down.
In good old Atlanta, that quaint Georgia town.
Randy Orton’s opponent is set for combat.
His name is Del Rio, but you already know that.
Instead of looking, with Dora, for that sneaky fox Swiper,
He’ll step foot in the ring with a mean, nasty Viper.
Alberto will try to detach Orton’s arm,
But he applies the hold badly, it won’t do him harm.
Del Rio’s charisma is quite surely lacking,
And a quick RKO will send ADR packing.
Next up it’s time for a little pop quiz.
Who thinks he’s awesome? Oh yeah, that’s The Miz
The loss of his belt was to him a disgrace,
As Kofi spun in the air, kicked him square in the face.
They’ll meet in a rematch this night, I assume.
Kofi pumps up the crowd with his chant “Boom, Boom, Boom”
The Miz will try for the pin once or twice
But the end will just be Trouble in Paradise.
The tag titles are up for grabs on this night.
The opponents, two men who think they are quite bright.
Damien Sandow, our own intellectual martyr
And Rhodes, not the gold one who once wore a garter.
They’ll face off with the champs who just argue a lot
“I am the tag team champs.” “No, no you’re not.”
They both are, so really there’s no need to holler.
They’ll walk out the champs and beat the Rhodes Scholars.
But Kane and this weird little goat with a beard,
Will continue to fight and well, that’s just plain weird.
Instead of yelling, and screaming and letting out shouts,
They should just get along. Come on, hug it out!
Next up on the card is the World Heavyweight Champ.
His belt held up high as he walks down the ramp.
When he gets in the ring, there’s one thing I construe
That Sheamus’ so white that he’s almost see-through.
He’ll square off with a giant, The Big Show in fact.
He’s the size of a whale, perhaps he’s humpbacked.
Take out the Great White with a punch to the jaw
Is his plan, but it might have a pretty big flaw.
If he gets in too close, well the end could be quick.
Not a punch to the face, but a mighty Brogue Kick.
But The Big Show could get the last laugh after all.
He could knock out the champ, and for Dolph he will call.
The Show-Off comes down with his briefcase of blue.
And his greasy blonde hair in need of a shampoo.
The Champ is knocked out; the ref rings the bell,
And a new champ is crowned at this Hell in a Cell.
With only six matches on the card at this time,
We’re nearing the end of this fun little rhyme.
We could see one more or perhaps even two.
I’d sure add another; yeah that’s what I’d do.
The blonde chick could fight; I think Kaitlyn’s her name.
Not that it matters, they’re pretty much all the same.
She could take on Eve, and perhaps Layla too,
In a Diva three-way. I might need a tissue.
The US Champ by the name of Antonio Cesaro,
Isn’t yet on the card, which I find quite bizarro.
He beat Funk on a roll, and a feisty Italian.
Cesaro’s becoming a strong, brutal stallion.
But there’s still one last match that has lots of appeal.
It’s the one in the cage, made of miles of hard steel.
The Champ, CM Punk will step into the cell,
And he may leave in a state that is really unwell.
His opponent, Ryback- the unstoppable force.
He screams “Feed Me More” and then stomps like a horse.
Punk’s shaken and nervous, his future in doubt.
Because once the door’s locked, there’s no easy way out.
His punches are stiff. His clotheslines are vicious.
His intent towards the champ, CM Punk is malicious.
But Punk is the Best in the World, I confess.
He will hoist Ryback up for a sweet GTS.
Will it be enough? Will Punk keep the strap?
Will his 340 day title streak snap?
The answers not written to this story we tell.
We will find out this Sunday at Hell in a Cell.
Until next time,
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