Posted in: The Eyes of a Monkey The Eyes of a Monkey # 57: Bring Back the Apocalypse
By Dr. Monkey
Feb 19, 2009 - 8:14:21 PM
The Eyes of a Monkey # 57: Bring Back the Apocalypse
Open your heart to the lord of light
Open your heart and mind and let him in
He holds the key to the throne of might
You are empty
Say his name and let him in
All hail the dawn of a rising star
All hail the crowned and conquering child
Morning will come for you at last
No matter how far into night you have strayed
Say his name
Welcome the child
A new world is crawling from the ashes of the old
Two thousand years of guilt and fear
And the greatest lie ever told
Out of the wounded side of the dying god
Out of the sacred heart of the throttled hen
The blood is the life
The flowing milk for the infant god
The throne is empty
The cup is full
He approaches and then
He steps from the shadow and he opens up his eyes
He spills the blood onto the throne
And hurls a curse up to the skies
I am the adversary and must remain the adversary
-Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "A Hymn to the Morning Star"
Justin's Eyes
I have arrived, however I now give you the hard decision of deciding which side you will choose. Am I the savior or am I the destroyer? Have I come to save you or have I come to bring forth the annihilation of that in which you hold dear. By accepting my extended hand are you preparing yourself for a fate filled with joy or are you preparing your world to be torn apart? To simply tell you which of these things is not something I can do, it is your interpretation of good and evil that will decide which side of the fence I reside on. I don't feel as if I am good and I don't feel like I am evil. Instead I feel like I'm a breath of air. Yet even such a claim can be a deceptive one. To some I may be the air that fills their lungs and renewing them with the very essence of life. To others I am the final breath that escapes as they drift into a state of permanent slumber.
Some of you are probably confused right now, while others may be intrigued. Allow me to step back for a second and introduce myself. I am Dr. Monkey and my journey here to the main page of LOP has been a long one. I have written on and off for the forums since about mid to late 2002. I've had the privilege to work and come up with a ton of good writers and after a return to writing in December, I found myself winning my third COTM victory before getting the call up to the main page. While I could sit here and go over my history and give you an overly long introduction I like to do things a little different. Hopefully by the end of this you will not only feel like you know me a little better, but you'll be craving a little more. That being said, let's step back into this column.
I've also felt compelled to not allow myself to be placed into a certain niche. Not just in terms of writing but also in terms of real life. I've always grew up with a sense of never letting people know what to expect from you, I guess that's just part of my creative nature. I've never been afraid of throwing out random ideas, and while they don't all stick at least I'm satisfied that I tried something new.
I remember being in high school and even though I should have been classified as one of the "weird" kids I suppose, I somehow was always able to maintain popularity. I was always able to bridge that gap between unpopular kids and popular kids and have friends on both sides of the fence. Mainly because over the years people started to get me. They started to understand that I wasn't just some weird kid who craved attention, I was actually just a guy who took it upon himself to entertain people. The problem that eventually arose with that scenario was that over time I became the go to guy in terms of being the class clown. I was supposed to be like some trained monkey (pun not intended) and make people laugh at the drop of the hat. That defeated the purpose though, the fun started to come out of it as soon as people knew what to expect.
That's when I decided maybe it was best to be the enemy, to be the outcast, the proprietor of the unexpected. Instead of feed in to their direct desires I would do what entertained me.
Bring Back the Apocalypse
For some reason people will never understand the concept of not listening to a liar. While it is my anger that ultimately fuels my actions, to say I can't control those emotions would just be untrue. I tell you I can't, but of course I can. My actions as of late have less to do with uncontrollable rage and more to do with well calculated revenge. Revenge you say, revenge for what? Well I'll tell you, but to fully understand we need to go back to the beginning.
No Mercy, such a fitting name for this event. After being refused my title rematch I was forced to go on a spree of violence to prove that I was worthy of even getting a title shot. If you ask John Cena's father, I think he'd be inclined to agree that I did indeed deserve my title shot. People blame me for what I did to John Cena's dad but I had no choice. My livelihood was on the line, I was faced with the threat of not getting a world title shot. The only way to change my fate was to take things in my own hands and "convince" Cena that I did deserve another shot. I did, and at Unforgiven he proved that he had lost his cool, and that I had won the mind games. Unfortunately for Cena, he was unable to compete and finally Vince did the right thing. He did the only thing he could do. He awarded me the title. That moment would start the best and worst moment for me at the same time.
I was once again a World heavyweight champion but just like last time that didn't set well with someone. No Triple H, the guy who had taken my reign out from under me last time was determined to take me down again. I walked away with a record to go right up there with my "youngest World champion ever" record. I now officially had the shortest WWE title reign of all time. While I may have been able to get the best of him by the end of the night, I wouldn't be so quick to forget the person who attempted to sabotage the "Age of Orton."
In December a man by the name of Chris Jericho decided that he would "save" the WWE from me. The fans loved it, they never could get enough of Jericho and the idea of him defeating me had the WWE fanbase drooling. Why though? Why did the fans want to see me fail so badly? I was trying to restore prestige to the WWE title much like I did to the IC title and yet everyone hated me. I tried to tell them that Jericho was a false prophet but nobody wanted to hear it. Of course, months down the road Jericho would show his true colors. He wasn't here to save the WWE. He was here to save his bank account. I don't blame you for falling for his tricks, I forgive you.
When Wrestlemania rolled around the crowd was split down the middle. Some saw John Cena walking out with the belt, while others saw Triple H walking out with the belt. Nobody wanted or predicted me to win that match. That night I was faced with another difficult decision. Should I take out Cena and end this feud once and for all or do I take out Triple H. In a moment of weakness, I left the prone Triple H laying and pinned Cena instead. I had a flashback of our Evolution days, and it overshadowed the recent memory of Triple H ending my title reign so quickly. That moment of weakness would cost me dearly. At Backlash, Triple H took the belt from me for a third time.
I held my own, and stayed in the title picture and was set to right the wrong of losing at One Night Stand. He had a different plan though, one that would cost me months of my career. Triple H knew I had his number that night and instead of trying to beat me like a man he went the dirty route. Triple H broke my collarbone that night, and he did it on purpose. He took from me the method in which I make my living, the way that I provide for my family. Yet I'm supposed to be the bad guy here. I guess I would have to go to that level then.
When I made my return in November I knew that I had to create a group of wrestlers who were as hungry as me. So I started to put together "the Legacy" and our first measure of dominance were to defeat Triple H and Batista in a 2 on 3 match. It was no accident that these were the first two opponents, I knew my group had to be stronger than Evolution ever was. What better way to show that then by defeating the remaining members of that stable. Unfortunately Batista refused to stay out my affairs so I had to put him out of his misery. I'll be truthful here and say that I didn't want to take him out, but I was left no choice. Now with Batista out of the way and my group was fixed by replacing the incapable Manu with Ted DiBiase, it was time to focus on the true enemy. The trick would be to make him come to me.
It's funny how things work out sometimes. Here I had Vince McMahon, the boss of our company wanting so badly to utter those two words to me. As he tried to belittle me, little things started to fall in place in my head. It was McMahon who had made me this way. He was the man who provoked me to go on my violent rampage before in order to prove that I deserved another shot at Cena. Now here he was thinking that I would be just another puppet and bow down to him. One way to draw in a member of the McMahon family, is by making war with one of their own. When I punted Vince against his temple, I did it for you. I did it for all the fans who were tired of seeing Vince treat his employees like that. Here I was taking down the boss like Stone Cold before me, yet there were boos. What was so different about what I did? Put your hero Austin in my shoes and I promise he would have reacted the same way.
One thing I know about Vince and that's "the show must go on" so by winning the Royal Rumble and holding the main event of Wrestlemania in the palms of my hands, I was on my way to achieving my goal. Conveniently enough, I got the win by costing Triple H his chance but at the same time that would make it even more difficult for me to get my true revenge. I wanted my chance to humiliate Triple H on the biggest stage of them all but now without a title shot or a title, how would I do such a thing?
In the meantime my actions against Vince had brought out the wrong McMahon. Shane now was involving himself in my matters, and would inject himself into the way of my plan. Much like Batista he would become an unfortunate casualty of this blood feud and I'd have to put Shane out much like I did to Dave. The first night I hurt Shane something magical happened. For the first time since this plan was devised something went so very right that I knew fate was on my side. At No Way Out, right before I would put the boots to Shane Triple H would regain my title. As the Rumble winner I now had the ability to challenge Hunter and Wrestlemania and truly make him pay. However issuing the challenge myself would make my intentions too obvious, I needed to make him come to me.
The night following No Way Out Shane would issue me one more challenge. He wanted to take me to the brink of destruction and I was willing to go there. By ridding my world of Shane I saw the ultimate opportunity to put the final stage of my plan into effect. When I hit the RKO on Stephanie, I knew that no decent husband could ignore my plea. No man with any amount of courage could deny the chance to face me head on.
The two forces who have the ability to tear the world apart would have to meet once more. The Age of Orton is almost upon us, and all those who had to fall to make this happen will not have been brought down for no reason. When Triple H falls to my feet and looks up at his new champion he will have no choice but to pass the torch. Rather than take the torch, I'll use it to set Hunter ablaze. Out of the fire I will be the last one to rise from the ashes. For those who look down upon my plot for revenge and don't think fondly of my rule of Raw, I have bad news for you. I will bring down the worst of times for you. For you, I will bring back the apocalypse.
Widening Eye
As a writer I don't like to simply fit into one style, what I bring you one day may vary from the next. To those who crave the consistency of a column that follows a similar formula than this may not be the column for you. If you prefer to walk into a column without knowing just what I might throw out, then this may be what you are looking for. It is this logic that allows me to approach things from a different angle and at the same time remain fresh with my audience. Not everything I do will be a success, it just simply isn't possible. I won't apologize though, I will instead simply dust myself off and move on. I find myself saying this more and more lately, but it is the truth. While my logic of pleasing myself before the audience may lose me a few fans, know that without this method I doubt I could keep my wheels turning. I do however appreciate all feedback, good, bad, or ugly. Don't be afraid to send me hate mail, as it's just as good to me as fan mail.
I will leave on this note, it's been a blast returning to LOP and I feel that I owe a huge debt of gratitude to an absurd amount of columnists. While I'd love to sit here and list everyone, I feel I'd ultimately forget someone who played a vital role in my coming up. So instead I will say this: to anybody who has ever read my column, whose column I've read, or to a columnist I've talked to inside or outside of LOP I say thank you. I have been given the ball and I tend to run like hell with it. I will now leave you with this...
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity opens the book
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity opens the discussion
I am the adversary and must remain the adversary
I am not yours to embrace
I am not yours to invoke
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity sleeps in the hall
Watches for signs of our imminent demise in the scratchings on the wall
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity sleeps in the park
Listens for sounds of our eminent decay in the singing of a solitary lark
Mankind is a plague
Breathing hell into every corner of the rotting earth
Even now in this our finest hour I feel the hate of every stone, tree & flower
Even now we fall under the long shadow of the donkey's ears
Even now we listen for the slow grinding of the donkey's teeth
La la la we weep in the din of the stomping of the donkey's black hoof
La la la we weep for the slow coming of our doom (Dance)
Mankind is a plague
Breathing hell into every corner of the rotting earth
Even now in this our finest hour I feel the hate of every stone, tree & flower
Eaters of the soil take us into the ground
Death by worm
Eaters of the air drive us from the blue
Death by sparrow
Eaters of the sea take us into the green
Death by eel
Eaters of the scraps take in our beds
Death by dog
Eaters of the soil take us into the ground
Death by sand
Eaters of the air drive us from the sky
Death by flower
Eaters of the green take us into the sea
Death by water
Eaters of the scraps take us in out beds
Death by stone
Death by silence
Death by sorrow
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity closes the book
The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity closes the discussion
"Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - "The Donkey-Headed Adversary Of Humanity Opens the Discussion"
As always I am Dr. Monkey, and you've just seen the world through my eyes.
Please send all feedback to monkeyweasel9821@yahoo.com
