Posted in: The Eyes of a Monkey The Eyes of a Monkey # 68: The Nightmares of Children
By Doc Monk
Sep 1, 2009 - 10:18:13 PM
The Eyes of a Monkey # 68: The Nightmares of Children
Not so long ago I wrote a column entitled "The Dream is Dead." In it I told a fictitious story of a young Independent wrestler's struggle to make it in the wrestling business. It had been his life long dream and all he wanted to do was to entertain people. When it finally became his chance to shine and get the opportunity to do what he craved for so much, he inadvertently killed himself attempting a shooting star press. I wanted to convey the reality that we as an audience sometimes find ourselves envious of these people "living the dream" yet more often than not forget to remember those that gave their life without ever getting to live that dream to the fullest. Sometimes we get caught up in living it out that we forget to take that moment to understand every sacrifice that has gone into it. When we can understand the sacrifice perhaps we can start to understand why people would make this sacrifice? Why is it that people would risk their health and in some cases even their life just to live this dream? Why is it so hard to accept that the dream is over?
I'm not really sure what started this reflection period of dreams with me but recently I was brought back to my original mindset I had when I wrote "The Dream is Dead." As satisfied as I was with it, I still felt that it only told a part of the story. I suppose this piece will be considered it's companion but in order to make you understand where I'm coming from I need to take you to the place that brought me here.
My middle daughter Hope who is twenty months old has been having a lot of nightmares lately. I find it strange really, because what does a toddler under the age of two have nightmares about? It's not like we watch television or movies around here that could create scary images in her mind at night, yet without fail every night she has bad dreams. It's gotten to the point that every night I find myself going to her in the middle of the night 3-4 times just to comfort her and to snap her out of her dream state.
It's a weird thing to watch a child so young flopping around and screaming as if somebody is after her. As much as I want to comfort her I tend to find myself enthralled with the vision of her flailing around. Typically I set there holding her and getting her to calm down and realize her surroundings while I think about what could be causing these episodes. Like I mentioned, it's not as if she is exposed to things that would be inappropriate for her age. What could it be that she is afraid of? What is it that a child so young would have nightmares about?
I've literally ran this thought through my head for a few days now and one day on the ride home (lately I drive home from work in silence and just think about things), it hit me. As a child the most comforting thing is having security. Well what is security to a child? A place to stay, a caretaker, things that make a child feel safe in general. So for a child that only craves security, the most scary thing would be if that security is missing. Imagine being a child and you dream of being in an unfamiliar situation surrounded by unfamiliar people, with none of the things that make you feel secure around. Those are the things I think a child so young would fear and subsequently have nightmares about.
Little Man in a Big Man's World
It must be a tough thing to try and break into the business as a smaller performer. While admittedly the perception of little men in wrestling has changed quite dramatically it still must be tougher to do. When you have a 5'6 performer who weighs 155 lbs. versus a 6'0 250 lbs. performer, you can only suspend belief but so much. That's not to say that smaller guys can't realistically defeat bigger guys, it's just that to the audience it's easier to believe that the bigger superstar will win. Thus little guys are typically perceived to be underdogs. There in lies the problem, you can't have a roster full of what the audience perceives to be underdogs.
So to be one of those guys who is perceived as such, you have to go the extra mile to stand out. Back a little over a decade ago every wrestler dreamed of either being in the WWF or WCW, those were the major federations at the time. The road to those federations wasn't always a smooth one but sometimes you were able to catch a break. In some cases that break came in the form of ECW, and in the case of some of these so called "underdogs" this way a place where they could catch a break. When Paul Heyman brought the Lucha guys over from AAA in Mexico it gave small guys a bigger stage to work on. In most cases this would be the first exposure American fans would have to this style of wrestling.
After making a big splash in a smaller pond, WCW would come calling and would make the dream come true for a lot of the AAA guys. For those who dreamed to making it to one of the big two, they had officially arrived. They were given the task of opening the show and pay-per-view events and even given a good amount of time to really put on a show. As things would turn out, what began as guys who were brought in to bring depth to the show would eventually become guys who were the main reason to watch. I defy you to find matches that flat out suck between the "cruiserweights" in WCW during the mid to late 90's. While they may not have been at the top of the card, the very fact that they were featured so prominently on the shows really allowed them to get their foot in the door.
All Good Things...
I remember so vividly seeing you thrown like a lawn dart at a production truck, it was if you were a small child. I won't go so far as to say that was a turning point by any means because you guys kept your slot for some time but it didn't help get you perceived as a threat. As time passed it seemed that a lot of the guys who were the foundation of the cruiserweight division would fly the coop so to speak, but you never did. You were rewarded for doing so though. You got some big wins over the Giant and a solid feud with Kevin Nash and even a great Nitro main event in which you came damn close to winning the WCW title by beating Ric Flair. Think about that, you nearly got a win over Ric Flair back when that actually meant something. Even in loss though, you looked like a million bucks and you didn't look outmatched you simply looked like you came up short on that night.
As most things started to fall apart in WCW though you were simply lost by the wayside. As cool as the Filthy Animals may have been, where did it actually take you? It's hard to look at a stable consisting of mid-carders to be a step up from feuding with main event guys. Even then you stayed though. You were damn close to the top of the mountain at one point and I suppose were determined to get there again. It was obvious that you were becoming an afterthought though when you lost the mask and it really was a shame. You worked so hard to shed that little man image, and busted your ass to be seen as a guy who could hang with the best of them. Now you were left without a mask and literally looked like a 12 year old. I don't mean to be disrespectful but let's call it for what it was.
Loyal to a fault though, there to the final day. What must you have thought when you heard the news? You had fought hard to get over with this audience and now it was being taken away from you. Vince hardly even pushed little guys, how would you ever make it there? That's assuming you even made it to the WWE. You were one of the guys who caught a raw deal due to "Billionaire Ted" and his crazy contracts. You were essentially not under contract to WCW at all but at the same time couldn't leave. Your options? Go back to Mexico or sit at home and play the waiting game. Were those even choices though, I mean it wasn't like you were getting younger. Sitting home as you approached your peak didn't seem like the smartest way to keep the dream alive.
A Dream Worth Having
It took over a year, but you finally made it the WWE. You even bulked up a little bit to try and appeal to the audience a little more. Perhaps the best part though was the fact that you were reunited with so many of your past friends. It was almost as if you were being given something most people don't get; a second chance. The Smackdown Six, who could forget the things you did with that group. You guys made Smackdown during that time. Still though you had another desire, and it was something that any wrestler would want. You wanted to be the World champion. Isn't that the goal of most wrestlers?
Sometimes obtaining your goal is bittersweet. It took the death of a friend to really obtain that which you coveted though. You moved forward in Eddie's memory and received the big strap as a consolation prize. That's what hurt so bad, not only did you lose a friend but you couldn't help but think that you weren't in the position because you earned it; but rather because you were being soothed for losing a friend. There was quite a large market that Eddie appealed to and someone had to fill that void, so why not you. It's thoughts like these that are so unfair though, thinking this way would leave anybody tossing and turning in their sleep.
The only way to prove the critics and your own thoughts wrong would be to accomplish the same goal a second time. How much time do you have though? How many knew surgeries have you had? What exactly is the legacy you wish to leave? Do you want to be remembered as a true champion or a guy who people felt sorry for and awarded the belt to? Is it really worth risking crippling yourself in order to obtain that which means so much? It's hard to feel secure in your legacy when you feel as if part of your legacy was given to you for the wrong reasons. Nowadays it hurts so much though to wrestle, it's nothing like when you started.
The only way to make the fans and your employer both happy is to wrestle at a level that should be out of your range now. That's when you start to really think about it. How could it be cheating? It's not like you can obtain an unfair advantage in a scripted sport right? You only take it for pain. You only take it to relight that spark that has dimmed over the years. With the reaction of the fans you can't help but feel you've done the right thing. It's the only way you can make creative feel confident enough in giving you another run. It is your dream afterall, and no matter what the long term effects it's worth it.
Was it really worth it though? Ask yourself this when you have to watch someone else's hand raised. Ask yourself this when you watch someone else walk away with the Intercontinental title you worked so hard to capture. Insecurity has a way of eating at us sometimes, after all it is the lack of feeling secure that can drive people to do crazy things. Sometimes it is our own actions in which are meant to make us feel secure that ultimately takes away some of the very securities we struggle to have in the first place. In the end, even grown men are no different than a small child and our feelings of inadequacy are no different than the nightmares of children.
As always I am the Monkey, and you've just seen the world through my eyes.
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