Welcome guys and gals to the column that hopefully you know the name of by name since it's right in front of you. It's ok if you cheat, I won't tell. Today I come to you with a little something different than my usual type of work to bring you a more traditional type of column. While the abundance of reviews following a given pay-per-view is usually more than enough to satisfy your hunger I decided that Wrestlemania is a big enough card in the wrestling world to warrant me writing my opinion of said show. After all, one would have to assume that by clicking here that you actually care about what I have to say. Unless you of course clicked here by accident. Mouse mishaps aside, please excuse the change in pace for this column but while others may hate the very idea of me doing a review, some may love it. Do I smell a theme?
Now for me the idea of giving a match a specific numerical value is just something that I won't be doing here. While I may give a match a 6 you may give it a 7 and vice versa. Instead I decided to keep things simple. Rather than simply give you a number that lives my expectations open to interpretation, I've decided to simply say whether the match "met", "exceeded", or "did not meet" my expectations of the match going in. The idea being, you can compare your expectations to mine before hand and then hopefully gauge whether our opinions going into the show were similar and thus see how our overall opinions relate. Trust me, it's a lot easier than I just explained it.
With that being said, let's get to this thing.
Primo and Carlito vs The Miz and John Morrison (Tag Title Unification Bout)
Pre-Show
Going into this bout I honestly expected a solid mid-card match. Nothing too fancy, just give me a solid 10-12 mins of tag action. Not only had it been awhile since we've seen a tag title match but we were also being treated to a match fitting the two best tag teams in the company going at it. I wasn't thrilled about adding the lumberjack stipulation but I simply looked at it as a way to get more guys a Wrestlemania payday. The guys had been putting on some solid tag matches on free t.v. so you had to expect something special when it comes time for the bouts that you pay for. This was a hard match to call but my gut had me saying Miz and Morrison simply because they represent the bigger brand.
The Big Dance
When I found out that this match was pulled from the main card I was more than a little disappointed. I've always been a fan of tag matches and to see the division crapped on yet again was a major bummer. Not only that but I felt that there were non-wrestling things going on that took up valuable time that this bout could have used. It's a damn shame too because with the rising age of some of the WWE roster you'd think they'd want to showcase guys who very well could be the future of the company down the line. Well maybe not so much The Miz, but John Morrison is simply an athletic freak and I fully see becoming one of the top heels in a few years.
Verdict: N/A Since I've yet to see the match I got to leave this blank.
Aftermath
I fully expect this bout to have a rematch attached to it. A title change on a non-televised match just screams rematch. I wouldn't even be surprised to see Miz and Morrison win the belt themselves come Friday night. Either way the smartest move that Vince and co. have made regarding this division is combine the two titles. They were struggling to fill one division at times much less two.
In the long run though I think Carlito and Primo keeping the belts on the Blue brand is the best move for the belts. I expect that Smackdown will become the primary place to showcase tag teams in the future much like they did with the cruiserweight division. Hopefully though they make appearances on all the brands periodically to keep teams like Cryme Tyme and Priceless from being lost in the shuffle.
Money In the Bank
Pre-Show
I love ladder matches for the most part, and I love a good high spot but I also feel that a good ladder match needs to include some wrestling in it as well. That being said I've just not been that big a fan of the MITB matches so far. The first year was decent and really helped launch Edge to main event status. I even liked last year's match to a degree since it gave me faith that WWE might push CM Punk after all. Still I've always felt that 4 or 5 guys tops should be the limit in these matches. Otherwise you end up with two major problems: first you simply have too much going on to keep track of and secondly you end up with guys overselling moves and thus laying on the ground doing nothing for long periods of time.
So after hearing that we'd get 8 guys in the match once again and also get Mark Henry in the bout I couldn't help but figure the worse. I fully expected the match to be nothing more than one giant cluster. Rather than serving as a stepping stone for somebody the match seemed more like a "what do we do with the rest of our talent" type match.
Prediction wise, I had to go with M.V.P. I fully expect his losing streak to turn into a huge winning streak.
The Big Dance
The first surprise of the night in my eyes (trademarked) as the match was actually pretty solid for a PPV opener. I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and say the match was a classic nor will I pretend that there weren't a couple of botches. In retrospect though I say this; every year this match has it's share of botched moves. That's just the nature of having so many guys in a ladder match. Still the match was enjoyable and seemed to include everyone in on the action most of the time with the exception of the end. Not only that but we got a surprise in the form of CM Punk winning his second straight MITB, a feat that few predicted.
Verdict: Exceeded Expectations. Far from a classic but far from being the disaster that I predicted. Not only that but I feel like I owe Kofi Kingston an apology after seeing some of the things he pulled off in the match.
Aftermath
While some may look at CM Punk's win as WWE admitting they were wrong I see another opportunity here. Ever since Punk debuted in WWE people have been clamoring for the cocky, brash Punk of old. Well what better time to do it then now. I mean the guy is the faster man to ever win the Triple Crown as well as the first ever 2 time MITB winner (Edge didn't win the match twice). So it's not that out of the ordinary to think that the guy may start to develop a bit of an ego. I'm not saying it should happen overnight but a nice gradual transition would be a nice change of pace for Punk.
Unfortunately I'm still sticking to my original prediction I made some time back in saying that this year will be the first time that the person who cashes in the MITB briefcase won't win the belt. I mean if they win every time it kind of takes away some of the surprise of them actually winning the belt. Still if nothing else this shows that the WWE have no problems giving Punk opportunities, now it's up to him to make the most of them.
Kid Rock Performance/25-Diva Battle Royal
Pre-Show
When I first heard Kid Rock was performing I instantly knew that it would piss me off. I mean what exactly is his tie to Wrestlemania this year? It'd be a little different if he was performing the theme song or even a wrestler's theme but it just seemed like it would be random filler. Ultimately I saw him performing "So Hot" (at least I think that's the name of it) as the lead in to the diva's match.
Speaking of which the thought of a 25 diva battle royal didn't sit well with me. When it was announced as a match that would include past divas I figured it'd strictly come down to being a nostalgia moment. Other than that battle royals in general usually have too much going on for their own good so I definitely wasn't expecting much. My early thoughts were with Beth Phoenix but I just couldn't get myself to believe that a heel was winning this thing. Ultimately I decided on Gail Kim simply because she's a good wrestler and the WWE could use a fresh face to be pushed. Well fresh in the sense that she hasn't been in the company for a few years but she know what I mean.
The Big Dance
Well somehow the Kid Rock performance was even worse than I imagined as he end up playing about a 5-song medley. On the plus side at least they killed two birds with one stone and had the divas enter the ring during the pointless performance. Of course the negative side of that is the divas were almost faceless in the bout.
Which leads me to my biggest gripe of the bout, I seriously couldn't tell you all the participants if my life depended on it. It was just a sea of random blonde and brunette chicks. In fact I didn't even know Molly Holly was in it until they announced that she had been eliminated. Apparently Jackie Gayda was in it as well but I'll be damned if I ever saw her. It just seemed like a big gigantic waste, especially when the payoff was a Santino comedy spot. I mean I love me some Santino, and the spot was funny but you have to ask yourself was this better than the tag match that got bumped? I seriously doubt it.
Verdict: Did Not Met Expectations, and considering they were so low that's pretty bad.
Aftermath
Of course the big story coming out of this is the possible dissension in the ranks this created with Beth Phoenix and Santino or Santina as he was called last night. I imagine this crack will get even bigger when Santina wins the women's title. Yeah, I'm calling it. I mean how can you deny Mrs. Wrestlemania a shot at the Women's title. This ultimately leads to a Beth Phoenix/Santina payoff match and a full blown Santino/Santina face turn. Who would have thought that the guy that almost turned Umaga face because he was so hated would become so popular as a heel. It truly is a backwards world we live in.
3 On 1 Elimination Match
Pre-Show
Poor Chris Jericho, stuck in the most underwhelming match on the card. The guy went on a tear the past year and even added two more World title reigns to his list of accomplishments. Yet when it came time for Wrestlemania and the blow off to one of the better angles Jericho got stuck in a match facing three guys who not only passed their prime but are getting ready to lap it. The worst part of this payoff was that I had to believe that Mikey Rourke (who had tie to the angle) would ultimately cost Jericho the match. So basically we'd be stuck watching one of the better stars in the company put over three guys who have no business in the ring.
The Big Dance
Well I was right on one front, Snuka and Piper absolutely stunk the place up. I hate to say it as I liked Piper growing up but he just looked like hell both from a looks standpoint as well as a performance standpoint. However there was a shining light within the match. I'm not sure what exactly lit a fire under Ricky Steamboat's ass but he looked crisp as hell in the ring. Deep arm drags, high flying moves, "skinning the cat", and even a few fall finishes. Not only did he make me wish the match was a Jericho/Steamboat single's bout but he also brought the match up quite a few notches.
Thankfully we were also treated to a Jericho win, which he more than deserved.
Verdict: Exceeded Expectations. A match that shouldn't have even been watchable was saved by a man who I honestly thought didn't have it left in him. Kudos to Steamboat for proving that even past his prime he is better than some.
Aftermath
While Jericho got the win and even put Flair in his place again he ultimately went down at the hands of Mickey Rourke. Going this route served multiple purposes though as it allowed Jericho to keep his credibility in tact by gaining the win while also letting Rourke get the best of him. On the same token taking a punch following a match shouldn't damage Jericho's character, especially since it's not like Rourke just beat the hell out of him or anything.
I expect Jericho to continue being the arrogant cocky guy that he is except this time over on the blue brand following the draft. With rumors circulating that Edge may be on his way to Raw, Smackdown could use a new top heel. I don't think it's too far fetched that Jericho might have another World title reign while there too. Plus maybe we can finally get that Jericho/Undertaker feud we've been wanting. I mean what better way to continue a legend's angle, then by having Jericho face a legend who is currently active.
Matt Hardy Vs Jeff Hardy (Extreme Rules)
Pre-Show
In terms of build this bout could be seen as a bit of a letdown, but I'm the type of person that says that a good match will always erase crappy build up. Going into this match we had the benefit of having two brothers, which right away means the match should be good for the sole reason that family will go that extra mile to try things they might not trust others to do. Not only that but the Extreme Rules gimmick was there to help showcase these guys ability to hit some spots when they want to. My hopes going in were a solid 15 minutes of action with a few big spots for extra measure. With the overness of Jeff Hardy it was pretty hard to go against him.
The Big Dance
Outside of the outcome I have to say that I got exactly what I expected out of the Hardy vs Hardy match. Decent amounts of brawling, a little bit of wrestling (not much), and a few solid spots. The best being the ending in which Jeff took a nasty twist of fate while his head was inside a chair. A much better match than their previous encounter when they feuded years back and a bout deserving of being on a pay-per-view. In fact the only part of the whole match I didn't like was the "Jeff diving through a table" sequence. Just seemed silly to put yourself through a table.
Verdict: Met Expectations
Aftermath
This feud is not over by any stretch of the imagination as I see it going on at least two more gimmick matches before Jeff comes out on top. From there the duo will finally settle their differences and be back in the same standing they were about a year ago. Jeff also desperately needs to stay on Smackdown as a top face since moving to Raw will more than likely cause him to be lost in the shuffle.
JBL Vs Rey Mysterio (IC Title)
Pre-Show
Well even though it was a late edition to the card you have to be happy that the IC belt is finally being defended at Mania again. This to me was the type of match that should open the show much like JBL/Finlay did last year. Nothing too crazy just a solid 8-10 minute bout to get the crowd ready for the action to come. With Rey's non-title win on Raw it seemed like a safe bet to "go all in" on JBL retaining his belt. As for his Mania moment, I suspected that he'll retire as the IC champion much like Trish did with the Women's belt.
The Big Dance
21 seconds? Really? We go through all of this talk of big moments and such to have JBL lose the title on a pay-per-view in less time than the non-title match on free television. That was my biggest quirk with this bout, Rey winning is fine but matches this quick don't deserve to be on the Mania card. I know we've seen similar bouts with SD Jones vs King Kong Bundy, Adam Bomb vs Earthquake, and even The Warrior vs HHH but when your entrance is longer than your match there is a problem. Not only that but if this is truly JBL's last match, nobody deserves to go out in that fashion.
Verdict: Did Not Meet Expectations. I set them pretty low, so this was the shocker of the night for me.
Aftermath
I don't see much coming out of this except a final speech from JBL saying how we don't deserve the likes of him and how he's too good for us. The only other possibility would see JBL "officially" put his career on the line and lose to Rey for the third time in a row. Either way things aren't looking good for JBL, while Rey on the other hand just became a grand slam winner. Which the IC belt seems like a perfect fit for Rey and hopefully he can help restore the title a little bit and hold onto it longer than a title defense or two.
The Undertaker Vs Shawn Michaels
Pre-Show
This could easily be match of the night. You have two of my all-time favorites, who happen to be legends, on the biggest stage of them all. Not only that but they have a tremendous build-up surrounding their match. Give me a solid 20 minute match and I'm sold. If the WWE is smart they'll let the Undertaker maintain his undefeated streak since it's his one claim to fame that nobody else has. I might doubt Vince's decisions sometimes I think even he knows the importance of the streak. This match just yells Undertaker win.
The Big Dance
Wow, not only did these two deliver the best match of the night but they put on one of the best Wrestlemania matches period. Thirty minutes of old school wrestling filled with false finishes, great story telling and emotions, and they genuinely made you feel that anybody could win. These guys have never ceased to amaze me when they lock up but this had to be their best encounter. I was hooked from the second the bell rang and never at any point did the bout become tedious to watch. This is just one of those matches that you can watch and say "instant classic" as soon as it's over.
Verdict: Exceeded Expectations, just an absurdly good bout.
Aftermath
As for the feud, it's over. I'd love to see another match but the whole aura of the bout was centered around using Wrestlemania as it's stage. For HBK it's hard to say what's next, which I hate to say. Though I assume it'll have to do with some young upstart calling Micahels out following his loss, that's usually the way it goes. For Taker, I expect a brief hiatus until after the draft in which hopefully as I said above he'll move into a feud with Jericho. A guy can dream can't he.
Triple Threat Match For the World Title
Pre-Show
As a general rule I'm not always huge on triple threat matches lately. They used to be pretty good but the last really good one was the Benoit vs HHH vs HBK match that was epic. Lately they've seemed very rushed. Look at the Angle vs Orton vs Mysterio and Cena vs HHH vs Orton matches for proof. So going in I expected no more than 15 minutes of action that would probably seem to end abruptly. Of course as much as I wanted Edge to win, there was no way that WWE was going to let their super face Cena job on two consecutive Wrestlemanias.
The Big Dance
This was a pleasant surprise, again not a classic but better than I expected. Everyone had parts where they seemed dominant enough to win and nobody came out looking weak. In fact, even in loss the Big Show looked mighty impressive and was involved in breaking up several pinfalls. The superstars also made good use of the No DQ and No C.O. clauses of the triple threat match without falling into utter chaos. I do feel bad for Edge though as it seems he's doomed to become a 22-time champion without ever having a lengthy reign.
Verdict: Exceeded Expectations, while a tad short for a WWE title match it still was better than the last couple we've seen.
Aftermath
Well even though it's been done a million times by now, expect Edge to play up the fact that it wasn't him who was pinned and demand a rematch at Backlash. As for Big Show, sadly he has a high chance of getting lost in the shuffle after the draft and go back to doing next to nothing before a full on feud with Edge following a falling out with Vickie.
Triple H Vs Randy Orton (WWE Title)
Pre-Show
Great build with a feud that includes two men with quite the history together. Not only that but we have the best heel in the business today against a man who was one of the best heels just a few years prior. Orton has played his role of calculated crazy man down to a "t" and has become one of the best guys to watch. Hunter, like him or not is a legend. The only downside going into this match was that I felt it would have been best suited as a street fight or some other gimmick. Still I was expecting a good 20-25 minute brawl. As for a winner on one hand you have Hunter who wasn't won at Wrestlemania since 03 and then on the other you have Orton who absolutely needs to win this feud. Still I got to go with my gut and say Orton to bring back the apocalypse as I put it before.
The Big Dance
Hunter winning is fine in my book as they left the door open for the feud to keep going and Hunter definitely could use a WM win. The setup of the match was a little odd especially with both men hitting their finishers so early on. Still the end (minus the missed punt attempt that Orton sold) was well played and left the door open for an Orton screw job, which I'll get to in a second.
Verdict: Met Expectations
Aftermath
I see one of two situations playing out from this aftermath:
1.) Orton plays up the fact that HHH used the sledgehammer and has Vickie Guerrero award him the title after reversing the decision. While this isn't my favorite scenario since it makes Orton's win seem cheap, I definitely could see it happen.
2.) Scenario two simply has Orton getting a rematch at Backlash and win the belt there.
Mark my words though, either way you go HHH is not making it out of this month with the gold. I also see a McMahon going Orton.
Final Thoughts
Overall while there was a few weak spots I think the good far outweighed the negative. You take the good matches, the classic Undertaker/HBK bout and add in the Austin farewell and you are left with a more than acceptable pay-per-view.
That's going to about wrap this up this edition, hopefully it didn't suck too bad since I stepped out of my comfort zone and did my first review in years. I just wanted to take a more simple approach this time around and I'll return to normal next time. Good, bad, or ugly I'd appreciate any feedback and let me know if this is something I should bring back next year. Either way it was fun to do so no complaining on my end.
As always I am Dr. Monkey, and you've just seen the world through my eyes.
Please send all feedback to monkeyweasel9821@yahoo.com
