Before I get started let me give thanks to my fellow main page comrade Skitz for suggesting the outline for this column. While the idea morphed quite a bit since the original concept, this column would not exist without his suggestion. So hopefully I'm able to do something neat with this.....if not blame the Candyman.
Introduction
I was told by my doctor that I should create a journal documenting some of the events from my wrestling career. The idea being that a lot of my issues ultimately seem to stem from my career and things revolving around it. My doctor says that the way I perceive things isn't always the way that the events actually transpire. Over the years I seem to have developed a complex in which I turn things around to make it appear as if it is me who is the victim and not the ones who have truly been hurt. Obviously it's not something I'm aware of nor is it something that I believe is accurate. His advice to me was to write these things down the way I remember them and to pass this journal around to my peers and they'll give their recollection of the same events. The hope is that seeing how badly my perception is off will trigger a realization within me and bring forth the will to change.
To me it just sounds like a bunch of bullshit. Doesn't everybody forget details here and there when remembering events of their past? This doesn't make them a liar, it's simply human nature to subconsciously edit the details without even realizing you are doing it. It's more of an exaggeration than an outright lie. So for a doctor to insinuate that me doing things that every person in the world does makes me have mental issues, then I really have to question their credibility as a doctor.
I'm willing to play ball though, if for nothing else just to prove how right I am. I'm never big on throwing money away but since it's semi-related to work Vince agreed to share the tab. Hell, at least people can't say I didn't try and hopefully this will shut a few people up and get them off my back. Plus if there's anything I like just as much as being right, it's proving that other people are wrong.
Early Days
The early part of my wrestling career started like most people's, being put in a tag team. I had my share of singles bouts but like most newcomers I could put in a tag team to hide some of my flaws. I guess it's one of those old school tactics where they put two fairly green guys together to kill two birds with one stone. You get more than one new guy some ring time, without having to eat up too much time at your event. On the plus side you couldn't help but create a bond with the guy you were paired up with since typically they were just as inexperienced as you.
On the flip side of that sometimes you don't get paired with some random newcomer. Sometimes you get paired up with the wiley veteran that wants nothing more to prove to the rookies that he still can go. I lucked out though, I got a good group of guys I came up with. We really connected and try to stay in touch even to this day. Though I'll be the first to admit that I can be pretty bad when it comes to getting in touch with people. See I can't be but so bad, at least I can identify and admit to having certain issues.
Anyway, everybody I just aims to become a singles competitor because chances our their "heroes" growing up were singles competitors at some point. Though with as much tag gold as I've won in my career it's hard to argue against being in a tag team. It's just one of those things that I'm good at I guess.
First Title Win
As I mentioned before, when you break into the wrestling business regardless of how you start off your main goal is to be a singles competitor. Of course as a singles competitor your main goal is to secure singles gold. Whether it be the IC belt, the U.S. belt, the ECW belt, the World belt, or even the WWE belt. Needless to say when I was told that I was being booked in my first title win I was pumped up beyond belief. The ultimate sign of trust from a wrestling company is giving you the ball to run with. Booking me in a title win, was my opportunity to show Vince and company what I was made of. At least that's what I thought at first.
It's a harsh dose of reality to be told that your big single's run would only last a day. To say I was a little hurt by that would be an understatement. I mean what did my opponent have that I didn't? What was the point of defeating him just to turn around and lose a day later? If it was to continue a feud I would have been all for it, but I simply got tossed aside like a piece of trash. I'm supposed to be grateful to even get the opportunity, but what exactly was the opportunity I was given? The opportunity to have my victory look like a fluke? Or maybe I was granted the opportunity to come off as a flash in the pan transition champ. I hate that term so bad, and maybe it's only now that looking back I start to see where some of that hatred stems from.
What made it worse was that here I was trying to break through and forge a future yet here I was being forced to job to a guy who came from a rasslin' background. A true good ol' boy right to his very core. You try to convince me that you are building towards this new so called "Attitude Era" yet you have me jobbing to some country hick. For someone who claimed that they wanted to move in a new direction they sure seemed to be recycling the same stuff over and over again. I guess it's not my place to bitch though, I suppose I should just sit back and let my bosses be hypocrites. That's not the person I am though.
Brotherly Love
On one hand it's fairly cool to be given a storyline brother and without a doubt some of my best moments involved matches with and against him, but there comes a time where you got to say enough is enough. It's hard to want to share a spotlight with someone when you yourself are trying to make a name for yourself. I mean when I make it to the hall of fame I doubt I'll be inducted with my brother...pretty sure that's a solo gig. You think Bret Hart got inducted with Jim Neidhart? Exactly, so the quicker you can distance yourself the better.
I'll never forget the memories but it comes a time when you need to stop living in the past and work on creating a future. I guess a few send off matches are impossible to avoid but I'm just glad they finally got the hint and are allowing us both to do our own separate thing now. It's good to see that the storyline seems to have run it's course and we can put it behind us now.
My sight is set on the future and the future can only involve me. Being responsible for the careers of others is simply a foolish move and it's just something I'm not willing to do. I guess that makes me come off as selfish, but at the end of the day I'm the one who pays my bills and I'm the one who has to support myself. If I was down on my luck, I doubt anybody else is gonna look out for me and scoop me back on my feet. So why would I treat anyone else any different? So it doesn't boil down to me being selfish, it's actually a matter of me having strong survival instincts.
Securing Your Spot
Over the years of wrestling I've come to realize that you are only as good as your last match. It may be a hard pill for some to swallow for some but it's the god honest truth. The fans nowadays have set their expectations so high that it is next to impossible to not disappoint them. They want you to be able to wrestle forever yet they don't want you to every lose that luster that made you stand out in the first place. I look at a guy like Ric Flair and on one hand I respect the hell out of the guy but on the other hand I despise what he did to his legacy. I want to remember the Flair who beat Harley Race with a cross body in an epic cage match. I want to remember the wars with Dusty. I want to remember Flair and Terry Funk (don't even get me started) having one of the best "I Quit" matches of all time. I don't want my last memory of Flair to be of a guy who looked like a jello mold and whose match consisted of chops and flops. The only thing legendary about Flair's last years were how much of a joke he became.
That's why I cherish my spot and try to do anything to not lose it because I know that your time is limited. That's why when I see guys like Mark Henry get shot after shot to shine, I really have to question his logic. Mark tries his damnedest, he really does but effort doesn't equal talent. Yet for some reason just because he's a big guy I'm supposed to buy into him being a threat. The guy has been employed here for years yet has shown minimal improvement. When I see things like Henry being in the money in the bank match and hypothetically having the opportunity to move ahead of me despite his complete lack of talent and it makes me sick. Literally sick, to think of some worthless hack taking my roster spot has been the cause of many an illness.
I guess when I give this to some of my comrades they'll be less than happy to read that, but you know what....fuck you. I didn't get into this business to make friends, I got in this business to make money. Ask Matt Hardy how good it is to have "friends" in the business. I guess when I think about it I have more acquaintances than actual friends. Guess I've burned a few bridges in my time. That's the way the business makes you though, very cutthroat. I don't burn bridges because I don't want to have people like me, I burn bridges to keep people away from where I'm at.
Current Mood
In starting this journal I realized a couple of things. For starters it's pretty damn hard to pull all the aspects of your career out of your mind, guess I'd be pretty terrible at writing a script for the documentary about me. I also realized that certain things that may seem important at the time, really aren't in the grand scheme of things. I also noticed that some of the things that I didn't think were really a big deal, I seem to dwell on. Still I guess that's why I agreed to this behavioral study, to learn more about my self. As I started to write more and more though I realized that I don't give a damn what people think. In fact I'll go so far as to say not only do I not care, but more than likely I'd like to add "fuck you." I'm tired of hearing the snickering, the bitching, the moaning. Call me a transitional champion to my face, I dare you. You little internet pieces of shit who sit here typing away with your fat little grease laced fingers need to spend less time worrying about how many days I've held a belt and worry more about how many days it's been since a girl actually talked to you.
I guess people are just bent out of shape because time after time I make their heroes look like fools. There was a time where I was such a loved wrestler, yet that got me nowhere. I don't think it's a coincidence that me becoming an asshole on screen just suits me better. I remember hearing that the best gimmicks are the ones that hit the closest to home. Take Austin, the guy was a drunk piece of white trash that beat up weak woman. He tried to be this pretty boy from California but nobody bought into it. Give the guy some beers and some four letter adjectives and suddenly he's an icon. It's true what they say, you can take the man out the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the man.
Maybe this is coming off more angry than it should then again maybe I'm just tired of feeling like everyone around me is a moron. Maybe I'm tired of John Cena finding a way to be in a title match every month. Hell maybe I'm even a little tired of writing down a bunch of stupid thoughts so that some guy can analyze it and tell me a bunch of worthless mumbo jumbo. Everybody wants to be the one with the answers, nobody wants to accept that maybe some questions defy all logic. Perhaps I'm the exception to the rules and I can't be so easily thrown in the same category as other countless zombies.
The Big Red Machine
You know it's funny because after the last bit I pretty much swore to myself that this whole journal thing just wasn't working out. Yet here I am. The "doc" if you can even call him that, was reviewing my file and some of the surveys I had done for him and noticed something. He finds it odd about my fascination with the color red. He says red is often associated with people with rage issues, or even sometimes even a narcissistic person. Seeing how often it popped up in my color and word association tests he dubbed me "the big red machine." I just thought it was a hell of a coincidence, but also proves that he has no clue as to who I even am.
I don't consider myself to be an overly aggressive person, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want. What I want is to go down as one of the best and to always be the world champion. What I want more than anything is for everybody to remember Edge as being one of the best heels in the business. If I have to sacrifice my own sanity to do it, then so be it. When people view my actions I want them to believe that I truly have no soul in my body. I want them to hate more than just my character, I want them to hate me.
I've gone beyond the breaking point, Edge is who I am now. Adam doesn't exist to anybody anymore.
As always I am Dr. Monkey, and you've just seen the world through my eyes.
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