Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [33] - Welcoming Whatever Wacky Wishes Wander This Way
By SkittleZ
Dec 21, 2008 - 1:21:40 AM
[33] - Welcoming Whatever Wacky Wishes Wander This Way
Well color my balls and call me a fag... I've contracted the Christmas bug! Unless you're a poor ass bastard, how could you not enjoy this lovely time of the year? And to add to the festivities, I've put together this thick ass column chock full of ridiculously absurd suggestions and propositions. Interestingly enough, this is the longest column I've ever posted yet the shortest piece I've ever written. See a few weeks ago, I realized I needed to do a good deed before the end of the year. You know... fulfill my good Samaritan quota for the decade. So I sat down and after much deliberation, decided I should just cram as many dudes (and ladies) as humanly possible into one column thus letting them do all the work! What reason are they here for you ask? To share their Christmas lists of course! Some are down to earth and logical while others come off as unrealistic and disturbing. All I know is these thirty individuals earned me a free pass for this column so show them some damn respect!
By the way, I am Santa SkittleZ and this is a clusterfuck edition of Taste My Rainbow. The column that gives out presents on every dimly lit street corner in America. You may notice a few aspects of this column are out of order somewhat. Due to the sheer humanity of LOP wish lists I received, there really wasn't room left for anything else. No 'Sugar Rush' and unfortunately no 'SkittleZ Riddles' this week (the answer to my last riddle can be found at the bottom of the page) but they'll be back next time around so chill the hell out. I think that pretty much covers everything. Oh and if you'd like to feedback those below, too damn bad. Linking up handfuls of email addresses does NOT sound like a very Merry Christmas to me.
XanMan - What would I like to see from the world of wrestling in 2009? I'd like to see John Cena have a match at WrestleMania that isn't for a championship. I'd like to see Ring of Honor keep its doors open and acquire a national television deal, to boot. I'd like Total Nonstop Action to start being more action than talk, both literally and figuratively. I'd like Sting to retire. I'd like Shawn Michaels to have a barn burner against The Undertaker at 'Mania and later get one last reign as either WWE or World Heavyweight Champion. He's The Man now, and he deserves it. I'd like Edge and Triple H to have an incredible monster heel "can you top this feud," Ted Dibiase to bring back the Million Dollar Championship, and Natalya Neidhart to win the Divas Championship at The Royal Rumble and hold it for the entire year. I'd like AJ Styles to hold the TNA World Title, The Motor City Machineguns the TNA Tag Titles, and Christopher Daniels the X Title all at the same time. I'd like Austin Aries to unseat Nigel McGuinness as Ring of Honor Champion, and he and Brian Danielson to put on a Classic X match for it; and most of all, I'd like to see an Ironman match.
James_A - But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. TNA what I want for Christmas is that you apply logic to your booking. You have a history of repeated offenses when it comes to applying logic. To prove this, let facts be submitted to the candid wrestling world.
- You have created battle royals that start on the outside.
- You have created ladder matches where the objective is to hang the belt.
- You have created a match in which the winner has the potential to be fired.
- You have created an entire Pay Per View consisting of nothing but cage matches.
- You have changed the shape of the traditional wrestling ring and replaced it with a novelty hexagonal one.
In every stage of these Oppressions the fans have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated offenses. TNA please please please, in light of the holiday season just even try this out for ONE day and apply logic to your booking. If you refuse, all ties between us will be broken and I will have no choice but to declare independence from your promotion.
FoonZeeS - Thanks for inviting me to this little shindig SkittleZ, you fruity bastard. Anyway, what would I like from the world of professional wrestling in the year twenty-ought-nine? To get the cheap answer outta the way, more shots of Velvet Sky's ass, I don't think that's too much to ask for. The serious answer, all I really want is for TnA to get it's head out of it's own ass and improve measurably. I want them to go back to what brought them to the table in first place, pure wrestling action. I'm sick of the immensely retarded gimmick matches (the title can change hands in a team contest, fuck me), all the nonsensical backstage/entertainment promos (I'm looking at you Boreass) and the three minute matches. Your name is Total Nonstop Action, not Total Nonstop Fucking Promos. Let the guys go out there and do what they love and are getting paid to do, fucking wrestle. That's what I want from the Pro Wrestling world next year. Thanks again SkitZ. Oh I almost forgot, Jet Farve's taking the J-E-T-S to the Super Bowl, suck on that monkeys.
Mavsman - What I want for Christmas is another HBK title reign. I'm sick and tired of him being at the main event tier without ever seeing the title come his way. Seriously, by the time 2009 rolls around it will have been six plus years since HBK last tasted world championship gold. How does that make Michaels look? He is supposed to be one of the elite in the WWE, and yet he's on a six year major title drought. Nobody else who has won championship gold before and is currently in the main event group has this long of a drought. An HBK title reign would be good for all wrestlers involved. Whoever loses the title would have lost to a future hall of famer, so it’s not like they are getting completely buried. And whoever wins the title from HBK would receive a big bump. It’s not everyday you beat a living legend for a world title after all. While I would prefer a two or three month title reign for The Showstopper, I could live with a short title reign as well, but not on Kane levels. I’m not that desperate. Santa, when you give out all the gifts this year, please do not forget about good ol' HBK. He’s been waiting for so long, I think it’s his turn for a reign at the top.
Sean_Taylor - What I want from the wrestling business in 2009 is the return of two things sorely missing in today’s industry. The first being managers. What happened to managers? God don’t you remember the good ol’ days with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart, “The Doctor of Style” Slick, Miss Elizabeth, Capt. Lou Albano, and “Classy” Freddie Blassie? And what about valets like Sunny and Sable? I can only assume that people who get into the business are too addicted to the limelight to ever devote a career to getting someone else over. Doesn’t anyone realize that you can get over huge by getting someone else over? You can main event a WrestleMania without stepping into the ring. How sweet would that be? So yeah. Managers. Bring them back. And keep them managers. Don’t start as a manager and turn into a wrestler. I want to see career managers. And number two, heels. I don’t know why wrestlers are afraid to look bad if they are a heel. You’re a heel! You’re supposed to look bad sometimes. It’s what the audience wants to see. Why don’t heels beg off anymore? Rick Martel was one of the best heels because he played the cowardly heel so well. But none was better than the career heel Ted Dibiase. Do yourselves a favour. This Christmas, take some time to watch some old WWE ppvs with Dibiase on them. Mania VI vs Dusty, SummerSlam 88 against the Mega Powers. Watch what he does in the ring to make himself THE heel in the match. Then watch anything on TV today (WWE or TNA doesn’t matter). You’ll notice a huge difference. Don’t be afraid to look bad. Cheat and then say you didn’t. Flat out lie to the audience. THAT’S WHAT BAD GUYS DO!!!! Let the good guy kick your ass and strip you down to your underwear. It’s not going to “bury” you. Fans are going to remember that. The only kiss of death in the wrestling business is when you make your entrance and fans say “Who the hell is that guy?” Being remembered is the only key to getting over. Period. So in conclusion, if I can rip off Sgt. Slaughter from 1994: I want my managers and heels back!!!
Bloodline - Dear Santa,
Hmm...let’s see. What are some things that I, Bloodline, want to see in 2009. First off, has to be the return of The Rock. For just one match. I don’t care if it’s to job to Kung-Fu Naki or whatever. I just want to see him in one more match. Just one more night with the heel Rocky, that would make my year. More importantly, I’d like to see AJ Styles and Samoa Joe clean the shit out of their brains and leave TNA. Before Angle, Sting, and Booker arrived, my opinion was different, but the only place these guys should be the future of is WWE, in TNA they should be the present. Fuck Sting. Fuck Angle, and fuck Booker. They can retire now as they are dead to me. Um…maybe the return of Elijah Burke. I miss my Black Pope. I could really use some gospel right now. Or better yet, a Monday Night RAW in Little Rock. I’d probably shit my pants if that were to happen. Possibly a PPV in England or something. Yes, I’m American, but them damn foreigners have been blowing their money on average shows, and deserve a SummerSlam, or some shit over there. Also, I’d like to see WWE do a couple of shows in Western Canada. They could use a house show in Kamloops, British Columbia. As well as Victoria, Kelowna, and Vancouver. Hell a show in Edmonton and Calgary as well. You folks there, get no love. It’s sad. I could say that I wish for Cena to injure his neck again, but I’m above that. I’m praying for Triple H to tear another quad. Right now, I’m more fucking sick of him than when Cena was on TV. But that will probably change. Edge having the belt ALL YEAR would be awesome. Oh...and Kane to defeated Taker for the streak. That shit would own. After that, I’d be grasping for straws. Wait...wait...I know. A hand job from Maryse and I’ll consider it even.
PS. I'll leave your fat ass some cookies if you tell them bitch ass elves to make a better Smackdown vs RAW game next year....that is all.
anonymous - There’s only one thing I could wish for in 2009. There’s only one thing I’ve wished for every year since I first lay my eyes on my love. It’s a moment that would shock millions, give the WWE the greatest ratings boost ever and make me the happiest man alive. TNA would instantly be crippled because of the ratings decline. John Cena, Triple H and Randy Orton would just sit back and gaze in awe. Nothing would be paralleled to the brilliance of that moment. It would leave me in ecstasy and I could die happy at last. Imagine it. At WrestleMania, Rikishi defeats The Rock to become the Undisputed Champion. It would be a dream come true. Imagine the image of The Rock shaking his cousin’s hand as a mark of respect. Imagine the smile of Rikishi’s face to have finally got the title he deserves so much. Imagine the climax to a storyline which never really ended. A storyline which has remained in our heads and hearts for so long. Finally, Rikishi wouldn’t have done it for The Rock. The Rock would have done it for Rikishi.
Señor Brilliant - Dear Santa (you bitch ass),
I would like to see Kelly Kelly and Melina feud. I dont care for what, the belt, a stupid storyline, or over me (hint hint), I just wanna see them go at it. Alone. Nude. With just me in the room. What? Too selfish? Aiight, then on the television screen via Monday Night Raw cuz I dont watch no Smackdown.
If Vince isn't sold on them fighting over my hot bod and sweet rack in the privacy of my own home, then I suppose I should think of some reasons for him to get them inside a WWE ring to play fight. There is always the Women's Title belt. Melina is an ex-champ, no reason why she can't win it back at some point. She notices Kelly Kelly has been making strides improving in the ring, a challenge is made (in a bitchy way of course) and magic in the ring, and my pants, happens. Too cliche? Well then how's this for cliche? Team them up together and then have one turn on the other. Yep, thats pretty tired. Of course there is always the "on no you didn't, thats my man" storyline. Get one of them a man (I volunteer!!), have said male be put in awkward situations between the other, and presto, them bitches is going at it. Lame? How about we substitute another woman instead of a man. Nice right? Or, we can have them fighting to have Steph 'notice' them perhaps? Think of the innuendo and double ontandras to be had with this. The King might not make it through the year. Perhaps have KK and Jillian team up to become "Them Dum Blondes", then feud with Melina and Mickie James. Oh Yea, all 4 of them going at it, I know you're picturing it in your head too. Finally, there is always the race card. Kelly Kelly is about as white as pure heroin. Melina is an exotic Latina. Throw in something to make one jealous or mad enough to play the race card, and baaammm! Feud of the year.
I'm not kidding, I really want to see this. I think they would work wonderfully together. Draw it out for a lengthy amount of time and dare I suggest a big stipulation match to end it at WrestleMania? I will. Something like a hair match, a first blood match, or a no DQ 'holy shit these Betties are beating the shit out of each other' match. I will guarantee that none of those choices result in a shit match. If they do, Im coming after your punk ass Santa!
Kelly Kelly takes on Melina. Think about it. Now think about it with them in clothes and wrestling. Good stuff right? Make it happen Santa or you will have to pay what you owe you chubby punk ass bitch!!!
Pnk - Hmm.... What do I want to see happen in wrestling in 2009? Well, I guess there are a couple things I want to see:
- First and foremost, more Santino being hilarious. I can't stop laughing from the time his music hits to the last moment he's on my television screen. The guy is a comedy gold mine, as evidenced by his splits on RAW trying to show up Melina.
- Speaking of which, I want to see Melina move to Smackdown and run the show over there. She's 100 million zillion (Yes, it is a number) times better than all the Divas over there. ESPECIALLY better than Michelle McCool. Seriously, Michelle only gets this much attention because a certain Dead Man likes poking her with his postmortem erection. Melina deserves a belt run, end of discussion. She came back from her injury better than ever.
- Seriously. Another thing I need in 2009 is more heel Jericho. Jericho's work as a heel is the best of his whole career. I love me some Jericho and never thought I would enjoy him as a heel but he has progressed his character as a heel to the point where it feels unnatural for him to go back as a face. At least not for a while. Maybe he should grow out the hair and THEN go face.
- I want Batista to retire. Look, I love the old man. I really do. But he needs to go off into the sunset searching for tail. He just does. His last title run was the lamest thing next to the whole Dolph Ziggler crud being rammed down my throat every Monday. Still not as bad as R-Truth's entrance though.
- I need Christian back at the WWE. Enough said really on that matter. Christian and I have history and he needs to come back to me ASAP. I'm tired of having to watch TNA to get my Christian fix.
- Oh, can TNA be replaced by RoH on my television screen? THAT would be amazing. Please? Delirious needs to be on my TV screen, not Angle.
- Finally, I want Cena to stop being Super Cena. No, this does not mean I am Anti-Cena. Hell, I think I have shown time and time again I am as Pro-Cena as one can be. But seeing him come back and not be so indestructible has been kinda nice. He feels more real and I think it makes him a better face because we don't EXPECT him to win. Maybe it's too soon to say it, I don't know. But I like the way Cena came back from his time off. He's still a face, but no longer Superman. Well... he'll always be MY Superman!
That's all I want for Christmas. I don't think anything on my list is TOO out there. And if it is... well screw it, I want it anyways! HA!
Degenerate - For 2009, I want to see Shawn Michaels win all major championships and wrestle at least three times on every single TV show, and at least five times on Pay-Per-Views.
What, is that too much to ask for? Fine, fine...
For 2009, I would like to see Shawn Michaels have at least one more championship run. It's been more than six years since his last, so I'd say he's overdue. But besides seeing that for my own selfish needs, I want to see it happen so that new stars can rise and grab the brass ring like CM Punk did earlier this year. If anyone can do it, it's HBK.
Also in 2009, I wish for TNA to flourish and prosper. It's getting increasingly difficult to watch the show, plus having some small competition for the WWE wouldn't hurt the fans at all.
Most of all, I wish that 2009 brings us a memorable year overall, and makes people happy. I'm tired of all the unnecessary bitching.
MissouriDragon - What would I like for Christmas? In a sentence, I’d like for Sting to hang ‘em up. Now don’t get me wrong, Stinger, you’ve provided me many hours of entertainment, both as a child (I wish I had a bleached-blond rat-tail!) and as an adult ( I wish I had a…bleached-blond…never mind), but you (and your gimmick) are well past your expiration date. The Crow came out in 1994, for fuck’s sake. Unfortunately for you, the only way you can change is to die first (I guess, I don't read comics).
So, who should kill the Stinger?
Why, the only person who’s ever carried him through a decent match, the Great Muta.
My Christmas wish is as follows:
Sting is threatened by a demon from his past, perhaps by Jeremy Borash. Or not. Whoever.
As a result, he comes out to the Impact Zone to “address his demons”.
Then the lights go out.
When they come up, Sting is rubbing his eyes in agony, and the Great Muta is staring menacingly into the TNA hard camera (perhaps biting the bottom rope), and then Muta pummels him completely out of the wrestling business, and then disrespects him after the fact, preferably in Japanese.
And... that’s the last we ever see of Sting. He’s tarnished his legacy so much, this is the only way I can see him leaving the wrestling business with any dignity.
Merry Christmas.
Phantom Lord - As the voice of reason to many fans and a respected interweb columnist, I was asked what my wrestling wish list would be. As someone who is always disappointed around this time of year, I'm not setting my hopes up for this one but here we go.
1) Crazy Vince to come back:
Simply put last year with Vince McMahon being batshit insane after losing the hair match was some fun television. Sure he pissed on the grave of ECW some more, but Crazy Vince was fun never the less (well until that whole Benoit thing happened).
2) The American Badass to return:
As much as I love and respect The Undertaker, honestly the whole deadman thing needs to be retired and Booger BAH GAWD Red needs to come back. Motorcycle, tobacco juice, and all. I miss seeing him talk about how the ring is his yard just generally being a prick to people. Besides some of his best stuff came during the Badass era and as an added bonus, his entrance wouldn't take 15 minutes like it does now.
3) Me to win the next major Megaball jackpot:
You might ask what this has to do with wrestling, well it's simple. I can take that money and buy TNA. There's many ways to fix TNA, well the easiest way would be to just buy the damn thing and clean house. Jeff Jarrett...well he would be G Double O N Double E GONE. 98% of TNA's problems would go away with Jarrett gone.
4) Victoria in Playboy:
This one really is a wish that I hope will come true. Come on Vince make it happen. If not her, Gail Kim or Mickie James will do.
the_flesh - What do I want from wrestling (OK, WWE, since I don’t follow TNA/ROH, etc) for Christmas? Well, since WWE gave Hardy the big one at Armageddon, I’ve had to rethink a little. Firstly, I’d like to see some REAL competition out of TNA. As far as I see it, they are just, there. Existing, and existing only. For a company with the star caliber of the likes of Kurt Angle, Sting and Booker T, and the potential of the likes of Samoa Joe, AJ Styles amongst others, they should be pushing WWE a lot harder than they are. Big deal, they beat ECW a few times a year. So what. Even a poor sports team will win a few games now and then.
Secondly, I want some proper storylines – real, meaningful, lengthy (but not drawn out) storylines, similar to the HBK/Jericho feud that filled the best part of the year. I can possibly see this HBK/JBL feud going the same way, and there is some kind of basis to it (not, I think you suck, so I’m gonna kick your ass for a month). I think this Orton/Legacy group would be ideal for a storyline – as long as they are attacking people for a purpose, and not just to get on TV.
Finally, I’d like the titles to stay with one person longer. They’ve started going this way with the ECW Title on Matt Hardy, and hopefully Jeff will get a decent run with the WWE Title, and not an Edge-esque run. And perhaps a proper way of determining a number one contender (tournaments etc), like the IC one recently, rather than whoever happens to be “flavour of the month” in whichever GM’s eyes. And speaking of GMs – either remove Vickie Guerrero from the screen, or shut her up somehow, cause she has run her course in my opinion, and is seriously getting on my nerves. Let’s see if any of this actually happens though.
CoLd - What's crackin. Its your by Cold, Here to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. As you can see me and my family Sir Luscious Left Foot, Possum Allahwishes Jenkins Dragon 3000, Ms.Pnk and Bloodline are heavy in the building all thanks to our gracious host Skittz. I dont know bout them other fools but I was invited to this party for two reasons. My weed being the first and biggest since we have the largest group of moochers ever and second I bring that Indy spice. If you kids want to now what's gonna be hot in the streets next year then look no further. I know what you want and got what you need
1 - The biggest thing I want to see in 2009 is the rise of Bryan Danielson. His Ring of Honor contract is reportedly up in May and I hope he chooses to move. For those of you who aren't hip to the Indy scene Bryan Danielson is one of the most decorated and praised Indy workers today. He has wrestled all over the world and has competed with some of the best wrestlers out there and proved time and time again he has what it takes to be a star. I hope that when his contract is up, he decides to go to the WWE. He has done just about all that can be done working the Indys and unless he decided to move to Japan permanently what other options does he have? Stay on the Indys and tour Japan like he has been doing the past couple years, sign with TNA and pray to the God of his choice that they signed him for a reason or go to the WWE and try to make it in the biggest wrestling company in the world. Bryan Danielson is nicknamed ' The Best in the World ' and its time he proved it. No more sitting at the kids table at Holiday dinner. Its time to man up and show the entire world he has what it takes to make it in the WWE or any other wrestling company. He has been working hard since day one and hopefully soon all that work will pay off. For all of you Danielson fans out there I know him signing is only half the battle and we will have to pray that the WWE sees what we see in him and doesn't saddle him with some stupid gimmick. If I could have...no wait better yet give...one gift to any wrestling fan it would be the Bryan Danielson showcasing his talent on WWE TV for the whole world to see.
2 - Tag Team Wrestling...This is directed more towards the WWE then anyone else. As a kid growing up I was always a fan of the Tag Team Division. You could see four different men going at it all at once [ MEGA NO HOMO ] compared to the normal one on one match [ No homo ]. A lot of times the Tag Team wrestlers were more fancy and looked a lot better then your average wrestler. Maybe I'm a sucker for matching outfits [ No Homo ] , matching hair styles and dont get me started on the matching make-up [ No Homo ]. One of the reasons I became so attracted [ No Homo ] to the Indy scene was their tag team matches. Hell over the past year the ROH Tag Team Champions have been in the Main Event as much , or more then the ROH World Champion. At the same time it is amazing how they can elevate their tag team titles to a level that competes with the World Champion yet doesn't take away from him when he isn't in the Main Event. All I really want is the WWE to wake up and realize that Tag Teams are a great addition and worth pushing. This isn't something new with the WWE as they have been ignoring their tag team division for some time. Over the past couple of years the WWE has had some solid to great tag teams on their roster. Hell they can even make a bunch of awesome thrown together teams but they dont even seem to do that much anymore. Point is whenever the WWE do push a tag team it seems that they will focus on one team on one brand and push them over everyone else. Instead how about we build up a couple teams on each show and make the division competitive again. Over the past two years some of the best wrestling matches I have seen included tag teams and its a shame the WWE hasnt gotten on the boat.
3 - Last and certainly not least I want my boy Jimmy Jacobs to continue on his path of destruction on the Indys. 2008 has been a damn good year for Jimmy Jacobs and it could be hard to top. The guy has had some damn good promos, feuds, competed in several matches that could arguably be MOTY material and he has wrestled in some of the best brawls I have seen in some time. This year has been good but hopefully next year will be even bigger and better for Jimmy Jacobs. This year alone he had two brutal matches with BJ Whitmer. The first being a vicious I Quit match, with one of the best endings I have ever seen [ As well as one of the worst all at the same time ] and the other being a brutal Barbwire match. He has also feuded with Austin Aries for over the last 9 months and their matches included another I Quit match and a Dog Collar match as well. With the feud with Aries seemingly over it appears that he will be starting off '09 with a bang and feuding with none other then ' The Motherfuckin ' Necro Butcher. Jimmy Jacobs also had a huge year when it came to tag matches. He held the ROH Tag Titles twice with partner and AoTF member Tyler Black and they main evented several shows. In fact Jimmy Jacobs was in the ROH Main Event in one way or another more then their World Champion Nigel McGuiness, now that says a lot about the guy. This year I wish Jimmy Jacobs takes his character to another new level yet again, I wish Jimmy Jacobs continues to show Indy wrestlers it doesn't hurt to have a character , I wish Jimmy Jacobs wins the ROH World Championship and proves to everyone how damn good he is. I wish Jimmy Jacobs the best and hope he has the best year of his career.
Well that's it folks. Like these sons of bitches when it comes to my weed, I'm a greedy dude. If ya let me I would have gone on for hours and ya know how I get. It has been a pleasure and I wish everyone out there a happy and safe holidays. Dont drink and drive...do like us smoke and fly. Its time to party people and with that your boy is a rap. You Can Call Me Sick...But The World is Cold...Bundle Up.
Mooks - I wish Skitz would stop bugging me about this fucking paragraph.... HHH for champ.
BeyondKnight - Dear Santa,
Thank you for all the success that I’ve had with The Knight’s Report. Some of the Heretics might wonder why I am thanking you, but that’s part of what makes them Heretics, right Santa? Since you are the most awesome spirit of the season, I figure you are the man I can go about seeing for 2009. I’d really like to see the following….
1) Make John Cena’s title reign run longer than his last one. It’s really fun to watch the haters collectively lose their minds at the end of every pay per view. If that isn’t possible, maybe he could hold ever single title there is in the company simultaneously, even if only for a week. Just call him the WWE Ultimate Champion. Anything to aggravate the haters really, they just get so bent out of shape, its classic.
2) Keep Randy Savage from ruining the WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony. Seriously Santa, we both know that the dude’s nuts. He is the scariest kind of crazy, the crazy that you can’t see until it’s too late. The worst thing possible for the wrestling community, nay the world, would be to give that dude a live microphone and 10 minutes to speak. Macho Madness indeed. I know you’ve got my back on this Santa.
3) Please have someone smack Jeff Hardy around if it starts to look like he is heading for a 3rd strike. It seems every time they give him a little rope, he manages to tie it around his neck. Maybe he and CM Punk can work out an exchange. Punk can help him stay clean, and Hardy can help Punk develop some freaking character, because being straight-edge does not count!
4) Please give Jeff, Dixie, Kurt, and Mick, and the rest of the TNA freaks some perspective. Seriously, they are about as much competition to the WWE as the arena league is to the NFL. If they can go 1 month without mentioning the WWE talent or product on their show I’d be a happy man. Also if you could keep Kurt Angle from killing himself on national television I’d appreciate it. Although maybe death’s sweet release wouldn’t be such a tragedy because at the rate he’s going, in 10 years he’ll be as crazy as Savage.
5) Santa, I know this last one is a long-shot, but if anyone can do it you can. Please bring The Rock back into a WWE ring for 1 final run. 1 month of TV leading up to a pay per view. He doesn’t even have to win. Just to hear that theme one last time and have him come down the People’s Ramp would be a dream come true. If he wants to “put-over” talent, please let it be worth while talent this time around, not like the 2 chump stains last time. When I realize Rock’s last match was a loss to Goldberg I die a little inside. If you could make this happen I’d give up anything. I’d even end my campaign to re-christen Randy Orton as Fred. Please Santa, bring my hero back one more time.
Hugs and Kisses,
BeyondKnight
PS. Please label all your presents to Orton “To Fred, from Santa”.
Immunist - I'm not sure how long this should be.
Anyway, first I want HBK and Triple H being caught in a compromising position implying homo-erotic motions. They then lose their jobs. At the very least Triple H could suffer a career-threatening injury on the 1st of January. The one other thing I would like is for Seamus O'Shaunessy to get his long-awaited call-up to the roster, where he and Finlay each capture a world title (Not ECW). And finally I would like to win CotM. Sorry, had to be said.
Ry P - First and foremost, I would like see Jeff Hardy get a world title run that is not reminiscent of either Rey Mysterio's or CM Punk's. I think WWE is going in the right direction with the new, "twisted" Jeff Hardy, and title feuds between him and The Undertaker, Edge and especially Big Show would be money. If both Jeff and WWE creative stay on point, we could be looking at the biggest new draw since John Cena or Batista. Secondly, I would like to see Sting and Batista retire and get the hell off my television set. And thirdly, I would like to see HBK treated with some respect on the RAW roster. We've seen HBK on the brink of the WWE title so many times in the past six years; from HHH to Cena to Orton to Jericho, and it just never happens. It's at the point where I can't even take HBK seriously as a title contender, and it really, really pisses me off. Seeing Batista run in on the conclusion of the Jericho/HBK feud and get the title run that should've been Shawn's just about made me quit watching wrestling altogether. The man's given his heart and soul to the business, and the least WWE can do is give him a respectable last couple of years. That's about it for my wish list- but I sure wouldn't complain about a Y2J VS Undertaker feud and a Regal main event push either. Merry Christmas everyone!
romans 3:23 - Season’s greetings, folks. The Candyman asked me what “gift” I’d like to receive from the WWE this upcoming year, and after giving it much thought (I never can decide on what I want for Christmas…) I decided that the one thing I want more than anything is for WrestleMania 25 to be an epic event. Now, with WWE’s stacked roster, it’s pretty much impossible for WM 25 to be a bad show, even if the dreadful Batista/Cena II rumored match is the main event. I’m sure it will be a good ppv, but I’m hoping that the silver anniversary of WrestleMania will live up to the hype.
There is one way to ensure that WM 25 will be a show for the ages, and that is for WWE to book Undertaker vs. John Cena as the main event. I do realize that people complain about Cena a good bit and that lots of folks would be extremely upset if he was the guy to end Taker’s Mania win streak, but honestly this is the best possible match to headline Mania. I know that people want to see HBK wrestle Taker, but is the outcome of that match really in doubt? Of course Taker wins that match.
Throughout my life, I’ve seen the WWE blow a few opportunities to give the fans a dream match at WrestleMania. Sometimes it was because of politics (Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair at WM 8 and Hogan vs. Austin at any Mania after WM 18), sometimes it was out of their hands because of injuries (HBK vs Bret Hart II at WM 13 and Cena vs Triple H II at WM 23). Sometimes things still work out great for WWE. If HBK/Hart II had gone down at WM 13, quite possibly the greatest match in WrestleMania history, Stone Cold vs Bret Hart in an “I Quit” match, wouldn’t have occurred. But, WWE shouldn’t count on things just working out in the end, and if they’ve got a chance to run a no doubt classic main event – they should do it. There’s no guarantee that Cena/Taker will be an option for a later Mania. Cena has suddenly become quite injury prone over the past year and a half, and Taker is getting up there in years, and you can’t count on him being around indefinitely.
So, all I want from WWE this upcoming year is Cena/Taker at WM 25. I don’t even care who wins the match. All I know is that it would provide some true suspense – without the need of all the gimmicky swerves that WWE has fallen in love with lately. As well as a match we'll never forget. That’s what’ll make me happier than a kid on Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas, all.
Thurl - What would you most like to see in WWE in the next year?
Well, I would like to see someone other than Shelton Benjamin wearing the US title for one. But Hurricane Helm? No not so much. I didn't enjoy his cruiser weight title reign all that much. Also, I would love to see gold around HBK's waste. It's been way too damned long now. More Diva's title matches for both titles would be nice. More focus on the Tag team titles, both of them. And for the love of God, burn Jillian Hall's mic and give her a more fitting gimmick. They can do the WWE "Universe" a favor and not renew Mark Henry's contract. And Kane is in desperate need of a decent storyline. ECW can use some more people to challenge Matt Hardy for his title. He is running out of people high enough on the card to face him.
cYnical - What do I want for Christmas in 2009?
- I want TNA to completely clean house in the booking department, so that all of that talent will be used in a way that's actually worth watching.
- I want RoH to get a real tv deal on a channel I don't have to pay extra for and can actually recognize the name of.
- I'd like to see ECW treated like it's more important than Velocity was.
- I'd like to see Mr. Kennedy finally win the big one.
- I want a fucking Chris Jericho DVD! In fact, I want an entire set devoted to nothing but his WCW run.
- I want to see this Vince McMahon vs. Macho Man situation resolved. Did he fuck Steph or not? Let's end this bullshit already. There's a WWE Legends game coming out, and I need to play as the fucking Macho Man!
- I want to see Dethklok play live at a WWE event... and kill Jeff Hardy in the process.
- Speaking of Jeff Hardy, I'd like to see him job to every single member of all three rosters (except HHH). Twice.
- I want to see MVP win a fucking match.
- I want to see Joey Styles vs. JBL - NO HOLDS BARRED!
- I want to see HHH job to Jeff Hardy. Clean. After Jeff finishes jobbing to all three rosters (see why I said "except HHH, earlier?). Twice.
- I want to see Kofi Kingston vs. RVD in a ladder match to end all ladder matches.
- I want to see Christian defeat Edge for the WWE Championship. At WrestleMania.
- I want to see Shane McMahon take over the WWE. Then, I want to see Kevin Dunn and all the other dipshits that suck Vince's dick fired.
- I want to see Kelly Kelly in Playboy. Fuck that. If she was a real woman, she'd be spread eagle in Hustler. With a Miz shaped dildo in her ass.
- I want to see the creation of an ECW mid-card (Television?) title.
- I want The Miz and Morrison to have their own show. On USA. When people actually watch TV.
- I want the XFL to come back and fill the gap that a "temporarily" closed down AFL is about to leave. GO DEMONS!
- I want to see someone line a pit with crinkled aluminum foil, pour in a massive amount of salt and alcohol, then toss Jeff Hardy's mangled corpse into it. Swan dive into that, motherfucker! You are a worthless piece of shit!
- I want to see Hornswoggle resurrect the European Championship and feud with D Lo over it... and so do you.
- I want to see William Regal vs. Bryan Danielson in a best 2/3 falls match. On a WWE PPV.
- I want to see the King of the Ring Tournament remain a yearly event.
- And finally, how about a WrestleMania Main Event pitting Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk for the World Championship? Aside from the fact that I may not survive it, I would mark like a little bitch.
JoeyShinobi - What do I want for Christmas? Well, seeing as unwrapping Melina on the 25th is perhaps a stretch too far, I’d like to see Ring of Honor take the next step and get some regular TV time. They’ve already got the roster to challenge TNA, they just need the budget, and I’ll certainly be looking out for them. I’m a bit sick of seeing all their matches on grainy video streams, so I think that’d be great. I’d like Santa to bring Batista a bit of charisma and the ability to deliver his finisher without risking the lives of his colleagues every time he does it. I’d like him to bring Mr. Kennedy a run of health so he can prove he is indisputably insufficiently talented to have any kind of longevity in wrestling. Finally, I’d love to see The Rock interrupt Santino’s Casa when the ‘E are next in Miami and find out who the true king of wrestling comedy is. They’re all fairly unlikely, but to make up for my delusions, here’s a picture of Melina’s fiiiiiine ass. Merry Christmas!
MSG - First off, I want to thank you Skitz for letting me be apart of this. Now, what do I want from WWE in 2009? I want them to continue what they've started this year. What i mean is, WWE giving us curve balls, as in surprising the IWC. It started at the 21st Royal Rumble this past January, when John Cena returned as entrant # 30. Nobody saw it coming and it shocked everyone. Then they did it again with CM Punk on the June 30th edition of Raw when he cashed in his money in the bank briefcase and became World Heavyweight Champion. Then just recently at Survivor Series, even though it was not a total surprise to the IWC, Edge returned and became WWE champion.
For so many years the IWC could predict what WWE was going to do almost all of the time, and I guess you could say WWE started trying to rectify that when they first introduced the Money In the Bank match at WrestleMania, but this year it seems they have taken it to the next step to try and keep us on our toes. So that is what I want from WWE in 2009. I want the WWE to give us curve balls we are not expecting and for them to keep us on our toes and surprise us.
Søren - My demands for the New Year aren't so outrageous, are they? What do I want? I want speech therapist to clear up Shelton Benjamin's case of mush-mouth. I want the 'E to remember they have mid-card championships and tag team belts. I want the wrestlers to remember the 'E has the belts, and then I want them to vie for said belts. I want shows that are action-packed rather than promo-padded; and I'd like for TNA to include at least some wrestling each week. I want MVP returning to the role of MVP, and I want the naïve, good girl blonde (Kelly Kelly) to feud with the the blonde, beautiful bitch (Maryse). Then I want them to make up and become best friends in time for the Playboy shoot.
Skaos - Hello All.
Skaos here. My Christmas wishes are pretty mundane and straightforward really. Top of my list, which is a little after Christmas but in theory it could start as soon as now, is the much anticipated and rumoured Shawn Michaels v Undertaker match at WrestleMania. What I would not do to see this match take place. I wrote about it, as did many, but if I could ask for one thing this Xmas, it would be this. Seeing these two legends have at it, both from their home state, after the teasing for the last two Royal Rumble’s is the perfect present for myself. Anything else that I want? Well, how about Randy Orton regaining the World Heavyweight Championship. That would be second on my list really, as well as TNA pulling a storyline out of the bag that makes their writing team look decent. WWE benefits from shocking booking (in a good way) why shouldn’t TNA? One final wish from me...if I could have Beth Phoenix, Lita, Trish Stratus, Katie Lea and Maryse, all wrapped in bows, covered in whipped cream, sucking on lollipops, laying down with various appendages conveniently and hotly covered and speaking filthy words of the English language to each other, lips touching and hands roaming...that would be nice too. Hmmm, thinking of that...needless to say this is where I leave you people...it’s a good Christmas in my household with the above items...Merry Christmas.
RONTHEDAWG - I find the WWE to be quite interesting heading into 2009. Probably the three most over wrestlers in their perspective brand are current world title holders and I think the same needs to happen in TNA. AJ Styles needs to carry the FrontLine stable to victory and beat Sting for the TNA title soon and then carry the company as well. I hope Christian Cage returns to the 'E and gets a solid run at the top. MVP needs to be given a push because he's my pick for the next big superstar (maybe not Austin/Hogan level) in the WWE. I also hope Mr. Kennedy can stay healthy because the fans seem to dig him and even though his in-ring abilities don't quite match his mic skills, he's another one capable of being a top star. I want ROH to upgrade their production and get a TV deal. I would like Paul Heyman to return to the business because he has so much to offer and just seems to relate to us fans more than a guy like Vince ever could. And hopefully the movie "The Wrestler" is a success because it'll only help the business.
CharlieMac - There are plenty of things that I'd like to see from the world of wrestling in 2009. First and foremost, as LOP's resident John Cena mark, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask for a healthy year out of "The Champ." I'd like to see a guy like John Morrison take the next step. Although, he's already been tabbed as the next Shawn Michaels, so I hope he invests wisely. I want to see more of Randy Orton's transition from "Legend Killer" to "Legend." I'd like to see more of Melina too...nevermind. I want "the streak" to continue. I'd like to see R-Truth deliver a move without twisting or flipping. Actually, no I wouldn't. I'd like HHH to job to Kung Fu Naki. More Stratusfaction, less wellness violations. I either want to see Mr. Kennedy go a month without tearing something or MVP win a match. I'd like to see another "wrestling boom." Oh, and I hope WrestleMania 25 is worth the trip to Houston. Merry Christmas.
T.O. - On the 12th Day of Christmas, wrestling gave to me...
12 Melina Playboy spreads
11 JBL promos (greatest man on the stick, don't deny it)
10 Rey Mysterio losses
9 men in The Legacy (come on, a super stable would own)
An 8-month Undertaker hiatus (who am I kidding, we'll get another one soon anyways)
7 less Pay Per Views (13 is too many, WWE)
6 WrestleMania tickets (anyone? please?)
5 Torn quads! (Hi Hunter!)
a 4-sided TNA ring
3 men back in WWE (Kurt Angle, Christian, Muhammad Hassan)
2 Orton title wins (WWE Championship and World Heavyweight Championship...at the same time)
And a career-ending Cena injury!
Villiano 187 - What would I like for a wrestling Christmas? There are a plethora of products that the wrestling companies have missed out on, and these are what I want for Christmas.
- Jakks Snitsky Baby Punting Action Set - It comes with a baby doll and a large black boot with an audio tape that constantly plays ‘It wasn’t my fault!’ over and over again.
- John Morrison Prosthetic Abs – You too can look as sexy as the legend himself, John Morrison, with this complete abdominal kit. Just attach the latex skin over the specially made abdominal plate and attach to your torso to get the sexiest rock hard abs no woman can resist. Also comes with extremely over baked tanning lotion.
- Triple H’s ‘How to Spit the Perfect Fountain’ DVD – Learn to spit water in the air from the best on earth, Triple H. Trips has been perfecting the spitting of water in the shape of a fountain since he was a child, and now YOU can learn his secrets. Get behind the scenes footage and never seen before attempts of this daring feat at a young age by the innovator of water spitting him self, Triple H. You will get step by step instructions on how to make the perfect water fountain with your mouth from the master him self, Triple H! Did I mention he was an innovator, a master, and the best on earth yet?
- R Truth Introduction Kit – Have you ever walked into the local Wal-Mart or other establishment and felt the need to announce your arrival? Now you can with the R Truth Introduction Kit! First step is to attach the R Truth MP3 Player with mini speaker to your belt loop. Step two, you hook the R Truth R mote receiver to the mini speaker. Step 3, turn on the wireless mic and the MP3 player to let the crowd really know ‘What’s Up!?!?’ The R Truth hit ‘What’s Up!?!?’ comes with the MP3 player, along with a music only version of ‘What’s Up!?!?’ so you can do your own free style introductions. Watch me at work with the R Truth Introduction Kit....
U can deal wit dis/U can deal wit dat/U talking bout enormous/My dick is where itz at/WHAT"S UP!?!?/ WHAT'S UP!?!?/ WHAT'S UP!?!?
- The Haastory of Wrestling: The Many Familiar faces of Charlie Haas – This comical DVD follows the life of WWE Superstar Charlie Haas and how he comes up with his hysterical parodies. Bonus footage includes the practical joke gone wrong during Shelton Benjamin’s hair coloring experiment.
- Curry Man in a Can Curry Mix – Make your meal time ‘Hot! Spicy! and Taste Great!’ with this exciting dish. Curry Man in a Can Curry Mix is a quick solution to your meal time dilemmas. Heat it up in the microwave or eat it straight from the can, these spices flooding this cheap meat substance will stir up your soul and your dancing feet with each additional bite.
SUPERFAN! - Its that time of year again, isn't it? Yes, the weather is getting colder, the WWF is getting suckier, it must be Christmas time!
Santa, while all of the other wrestling fans are going to ask you for extravagant gifts for Christmas, I'm going to tell you specifically what I don't want for Christmas instead. I know I've been naughty this year, but please please please, I don't want to get anymore Cole. Who the fuck wants Cole? Whether during the holidays or otherwise? Who the fuck cares about Cole? Cole isn't anything special, it doesn't get you excited or happy, Cole just sits there, being Cole, small, ugly, boring, and lame. Cole sucks. I can't brag to my friends about how I got Cole for Christmas! Cole is the dullest, most boringest gift you could ever give a fan. I swear, I promise I will be on my best behavior if you would not give me Cole for 2009. Cole is useless and annoying, does nothing special, and will make for a shitty year, if that's what I have to look forward to. So Santa, take this milk and cookies and give every good boy and girl what they want. But all I want for Christmas is anything but Cole.
sheepster -
SkittleZ Riddles Note: The answer to my riddle from TMR [32] was indeed "The Headbangers". Ha! I knew I'd get you fuckers one day.... just didn't realize it would be so soon. Jobber after jobber took desperate stabs at my last riddle and every one of them fell before me. I think I'm going to treat my 0% Correct Guess Ratio out for a nice Christmas dinner. Let the disappoint overwhelm you (at least for the next two weeks) and give it a rest. Your chance will come again, losers.
It was good to see the Suns bounce back last night with a home win over a solid Denver Nuggets team after being raped by Brandon Roy and the Blazers on Friday. When it comes down to it, Shaq isn't an immovable object that can stand the test of time. Roy shredded the Phoenix defense for a career high 50 points. While I have no doubt Steve Nash and his crew will make the playoffs, it would serve as no surprise to me if it were another first round exit in '09. On a happier note, the Celtics are racking up the wins and sit at 25-2 as of posting time. You can hold me to this.... if Boston beats the Lakers in L.A. on Christmas, they will win 70 games this season. Not so certain about surpassing the '95-'96 Chicago Bulls however. It's becoming increasingly difficult not to root for the Celtics when I live in the northeast and get every one of their games on television for free. And let me take this time to quickly plug me and Mavsman's upcoming PPV Prediction Contest. Less than five weeks until the debut of 'FTW'!
The amount of second generation wrestlers flooding into the company nowadays is ridiculous. I guess we've hit that time period where most of the big time grapplers of the 80's all have kids in their twenties. Who're hoping to utilize the family name and give themselves that extra oomph in order to earn a WWE contract. With the recent call up of T.J. Wilson and the repackaging of Deuce, it certainly seems like we're moving towards either the biggest fucking stable since the Corporate Ministry *shudders* or two separate groups preparing to do battle. It got me to thinking and a few concepts made sense. But the most logical seemed to be a babyface second generation stable feuding with a heel second generation stable over the next few months. I mean reason with me here.... What if we were to witness Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, Manu and Sim Snuka versus Carlito, Primo Colon, D.H. Smith and T.J. Wilson at WrestleMania 25? The bout certainly wouldn't be a classic but the nostalgia in that match would be off the charts! I say make it happen. Give those eight individuals the opportunity to prove themselves on the biggest stage in professional wrestling.
Plug me in and use me at will, baby!
ManWithThePlan is back after a little hiatus and hasn't lost a step in my mind. Please don't be put off by his overuse of random smiley faces. - Just Business #22 - Don't Cry For Me William Regal
I have no doubt this dude will be on the Main Page not long from now. You wanna know where to find awesome columns? Click right here, fools. - The Shinobi Series: #13 - Come Out And Play
While 2008 wasn't such a spectacular year for my personal life, things have changed drastically for The Candyman here on LOP since January. Eleven months ago, I was still pretty unknown around these parts. I'd written eight columns over nine months and had been MIA for long stretches at a time. Now I'm the fruity bastard everybody knows and loves and by some great act of God, the Columns Manager/Editor of the Main Page. Perhaps I was in the right place at the right time? All I know is LOP and the friends I've made here throughout 2008 really helped me out during a rough year for me personally and I sincerely appreciate it. Well what did you think of this experiment? Did I strike gold or did I strike out? Leave me some food for thought at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and I'll make sure to get back to you... eventually. As always, I'll be back in two weeks to suffice my Fruity Followers yet again. Don't date Colombian women and I'll catch up with you in 2009. Later homies.
