Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [30] - Wrestling Related Things I Miss And Desire
By SkittleZ
Nov 2, 2008 - 4:28:03 PM
[30] - Wrestling Related Things I Miss And Desire
What's good my Fruity Followers! Let me take this opportunity to congratulate myself on reaching the big 3-0. Damn I can't tell you how great it feels to be single and the amount of responsibilities lifted off my shoulders is glorious. Not to say the grieving process isn't still taking its effect. But screw that depressing shit. We're moving up in the cold world. I'm that colorful character known as SkittleZ and this is the latest spiffiest installment of Taste My Rainbow. The column that definitely gives more than it receives. I fucking love Halloween. Even the build-up to Halloween because that calls for mass amounts of candy and who could possibly love it more than the Candyman himself? Believe it or not, Skittles are far from my favorite candy. Peanut butter M&Ms are number one in my heart while Reese Cups serve as a close second and Butterfinger comes in third. The origin of the whole SkittleZ shtick is a story for another time. And yes I realize diabetes are in my future.
Cyber Sunday was alright. I'm kind of undecided on it as a whole. It kicked off with two solid bouts, bored me some in the middle and thoroughly entertained me for the final three matches. One thing is for certain... this fucking pay per view didn't help me whatsoever in the PPV Prediction Contest! DaveyBoy and I finished Cyber Sunday with identical records of 4-4 so I'm screwed basically. Confused? This is what I'm talking about: DaveyBoy (61-31-1) / SkittleZ (55-37-1). And that's with only one measly pay per view remaining in our contest. Now lets be honest here. The odds of a comeback on my part are looking rather bleak. Don't be so confident however that things can't take a dramatic turn. Say perhaps I send my fellow Main Pager a nice bottle of fine wine just before the Thanksgiving holidays. And he's a couple glasses in before he settles down to make his Survivor Series predictions. Hehe. Stranger things have happened.
Kane/Mysterio was pretty good although I don't think they utilized the stipulation near enough. As I expected, Evan Bourne earned the opportunity to face Matt Hardy for the ECW Title and the two of them put forth a solid back and forth effort. The second biggest surprise of the night came when the fans chose the tag team bout of Miz and Morrison versus Cryme Tyme. Not only were we deprived of the heavily favored World Tag Team Championship match but Punk and Kingston would win the titles the very next night on RAW (costing me a match against DaveyGirl). Taker and Big Show had the best match I've ever witnessed between them and I think the author of The Wrestling Menu rated this contest a little low due to his dislike for Last Man Standing matches. Triple H and Jeff Hardy outdid their No Mercy encounter and Batista shocked the hell out of me by withstanding the orgy in the late stages of the match to capture his fourth World Championship. I knew the Animal would reclaim the title at one point but not this soon. So much for Jericho's awesome heel turn and subsequent push.
It's great to see Jeff getting another crack at the WWE Championship. When he failed a drug test and sat out WrestleMania 24 to serve the 60 day suspension, most of us worried that the WWE would give up on Hardy's title aspirations. I mean the guy really was hitting on all cylinders before he shot himself in the foot. Fortunately, Jeff was drafted to the SmackDown brand in late June and has come extremely close to upsetting The Game on two occasions. Hardy seems primed for his initial WWE Championship run and there's a few different scenarios I can see playing out. The company could hit the refresh button and have Jeff take Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 25 in April like he was originally scheduled to do earlier this year. Option B, and the most likely in my opinion, would see Hardy fail to defeat Trips in the upcoming weeks before winning the Royal Rumble and ultimately besting The Game at WM25. Or the third outcome will have Hardy upend Triple H before the end of the year at say Armageddon or a special edition of SmackDown. Whatever the case, I definitely don't see his first title reign lasting very long at all.
Edge is sorely missed my friends. To this loyal fan at least. I hope he's enjoying that vacation of his because watching SmackDown is no easy task when it's missing the one and only Adam Copeland. As much as I hate to say it, this was probably the best time for him to take a sabbatical given the strong feuds currently in action on the blue brand. None of us have any real idea when the Rated R Superstar will be back though I see the Royal Rumble as his likely return destination. Even with the additions from the last Draft Lottery, Edge is the guy who makes SmackDown tick. Easily the best heel on the brand and possibly the entire company. Once he is back and ready to go, I only honestly see two routes Edge can take with so little time until WrestleMania 25. He'll probably continue to chase Triple H for the WWE Championship or the Rated R Superstar can engage in a big time feud with an also sidelined Mr. Kennedy. I'd go with the first one but only because Edge is the man who consumes my wet dreams (no homo).
Second / Third Generation Mega Stable
Don't play stupid. You know exactly what collection of talents I'm referring to. I have come to the realization however that Teddy Hart will not be joining the fray. I created a poll nearly a year after rumors first surfaced about a potential New Hart Generation stable and several individuals poked fun at my thread's irrelevance and lateness. Yes my feelings are still hurt because of that incident. But even with Teddy Hart out of the picture, the recent influx of second and third generation superstars has me thinking something big could come of this. I truly believe a group of youngsters really needs to rely in numbers given they have no veterans to lead the way. That's why I would be for switching all six or seven of them to one single brand. RAW is more in need of tag teams and stables so I'd place the group on the flagship program to wreak havoc and gang up on poor defenseless babyfaces.
If you aren't exactly sure who I'm talking about, allow me to specify: Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, Manu, Carlito, Primo Colon, D.H. Smith and Natalya. The big question would be whether the group should in fact portray face of heel characteristics. I'd side with the latter as it would leave more options for the stable and would increase their longevity. Given his history with the entire Hart family, Shawn Michaels would be an easy target. Then after weeks of beat downs (ala the Spirit Squad 2006), John Cena and Cryme Tyme could come to HBK's aid in attempt to even the odds. If you're wondering about Randy Orton, I wouldn't include him. While the Legend Killer is one of the most popular third generation superstars of all time, he simply works much better on his own. The stable would speed up the maturing process and springboard a number of them to the midcard level and above.
Chris Jericho / Matt Hardy Feud
Matt Hardy has definitely upped his game in 2008 since returning from his emergency appendectomy and recovery. Since exacting revenge on MVP in the Money in the Bank Ladder match and taking the U.S. Title at Backlash, Matt has been on fire. Though his continued success throughout the summer and battles with Mark Henry have been fun, WWE really could have stepped it up and pushed the envelope in terms of Hardy's credibility. If Jeff can be a main event player, I see no problem why his brother Matt can't as well. Neither is all that great on the mic but all of the other important tools are there. Jericho and Michaels have put on the feud of the year over the last seven months but the company could've benefited from sacrificing it for pushing two midcarders to the brink of super stardom.
Y2J has proved his worth on RAW but I did, and still feel, that Jericho would have been best suited for a brand switch in this year's Draft Lottery. Because of the talent exchange between SmackDown and ECW, it really wouldn't have mattered if he ended up on the B or C brand. With so many big fish in the pond on RAW, Jericho will only get so many days to be champion and we witnessed that at Cyber Sunday. At this point in his career, Jericho is way better off playing the role Benoit did in '06 and '07 by training and showcasing younger talents. Enter ECW Champion Matt Hardy. This feud is just what he needs. Matt needs brushing up on his mic skills. Who better than the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rolla to help improve Hardy's promos and comfortableness on the stick? Not to mention I'm sure these two could enjoy a lengthy feud with some stellar matches. Even trading the ECW Title back and forth a few times would help add to the overall suspense.
Shawn Michaels / CM Punk Program
CM Punk's MITB cash-in at the end of June certainly showed that he's a constant threat to the World Heavyweight Title. I see another direction that could have lead to an even bigger payoff in the long run. And like I just explained, HBK hasn't done too shabby since retiring the Nature Boy back in late March. As a fan of fresh feuds and rivalries, I'd rather of seen the Straight Edge superstar earn HBK's respect over the course of the summer. Think about it. Discounting Edge for obvious reasons, who has Punk been booked strong against since his debut? Nobody besides JBL. Not even during his ECW Championship reign as he failed to score consecutive wins over John Morrison, Big Daddy V or Chavo Guerrero. And even when did did become World Heavyweight Champion, he never once defeated Batista cleanly. It's as if the company was keeping the World Title occupied until Y2J's heel turn was complete.
A little HBK is what Punk needs to earn the respect he deserves. Michaels can sell better than anyone in the business. Shit... the guy made Chris Masters look like a diamond in the rough and that's no easy feat. I would keep both guys face during the feud unless the WWE, which I doubt they are, were planning to turn Punk heel. In that case, you could substitute him for Jericho. But starting from scratch, I would place the two in several tag team matches together for a few weeks until some sort of a friendship materializes. Have Punk cash in his opportunity against a reeling Edge and then confronted by a disappointed Heartbreak Kid the following week because Punk stole a win instead of earning it. CM Punk then sets out to prove himself against Michaels by facing off with him for the World Heavyweight Championship at several consecutive pay per views. Put it this way. Wouldn't you rather see this bout at SummerSlam instead of a mediocre Punk/JBL match and a long HBK/Y2J segment? Yeah I thought so.
Usage of Announce Tables
Announce tables these days just don't get as much use out of them than they did back in the day. During the Attitude Era, people were going through announce tables like they were going out of style. Excuse the exaggeration but in the late 90's the announce tables would see action at every single pay per view. I realize that they only get three to work with per show but it ain't like they're expensive. The fucking things are made out of some kind of fiberboard! I'd say at least use them for the majority of pay per view main events. That's what they're there for after all. It ain't like the tables serve any real purpose. You see J.R. and King... they don't even know what to do with the damn things. In an attempt to make them useful, Michael Cole carries around a stack of blank papers and JR masturbates to porn on his laptop. And what the hell is up with those tiny monitors that the commentators watch so intently when they have the action unfolding right in front of them!?!
I just don't understand. These days, we're lucky if the action even makes its way over to ringside. It's kind of sad when I pop a boner every time the top layer of the announce table is ripped off forcibly. Since more often than not, I am let down as it is merely a psychological tool to derive a cheap pop from the crowd. Simply bouncing an opponents' head off the table countless times does not satisfy me. I want to see someone counter the Pedigree and back drop HHH through a table or Umaga race across the tables and pounce towards his prey only to crash and burn. I may be sick and twisted but I'm a fan who knows what he wants. Or how about a Batista Bomb through one of the announce tables? Yeah perhaps that would make the Animal a little less stale...
Absence of the Cruiserweight Division
Some of you may have celebrated aloud when this division was put to rest once and for all but I mourned and cursed the WWE Gods for their sinful deed. You can say the Cruiserweight Division in the WWE never came close to amounting to what it once did back in WCW during the 90's because its true. The high flyers did serve a purpose however on SmackDown as they countered RAW's Women Division to help equal out the two brands. Maybe the introduction of a third brand was the death blow to the division. Makes enough sense to me. But I gotta tell you... the Cruiserweight Division was hitting on all strides back in early 2006. Helms, Noble, the Mexicools, Londrick, Nunzio, Yang, Moore, Funaki and Kash all but made for a worthy and entertaining division.
For some fans, that was the only reason they ever watched WWE's product. Its easy to get wrapped up in all the crazy counters and high risk maneuvers because as fans we love that feeling of being on the edge of our seats. Its what we live for. Well when Hornswoggle won the title at last year's Great American Bash, we should have seen it immediately as a sign of the apocalypse. The belt was vacated a few short months later as the division basically evaporated into thin air. Then with no real direction, the majority of those high flyers were either fired, formed into tag teams that would inevitably be split up and released or even worse... sent to ECW. Damn you, WWE. I don't even think there's enough actual cruiserweights left in the company to hold such a division together.
Undertaker / Chris Jericho Feud
This is one of those feuds that has alluded many of my fantasy cards over the years. Given how all of the current storylines on RAW and SmackDown are developing and with Jericho dropping the World Title, I like to think this program still has a chance to play out in the early stages of 2009. No I haven't forgotten that Taker and Y2J are on separate brands you bastards. Is it so unrealistic to believe these two have a little altercation during the Royal Rumble match and that leads to an interpromotional bout at WrestleMania 25? Not at all. While there is definitely a size disadvantage here, Michaels has shown in the past that the Deadman can work well with someone much smaller so I don't see the discrepancy being an issue. If Lance Cade didn't go and get himself fired, he could have remained in Jericho's corner to stack the odds against the Phenom. Y2J will never be chosen to end Taker's streak but I'm confident that he could cause some serious hesitation in the minds of fans if the feud was booked intelligently enough. Jericho and The Deadman could put on a classic in any type of environment on any given night.
Respectable ECW Title Matches on PPV
No this isn't a joke. This shit pisses me off. ECW is basically used to hype young or new talents and to prep them for the two bigger brands. Which means ECW's roster isn't taken quite as seriously as its bigger brothers. So that means the ECW Championship should be held in a similar regard? Fuck no. The ECW Title holds some shred of dignity as the belt has found a fine balance between a midcard strap and a World Championship. We're shoveling out forty dollars for every WWE pay per view so it would make sense that ECW's top matches would be showcased at those events. Not two nights later on the SciFi network. That makes absolutely zero sense. Why even bring back the brand if its top tier is not going to be treated fairly?
The trend hasn't changed since Bobby Lashley held the title early last year. In fact, ECW Championship matches on PPV have only gotten worse as time's progressed. Need evidence? How about the belt not even being defended at its first two WrestleMania's and when it finally was at this year's epic event, the contest lasted a whopping nine seconds. At Judgment Day 2007, Lashley defeated The McMahons and Umaga in just a little over a minute. After a sufficient amount of build-up, the Mark Henry/Matt Hardy match at SummerSlam resulted in a thirty two second joke of a title defense. I don't expect the belt to be treated like a World Title. Just find some common ground. Extending an ECW pay per view match from seven minutes to perhaps thirteen or fourteen isn't asking too much. How are fans supposed to enjoy these type of bouts when they can't even get a decent bathroom break out of them?
John Cena / Kane Program
I still can't believe these two have never truly feuded with one another. With both men's current roles on Monday Night RAW, I can see this encounter coming to pass some time within the next calendar year. I would mention their feud revolving around the World Heavyweight Championship if it wasn't so damn obvious that the Big Red Machine won't be sniffing the title scene for a good long while (big surprise). That is why I would like to see this program take place. Kane is and will forever be dubbed the One Day Wonder. He's never going to win a World Title again in his career. We know it. He knows it. Reward the big vet with a money feud against the likes of Cena and let us see that sadistic side of the Big Red Machine. And instead of having him job outright, here's an idea. How about you book Kane competently? And while you're at it, throw in a rare Inferno match for kicks. Cena would ultimately have to triumph over Kane but I don't see why both individuals couldn't make the most of this by showing fans how an old fashioned rivalry is executed.
King of the Ring Tournament
Yes the tournament isn't gone permanently but it may as well be with the way it's been treated over the last six years. We don't even get the privilege of witnessing the KOTR tourney on a yearly basis anymore. Since the King of the Ring pay per view was dropped altogether (horrible idea by the way), we have only seen the tournament return in 2006 and 2008. A big time event that was used to propel midcard superstars to the next level was squashed because of the inclusion of single brand pay per views in 2003. Unfortunately, it would take the company nearly four years to realize they'd made a mistake. Well they should have brought back the King of the Ring PPV along with it. Night of Champions is a good idea and all but no way does it or will it ever hold the prestige of the KOTR. Instead of an awesome 32 man tournament that goes on for weeks and concludes at the KOTR, we are now treated to a card full of champion versus champion matches which are more often than not thrown together because of a recent Draft Lottery.
Night of Champions is a cool idea but it would work best for say a special edition of RAW or SmackDown. For example, the blue brand featured several champion vs. champion bouts on their debut show on MyNetwork TV. Why not use it for a future three hour RAW? I don't really care what they do with it as long as the King of the Ring returns full time. Earlier this year, it appeared William Regal was finally going to receive the push he's been waiting for and I honestly thought he'd end up challenging HHH for the WWE Championship. Regal went and got himself suspended shortly afterwards; proving that not all rising stars are immune to the rules. I always liked the idea of the KOTR winner getting a title shot at SummerSlam although now when I think about it, that sounds like a direct ripoff of the Royal Rumble gimmick.
Undertaker / Umaga Feud
Don't deny your ever growing love for the Samoan Bulldozer. How could you not love the guy? He makes for a tremendous monster heel and plays his character to a fucking tee. He's strong and surprisingly agile for a man of his size. The guy doesn't even need to talk to remain over with general fans. Hmmmm... that sounds exactly like someone else I know. Does The Undertaker ring a fucking bell? These two monsters are bound to engage in some bitter battles. Most long time fans would love to see Taker tangle with Cena at WrestleMania 25 but my unique ass would pull for this any day. I felt the WWE originally missed a big opportunity at WM23 to set up an undefeated versus undefeated contest between them to take place in Detroit. Taker had a classic bout with Batista that night but I have no doubt he and the Samoan Bulldozer could have put forth a similar effort while avoiding the face vs. face ordeal at the same time. All the company needed to do was have Umaga lose by disqualification to John Cena rather than be rolled up for a quick pin at New Year's Revolution 2007 and the stage would have been set for an epic clash. Plus, an Umaga/Taker feud could very well be stretched out to last five or six months if handled properly. I'm envisioning Last Ride matches, Hell in a Cell matches, Casket matches, Buried Alive matches and I must admit... those mental image please me.
The answer to my riddle from TMR [29] was indeed "D'Lo Brown". I'm no longer going to make outlandish promises or assure readers that my riddles are impossible because it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. An 80% correct guess ratio shows a slight drop from the last riddle but not nearly low enough to satisfy me. From now on, I'm just going to grin and bare it. Unravel this one you nerdy cocksuckers.
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WWE isn't the only company in which I gained notable status.
I've held a specific championship on several occasions.
Unfortunately, I passed away much sooner than I should have.
I was once in a stable comprised of two other individuals.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
Damn my unsuccessful bandwagoner fandom! My Yankees stunk it up all season so I start following the Tampa Bay Rays as they coast by everybody and set franchise record after franchise record. The Rays make quick work of the White Sox, out duel the arch nemesis Boston Red Sox in the A.L.C.S. and then lay an egg in the World Series against the Philadelphia Phillies. May I say how fantastic a Boston/Los Angeles World Series would have been instead? I absolutely hate the Red Sox but I'm all about entertainment first and foremost. The storyline is there with Joe Torre battling his biggest rivals and Manny Ramirez taking on his former club. But no. Instead, we get five uneventful games with the fifth taking two days to conclude thanks to some imperfect weather conditions. How are those ratings treating ya, Bud Selig? The shit should be rigged to make for better television! Kayfabe in major league baseball sounds lovely.
Another NBA season has just kicked off and I'm already pissed off at my Phoenix Suns. Kudos to them for downing the Spurs in San Antonio even with Hack-A-Shaq being employed every twenty or so seconds. That was an awesome team win on the road which was very reminiscent of these two's first round playoff series back in April. But this game isn't why I'm unhappy. It's more what happened the following night in Phoenix. As an NBA team, you always have to be prepared for the back to backs. Suns were feeling all good about themselves after beating the Spurs and then headed home the next night to defend their home court against Chris Paul and the New Orleans Hornets. While the Suns didn't play horrible, the defense simply didn't do its job as the Hornets rained down threes all game and in the closing minutes when it really counted. Phoenix cut a fifteen point deficit into just three halfway through the fourth quarter but the Hornets rebuilt their comfortable lead within the blink of an eye. Getting our asses handed to us by New Orleans for a second straight year is not something I'm looking forward to. I must admit that turning around and knocking off a good Portland team two days later at home improved my mood a bit.
When you're cool, plugs shine on you 24 hours a day.
BREAKING NEWS: Phantom Lord is alive. This veteran is back and attempting to regain his once infamous swagger. - The Rant Of The Week: Entertainamania
Relative newcomer RONTHEDAWG attempts to figure out the winning formula for those dunces down in Orlando. - Dawg Knows Best #8 - Ways To Make TNA A Legit Threat
(sigh) So number thirty is down the hatch. I appreciate you digesting this abortion of a column when nobody else will. Jesus Christ it's getting cold outside. My long winters usually consist of lots of hot cocoa and wrestling DVDs. With temperatures recently dipping down into the low thirties, you better believe my late year hobbies have already begun. It's still warm and toasty indoors so I'll continue to post column after column for the next several months. Did you dig this? Did you shit all over this? Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) so I know what's the deal. Our next date is set for November 16th and I'll expect you to meet me there with money and an assortment of sex toys. A new Fact or Fiction is in the works and should be up shortly after the next TMR. If it isn't, I probably sold it on Wall Street. I'm off to watch my WWE DVDs in chronological order. Later homies.
