Posted in: Taste My Rainbow Taste My Rainbow [26] - Saturday Night's Main Disappointment
By SkittleZ
Aug 10, 2008 - 6:58:14 PM
[26] - Saturday Night's Main Disappointment
What's good everybody? Not too much on my end. I just keep chugging along. Welcome one and all to the atrocity known as Taste My Rainbow. The gayest thing since Jericho's new wrestling tights. My legendary status has gained me countless different nicknames but I guess you can call me SkittleZ (at least until we form some type of relationship). Life is sweet right now in the Candyman's life although I've been rather busy. Connecticut has grown stale over the last couple weeks as I'm seemingly becoming more and more homesick. Eh... I'll manage to survive. Hopefully, you brought protection as I plan on seducing you with wrestling mumbo jumbo. Please excuse the dirty talk. It's been so long since I've gotten laid that I probably couldn't even perform properly if the opportunity presented itself.
We have now entered the dog days of this PPV Prediction Contest and believe it or not I still have a realistic shot at winning. Try not to sound so surprised, assholes. DaveyGirl will meet his fate soon enough. The lower tier matches for SummerSlam are hard to gauge but all of the big matches should deliver. It will definitely be a better show than we received from last year's SummerSlam. I think the official card as of today most likely won't change over this last week. The WWE appeared to be building for a one on one clash of monsters between Big Show and Umaga but that bout may just be saved for Unforgiven due to time constraints. Too bad though as I'm confident such a match would've helped the pay per view's overall quality. Oh well. Time for a standings update: DaveyBoy (42-21-1) / SkittleZ (38-25-1)
Kofi Kingston and Mickie James vs. Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix in a Mixed Tag Team Match for the Intercontinental and Women's Championships
This is where we can count on the show's main dose of comedy. The match isn't expected to run very long or amount to much but the parties involved will keep it entertaining during the bout's duration. The love duo of Beth and Santino may bud heads a couple times as partners but I actually like their chances in this match. So much that I am crazy enough to predict Marella and Phoenix will walk away the new Intercontinental and Women's Champions. I won't though. As cool as it would be to me personally as a huge Santino fan (jump on the bandwagon if you haven't already), Marella isn't winning any title anytime soon. Plus, SummerSlam is one of the biggest shows of the year and we all know how that tends to result in feelgood moments more often than not. Kofi and Mickie will hold on to their respective titles.
MVP vs. Jeff Hardy
Good to see this match make the card. Steady build up to this point with the constant theme of MVP interfering in Jeff's matches and attempting to kick his head off. The segment they had in the VIP Lounge a few weeks back was very impressive as well. More for Hardy as we've become accustomed to Porter's solid mic skills over the last year. This may turn out to be a one match program bur I'm not entirely sure that's the case. This feud is beneficial for both men however since whoever comes out on top in the end may in fact be next in line for a shot at the WWE Championship. Jeff always tends to fuck up so his main event status is truly uncertain. MVP on the other hand has done everything asked of him and therefore can't be too far off from headlining pay per views. MVP has gotten the upper hand more often than not so I'm going with Jeff to pick up the victory.
Shawn Michaels' Announcement
I decided to make reference to this scheduled segment as I think there's more than meets the eye here. We all believed that the HBK/Y2J feud that lasted throughout the summer would culminate in a blow off match at SummerSlam. Well the plans changed somewhere along the road as no match was ever signed. I'm not naive enough to think HBK's injuries aren't legitimate. Shawn's injuries throughout his career are well documented and he could honestly be ready to hang up the boots if that's what the doctors think is best. This is what I believe is going to happen next Sunday. Michaels will come out and cut an emotional promo in the ring until he is interrupted by Jericho. The argument will become heated and some type of street fight brawl will break out. I still wonder when this program will indeed end. Oh and expect Lance Cade to back up his mentor... and hopefully get super kicked in the face.
Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy for the ECW Championship
ECW is blah in my opinion but something about this match has intrigued me ever since Matt became the number one contender. Although he didn't need any help, Henry's got two nuisances at ringside in Tony Atlas and Colin Delaney. While that doesn't help Hardy's cause, I can't get the picture of Matt picking up the upset out of my head. It's going to happen people. I'm not sure how but it will. Tommy Dreamer could possibly run out in the late stages of the match and exact revenge on Henry and Delaney after weeks of their abuse. That makes enough sense to me. Bottom line is that as sad of a title that it is, the ECW Championship is as close to a World Title as you can get in the WWE and Matt is ready to take the next step in his career. Hardy will get it done come hell or high water and will escape with the ECW Title in his grasp.
Triple H vs. The Great Khali for the WWE Championship
Most people don't like this match-up. For a SmackDown main event? Sure. But as one of SummerSlam's top matches? Er... not so much. The rumor making its way around the I.W.C. is that The Great Khali is dealing with chronic knee injuries from not staying active enough during his last rehab stint and is now suffering the effects. Those within the WWE feel the big man may not have much left in the tank and are therefore trying to get the most out of him now while the option is still available. I don't blame them really. When Khali's main source of transportation is a large wheelchair and he's never able to step foot inside a wrestling ring again, we will all mourn in sadness and wish we were much more accepting towards the Punjabi Nightmare during his WWE tenure. As for this match? Khali will dominate for the most part until H puts together an impressive string of offense to retain his title.
CM Punk vs. JBL for the WWE Championship
There's no way The Big Red Machine should get left out of SummerSlam. However the latest swerve in Kane's push has assured me he will be left off this Sunday's show. After weeks of teasing, I thought Kane would be inserted into the World Title match at some point. Psh... I really scored big on that one. Punk versus JBL isn't bad but adding Kane would have given this match much more intrigue as well as that ever important x-factor. Punk has beaten Bradshaw before so repeating history on a big stage won't give Punk any more credibility as Champion in my opinion. However, Punk has never beaten Kane before so this would be a step up in terms of the pecking order and could lead into a program strictly between the World Heavyweight Champ and Kane. I guess I'll just have to settle for another Punk/JBL dogfight. This feud will more than likely conclude at SummerSlam which is just fine with me. Look for Punk to go over clean in a hard fought battle with Bradshaw. Punk's reign still has legs left in it so obviously I'm choosing the Champ to retain here.
John Cena vs. Batista
If Undertaker wasn't returning on this night in such big fashion, you better believe this bout would headline the show. Fans may not realize what a big deal this is since there's no titles or stipulations on the line but this is huge in WWE land. Since WrestleMania 21, Cena and Batista have consistently been the top two draws for the company. They are both three time World Champions, Royal Rumble winners and well known around the wrestling world. Cena is a leg up in a dead-on comparison but he and the Animal are practically neck and neck. Within the WWE, this is as close to Rock vs. Austin as you can get. Now that may seem like an outlandish statement but it does hold some truth. Only difference is that this feud's hype and the swift storyline has been somewhat of a let down. You would think a match of this magnitude would have been in the works for months however it began only a month and a half ago. I'm seriously expecting a rematch at WrestleMania 25 for the World Heavyweight Championship. I'm siding with Cena to win this titanic battle. No your eyes aren't deceiving you... Cena is 3-5 in 2008 pay per view matches. That trend has to change soon and it will at SummerSlam.
The Undertaker vs. Edge in a Hell in a Cell Match
What an odd way this feud unfolded. Never in a million years did I think it would play out the way it has. That's not to say it hasn't been successful. All four matches have gone over well and accomplished something to advance the feud. Did the Edge/Vicky storyline affect it negatively? That's disputable. The TLC match at One Night Stand had a surprising result and proved to aid the program even if it was put on hold. Well this isn't a bad way to bring it to a close. I'm highly anticipating this match for many reasons. The majority won't expect a classic since it's Taker's first match in two and a half match but I'm in the minority without question. That really isn't a huge gap in the WWE. Undertaker is out for revenge while Edge has recently gone off the deep end and shown that he's more than ready for what the Deadman has in store for him. This bout will easily eclipse 20 minutes and will get downright brutal before it's all said and done. Edge will impress a lot of individuals inside the cell but Taker will prove his dominance in the end by taking the match and the feud.
Why do I hold such high expectations every time a new Saturday Night's Main Event is right around the corner? I'm only 21 years old so I missed out on the majority of the older editions with Hogan, Andre and Warrior. I was able however to catch some of the latter SNME's before they were discontinued in the early 90's. But back then (and yes I realize I was only 5 years old), everyone made it a point to tune in on Saturday night because they didn't want to miss anything. The WWE's biggest stars were going to be on the card and the show itself had that pay per view feel to it. How many people over the age of 16 honestly look forward to Saturday Night's Main Event since it has been revived? Yeah... not too many. I do though. Why, however, I'm not entirely sure. After the latest SNME, I've began to question my enthusiasm towards this rotting nostalgia.
In early 2006, the company decided to bring back the huge success known as SNME and incorporate it with the Road to WrestleMania by using it as mainly a hype show to get the world ready for the Grandaddy of Em All. A genius idea which is surprising coming from the group of dipshits known as WWE management. It later became known to the wrestling public that more SNME's were scheduled to take place in the future and I couldn't have been any happier. I've always been an enormous mark for the Supershows. How could I not? You know you're in for more than the usual run of the mill nonsense. Although you aren't paying for it directly, you can be relieved to know that you're getting your money's worth. The bar is raised and the spotlight is amplified due to the show airing on prime time network television.
Honestly, the WWE did an excellent job with the March 18th, 2006 edition of Saturday Night's Main Event. The show was on late and the WWE knew (just like back in the day) that they needed to kick start the show with a blockbuster in order to attract more viewers to keep watching for the remainder of the broadcast. In a brilliant booking scheme, the two upcoming WrestleMania main events were pitted against each other at the show's opening. It doesn't get much better than Cena and Triple H vs. Angle, Orton and Mysterio. That's some fucking quality right there. And WWE followed suit by building every single one of their Mania showcase matches with some sort of match or segment. Mickie James made her heel turn and took out Trish after a Divas tag team match, two Texans in Stone Cold and JBL went at it in a Beer Drinking Contest, Booker T wiggled his way out of a scheduled match with the Boogeyman (an unexpected gift to us fans), Edge brought in Foley as a guest on The Cutting Edge, Taker tombstoned Daivari on a casket and that crazy son of a bitch Shane O' Mac tried to take out HBK in a Street Fight. Need I say more? THAT is how you book Saturday Night's Main Event. I almost blew my load that night.
I wondered whether the WWE could live up to its previous effort when it came time for an all new SNME on July 15th, 2006. Again, the WWE put forth another blockbuster show. Edge defended his WWE Title against Cena and ended up getting himself disqualified. Batista, Lashley & Mysterio took out Henry, Regal & Finlay and DX raped the Spirit Squad before locking them and Vinnie Mac inside a cage. Hell there was even a rare Hulk showing. The show's focal point was to build for the Great American Bash PPV which was right around the corner. I walked away impressed again. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end I guess because things just went downhill from there. To date, WWE has put on three additional SNME's and none of them really did it for me. And it appears as if they're only getting worse. Let me know if I'm being a little harsh but I feel I have a right as a long time wrestling fan to call bullshit whenever I smell something funky.
Deciding to tape Saturday Night's Main Event before RAW five days prior instead of shooting it live was a bad move in my opinion. Live television gives a show that first hand perspective. Nothing is edited, nothing is left out and nothing is censored. What you see is what you get so to speak. No spoilers means absolutely no one watching at home is exactly sure what's going to unfold come Saturday night. SNME has become watered down in a way and kind of resembles a taped SmackDown Supershow. For all intensive purposes, SNME should indeed be broadcast live. The numbers have only decreased since then and you gotta believe that trend will only continue. And from a traveling standpoint, going live shouldn't be a problem as the entire roster is on the road during weekends anyway. Don't give me any of that 'cost-cutting measure' crap either.
Just look at SmackDown for example. If the blue brand aired live on Friday, the ratings would increase at least five or six tenths of a point. The pair of SNME's in '06 pulled in some decent ass numbers when you consider they were shown on NBC at eleven o clock at night. WWE has managed to convince the network to view the show two hours earlier so that isn't necessarily an issue any longer. RAW, SmackDown and ECW stars are flying or driving from house show to house show during weekends. If SNME were to be aired and given a sufficient amount of publicity, I have no doubt that the show could bring in numbers comparative to SmackDown's average. No need for me to keep blabbing however. It's a simple formula really.
Like I just mentioned, a little more advertisement wouldn't hurt either. Since the show is taped, management must assume that no one will care all that much and therefore doesn't inform viewers that a new SNME is approaching until the last minute. You would think the world's top wrestling promotion would have a better game plan. I remember not finding out about one of the SNME's last year until the RAW in which they taped it! That's ridiculous. Saturday Night's Main Event should be heavily plugged on RAW, SmackDown and ECW around three weeks beforehand. I would even go as far as to have the commentators run down the SNME card towards the end of the show just like they would do with a pay per view.
WWE need to stop being lazy bastards and stretch Saturday Night's Main Event back out to an hour and a half program. ECW is an hour long show and SNME should in no way be able to relate with the C brand. While an hour isn't horrible, it can be a hassle to get much covered in a measly 60 minutes. While two hours may be overdoing it, I believe 90 minutes is just right for such an event. It obviously extends the show but more importantly brings more diversity and quality to the program. The SNME which aired eight days ago ran an hour and really flew by too quickly for my liking. The problem with a one hour show is that you basically limit yourself to four solid segments. You have enough time to promote the top feud on all 3 brands and one extra match or segment and that's it. Variety hour has a nice ring to it but more really is better.
If you take a look at the August 2nd edition of Saturday Night's Main Event, there were four segments shown. The night started off with a solid eight man tag team match from RAW (Cena, Batista and Cryme Tyme vs. JBL, Kane, Rhodes & Dibiase), Khali squashed Jimmy Wang Yang (H missed the show due to his second child being born), Jenny McCarthy's fine self came out to speak on a charity for autism and the main event saw Edge upend Jeff Hardy in a good main event. On paper, that doesn't look half bad. And it wasn't. But here are the problems I see. The Mark Henry/Matt Hardy ECW Title match received not a shred of publicity as did any of SummerSlam's other matches. I don't expect the entire card to get TV time but there is definitely room for improvement.
Now say the show had a 90 minute duration. That gives you the ability to add 2-3 extra matches/segments. Advertisement for the ECW Title match? Tag team match pitting Matt Hardy and Tommy Dreamer versus Mark Henry and Colin Delaney. Settled. Triple H's absence from the show? Throw in a video package somewhere. It'll do. Some quality laughter and good times? Send Beth and Santino out on a date. Done. See how easy that was? I know I make it look simple but that's what I do. Nonetheless, that's how I would have lined up the show anyways. Even perhaps switch the Edge/Jeff bout to a Cutting Edge segment with Paul Bearer and place Jeff in an Extreme Rules match with Henry in defense of his brother. No? Alright, I'll shut up and move on.
There have been five SNME's since the show was revived two years ago. One thing that stood out to me when I glanced at the calendar was the poor timing in which the broadcasts were scheduled. The first took place 15 days before WrestleMania 22 and it turned out to be a superb show. The second fell right before the Great American Bash... not exactly a sensational WWE pay per view historically. The third was inexplicably booked the DAY BEFORE One Night Stand 2007. I won't go into details on that one. The fourth and fifth installments were shown eight days before last year's SummerSlam and 15 days before this year's edition. Some made sense but more often than not, they were poorly placed. Because of the placement, some of the SNME's bared little to no meaning.
The best way to go is schedule four SNME's per year and place each one before a major pay per view. For those too slow to mentally break down what I'm proposing, book a SNME a week or two before the Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, SummerSlam and Survivor Series. Where's the flaw in that procedure? There is none. By taking that route, you give every Saturday Night's Main Event direction and a purpose. Each SNME would have an identity as well as a running theme and an overall storyline. No worries about consistency or clusterfucks because you have four shows every twelve months and they are evenly spaced. Follow this syllabus, WWE, and you could possibly turn Saturday Night's Main Event into what it once was. Take some responsibility up there in Stamford and fix SNME before it reduces into anything less.
The answer to my riddle from TMR [25] was indeed "Scotty 2 Hotty". Way too many of you got my last riddle right. A 66% correct guess percentage does not help me sleep any better at night. This quick increase has me a little tense and I figured I'd just take out my frustrations on you retards. I'd be lying my ass off if I didn't feel confident about this dandy I've whipped up for you today. Let the befuddling begin!
_________________________________________________________________________________________
I was a mere bloop on the radar during the late 90's wrestling boom.
No championships or real achievements are credited to my name.
A bland uninteresting wrestler with a TV game show type gimmick.
I sported a bit of facial hair along with a flamboyant outfit.
The 'Million Dollar Man' would be proud... but not of my managerial abilities.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
For all that Brett Favre has put us sports fan through over the last month, I wish he'd been traded to the Houston Texans. If you aren't a Packers or Jets fan, you're probably tired of hearing about it too. Favre is a fucking idiot in my opinion and should have simply waited instead of making himself look like a fool by making his retirement speech barely a month after the Super Bowl. Ironically, it was a rookie mistake on Favre's part. After several off seasons of contemplating retirement, Brett should know better than anyone that the itch to play would return come preseason. Green Bay was content with Favre out of the picture and Aaron Rogers leading their team into the future. Then when Favre suddenly wanted to return, the Packers were at a crossroad because they knew Brett gives them the best shot at making the playoffs. Its really about the principle of it all. Some words were exchanged, Favre got his feelings hurt, decided he couldn't forget what had transpired and ended up with the New York Jets. Go figure. Chad Pennington's making a Favre voodoo doll as we speak.
Congratulations are in order as MadChuck was recently dubbed the July Columnist of the Month. Outside of the Columns Forum, very few are probably familiar with Chucky's work (which is a shame). He is one of those rare columnists who value their work yet come off as extremely abrasive. When you read a MadChuck column, expletives will fly and crude humor will reign supreme. A master of his craft who finds himself in the same class as Uncle Joe and Random. His July CotM will be up shortly on the Columns Main Page and I strongly suggest you go and read it. MadChuck is sickly hilarious and you are flat out cheating yourself by not reading his material so give it a looksy. Perhaps his columns should have explicit content labels at the beginning. Eh... his titles serve as a good enough indication.
Welcome to Plugs R Us...
ds69100's appearances are seldom these days but still always worth checking up on. - Hot Off The Shooting Star Press: What a Fucking Day
The sports fanatic known as Mavsman compares the biggest box office success of all time to a WWE superstar. - Nothing But Net #5: The WWE's Dark Knight
I really should get paid for doing this. If you're listening Calvin... 200 bucks per column would do just fine. Good news everybody! Well for me anyways. I'm FINALLY returning home on August 18th to my wife and her Vietnamese/Puerto Rican clusterfuck of a family. I glanced at a calender the other day and realized how much time has slipped by since I left Chicago nearly four months ago. I never expected to stay here this long but you know how it goes. One thing leads to another and so on and so forth. That means next time we meet up, I'll be back in tornado-plagued Illinois. Until then, let me know what you thought of this disgrace. Was it just that or did you find it rather enjoyable? Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and give me the low down. Guess it's time for yet another two week vacation. Got to love those benefits, eh? Alright, I'm hitting the exit. Don't take candy from strangers and everything will turn out okay. Later homies.
