Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [50] - A Rated R Resumè Worth Reliving (REDUNDANT)
By SkittleZ
Jun 7, 2009 - 3:38:51 AM
[50] - A Rated R Resumè Worth Reliving (REDUNDANT)
What's good my Fruity Followers! Still coming to you from the ever lovely Lake Havasu City in northwestern Arizona. I learned how to kayak yesterday and had a fucking blast cruising up & down the river. It's pretty much a balancing act and unless you're one of those chubby kids with like -3% body fat, the paddling motion is a piece of cake (damn I'm witty). Sure I tipped over a couple times at first but hell no one's perfect. As far as formal introductions are concerned, we don't do that bullshit here. You WILL call me SkittleZ and you WILL show me some damn respect. No? Well at least skim over the column, douchebag. This wonder drug goes by the name of Taste My Rainbow however I can't guarantee a smooth bump free ride. Just tighten those chin straps and hold on for dear life. Alright today's edition is the second half of a DVD review so it's really not that serious. Now before the real fun commences, I'd like to touch on a few topics of mild interest so straighten up and pay attention!
My Edgykins is currently rated "C" for comfortableness. SmackDown this past Friday sure made for two solid hours of wrestling. The Rated R Superstar made two significant appearances on SmackDown - The Cutting Edge segment with Jeff to open the show and a tremendous champion versus champion encounter to conclude the broadcast. While Jeff's mic work was mediocre at best, Copeland thoroughly explained Hardy's many failures and assured the challenger he'd be right there to knock The Rainbow Haired Warrior back down every time he scaled a ladder at Extreme Rules. With both men perched atop ladders in the middle of the ring, The Ultimate Opportunist caught Jeff off guard by whipping the World Heavyweight Title into his face twice before tipping over Hardy's ladder. I was more than pleased with the main event as Edge & Rey Rey were given 17 or 18 minutes to really piece together a high flying spectacle. A clean victory is a rarity for The Rated R Superstar so it was great to see him spear that Mexican Jumping Bean into the canvas to pick up the win. Jeff ran in afterward and roughed up Copeland with a ladder which fills me with hope heading into tonight's pay per view. Re-sign that fucking contract first and then come talk to me, Jeff Hardy.
Those PG bastards ruined another kick ass finishing move title! A recent interview linked on LOP's Main Page entails the exact reason why CM Punk named his patented finisher the GTS (Go To Sleep). Cookie Monster went on to explain how he originally wanted to title the move "Go To Hell" but WWE management wouldn't allow it. Seriously? That name is pure gold and I honestly feel the companies' getting ridiculous with this kid oriented nonsense. "Go To Hell" is child's play and nothing younger wrestling fans don't hear on a constant basis. Same goes with John Cena's FU. The Attitude Adjustment is laughable and ruins a perfectly good title to an otherwise lackluster move. The story lines are one thing but when something as small as finisher titles are being altered, it's gone too far. What's next? Change the pedigree to kibbles n' bits? Does 619 consist of strong sexual overtones? Perhaps 789 sends a more child friendly message. Suck it long and hard, WWE officials.
Oh you refer to him as John Morrison? I just call the guy Ab-tastic. Admittedly, I've been a supporter of The Shaman of Sexy since first laying eyes on him in Tough Enough. Even with no wrestling knowledge or background, the guy had that "it" factor from the beginning and looking back now, I should have known he'd do well as a babyface when the time approached. Initially, I wasn't happy with the break-up of MNM since Nitro & Mercury meshed so well together but my mind quickly stopper caring once Morrison ventured out as a singles competitor. It became obvious right away that the sky was the limit and Morrison reassured me with his gimmick change on ECW in 2007. Yes he & The Miz were an outstanding heel tag team but the time came for Morrison to transform into a fan favorite. He's young, charismatic, super athletic and a good looking motherfucker to boot. It's almost as if management should have flipped the switch sooner. I fully expect Morrison to be engaged in a number of high profile feuds over the next calendar year because you can sense this guy evolving right in front of our very eyes. He's remained injury free thus far so there's nothing holding Morrison back as he ascends up the WWE food chain. Mouth watering programs with Jericho and HBK can't be too far around the corner either.
Suddenly, everyone's cured themselves of Latin fever. Blasphemy! Especially since the Draft Lottery, it seems like people aren't digging Melina as a babyface whatsoever. Considering the fact she only made the turn a year ago and has spent the majority of her career wrestling as a raging bitch, how about giving the damn woman some breathing room? For an individual so used to portraying a heel, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for Melina to ease into the transition. She's still one of the top three Divas in WWE and can put most opponents to shame with relative ease. Melina's found a nice little niche on the blue brand and she's set up with a long term program opposite of Michelle McCool. On the Diva side of things, SmackDown is a little heavy on heels and therefore Melina's needed to provide more stability. McCool was granted a somewhat undeserving Divas Championship reign last summer and has struggled to get over with live audiences as a legitimate bitch so it's in everyone's best interest to keep the Women's Title around Melina's waist for the foreseeable future. With Gail Kim joining the fray and Candice returning later this month, the Divas division on SmackDown is in excellent shape. I mainly worry that Melina will get lost in the shuffle although she seems far too aggressive and motivated to let such a thing happen.
<<< DISC 2 (Continued) >>>
New Year's Revolution (January 8, 2006) / Edge vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship - Psh! As if this monumental event in WWE history needs reimplementing. I will do so anyways to pass the time quicker. This was the night Edge's "Ultimate Opportunist" gimmick really took off. After being nearly booed out of the building, John Cena managed to escape the Elimination Chamber with his WWE Championship. Unfortunately, Cena wouldn't be leaving the arena with the belt as Mr. McMahon came out on the stage and informed everyone that Copeland would be cashing in his MITB opportunity immediately. A bloody and battered Cena was able to kick out of one spear but a second put him down for good. Edge covered Cena for the three count in barely two minutes and the crowd erupted as if Copeland were the biggest babyface since Hulk Hogan. This was the beginning of The Rated R Superstar's journey to the top and while the title reign lasted merely three weeks, it was just a sample of what would come in the next couple years. Edge's emotion following the cash-in was definitely real and you could tell he was trying to hold back the tears. RATING:
The Edge in real time returns to the screen and explains how ridiculously overrated Mick Foley was in WWE. Not just at the time but throughout his entire career. After supposedly costing Copeland the WWE Title in early '06, The Rated R Superstar said he was ready to make The Hardcore Legend pay on the grandest stage of them all and in Foley's own personal playground. We're then treated to more spoof clips set up by Copeland which give bogus headlines from various newspapers dissing the hell out of Foley. Another short intermission with little to point out as it wasn't anything we haven't heard during an Edge promo before.
WrestleMania 22 (April 2, 2006) / Edge vs. Mick Foley in a Hardcore Match - Off the top of my head, I can't remember if this bout won MOTY but it was undoubtedly a top contender. This is the perfect example of how to structure a one on one match-up taking place in an abnormal environment. Clear face versus heel dynamic? Check. Sleazy ho-bag in the heel's corner to stack the odds? Check. Good build with a surprise right from the start? Check. Good use of weapons without getting too unrealistic? Check. Effective use of ringside area? Check. Dual crimson masks? Check. Jaw dropping holy shit finish? Check. The match is a joy to watch and the time flies by. Foley getting whipped sideways into the steel ring steps was fucking hilarious for the record. After Lita drills Foley in the nuts with a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire, Copeland dives through the ropes and spears The Hardcore Legend off the ring apron. Both men crash through a flaming table and Edge drapes a hand over Foley to pick up the win at the 14 minute mark. For a feud not revolving around the WWE Championship, this was pretty entertaining shit. RATING:
ECW: One Night Stand (June 11, 2006) / Edge, Mick Foley & Lita vs. Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk & Beulah in a Six Person Extreme Rules Match - Given his repeated bashing of ECW, you can sense a little apprehension in Edge as he walks out with Lita in front of the Hammerstein Ballroom crowd. The two of them get in the ring and join Mick Foley in ripping ECW to shreds on the microphone. The fans fire back with some pretty nasty insults directed at Lita so Copeland tries to be the bigger man and covers her ears from the chants. After a mini cat fight breaks out, Beulah & Lita are added to the match and it isn't long before weapons are introduced. The piece of barbed wire plywood that Foley and Edge pull out from under the ring was disturbing but also gets the adrenaline pumping. We see it used frequently along with a ladder and flaming 2x4 before The Rated R Superstar spears Beulah into tomorrow and pins her in a very sexual manner at 18 minutes. The match may have been missing a few ingredients but you've done something right when an old school ECW crowd breaks out with the "This is awesome!" chant. The bout itself was probably better off involving all six individuals as it surely surpassed anything we would've witnessed from the two women at ringside. Plus, it gave Edge a chance to steal a victory in a hostile environment and increase his heel heat tenfold. Arguably the match of the night on a very solid pay per view. RATING:
RAW (July 3, 2006) / Edge vs. Rob Van Dam vs. John Cena in a Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship - This was of course 24 hours after the infamous RVD/Sabu marijuana episode and the internet rumors were swirling like the ocean during a violent storm. When you watch Van Dam walk down the isle, he definitely doesn't seem his usual hyper self and it's obvious looking back now that a title change was on the horizon. The dude's rocking two championship belts and doesn't even look thrilled to be at the event. This is business, Rob! Please push your personal matters aside while on TV. Nonetheless, the match kicks off with the two faces double teaming Copeland and Lawler complaining about how unfair it is. Once the egos get involved, the team work evaporates and we're treated to some nice action between all three men. RVD misfires on the five star frog splash and Cena responds by laying out Van Dam with his patented FU. Only problem is Edge was lurking at ringside and blindsided Cena with the WWE Title belt to steal the match in just 13 minutes. Thus kicking off The Rated R Superstar's second World Championship reign and one of my personal favorites. RVD would drop the ECW Title to Big Show the following night on ECW and then disappear to serve his 30 day suspension. A solid television bout featuring a couple nice spots and (for the I.W.C.) a not-so-surprising finish. RATING:
<<< DISC 3 >>>
SummerSlam (August 20, 2006) / Edge vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship - Ironically, WWE hyped the shit out of this match being held in the challenger's home town of Boston when it came at the peak of the anti-Cena era. He was booed during the pre-match introductions, booed whenever he went on the offensive and the crowd cheered when he lost. At one point, Cena's thrown out of the ring by Copeland and a hostile group of younger male adults let "The Champ" know he sucks which prompts J.R. to bust out with the controversial challenger line. During their year long rivalry, this was one of the better bouts Cena and Edge put together. The match itself ran very smoothly and definitely sufficed as a SummerSlam main event. My main gripe would be that if anything there wasn't enough variety. More specifically, nothing really jumped out during the 16 minute match. Considering it took place on the second biggest show of the year, these two had been tangling it up long enough to throw in a few fancy moves or reversals. The brass knuckles were a nice touch though as The Rated R Superstar used them to TKO Cena while the referee tended to Lita (still suffering from the effects of an FU). Once the official turned around, Edge had Cena covered and scored the three count to leave Boston still WWE Champion. A satisfactory PPV bout but just a glimpse of what was to come in Tables, Ladders and Chairs four weeks later. RATING:
We switch back to commentary and The Master Manipulator laughs at owning Cena in his own hometown. Copeland quickly mentions how Rob Van Dam was one of his favorite competitors to face in the ring and while the following match didn't disappoint, Edge worked through a good portion of it with a cracked jaw due to a stiff kick from RVD. What a fucking trooper. Take that, Triple H's quads!
RAW (February 19, 2007) / Edge vs. Rob Van Dam in a Money in the Bank Qualifying Match - What a crying shame these two didn't mix it up more before Van Dam left WWE in mid 2007. Their styles and move sets blend very well together which was evident again here. If you've never seen the Edge/RVD bout from Vengeance 2006, I strongly recommend it to any wrestling fan. One day years from now, I'll compile a column full of The Rated R Superstar's best matches and that bad boy will be somewhere near the top. This bout included several nice counters such as Copeland turning the rolling thunder into a spinning slam and later catching Van Dam in midair with a dropkick. It's difficult to tell exactly which kick knocks Edge silly since a flurry of them come in a short span but you can notice Copeland's whole demeanor changes abruptly. RVD seemingly has the match won when Orton runs down to ringside and jumps up on the apron. Van Dam knocks him down but turns right around into a spear from Edge to earn The Ultimate Opportunist a spot in the MITB ladder match at WrestleMania 23. A well structured 14 minute bout with fast and furious action throughout. RATING:
RAW (April 30, 2007) / Edge vs. Randy Orton - Rated RKO was all but dead by the time this match came to fruition. At the time, there was an ongoing debate that these two should have wrestled one on one at WM23 instead of competing in the MITB ladder match. I disagree then and now because as much as the mark inside me would rather have seen Copeland extend his Mania undefeated streak, straight up heel versus heel is a huge no-no on pro wrestling's biggest stage. It's crazy watching this because Orton looks so much beefier *cough steroids cough* back in '07 and much less like the greased up robot he resembles nowadays. Nonetheless, these two brought the intensity on this edition of Monday Night RAW. Half way in, The Rated R Superstar spears Orton off the ring apron thus sending the Legend Killer flying into the announce table. The false finishes thicken as the contest draws to a close and we see about 218.3 near falls. Finally, Edge picks up the win in 16 minutes after thwarting an RKO attempt and connecting with the spear on Orton. Wonderful display of work ethic and fortunately the better man of their former stable persevered! RATING:
SmackDown (May 11, 2007) / Edge vs. The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship - Using his mouth to stir up trouble, Copeland convinced Mr. Kennedy to put his Money in the Bank brief case on the line against him on an episode of RAW. The Rated R Superstar attacked Kennedy before the match and pinned him within mere seconds following a spear to claim his second MITB opportunity. Edge didn't wait long at all as he jumped to SmackDown the very next night and cashed that baby in. The Undertaker had just retained the World Heavyweight Title in a brutal steel cage match with Batista when Mark Henry's chunky ass made his long awaited return and further weakened the already vulnerable Deadman. Cue Edge's music as he raced down to the ring to make the most of the advantageous situation. Taker could barely stand but when he did, Copeland was standing right there to knock The Phenom back down with a spear to capture the World Heavyweight Championship. One of my favorite Edge moments to date and there's fucking plenty to pick from. The title change gave Copeland a second wind so to speak as he'd lost grasp of the WWE Championship on RAW. The Rated R Superstar quickly staked his claim as the top heel on the blue brand. It also laid the ground work for a much anticipated Edge/Take program in '08. RATING:
Vengeance: Night of Champions (June 24, 2007) / Edge vs. Batista in a Last Chance World Heavyweight Championship Match - This match, at least for the time being, concluded Copeland and Big Dave's somewhat average feud. It came when marks such as myself took a successful Edge championship defense for granted. Before retaining at consecutive pay per views became such a tough task for The Rated R Superstar. Edge had won the two previous meetings at Judgment Day & One Night Stand and therefore this was Batista's last shot at the World Title while Copeland was champion. Ironically enough, Edge would tear his pectoral muscle a few weeks later and be forced to relinquish the belt however that's another story. Oh dear I just spoiled the ending. Oops? Nonetheless, Copeland carried The Animal to one of his better non-gimmick matches here. Big Dave tries to finish off Edge with the batista bomb however The Ultimate Opportunist takes the easy way out courtesy of a low blow to garner the disqualification. The Rated R Superstar celebrates in the aisle until that little raisin Teddy Long emerges and orders the match to restart. The fight eventually spills out to ringside where The Animal avoids a spear and drills Copeland with the batista bomb. Only problem is Big Dave doesn't make it back inside the ring in time and the referee signals for a count out in 17 minutes; thus blowing Batista's last chance at regaining the World Heavyweight Title. What a low I.Q. mother fucker. Gotta be smarter than that, Big Dave. Take some notes from my boy Edge! RATING:
Royal Rumble (January 27, 2008) / Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship - I love how Michael Cole & Coach put over how ridiculously stacked the odds are against Rey Rey with the Edgeheads & Vicky at ringside (as if they wouldn't be in any other case). This is one of my favorite Edge matches in recent memory as it really showcases how versatile Copeland can be in the ring against different sized opponents. Aside from a half botched hurricanrana in the opening minute, the bout is virtually flawless and the physicality is crisp. The Ultimate Opportunist punishes Mysterio's leg to ground The Mexican Jumping Bean and Edge is successful for the most part. Every time Rey Rey strings together some offense, Copeland retaliates with a strong counter. Sensing the love of her life is in danger of losing, Vicky miraculously springs out of her wheelchair and attempts to shield The Rated R Superstar from the 619. Vicky takes the worst of the blow and falls off the ring apron. Mysterio keeps glancing back at her and the distraction proves costly as his West Coast Pop is countered in midair with a spear as Edge pins him in 13 minutes to retain the World Heavyweight Title. The New York City crowd cheered wildly for Copeland which makes me a very happy man. It's too bad these two haven't had more matches together since they can put forth a five star effort any day of the week. RATING:
And wouldn't you know it... we're back in the theater room again with The Rated R Superstar! Copeland admits that his spear in the previous bout was his favorite to date. The Ultimate Opportunist then changes gears and discusses The Undertaker which Edge refers to as the "Batman to his Joker" and "Superman to his Lex Luthor". However Copeland explains that The Deadman entered his specialty in TLC and simply couldn't measure up (wouldn't that line better suit Mysterio?).
One Night Stand (June 1, 2008) / Edge vs. The Undertaker in a TLC Match for the World Heavyweight Championship - Seriously, how many ladder bouts has Taker been in over the course of his career? I believe this was only the second so major kudos to The Deadman for being so comfortable in an unfamiliar environment. Given Copeland's history in TLC matches, The Rated R Superstar dominates most of the matches' early stages with vicious chair shots. The carnage begins to mirror the Rock/Foley "I Quit" Match from the '99 Royal Rumble until Taker responds by chokeslamming Edge from the ring apron onto a propped ladder. Hawkins & Ryder unsurprisingly rush to Copeland's aid but pay for it dearly as Taker chokeslams them both through tables. The Deadman catches Copeland half way up the ladder and sends him through two stacked tables via the last ride. Taker then has the match won but La Familia hit the ring and gang bang The Deadman. It isn't long before The Phenom silences Chavo & Bam Neely with a steel chair and crawls to the top of the ladder. The Ultimate Opportunist had too much time to recover however and tipped over the massive ladder; sending Taker crashing through four stacked tables. With The Deadman out cold, Edge pulls down his fifth World Championship at the 24 minute mark and retires The Undertaker forever! Well actually just two months but it damn sure was exciting at the time. An interference-plagued spot fest which turned out to be pretty damn good. The Rated R Superstar finally defeated The Phenom (albeit with the help of four other individuals) and retrieved the belt he lost at WrestleMania 24. RATING:
SummerSlam (August 17, 2008) / Edge vs. The Undertaker in a HIAC Match - Hey give the fucking devil his due. Copeland's mic work leading up to this point was superb and it's no secret having to build/hype a match alone can be a tall order. The Rated R Superstar was in the psycho frame of mind heading in so you knew the bout would deliver on several levels. After an initial Undertaker onslaught, The Ultimate Opportunist fights back with the steel ring steps and a steel chair. The Deadman gets in some minor offense before Edge spears him through one of the cell walls and tattoos Taker with a TV monitor. Moments later, Copeland drills The Phenom through an announce table with a spear and decks him with a camera back inside the ring. Both men exchange a number of near falls until The Deadman takes charge by chokeslamming The Rated R Superstar through two stacked tables at ringside. A complete ass reaming then commences as Taker gains revenge for months of torment at the hands of Edge. The Phenom uses a camera, spear, con-chair-to and tombstone to beat his foe in 27 grueling minutes. Easily the best Hell in a Cell match we've witnessed since the Attitude Era as this bout contained a little bit of everything. Copeland disappeared from television indefinitely following this match however it set up perhaps his most awesome World Championship victory to date so it all balances out. RATING:
Wrap-up: All in all, the three disc set was excellent and I can only assume it's appeased the masses of Edgeheads across the globe. The compilation of matches were well selected aside from the Mr. Perfect Sunday Night Heat sucktacular (whichever Curt Hennig fan at WWE Headquarters made that decision should be fired immediately). Hopefully, WWE produces another DVD dedicated to The Rated R Superstar when he retires since the guy's racked up four additional World Championships since the release of Decade of Decadence late last year. The video package at the end was nice as were all of them throughout the DVD. I wouldn't have minded seeing Copeland do commentary mainly out of character to grant fans more insight on his career and matches but the segments were sufficient enough. It's safe to safe every Edge mark should own this bad boy. If not, get your hands on the DVD at any cost. To put it bluntly, Decade of Decadence will complete your life.
The answer to TMR [49] was indeed "Candice Michelle". Do The Candyman's eyes deceive him? Hell no! I raked in a 5% Correct Guess Ratio last week with a truly misleading clue which threw the majority of you for a loop. Hey erotic films are still classified as movies so don't try claiming a burglary on my watch. Most of you suggested Kane however The Big Red Machine only ever starred in See No Evil. One reader did point out to me that The Great Khali fits the riddle and he's right so I'll need to step up my game with this new mind boggler.
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The early days were hostile but she managed to recover.
Highly doubtful at the time that any other was above her.
It escalated to the point where every man lusted for her.
A few years removed and the roster became clustered.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
Woot woot for intense competition! If you care to read this section, I made reference a few weeks ago to a certain event taking place in LOP's Columns Forum. Well the respective teams for North America & Great Britain have been finalized and the opening round has officially begun. Team US consists of Degenerate, XanMan, myself, Dr. Cockmilkalicious, BeyondKnight & James_A while UK's squad consists of JoeyShinobi, Mazza, Sheepster, JohnnyBoomerang, cicero & MyLee Cyrus. The competition kicks off with a collaboration round and a deadline has been set for sometime tomorrow. If you're interesting in following the madness, I advise you to visit the UK vs. US Forum to get a better grasp of what's to come. I'm all about clean fun and utilizing good sportsmanship but those foreign fuckwads will all die painful deaths one way or another!
Fuck Fuck FUCK the Los Angeles Lakers! Luckily, I missed the thrashing Orlando received in the Staples Center during Game One of the NBA Finals. Kobe scored 40 points and Jameer Nelson hobbled into the game but it didn't matter because the Magic still lost by 25 on Friday evening. Are the butterflies gone now? I sure as hell hope so or we're in for a lopsided championship series. Dwight Howard must step up big if his team's going to have any chance of stealing a game and 12 points isn't going to get the job done I'm afraid. Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu also can't afford to play half heartedly with them being Orlando's top offensive weapons outside of Super Dwight. If the Magic don't get their act together quickly, a repeat of the Spurs/Cavs Finals from 2007 is inevitable. The Lakers are fully capable of sweeping Orlando into oblivion so I'm praying we see a glimpse of the team who went 59-23 during the regular season in Game Two later tonight. If the Magic lose again, they can still make a series of it back in Orlando but I'm not liking those odds so much. This is when I need Kobe to put on his spiffy kicks and jump over a speeding car again... only this time make it a bus.
Plugs are the best way to make friends nowadays.
The May Columnist of the Month cicero is itching to get a few things off his chest (literally). - International Fun Slide [ocd]
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut. A few people alerted me that my rating system throughout the DVD review seemed odd so take this as a late FYI if you will. While most ratings are out of five, I decided to be different and use a 1-4 scale instead. Definitely questionable logic but my ratings should make much more sense now to the group scratching their heads earlier. Next week's column is one which I've been planning for months now yet was unfortunately delayed a week due to time constraints. As usual, I won't be traveling alone and you can certainly count on some degree of chaos. If everything goes according to plan, I'll be posting new material every week until the end of summer. Alright do me a favor and show you care by hitting up my mailbox at said address: (SkitzLOP@aol.com). By the time we meet again, I'll be back in Connecticut on the other side of the country. Until then, don't be a cheap fucker and buy the generic toilet paper because your ass deserves the best. Later homies.
