Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [49] - A Rated R Resumè Worth Reliving (REVISITED)
By SkittleZ
May 31, 2009 - 11:57:15 PM
[49] - A Rated R Resumè Worth Reliving (REVISITED)
The Candyman is in paradise, baby! While visiting Moms is always a pleasure, it's a bonus when she resides in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. The hot dry climate, mountains in the background, swimming pool and slave-type services make it an awesome fucking vacation overall. Ten days of freedom with no real worries other than one nagging credit card payment. Kiss my ass, CHASE bank! In any case, I'm roasting under the hot sun and will gladly fly back home to Connecticut striped with radiation. I'm SkittleZ and this is that epic diatribe known to most as Taste My Rainbow. Whether you agree or disagree with what's said here today, all that's important is you read the damn column from start to finish. Let me brainwash you into thinking I'm half as skilled as the rest of these fuckers up on the Main Page. Because when the dirty truth comes out, homosexuals will run for cover. Unfortunately, that's the only information I can release at this time. The best thing for you to do is nod in approval and go with the flow.
My Edgykins is currently rated "O" for one upsmanship. Well I spent all of Friday helping my sister move into her new apartment and thus missed SmackDown this past Friday. Since the latest Draft Lottery, I've been trying to do a better job resisting the temptations of spoilers but they sure as hell came in handy this time around. I dunno about other wrestling marks but visual aids are a big plus for me when I miss a show. Rumor going around the latest SmackDown tapings is Jeff ran into a cameraman during the main event and suffered a cut close to one of his eyes. This called for an impromptu script change so we'll never really know the original ending. All I know is Copeland served up one classic ass kicking to his latest rival, Jeff Hardy. Nice use of the ladder by the Master Manipulator as it likely guarantees the company a few more buy rates come Extreme Rules next Sunday. The handicap scenario worked well and I loved Jericho in disguise jumping out of the crowd and pummeling Rey Rey. I'm assuming Jeff will be booked strong on the following edition of SmackDown with Edge retaining the World Heavyweight Championship on pay per view.
If Kennedy signs with TNA, keep the fucking guy away from gimmick matches! How ironic is it that a week ago I was hyping the shit out of this fool? Not ironic at all you say? Fuck you bastards. Poor Kenneth here has been cursed since day one. When healthy of course, I've always felt Kennedy possesses the skills to succeed in this business and propel himself to a main event level within two or three years. Several individuals down in the LOP Forums believe he will one day return to WWE after a decent stint with TNA and I can't argue because it's not all that crazy to think Kennedy could follow the same career path as Christian. Kennedy remains one of the most injury prone wrestlers I've ever laid my eyes on (which is a crying shame since the charisma is there). He never fully satisfied me from a fans' perspective so I can't honestly say I'll miss him much. To steal a line from some schmuck in the forums, best of luck in all of your future endeavors, Mr. Unemployment... Unemployment.
Breaking Point, eh? That sounds rather familiar to me... Why? Is an all submission PPV really necessary? And what's with the title? WWE couldn't come up with anything else? Perhaps it's a subtle jab at TNA's Turning Point extravaganza? Alright so maybe I used the wrong choice of word there. Still, I feel it's a lame move on WWE's part. What warrants another gimmick plagued PPV? I thought Unforgiven was going to be all about the Championship Scramble matches! I even made reference to it in TMR [41]. You're making me look like a mindless fuckwad over here, 'E! Hell just take a glance over the complete roster and how many submission specialists stick out to you? I'm praying these are simply tentative plans and management tosses them in the trash within the next couple weeks. Yes companies are all about expanding and improving but Breaking Point isn't exactly the key to financial growth. Leave the drawing board alone for now because things are running relatively smooth. And whatever you do, please don't keep Unforgiven and insert Breaking Point elsewhere on the calendar.
Hopefully, The Deadman's relaxing during his annual summer vacation. Judging by the rumors, Taker is scheduled to return in time for SummerSlam which means he's about half way through his latest hiatus. I really don't mind him wrestling for eight months and then taking four months off whatsoever because the man's a legend and deserves it. Frequent breaks allow The Phenom to heal up and recharge his batteries so to speak. Who the fuck knows when HBK will appear on WWE programming again. I hear we may not see his face again until 2010! Although after the epic performance we witnessed from the two veterans at WrestleMania 25, the two of them should receive as much time off as they need. I'm more intrigued by who The Deadman will be mixing it up with a few months from now. If I could play WWE booker for a short bit, it's elementary shit. Continue to build up Umaga and include him & Taker in an extended program during the second half of 2009. Immediately following the Royal Rumble, bring Y2J into the fray and set up a Taker/Jericho bout at WM26. Aside from injuries, there's no way those two feuds could fail!
What you're about to read is a detailed review of Edge's Decade of Decadence DVD. Now before I'm bashed into oblivion (glares at Box Car Rocco), let me just come right out and say yes I realize this was released months ago. People do have to contend with these little slips of paper called bills dammit! After receiving a rather large sum or money from work the other day, I raced to BEST BUY and had my sights set on buying a new PS2 (left my old system in Chicago when I moved) and NBA Live 09. I found both quickly for a great price and decided to check out some wrestling DVDs. My fandom suddenly reared it's ugly head and instead of purchasing the game and PlayStation console for $150, I tossed it back on the shelf and snagged seven WWE DVDs along with Eminem's new album for practically the same price. I've been waiting to check out the Edge chronicles for a while but must admit the title doesn't really do it for me. Decade of Decadence? Really? The guy's a professional wrestler... not a fucking world renown pastry chef.
<<< DISC 1 >>>
Intro Segment - We're treated to roughly 90 seconds of Edge shenanigans as he explains how awesome he is. Copeland goes on to say he does have a humble side deep down somewhere but never dreamed of reaching such incredible heights in the WWE. The Rated R Superstar then throws out a classic line "Now enough about me... lets watch me" before grabbing a bag of popcorn and tossing a handful up in the air to catch in his mouth. Edge manages to catch one piece out of about five and throws out a cheesy smile. The small theater room and projection screen were neat and while I would have loved more interaction from Copeland, it sufficed. He seemed to remain mostly in character which doesn't bother me whatsoever. A short video package of The Ultimate Opportunist (probably stolen from one of the Before They Were Superstars DVDs) highlights him breaking into the business and his first PPV singles match.
Break Down (September 27, 1998) / Edge vs. Owen Hart - Copeland summons a huge ovation from the hometown crowd as he enters through the crowd. One of the main things that stood out to me was the high energy Edge brought to the table as well as his wide range of wrestling maneuvers. I'd previously never seen this bout before and enjoyed the technical display. It reminded me of Cena's debut versus Kurt Angle in 2002 somewhat. Right when Copeland had victory in his grasp, a debuting Christian showed up at ringside and distracted Edge. Hart took full advantage by surprising his opponent with a victory roll to win the match in just over nine minutes. RATING:
No Mercy (October 17, 1999) / Edge & Christian vs. New Brood - Despite watching hundreds of highlights and replays, I'd never witnessed this epic encounter. Yes I know... how can I possibly call myself a wrestling fan blah blah blah. Stranger things have happened. Gangrel gets ejected right from the beginning after attempting to slide a ladder into the ring. The crowd's mostly quiet for the opening few minutes which is understandable since this was the first in a long line of classic tag team confrontations. However it wasn't long until the audience realized what these four guys were willing to sacrifice. A slew of innovative moves here. Jeff retrieves the money bag for himself & Matt and then crashes to the canvas at the 17 minute mark. RATING:
WrestleMania 16 (April 2, 2000) / Edge & Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudleys - This match was really never much different than TLC a year later. Excellent spots with all six men coming out strong. Jeff hits the swanton bomb on Bubba Ray off a huge fucking ladder and through a table in the main isle. Matt connects with the twist of fate on D-Von and then meets Christian atop a table propped up by two ladders beneath. Edge is right behind them and shoves Matt off the platform. Hardy actually does a front flip before crashing through a table ten feet below. E&C reach up and snag the first of several championships together. With all of the ridiculous spots throughout consuming large chunks of time, you'd never think the bout exceeded 22 minutes. RATING:
SummerSlam (August 19, 2001) / Edge vs. Lance Storm for the Intercontinental Championship - I'm actually really happy this bout made its' way onto the DVD. Wrestling became a hobby of mine in 1998 but it wasn't until 2001 that the shit consumed my entire life. This was one of my most watched tapes back in the day and served as a great opener for the show. Too bad Storm had such a shitty personality because the guy can flat out get it done between the ropes. Tremendous counters and reversals in this match. In the closing seconds, Christian runs in and accidentally spears his brother Edge to plant the seeds for their impending feud. Copeland overcomes the miscue and nails Lance with the impaler DDT to win the Intercontinental Title in eleven minutes. Truly an underrated bout. RATING:
Survivor Series (November 18, 2001) / Edge vs. Test to unify the Intercontinental & U.S. Championships - At the time, I remember being ecstatic about the final result since I thought for sure Test would come out victorious to keep his job after The Alliance disbanded. A great battle of speed versus strength and definitely one of Test's better matches with the company (psh like there any many to choose from). Surely, a lot of that had to do with Edge's work ethic but Test held his own. Copeland counters a full nelson slam into a roll-up and picks up the three count on Test to unify the titles at the eleven minute mark. Nice to see Edge continue to build on the momentum from his ladder match victory over Christian the previous month at No Mercy. RATING:
Sunday Night Heat (March 3, 2002) / Edge vs. Mr. Perfect - Wow. This bout sort of surprised me. Whether or not this belonged on the DVD can be disputed. I'm assuming it's to showcase Copeland's rise in competition since the match quality here was meh. Edge spears the referee inadvertently and Hennig grabs a steel chair from ringside. The ref comes to before Mr. Perfect ever uses the foreign object and disqualifies him after just four minutes of action. Copeland capitalizes on the distraction and drills an unaware Hennig with a spear. I'm a little bewildered as to why this contest was demoted to Heat when RAW or SmackDown would have been a perfectly acceptable location. Blasphemy! RATING:
Judgment Day (May 19, 2002) / Edge vs. Kurt Angle in a Loser Loses Hair Match - Holy shit what a masterpiece! I've watched their Backlash encounter but never got a chance to see this gem. The chemistry was off the charts and the crowd were extremely into the stipulation. Following the brand extension, Edge moved to SmackDown where he engaged in a bitter rivalry with Angle. The Olympic Gold Medalist was at the top of his game here and mixing it up with him had to be considered serious business. An attempted ankle lock by Kurt resulted in an enziguri from Copeland. Once Angle tried applying the submission again, Edge was waiting and reversed the move into a roll-up to save his flowing locks. Angle didn't feel like getting buzzed and a brawl ensued after the match between him & Copeland. The two battled backstage before ending up near the barber's chair where Edge escaped an angle slam and choked out Kurt with a sleeper hold. Copeland then took great pleasure in shaving Angle's head and leading the fans in a chorus of "You're bald!" chants. RATING:
SmackDown (May 30, 2002) / Edge vs. Kurt Angle in a Steel Cage Match - Oh dear I forget just how hilarious Angle's wig and head piece were in mid '02. This was the rubber match between these two individuals and it didn't disappoint. In terms of credibility, the program really increased Copeland's stock in the company yet usually goes unnoticed by non-Edge marks. Angle dominates the early stages of the bout and Copeland is bloody as hell but comes back with a suplex off the top rope. However Kurt rebounds with a huge angle slam from atop the turnbuckle. With the ref unconscious, Angle climbs out of the cage and his "hair" resembles that of an exotic bird by this point. The Hulkster runs down to ringside to save the day and tosses Angle back inside the cage. The false finishes come fast and furious until Edge puts Angle down for good with a top rope spear in 18 minutes. Great way to cap off the program and put over Copeland as a rising star. RATING:
SmackDown (July 4, 2002) / Edge & Hulk Hogan vs. Billy & Chuck for the WWE Tag Team Titles - I fondly recall viewing this episode from my sister's boyfriend's house during an Independence Day party. While they played up the storyline on television, I'm sure Copeland nearly jumped out of his skin when given the opportunity to team up with his boyhood idol. This match was in no way an easy win for The Hulkster & Edge since Billy & Chuck had dominated the tag division for the first half of 2002. A great battle of good versus evil and not your run of the mill Hogan match either. Shortly after taking out Chuck with a spear, Copeland & Hogan score with a double boot and leg drop to capture the WWE Tag Team Championship in barley 10 minutes. Recommended TV match solely based on the elements surrounding the contest. RATING:
Unforgiven (September 22, 2002) / Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero - While all three bouts were good stuff, it's interesting WWE chose this bad boy as I believe it were the least impressive of their trio of matches (this being the second). Copeland was selling the concussion entering the match and thus Eddie targets the neck and head of Edge early on. The Rated R Superstar's rocking some kick ass multi-colored tights for any of you keeping score at home. The Los Angeles crowd is being defiant bastards and cheering Guerrero (shame on them). Copeland foolishly drags Eddie to the top rope where Guerrero sends Edge face first into an exposed turnbuckle and executes a picture perfect sunset flip for the three count. RATING:
<<< DISC 2 >>>
Edge joins us yet again from the confines of a movie studio. Copeland talks about sitting on the sidelines for over a year following neck surgery and watching guys such as Randy Orton rise to super stardom. Edge vowed to do the same once he returned to WWE and said while Rated RKO accomplished big things during their run, Copeland was the one who carried the duo. A nice lead-in to a well known match amongst wrestling marks.
Vengeance (July 11, 2004) / Edge vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship - The pay per view event emanated from Hartford and while I never claimed Connecticut was chock full of brilliant people, who knew they were such fucktards. Although Copeland clearly entered with all the momentum, the sold out crowd cheered for Orton from the start. The match was definitely solid but it never totally lived up to fans' expectations. This was during that period where the Legend Killer was often rest hold happy and it took away from the bout's overall quality because of the slow pace. When Edge connects with the spear at the 27 minute mark, the audience finally realizes their wrongdoing and cheer on Copeland's championship victory celebration. RATING:
RAW (February 28, 2005) / Edge vs. Shawn Michaels in a Street Fight - Both individuals arrive decked out it t-shirts and jeans. This was roughly a month after Copeland picked up a win over Micheals at the Royal Rumble. The feud ignited at Taboo Tuesday when HBK received more votes than Edge to earn a World Heavyweight Championship shot against Triple H. Copeland firmly believed Michaels cost him the title and spent the next few months making HBK's life a royal pain. The brutality here was superb as Edge bloodied up his rival with a DDT on a steel chair. Some fantastic usage of a ladder as Edge nails a frog splash off of it onto a prone Michaels. Copeland brilliantly counters sweet chin music with a low blow courtesy of a steel chair and lands the spear but HBK kick out at the last second. Edge decided to get cute and mock Michaels' finisher but tastes some boot and suffers defeat. A 17 minute PPV caliber bout. RATING:
RAW (May 16, 2005) / Edge vs. Kane in the Gold Rush Tournament Final - Shortly after the Copeland/Lita affair rumors surfaced, WWE caught on and turned the real life love triangle into captivating television. The angle was set in motion on this night with Lita betraying Kane's deformed ass and taking Edge's side (the winning side of course!). After the referee gets laid out, Lita slides Copeland the MITB brief case and he blasts The Big Red Machine with it to pick up the tainted victory in 12 minutes. Once Kane gathers himself, Edge and Lita leave him with a lasting memory as they suck each others' faces like long lost lovers. Poor Kane... dude must be packing light downstairs because he's been left by more women than me. RATING:
Unforgiven (August 29, 2005) / Edge vs. Matt Hardy in a Street Fight - Whew! My goodness. Call Lita a slut all you want but she was sporting some beautiful cleavage during 2005 and '06. Those knockers were just hanging out there for the world to see (cue the nip slip). The animosity and natural hatred seemed top notch and the battle spilled into the crowd right from the beginning. Matt seeks out a ladder and hits Copeland with his patented leg drop from atop the ladder. Kendo stick shots and a DDT on the steel ring steps give Hardy the upper hand but he misfires on a moonsault. The fight escalates to the top of the ramp and after several counters, Matt hits Edge with the side effect off the stage and onto a platform riddled with electrical equipment. It's officially a no contest around the 15 minute mark and WWE takes the dramatic route by carrying off both men on stretchers. RATING:
*** To Be Continued ***
The answer to TMR [48] was indeed "John Cena". This week's tally equated to a 50% Correct Guess Ratio. Hmmm should the low number of answers concern me? Perhaps but I'm not losing any sleep over it. The fact remains I still befuddled half of you so lets pat SkitZ on the back. Someone emailed me a few days ago and suggested I insert my previous riddle along with the answer in future editions. It's not a bad idea by any stretch and I may jut do it once I stop being so damn lazy.
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Oh hell yeah I've been in a movie or two.
Dunno if I'd admit to it though. Would you?
At this rate, it won't be long 'til I'm through.
I only captured that belt one time. Not a few.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
Could it be? Love at last!? Hell no. But I may have found myself a girl for the time being. Do you remember the Jewish chick I met online? Yes I know it sounds like something that could never work but the stars may be aligning my friends! After bullshitting on the phone since November, I finally met Melissa last Tuesday and it went better than I could have imagined. It was late as hell on a week day so there wasn't much to do but we drove around and talked for hours. She's got piercings and tattoos aplenty which is kinda sexy since she isn't what I'd call a goth or rocker chick. Melissa's two years younger than me, has a job, goes to school and seems to dig The Candyman so I see no reason in changing my tune. She's extremely short which at least makes her good for one thing.... an arm rest (get your minds out of the gutter). If this doesn't work, I'm playing the gay card so pray for me every night before bed or I'll haunt your fucking dreams.
(sigh) So neither the Cavs or Nuggets showed any heart in their respective Game 6's and thus were each thrashed by the two teams now slated to meet in the NBA Finals. Lakers versus Magic, eh? Well at least I can hang my hat on the fact Orlando swept the season series against Los Angeles. Fuck I need something... anything to soothe me into believing Kobe Bryant will be denied a fourth NBA Championship. Of course Jameer Nelson played in the two regular season match-ups but the Magic are coming off a stellar performance in the Eastern Conference Finals. Like I mentioned in one of my last columns, that's what the NBA gets for touting a specific showdown so far in advance. The blood's on your hands, David Stern! Predictions aren't my strong suit but here goes nothing. Unless Dwight Howard raises his game to a new level, Lakers win in six games. And Hustle knows damn well it hurts my pride to say such a thing.
Time to close up shop, people. The fact I busted out with a DVD review when it isn't my style may have bewildered some of you. Every now and then, you may notice me paying tribute to DaveyBoy in different aspects so don't be alarmed. I may bash the foreigner to no end but he paved the way for me and columns like this are how I'd prefer to pay my respect. Meanwhile, it appears the big 50 is right around the corner. Unless I parish in a fatal plane crash or fall into a large crack during an earthquake, the golden anniversary of TMR shall be presented to the public next Sunday. Due to the massive amount of matches on this damn DVD, my original concept will be pushed back another week so I can wrap up this bullshit in a timely manner. Oh and you better believe I'm bringing some friends along for the ride. Send any feedback or riddle guesses to (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and I'll hit you back ASAP (<--- females come first). It's been fun but I need to go tan and significantly increase my chances of skin cancer. Sun spray is for the weak! Later homies.
