Posted in: Taste My Rainbow Taste My Rainbow [46] - Challenged By An Ass Clown
By SkittleZ
May 10, 2009 - 2:45:38 AM
[46] - Challenged By An Ass Clown
Welcome back to the fruity summit, folks. The few friends I do have refer to me as SkittleZ and this... THIS is Taste My Rainbow. The column with a gay title and an author comfortable enough with his own sexuality to spew homo jokes for free. Oh shit... is it that time already!? Er happy Mother's Day, Mom! (as if she'd read this pile of shit) I tend to have trouble keeping track of holidays which don't involve me being fed or given money. Work has gotten extremely busy as of late so who the fuck knows how I keep cranking out these columns on a weekly basis. Maybe I crave the attention? Always a possibility. There's also the chance I just talk too damn much and don't know when to shut the hell up. Kind of like what I'm doing right now! When was the last time you got some booty? Yesterday? Last week? April? Because I'm going on ten fucking months! I swear my dick is gonna fall off and shrivel up any down now.
Ziggy appears on the verge of keeping his job for the rest of 2009! It's great to see WWE actually utilizing Dolph Ziggler. He received a boat load of hype in backstage promos when he showed up late last year and introduced himself to just about every person on the roster. It got to the point where you wondered if the guy would ever step foot in the ring and compete. His opportunity would come against Batista and most were shocked to see Dolph hold his own against The Animal. However while his debut and next few matches were promising, the push died off very quickly and Ziggler could barely get face time on television for a stretch. Following the Draft, he was moved over to SmackDown and the push appears to be back in full swing. A mini feud with MVP raised some eyebrows and last week we witnessed Dolph rape the shit out of The Great Khali with a steel chair. I'm psyched to see if Ziggler transforms into a multi-time Intercontinental Champion or something to that affect. It's too bad WWE didn't keep Kenny Dykestra around longer since the two have chemistry together and could have made an excellent tag team (see Priceless).
What is up with WWE and programming their shows on such fucked up networks? WGN? Seriously!? Admittedly, I'm stomping my feet like a four year old because I don't have access to the channel. My last two Thursday evenings have been spent surfing the TV for WWE Superstars and I just can't seem to get a break. Hard to believe with digital cable and all the networks that come with it, I can't find one faggot channel for my viewing pleasure. At an hour in length, Superstars sounds like a few steps up from ECW and I'm always up for 60 minutes of 'rasslin worth a damn. For instance, Dr. Monkey informed me that the main event for this past week's show was Jericho/Morrison and I frantically searched for the broadcast again when I know there's no chance whatsoever of finding it. Must I really be tortured in such a cruel and inhumane manner? Put the shit on NBC for all I care. Spike. ESPN. Oh Oxygen. FOX. Just let me fucking see it! Is WGN a regular network? Because if that's the case, some Indian shmuck and his satellite provider are about to get blasted big time.
No need to jump the gun when your cash will always be there. Fans predicted CM Punk would use his MITB opportunity at Backlash. Yet the event has passed and all he did was job to an individual who's very accustomed to losing in Kane. The IWC (and even me for a short time) suggested Punkster would cash-in at Judgment Day which is being held in his hometown of Chicago. While he could still run out later in the evening to make the most of his trusty briefcase, Punk has a one on one bout scheduled against Umaga and I'm all for it. Assuming he's successful, placing the World Heavyweight or WWE Championship on Cookie Monster right now would ruin his tremendous strides in progression. WWE learned all about pushing a superstar too soon last year with the same fellow and I'm assuming they'd like not to make the same mistake twice. Someone such as Umaga is the perfect opponent for the time being as he can certainly make Punk look strong and a program with longevity is optional. Give the feud a few months and then pit Mr. Money in the Bank opposite of a guy with slightly more credibility than the Samoan Bulldozer. It keeps the momentum moving forward and will distract fans from wondering every single night if Punk's cashing in. Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing Cookie Monster spend the next several months on SmackDown before jumping back to RAW in the fall and exacting revenge on Randy Orton by taking his precious WWE Title.
The most valuable player on RAW is about to change, son! Were you surprised by MVP walking out the night after Backlash during Orton's promo? I like to think we all were. It's fantastic to see someone like Porter receiving a boost with Triple H and John Cena sidelined. The latter may not be yet but I think we all know what's coming in the next few weeks. Anyways, MVP has turned into a wonderful talent for WWE and I was most impressed with his face turn over the last several months. Fans buy into the character, he can speak well to a live audience and is solid between the ropes. Similar to The Rock, Porter's gimmick sets him up to be self indulgent and a man of the people at the same time. He's already on his second United States Championship reign and it looks like MVP is prepared to dance with some of RAW's top athletes. I'm all for the push as the timing is right and Porter seems more than capable of making a major splash on WWE's flagship show. His probable feud with William Regal is welcomed as such programs will only improve MVP's abilities by leaps and bounds. Much like the late Benoit, a few months in the ring with Regal can teach Porter more than he's gathered in a lifetime. This tells me the company is grooming MVP as the next big babyface to take WWE by storm. I bet that 22 week losing streak doesn't sting quite as much anymore.
Let the grumbles ensue for yet another list column is on the horizon. Don't point that deformed finger at me. Instead direct the blame at one James_A as this was completely his doing. In the LOP Columns Forum, there happens to be a place known to columnists as The Writer's Block. The sub forum is simply a place for writers to hang out and get to know each other (makes the n00b process a lot less painful as well). I have a thread there entitled "SkitZ' Outrageous (Yet Often Lame) Block Challenges!" where people come to me when they're bored as fuck and need something to pass the time. My challenges serve quite a few different purposes as certain individuals use them as inspiration for new column ideas while others just want to be temporarily entertained.
A little over a month ago, James_A (my Examine The Irritation partner) pleaded for a Block Challenge and I gave him just that. He was instructed to create a top 20 list of Edge moments and the catch was they all had to be non-PPV events. Jimmy decided to split the challenge into a two part series and not only did he do a superb job with the first edition but it was a parody of my columns aptly named Taste My Project. At the end of Jimmy's gimmick infringement, he challenged me to come up with a top 10 list of Chris Jericho's RAW moments and thus here we are today. Admittedly, this was much more difficult than I originally thought since SmackDown and pay per views were off limits. I dug deep and did the best to my abilities so fucking deal with it. If I leave something obvious or extremely worthy out, make sure to scold me in an email or my feedback thread in the forums.
#10. RAW Roulette Lands on Tables, Ladders & Chairs
We all know how much Eric Bischoff loves to make an impact. October 7th of 2002 turned out to be no exception. Vinnie Mac had done the "unthinkable" during that summer by hiring Bischoff as the new General Manager of RAW. Big whoop... WCW had been fucking dead for over a year. In any case, Bischoff was now back in power and the wheels began to turn. With RAW being held in Las Vegas, we were treated to some not-so-Russian Roulette. Pretty much like a rip-off of Extreme Rules but with all the gimmicks and stipulations on a giant rotating wheel. As for the night's overall festivities, the only memory I have aside from this match is William Regal being forced to dress up as a showgirl. Very odd. However the main event turned out to be a four way TLC bout for the World Tag Team Titles which were oddly enough held by The Hurricane and Kane.
They defended the belts against three interesting combinations: the Dudleys (Bubba Ray & Spike), Chris Jericho & Christian and Jeff Hardy & Rob Van Dam. Y2J & Christian had been teaming together regularly as half of The UnAmerican stable and even kept tagging after the stable split. The match was phenomenal and Jericho excelled just like he always does in these type of contests. I remember Hurricane being gang banged backstage before the match and therefore Kane having to defend the titles on his own. Come Hell or high water, the Big Red Machine went solo and managed to retain the belts in a Match of the Year contender.
#9. The Tainted Victory and Reverse Decision
Given his incredible heel work in WCW during the late 90's, WWE felt it was best to start Jericho off in the company as a bad guy which was undoubtedly a wise choice. Y2J developed such a huge following that management were forced to switch him face after only seven months or so. The title reigns would stop and sputter around this time as Jericho won the Intercontinental Championship from Chyna, shared the title with her for a few weeks (WTF?), won it back outright, dropped the belt to Kurt Angle in February 2000, won the European Championship at WrestleMania 16 and lost it the very next night on RAW to Eddie Guerrero. If that wasn't enough to make your head spin, Y2J would find himself staring down the ultimate opportunity just eight months into his WWE career. In typical Jericho fashion, he talked his way into a WWE Championship match against Triple H. This came at a time when The Game and senior referee Earl Hebner budded heads on a constant basis and so it was a no brainer who'd be calling this match. Y2J had Hunter reeling and covered him for the pinfall. Astonishingly, Jericho got the three count but only after Hebner made a fast count on his hated nemesis.
The crowd went ape shit as Y2J celebrated in the entrance isle and Trips immediately seeked out Hebner for his defiant act. It wasn't long before Hunter dragged Earl back out to the ring and demanded he reverse the decision. After his aggressive behavior didn't progress the proceedings, HHH tried talking some sense into the senior referee by assuring Hebner he and the McMahon family would keep their hands off Earl if he reversed the decision. A disappointed Jericho returned the WWE Championship to its' rightful owner after Hebner agreed with Hunter's stipulation. However before Earl could exit the ring, The Game informed Hebner that his ass was fired and firmly planted the zebra in the middle of the ring courtesy of a pedigree. Now while Y2J didn't win the WWE Title cleanly, the reverse decision showed how confident the company was in Jericho and proved he wasn't too far away from a legitimate championship reign atop the mountain.
#8. Mickey Rourke Ain't Got Nothin' on This
Was there any doubt who the WWE Superstar of the Year was in 2008? Ironically enough, some would find a way to disagree with it (as will I in my next column) but that's not the point! From start to finish, Y2J's work throughout last year was flat out awesome. HBK deserves honorable mention but that's due in large part to this man. Jericho may have kicked off '08 with a mediocre feud with JBL however it was absolute goodness from there on forward. Y2J had tremendous showings in the Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out and MITB at WrestleMania XXIV before he buckled down for one of the lengthiest programs we've seen in years. Any rivalry which spans six plus months and maintains the fans' attention the entire time is truly something special. Much of that can be attributed to Jericho's extended heel turn and wonderful in-ring work. Once the beef with Michaels concluded, Y2J traded the World Heavyweight Championship with Batista and closed out the year by jobbing to Cena at back-to-back PPVs. 2008 didn't end too sour for Jericho as he was honored with a Slammy Award in December for Superstar of the Year. Unfortunately, Mickie Rourke was snuffed at the Oscars and we missed out on a battle of the coveted trophies. It's probably for the best as Y2J would have straight up owned "The Ram" at WrestleMania 25.
#7. RAW General Manager for a Night
For some reason, this moment always reminds me of the night earlier in 2004 when Eugene was left in charge of RAW and scheduled a grueling game of Musical Chairs to determine who would receive a World Heavyweight Championship match later in the show. Jericho won that event and scored big here when he was made RAW General Manager for a week due to his team's victory at Survivor Series a few weeks prior. Whether he's face or heel, any show which features Y2J throughout is bound to deliver. His charisma really jumps out as a face however and that's what we were treated to on this evening. The only downer was Jericho's night behind the levers came one week after a controversial finish to a World Heavyweight Title bout and Y2J wasn't able to schedule another championship match involving himself. Give the guy props though for a solid night of action and even competing in the main event which featured a tag team match between Jericho, Benoit, Triple H and Batista. Shit just imagine if Y2J were injured but stayed on television in the form of a General Manager. Good times would be had for sure. Vicky who? Precisely.
#6. HBK Appears on the Highlight Reel
It's no secret by now that Jericho/HBK was the standout feud during 2008. The WWE sure did take their time getting there. After weeks of being treated to tweener Y2J and his epic promos with Michaels, the full switch finally took place on the June 9th episode of RAW when Jericho invited HBK to guest star on the Highlight Reel. After another outstanding segment, Y2J snapped and beat the shit out of Micheals before driving him headfirst into the Jericho Tron 2000 or whatever the fuck that flat screen TV was called. In an age where WWE tends to ejaculate prematurely with significant occurrences, the creative team pushed all the right buttons this time around as Jericho's heel turn was an overwhelming success. This night was the turning point and Y2J hasn't looked back since. In the following months, HBK nearly lost vision in one of his lamps, poor Rebecca took one for the team and a stellar ladder match capped off the program perfectly.
#5. Y2J Returns to Save the WWE
When Jericho lost the "You're Fired" match to John Cena on the post-SummerSlam RAW and was forcibly escorted from the arena, none of us knew how long Y2J would be absent from the WWE. Would he ever return? Hell I'm sure even Jericho himself didn't know at the time. Most of us diehard WWE fans became somewhat nauseous when rumors began circulating about Y2J signing with TNA in 2006 for a lighter schedule. It turned out to be a farce and the void left by Jericho in WWE would remain there for several more months. However in late September, WWE began running cryptic promos during their programs and while the clues weren't quite as easy as my riddles, most people knew who was behind the madness.
Y2J was on his was back after a two year hiatus and all the chatter reached a fever pitch by Survivor Series 2007. The following night on RAW, Jericho returned to the company and interrupted Randy Orton's passing of the torch segment. Fans in attendance were marking like it was nobodies' business and I admittedly celebrated in the safe confines of my living room. Y2J ripped into Orton with a fun promo and proclaimed he had come back to save us from the Legend Killer's tyrannical reign. Jericho's outfit may have been a little gay (can I say that without sounding like a hypocrite?) but I'm sure the guys back in the locker room reminded him that said trend was still not hip in today's product.
#4. Two Man Power Trip Suffer a Short Fuse
This was a huge stepping stone towards super stardom for Y2J as there was no turning back by this point. Jericho was on the verge of WWE mega star and this moment laid the groundwork for what was to be a break out year for him. Y2J had won the Intercontinental Championship from Benoit in a classic ladder match at the 2001 Royal Rumble and put together an impressive reign. There was a really good feud with Regal wedged in there amidst Jericho dropping the IC Title to Triple H in April. It would be a precursor for what was to follow the night after Judgment Day. During the pay per view, Y2J and Benoit managed to win a taxing Tag Team Turmoil contest and thus earned a shot at the titles which were being held by Stone Cold & Triple H.
While I'm guessing the Canadian tandem were slated to originally capture the Tag Team Championship, this will always be remembered as the night Triple H tore quad numero uno. The injury came in the final moments of the bout but Hunter was a trooper and even endured a Walls of Jericho on top of the announce table. Austin was screwed with a one legged partner and Y2J & Benoit took full advantage in order to win the titles. While the actual reign didn't last very long, there was that remarkable TLC bout on SmackDown a few days later which I nearly added to this list by accident. Both Jericho and Benoit benefited from the huge victory as they were propelled into the main event scene. Only difference is The Crippler went and fucked up his neck. Ummm yeah... I think they call that bad timing.
#3. Hunting an Animal in a Cage
You know what this title change did? Caused a ridiculous amount of bitching and complaining among the IWC. After CM Punk was jumped backstage by Orton's wannabes at Unforgiven, Jericho took the reigning champion's spot in the scramble match and knocked off some big names to steal the World Heavyweight Title. It seemed fitting after all of Y2J's hard work over the course of 2008 so when he dropped the belt to Batista at Cyber Sunday, fans were slightly taken aback. Then even more questions surfaced when Y2J won back the title eight days later inside a steel cage after utilizing his rematch clause. People asked what was the point of slinging the World Heavyweight Championship around at the time yet I really had no problem with it. The quick turn of events caught people by surprise and Jericho was able to rack up an extra title reign. The match itself was good shit and featured a realistic ending which is always appreciated once in a while. Batista was champ just long enough for fans to complain again about the same old shit and then it was over just like that. Placing the belt back around Y2J's waist proved that his previous run was no fluke and even perhaps WWE made a mistake by taking the title off him in the first place. Hopefully, it wasn't the last time we see a Jericho World Title reign. Fortunately, his chances have increased significantly with the recent move to the blue brand.
#2. Unprecedented Hardware
A couple weeks before WrestleMania 24, Chris Jericho defeated Jeff Hardy to win his record eighth Intercontinental Championship. Sure Jeff's drug test failure and subsequent 60 day suspension may have had something to do with it but history had been made. Now I'm sure Y2J wouldn't mind if those were eight World Title reigns instead but five ain't too shabby. I had to conduct a little research to remember some of them. Victories over the likes of Chyna, Chris Benoit, Rob Van Dam and Christian demonstrate how intricate Y2J was to WWE's midcard division for so many years. Jericho's now a steady main event talent so I doubt he'll be adding to his record any time soon. The body of art he left behind is proof enough of how reliable Y2J was when called upon. I'm just glad to see it all paid off for him in the end as plenty of guys aren't so lucky. Jericho's last Intercontinental Championship reign may have been his most impressive. But of course, Y2J dropped the belt to Kofi Kingston right when the IC Title appeared to be on its' way back to prominence. The title makes the wrestler, eh? Blasphemy!
#1. Countdown to the New Millennium
In retrospect, there's likely never been a better debut in pro wrestling history than Chris Jericho's when he joined the WWE in mid 1999. After dropping WCW like a bad habit, Y2J signed with the top wrestling organization in the world and a countdown began showing up randomly on RAW. It seemed to be dwindling down to the start of the new millennium but the man behind it all remained a secret throughout. Well not all wrestling fans are idiots and people began to put the pieces together. The counter hit zero in early August of 1999 and the Chicago crowd chanted for Jericho as he introduced himself as the mystery man. This all came smack dab in the middle of The Rock's promo and the Great One didn't exactly appreciate said interruption. After Y2J introduced himself with a historical speech, Rocky was quick to put the newcomer in his place with some jabs and insults.
To this day, I still remember watching Jericho's entrance that night and just knowing something big had just taken place. The electricity in the air between both Rock and Jericho was just too much to ignore. You knew both men would cross paths down the road and even more importantly, Y2J was destined to make an impact in WWE. I mean you want the blueprints for the ultimate wrestling debut? THAT is it my friends. Obviously, it helps to possess a larger-than-life personality and amazing mic abilities. Jericho didn't save the company like he promised to but he definitely made it much better in a short span of time. It was like WWE had another Rock... only in the form of a blonde Canadian. You could sense Y2J's stock rising the moment he stepped out on that stage. Jericho's debut set the stage for a Hall of Fame caliber career.
(sigh) And there you have it. If anything, I appreciate the trip down memory lane. Jericho is underrated (still) in many ways so I enjoyed sparing the guy a few measly minutes of spotlight. Just don't expect it to happen very often, bitch. As a loyal slave to my Edgykins, I have other obligations elsewhere. Oh and that reminds me of something, Jimmy. Quick reminder to your markdom...
The answer to TMR [45] was indeed "Gene Snitsky". The 80% Correct Guess Ratio means I made up a little ground... but not nearly enough! If you remember from last week, I asked readers to send in their own riddles. While the response wasn't overwhelming (low self-esteem FTW), a handful of you bastards sent me various riddles and I enjoyed most of them. I picked one from the pile to see how it holds up against the dreaded Main Page audience. The Candyman has lost his touch lately so what better than to steal innocent people's work and use it to further my ego? I bet you'd do the same!
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I've painted my face but I'm definitely no Sting.
I'm well known, but not for successes in the ring.
I haven't beaten many except for the King of Kings.
And I've never won a title even in my dreams.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
As everyone knows by now, WrestleMania 26 is being hosted in Glendale, Arizona. Well it just so happens my Mom resides in Lake Havasu City which is simply located a few hours away from the stadium. Until tickets go on sale towards the end of the year, I have my Mom on a mad search for Mania tickets. It gets better though as a decent sized group of LOPers are planning to attend WM 26 and I've been hoping to meet them for a while now. This is that opportunity! There's nothing like watching a mega show live with wrestling fanatics who are just as tweaked in the head as you are. The odds of next year's Mania exceeding WM25 are high and all I've got to worry about is enjoying the show! Well I'd pay for my seat but you want the best view available and that's bound to cost a pretty penny. If Edge isn't defending or competing for the World Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania next year, I may throw a temper tantrum of epic proportions.
LeBron James should be a household item by now. The things he does on the basketball court shouldn't even be legal. I'm not sure who exactly but some fuckwad thought it would be a good idea to trash talk LeBron at the start of Game 3 between the Cavs and Hawks Saturday night. The result you ask? How about 47 points, 12 rebounds and 8 assists. Cleveland hold a 3-0 series lead over Atlanta and are the only team in the NBA Playoffs to have not lost a single game. Meanwhile, those damn Lakers are making quick work of the now Yao-less Houston Rockets. Carmelo Anthony drained a three pointer at the end of the Mavericks/Nuggets game to win it for Denver and push Dallas to the brink of elimination. Hustle feels that Chauncey Billups & Co. have no shot whatsoever of beating L.A. While that might hold some truth, I don't think it will be a cake walk by any means. Take them to six games at the very least, Denver! And get one of those foreign bastards from the Nuggets to break Kobe's leg when no one is looking. That would be a neat trick.
The Enigma of Charisma is one brave soldier. Check out the first of his colorful eight part series right here! - The Colour Of Wrestling One: Black
Close the shades, ladies and gentlemen. I'm out of gas and tomorrow is gonna be a long work day. Now listen I know you're tired of my long string of collaborations and they are about to become extinct for a lengthy period but bare with me here. I'm bringing in one of the Columns Forum's top writers for a debate that spans an entire decade. And no this isn't another stupid series. Just one piece and I'm back to pulling all the weight. Alright don't forget to hit up my mail box if you've got anything intelligent to say. I can be reached at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and if I receive any more images of gay porn, there shall be ass beatings handed out in all corners of the world until justice is fully restored. Send in your own hand crafted riddles if you've got a pair and perhaps get seven and a half seconds of fame. Doesn't sound like a bad deal to me. Be sure to wipe off the chunks before you plow through your next victim. Later homies.
