Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [45] - Final Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
By SkittleZ
May 3, 2009 - 2:44:58 PM
[45] - Final Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
Holy shit was SmackDown good this past Friday night! Well I missed it live but an anonymous friend hooked me up with a link yesterday morning. A solid two hours highlighted by dual main events which both delivered. Above all else, it's great to see progression and new story lines/feuds put in motion. My Edgykins may flirt with perfection but damn he can't carry the entire load by himself (no homo?)! Welcome back my Fruity Followers. Tis I, The Candyman, back with another heaping helping of that wrestling nostalgia nonsense. Main Page extraordinaire Dr. Monkey is here against his will to help me close out this series once and for all. The two of us would like to give a quick shout out to everyone for all the praise and smacks on the ass we've received during this marathon. We couldn't have done it without you guys. Well.... we could but perhaps I'll zip it and salvage what little fan base I have. Let us march on and slay this beast!
The Big Show
TBS is the epitome of suspending your disbelief. Pound for pound the largest athlete in the world. If wrestling were in fact real, Show would be going on about ten years as WWE Champion. Fortunately, it doesn't work that way and TBS has had a rather inconsistent career in WWE. I mean has any one individual ever received more pushes than Paul Wight? He's been built up as this unstoppable beast more times than I care to count only to fade into obscurity. The success is there however as Show has several title reigns to his credit. Plus, who else can say they've been a WWE, WCW and ECW World Champion? Oh and we're all well aware that TBS was shafted out of winning the 2000 Royal Rumble. Despite The Rock's feet hitting the ground first, Show still isn't recognized historically as the winner. His weight got a little out of control and so he took a 14 month sabbatical at the end of 2006. One thing which always stood out to me when talking about TBS is you're never convinced that he can beat the top guys (Triple H, Batista, John Cena, etc.) when everything is on the line. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Who else could fall off the roof of a building and still compete in a match against Hulk Hogan later that night? He debuted in WCW as the son of Andre and became the monster in the Dungeon of Doom. In fact he was really one of the only redeemable characters of that stable. Over time he dropped the son of Andre bit but eventually his monster push began to fade and he headed to WWE where he debuted in huge fashion by throwing Steve Austin through a cage. As Skitz mentioned though, his career has been all over the place in WWE. His first few years had him treated like a monster and even given a World title reign early on and was even part of a pretty dominant tag team with the Undertaker. The problem is though, the same thing always plays out with him dominating for a few months and then jobbing for a few months. Shoddy booking aside Big Show will go down as one of the better big men of all time, even Ric Flair said so. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Blue Meanie
Meanie continued the wave of ECW stars who jumped to WWE as he showed up in late 1998 as part of Al Snow's JOB Squad. It wasn't long though before Blue Meanie paired up with Goldust. Meanie became the Gold One's manager after being "hypnotized" and fans really didn't know what the fuck was going on for the most part. Meanie often referred to Goldust as Mommy and argued at ringside with Ryan Shamrock in early 1999. After Goldust kicked them to the curb, it was only a matter of time before The Blue Meanie was released. He'd make an appearance at One Night Stand in 2005 and show off the crimson mask courtesy of JBL following a huge in-ring brawl. Meanie must be Joey Style's biggest fan. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
You really hit the nail on the head with this one Skitz. Meanie was always a bit of a role player and never much more. Not to say I don't like the guy, but his absence isn't one that I lose sleep about. His "gimmick" with Goldust was part of the Attitude Era's "hit or miss" mindset. A lot of times it simply felt like they were just throwing ideas against the wall to see if they'd stick, this one never really did. It just seemed like they threw together a few people that they didn't know what to do with and put them all together to get them all screen time at the same time. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The British Bulldog
I missed out on all of Davey Boy Smith's early days with the company. All I ever witnessed was the shitty rehashed version of Bulldog when he rejoined WWE in late 1999. He'd come back just a few months after Owen Hart passed away and rocked the blue jeans instead of his custom British flag tights. They hooked him up with some mad generic theme music as well. I remember Davey Boy Smith being part of the Six Pack Challenge for the WWE Championship at Unforgiven and believing he'd remain at a main event level. I couldn't have been more wrong however as he plummeted down the card after a loss to The Rock at No Mercy '99. Just a few weeks later, Bulldog would capture the European Title but lose it a month or two later. Davey Boy Smith was subjected to the hardcore division for a long stretch before he was sent to rehab by Vinnie Mac to deal with his prescription pill addiction. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I don't know what it is with WWE and having old school Brit wrestlers re-debut as working class men. I'm not trying to insinuate that the Brits aren't working class but look at it like this. What if you were watching Raw next week and you heard a steam whistle and all of a sudden Steve Austin came back as a flannel shirted, hard hat wearing, wrestler named Hard Hat Steve. It'd be pretty crazy. While Bulldog's return in blue jeans wasn't as extreme as Regal's "man's man" gimmick, it still was something I never really got. Lucky Bulldog was still Bulldog in terms of being a good wrestler and his gimmick (or lack there of) was always secondary. Probably one of the better guys from that time frame to not get a chance to run with the big belt. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Godfather
The guy was no stranger to gimmick changes (LOL @ Papa Shango). After a stint during 1995 as Kama "The Supreme Fighting Machine" in Dibiase's Million Dollar stable, he left the company for a second time. The third time would definitely be the charm as he reached decent success with the Nation of Domination. When the group went through some changes in 1998, we'd be introduced to The Godfather who quickly became a huge fan favorite. He wore flashy colors and was accompanied to the ring every night by a number of Ho's. Godfather was all about fun and fan interaction before he was brainwashed into the Right To Censor. After the group disbanded, he returned as The Godfather at the 2002 Royal Rumble but vanished within a few months after an uneventful stint. I wonder on average how many boners Lawler popped during a Godfather match... my guess is six and a half. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
From practicing Voodoo to melting the Undertaker's urn down to a chain to being a militant in the Nation of Domination to bringing out ho's to being a member of a group out for censorship to bringing out ho's again; not many people have gotten so many shots to get over as this guy. While most will remember him for bringing random stripper chicks to the ring, or even being the guy who was supposed to fight Owen Hart the night he died. I will always remember him as the guy who make black oil come out of the Ultimate Warrior's face. That will always be way cooler than anything he would do later in his career. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Hollys
Do Hardcore, Crash and Molly rightfully deserve to be mentioned individually? Sure. I just didn't feel like writing three paragraphs when I could get away with writing one. Bob Holly bounced around forever in sucktacular tag teams. He became watchable in 1999 during the rise of the hardcore division yet his personality was still non-existent. WWE did the smart thing by pairing Hardcore up with a younger ball of energy (a.k.a. his younger "cousin" Crash Holly). The two were an entertaining tag team and watching Crash stand up to guys three times his size was always hilarious. The best came in 2000 when Crash was dubbed "The Houdini of Hardcore" and dominated the division for the majority of the year. With the 24/7 rule in effect, Crash was on the run every time we saw him on television and often alluded whoever was after his precious championship. Molly was brought in to round out the group but didn't stick around long. She fell in love with little Spike Dudley and Hardcore & Crash didn't approve whatsoever so they severed ties. Mighty Molly was a great sidekick for The Hurricane while it lasted. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Bob Holly won't be remembered by me for many things other than being a prick and beating the tar out of a kid on Tough Enough (who eventually got a contract and a brain tumor, not related). I will give him credit for delivering one of the most picture perfect drop kicks in the business though and even having a few good hardcore bouts with Al Snow to kick start the division. For the most part though, I was always surprised how long he made it. Crash on the other hand at least was entertaining and as a 30-something time hardcore champion, he was the face of that 24/7 rule. Then you have Molly who was one of the better females who could actually wrestle, but heaven forbid they have a women's division that has women who can wrestle. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Radicalz
Ugh I love Eddie but The Radicalz fucking sucked. They seemed destined for greatness when the group debuted in January 2000 during a Triple H segment but it definitely was NOT a sign of things to come. The stable could never really stay unified either and were poorly put together as a package deal. Benoit and Guerrero were the two with massive potential, Dean Malenko was over the hill and Perry Saturn should have just went back to ECW while there was still time. Eddie hooked up with Chyna and Benoit was embroiled in a year long feud with Jericho. Malenko won the Light Heavyweight Championship because there was no actual division while Saturn accompanied him to the ring wearing ridiculous hats. The Radicalz stuck together for over a year until Eddie was sent to rehab in May 2001. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Skitz, I got to disagree with you on this one, well sort of. Their debut was great (minus the injury and loss to DX) and I marked hard to see it. Sure maybe it had something to do with my huge tendency to be a WCW mark but it was a hell of a moment. Speaking of WCW, dispute or not how dumb do you have to be to let so many great stars go at one time? Not only that but Benoit was the WCW champion (even if they reversed the decision) when they let him go. Just seems to me like you tell the guys to suck it up and do their damn job. Dumb business decisions aside, WWE reaped the benefits and these guys had a decent run. Sure Saturn was a bit of a weak link and Malenko was pretty misused (James Bond Gimmick?) but Chris and Eddie more than pulled the weight for the team. Post Attitude....we'll avoid that one. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Rock
First and foremost, Rocky was an entertainer. That's why it's so weird to go back and watch his rookie year with the company as Rocky Maivia. He'd debut on the winning team at the 1996 Survivor Series and capture the Intercontinental Title just three months later. The crowd wasn't buying into Johnson so he was repackaged and inserted into the Nation of Domination during late 1997. That is where we got our first taste of the classic Austin/Rock feud which has stood the test of time. 1998 proved to be Rock's break-out year as he became the leader of the Nation and joined forces with The Corporation at the '98 Survivor Series where he captured the WWE Championship. Rocky's popularity increased every year thereafter and he took part in some awesome feuds with Mick Foley, Stone Cold, Triple H and Chris Jericho. He must have been WWE's top merchandise seller because everyone was wearing his shit at the time. The Rock turned into a tremendous wrestler but it was his promos that set new standards. The dude's charisma and connection with the fans was insane. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I love the Rock, while he'll never go down as one of the greatest wrestlers you simply can't deny his ability to "electrify" a crowd; as he'd say. The Rocky Maivia to The Rock transition was easily one of the most career saving moves off all time. Crowds went from chanting "Die Rocky Die" to a face Maivia to loving to hate the charismatic Rock. That was the problem though, the Rock became one of those guys that was so over that he could literally get away with murder and not be booed. From his over the top funny promos to his feuds with Austin, Jericho, Benoit, Big Show, Triple H, etc. the guy just never failed to capture the crowd. To this day the Rock could come out to an enormous pop. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Stooges
Wow. Has there ever been a bigger pair of fudgepackers? I mean Brisco was the man decades ago but his mere association with Patty constitutes him as a thriving rump ranger. I can't even count how many times Austin beat the shit out of these old fucks in order to get his hands on Vince. Patterson and Brisco were McMahon's sad excuses for henchmen and probably received more air time than was necessary. The two shared many homosexual moments but none rivaled their appalling Evening Gown match at King of the Ring 2000 for the Hardcore Title. I'm still surprised these two weren't granted the Billy & Chuck gimmick because they would have killed the role. To put it in perspective, me and co-Main Pager SUPERFAN have this tentative collaboration planned entitled Queer Eye for the Wrestler Guy and Pat Patterson is the focal point of the column. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Just as the name implies, these guys were nothing but Stooges at this point but damn it I loved them for it. There wasn't an ounce of shame amongst this duo and hearing them coming out week after week to "Real American" and doing the Hogan poses just never failed to crack me up. Sure on the wrestling front they were Austin's bitch 99.9% of the time but they kept coming back for more. Plus how funny was it that Brisco treated the air time as commercial time for his auto body shop? You got to love it. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The Undertaker
After years of the same old Undertaker being controlled by an urn and fighting mediocre big men, fans were treated to the Deadman's evolution in 1998. Taker fended off his brother Kane and became more vocal than ever before. By the end of the year, he comprised his own Ministry of Darkness which eventually merged with The Corporation. Undertaker's alignment with the McMahon's would lead to a WWE Championship reign in mid 1999 but The Phenom would drop the title in July and disappear due to injury in September. When Taker returned the following year, he resembled a much more realistic character which came to be known as the American Badass; riding a motorcycle to the ring for his matches. He was a huge fan favorite and often teamed with Kane during 2000 and 2001 as the Brothers of Destruction. A heel turn would lead to another WWE Title run during the summer of 2002 as Taker got his revenge on the Hulkster for 1991. The shtick grew old over time however and thus the true Undertaker was resurrected at WrestleMania XX. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
A legend plain and simple. During the Attitude Era the Undertaker progressively got darker and darker. Not to mention that he helped get the "Hell In a Cell" match over during this time with HBK. Of course his follow up with the Big Bossman wasn't quite as epic, it did start to build upon the Ministry of Darkness. While I'll never in a million years try and defend the strength of Taker's legion of jobbers known as the Ministry, but I will say that during this time "Mean Mark" was truly at his meanest. From the epic goatee to the kidnapping of Steph to the crazy rendition of his entrance, he just personified what a bad ass is supposed to be. Not to be confused with the American Bad Ass, which I'd rather forgot the face side of that run. Hell, I guess bottom line is that as a heel the Undertaker in general is just pure awesome. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Tiger Ali Singh
Here's the thing about this random Indian motherfucker. I remember his segments on RAW like they happened yesterday but did he actually wrestle? I'm leaning towards no but correct me if I'm wrong. Being a sick twisted bastard was what he did best as Singh would offer money to innocent bystanders if they completed disgusting tasks. Hell that's probably where the concept for the show Fear Factor first arose. My better half likes to think the participants weren't plants but this world is chock full of nut jobs so I sincerely doubt it. The one challenge that stands out was when Tiger Ali Singh brought out this guy with nasty toe fungus and had someone from the crowd like his fucking feet! That shit looked like oatmeal I kid you not. Talk about losing your appetite. Singh would later manage a D'Lo Brown/Chaz (Headbanger Mosh) tag team in 2001 but the trio turned out to be an enormous bust. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Bottom of the barrel much? He basically ripped off Million Dollar Man's humiliate fans with money gimmick and meshed it with the generic foreign heel gimmick. As far as wrestle, yeah he did wrestle and he did it poorly. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Too Cool
(sigh) Jerry Lawler's failure of a son and the 70's porn star look-alike. They started off as Too Much with flashy gay outfits but since the gimmick wasn't ever close to being over, WWE decided to get with the times and pimp out the duo. The world was introduced to Scotty 2 Hotty and Grandmaster Sexay and the poor attempt at hip hop commenced. They both had good charisma for crappy wrestlers but the group's popularity really took off when Rikishi joined Too Cool. One Tag Team Title reign to my knowledge but it was more about being fan favorites and getting live crowds excited. The Worm will forever be known as one of the most ridiculous yet epic moves in wrestling history. All that build up for a chop (to the chest)!? I do miss the blonde Vanilla Ice afro from time to time. As for Grandmaster Sexay's goggles? Eh not so much. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Kudos Skitz, I totally forgot about the flamboyant prequel to Too Cool known as Too Much. Scott Taylor and Brian Christopher had names that just totally seemed destined to be second tier wrestlers for life. Somehow against all logic though they did it and did it by jumping on the increasingly popular hip hop bandwagon. What was absurd about the whole thing though was that these guys weren't even half as "hip hop" as Betty White. Then again, Betty White is thug as fuck. Throw in the "Sultan" of swing Rikishi and you got a pretty happening group. Actually not so much. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Tori
What a useless ho bag this chick turned out to be. In all fairness, I should be getting paid just for bringing her unimportant name up in this column. Tori was placed in the original Mickie James role as a huge fan of Sable's who would watch her matches from ringside. Tori proved her dedication at the 1999 Royal Rumble by aiding Sable in retaining the Women's Championship. However Sable would soon turn heel and with Tori being a face, it was only natural for them to meet up at WrestleMania XV. After being raped by Nicole Bass, Tori spent most of the year challenging for the Women's Title before somehow becoming Kane's love interest (The Big Red Machine got mad booty back in the day). After Kane lost a heavy stipulated match, Tori was forced to spend a weekend with X-Pac and you knew what was coming. Tori joined the McMahon-Helmsley faction and gave Kane the cold shoulder. She'd accompany X-Pac and Road Dogg to the ring for a good stretch of 2000. Now for some reason, Tori would start dressing up in a ninja outfit and attack people during hardcore matches. Even worse than that, she'd leave wrestling and open a yoga studio in Oregon. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Let me see.....she looked like a cat and pretended to know karate. Why does this seem familiar? A cat and karate, karate and a cat. At least the "Cat" I'm thinking of got to go one on one with Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, whereas this cat....you know what, I'm not even gonna waste a joke on this one. Skitz, you better bring it with the next selection. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Triple H
I wonder if those who despise Hunter the most cling to his unsuccessful early years with the company for joy. Triple H gained fame in D-Generation X but it was after Shawn Michaels left the stable that he became the leader and cracked up audiences on a weekly basis. An untimely injury in late 1998 proved not to be a major setback as Hunter rose to super stardom the following year. Once he turned heel at WrestleMania XV, the sky was the limit for Hunter as he took over WWE as the companies' top heel. The WWE Championship reigns began to stack up and The Game was the first heel to retain in a WrestleMania main event. Along with Undertaker, Triple H built his legacy in Hell in a Cell matches, won the 2002 Royal Rumble and picked up wins over ever major WWE star of the era. The Game would suffer two career threatening quad injuries but return triumphantly both times. Above all else, Hunter will always be the lucky guy who married the boss's daughter. He's been accused countless times of failing to put over other wrestlers and using his backstage resources to surpass Flair's 16 World Titles but we may never get the real story. The steroids will catch up to Trips one of these days. Those bitch tits of his are visible as ever. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Oh hey there beautiful. At least twice a week I masturbate to a Triple H match and while drinking glasses of tears from my fellow IWC colleagues. The guy was one of the better wrestlers during this time and really got a chance to shine due to the unfortunate injury to HBK forced him further into the spotlight. Boy did he run with the ball though. People can bitch, cry, and moan all they want but at his peak few were as good as the Game. From the cocky DX leader to the Cerebral Assassin himself, the sheer amount of great moments this guy produced was off the charts. Whether it be incredible feuds with Rock, Austin, Foley, etc. or just simply one of his iconic evil beatings (the man broke J.R.'s arm) Triple H proved he could be over as anybody or hated by everyone. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Trish Stratus
LOL. All I can think of nowadays is that celebrity cop show she was on in early 2007. Which unsurprisingly got canceled after like seven episodes. But besides that, she's easily the greatest Diva of the modern era. It really is a shame Trish decided to settle down and retire at age 31 because she could have done her thing for several more years. When Stratus debuted in 2000 and assembled T & A, perverts everywhere were reaching for hand lotion. I especially remember a few segments she directed at Bubba Ray Dudley concerning wood that got my juices flowing. After being heavily involved in the McMahon family issues during early 2001 and sexing up Vinnie Mac, Trish learned how to wrestle during the year and even won the Women's Championship at Survivor Series. Stratus then dominated the Women's Division for the following several years and put on some great Diva matches for the gold. Trish retired at Unforgiven 2006 after defeating long time nemesis Lita for the strap to become the first ever seven time Women's Champion. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I'll never pretend to be a diehard fan of women's wrestling as more times than not it used to come off as scripted. While that may sound silly seeing as all wrestling is scripted, what I mean is a lot of the older women matches just came off as too obviously scripted. Whereas their male counterparts were able to produce more believable matches. Somewhere along the lines though things started to change and a young woman by the name of Trish Stratus would have a huge role in this change. It just seemed on a week to week basis the rate in which she improved her craft was off the charts and for the first time in ages I actually cared about the division. Though it sucked to see her go so young she was smart enough to make an impact and leave before her body had been beaten down too badly so you got to respect that. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Val Venis
Since the late 90's, I see bath towels in a completely different light. Val got to kick off his WWE career with the greatest fucking gimmick ever. A former porn star who got his fair share of booty. He rose to fame during his rookie year in 1998 and was an instant fan favorite. Most remember his lengthy feud with Kaientai but we already discussed that a few columns ago so I'll move it along. Val's short lived tag team with The Godfather was a delight because the two complimented each other so well. Venis was better off as a singles wrestler though and developed into a very solid midcarder over 1999 and 2000. With Steven Richards in his ear, Val buckled down and suited up as a member of Right To Censor. The gimmick lasted barely a year however and The Big Valbowski would return at the 2002 Royal Rumble but the magic was gone. The gimmick had lost its' spark so he turned heel and went by Sean Morley in 2002 and '03. I'll never forget those shower scenes and hot steamy promos which got the ladies in the stands all hot and bothered. You're my hero, Val! SkitZ' Candy Rating:
The guy's finishing move was called "The Money Shot" only in the Attitude Era could you get away with something like that. "You know the Big Valbowski is just like a clock; if you put two hands on it I'll tell you exactly what time it is." "You know the Big Valbowski is just like a rubix cube; the more you play with it the harder it gets." Funny lines aside, Venis was a hell of a wrestler and pretty underrated as far as I'm concerned. Not only that, but Venis was the first guy I saw hit the blue thunder move in a WWF ring, so kudos to that as well. I even liked his transition to Sean Morley even if it was short lived. Ultimately he would take on the role of enhancement talent and things would never be the same. Shame really. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Vince McMahon
A true pioneer of the sport. And probably the sexiest 63 year old ass walking this planet. The creator of WrestleMania took wrestling and brought the entertainment aspect to the forefront. And after years behind a microphone, Vinnie Mac would become heavily involved in the product. His feud with Stone Cold through the years will go down as one of the all time greatest rivalries and really revitalized WWE programming. The guy is willing to take calculated risks also which is evident with story lines such as the InVasion, bringing in the nWo, screwing Bret Hart and purchasing other wrestling organizations. His family is at the top of the WWE food chain and will run the company for decades to come. The Kiss My Ass Club always made for fun segments and the guy has mixed it up in the ring on many occasions. WWE Champion, ECW Champion and winner of the 1999 Royal Rumble. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
How can you possibly not like Vince? Not only is the guy the last survivor of the Monday Night Wars but he's been part of a cultural phenomenon that truly took wrestling from being viewed as trashy entertainment to being viewed as trashy entertainment but on a much larger stage. Part of what Vince helped do was take wrestling from being thought of as a "fake" sport to being recognized as entertainment. Think of it like a soap opera where differences are settled in the ring. Not only that though but Vince has been a key figure in an on-screen capacity. From his early role as an announcer to his role as the boss. Vince has had feuds with the likes of Bret Hart (that turned into a real life feud), Steve Austin, and even The Undertaker. How many millionaires do you know that are willing to get beat up and busted open by their employees? Exactly. Say what you will about the guy but he's a legend without a doubt. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Vince Russo
Well the boss couldn't do it all by himself! As crazy as many of the concepts were, most of them just seemed to click during the Attitude Era. Russo must have controlled a large share of the creative team since he'd already been on the staff for a good bit before the wrestling boom. The guy was flying by the seat of his pants and doing it well. Odds are many of the story lines back then wouldn't pass today but it just seemed like there were better quality wrestling personalities back in the 1990's. Once Russo's head swelled considerably, he'd defect to WCW and play a vital role in sending the company to its' death bed. The problem Vince faced was trying to use the same old angles and gags he used in WWE. Sadly, nothing lasts forever and Russo learned that saying the hard way. If you missed out on World Championship Wrestling, check out the novel The Death of WCW to see what went wrong when Russo was partly in charge. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
You know what, fuck Russo. It's as simple as that. The biggest so called "ideas" that Russo had that really took off were simply him encouraging people to make their wrestling personality an extension of their true personality. That's hardly a concept Russo created nor should get credit for. In the long term I'd say Russo has come up with far more bad than good. Plus let's not forget his hideous booking decisions during the worst time period in WCW (seriously Billy Kidman beat up Hulk Hogan) and he's come up with some real turds in TNA as well. Bottom line, forget this guy he ain't a legend and never will be. Stop trying to ride the coat tails of the Attitude Era and call it your own. It comes down to you are only as good as your last idea, therefore you are a complete tool my friend. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Viscera
I think it's really unfortunate that we didn't get to see the Big Daddy V gimmick while Viscera was younger because he probably would have been a main event monster heel. Instead it didn't happen until 2007 and Big Vis was sent home to shed some damn water weight earlier last year. Viscera won the 1995 King of the Ring in a true WTF worthy moment but didn't become a regular until 1998 as a member of Undertaker's Ministry. He started wearing a leather(?) jacket, blue contacts and grew out a blonde fohawk. Vis wore lipstick as well if I'm not mistaken. There was a Hardcore Title reign or two but nothing significant after that blimp on the radar. Even as a bigger fellow, Viscera served as a jobber but always showed flashes of athleticism for such a large individual. The World's Largest Love Machine made for much happier times indeed. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Where's Mo and Oscar, that's the real question? As one-third of Men on a Mission (though I'm sure much more if you want to be technical) Mabel was known as quite the big man face. Somewhere along the way he transformed into a heel and sat on Undertaker's face a bunch of times, won the KOTR and jobbed to Diesel in truly weird fashion at SummerSlam 95. My love or lack there of for Mabel didn't really change when he came back as a fat goth dude nor did his winning ways. Though on the plus side it was cool that the Undertaker was able to look past the guy crushing his face and forcing him to wear a mask long enough to give him a job, guess Ministry Taker wasn't such a bad guy afterall. The only time I really marked for Viscera at all was during his "world largest love machine" gimmick. Forget the goth clothes, wrestling in silk pajamas is wear it's at. Monkey's Random Ratings:
William Regal
Here's one guy who I felt should have been pushed more during the late 90's because few can keep up with Regal inside the squared circle. He was dealt some shoddy gimmicks early on in his career but bounced back nicely. I've enjoyed the hell out of his last decade with the WWE but also believe he's been severely underutilized over the last few years. Just take a look at Regal's body of art last year and don't forget to factor in that he's north of route 40. Winning 2008 King of the Ring was nice and all but the company didn't really capitalize on the situation like they should have. Do I think Regal is World Heavyweight Champion material? Fuck no! But that doesn't mean he can't compete for the title. A program with Hunter for the WWE Title last summer could have been a pleasant surprise. Regal can run circles around most of the wrestlers he faces nowadays. Guess there's no use crying over spilt milk. I loved Sir William's work as WWE Commissioner in 2001. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Regal really made me a fan of his work during his early WCW days as T.V. Champion. One of the best carriers of that belt and often overlooked. You need to look no further than his work with Ricky Steamboat if you want to see Regal putting on a clinic. Fast forward to him showing up in WWE and I was ready to see some big things from him. While that never really happened and he went back and forth between WCW and WWE a couple of times, Regal is still managing to keep kicking during a time when most of the era have either been let go or retired. So while the Regal fans like myself may be disappointed that he really never got a chance to have that one big moment, at least he's proven the naysayers wrong and really shown he has longevity in the business. Monkey's Random Ratings:
X-Pac
What a fitting way to close out the Attitude Era, right? Sean Waltman's claims to fame are upsetting Razor Ramon on RAW in 1993 and making a sex tape with Chyna. Say what you want but I don't see much there for X-Pac to hang his hat on. Once the Hulkster nixed the idea of Waltman making headlines in WCW, X-Pac returned to WWE the night following WrestleMania 14 to join D-Generation X and wasted no time laying into the Immortal One. The stable took off and X-Pac enjoyed success until the DX shtick got old and the stable split for good. There was a surprising tag team run with Kane in there but nothing serious came of it. Waltman assembled X-Factor in early 2001 but the trio never came close to accomplishing big things. The fans were fed up with X-Pac and let him hear about it constantly. We also found out in 2002 that Waltman and the nWo still didn't mix. Live audiences often reminded X-Pac just how badly he sucked and the guy eventually got the memo. One Night In Chyna managed to decrease his popularity (if that's even possible). SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Call me crazy but I never really minded Waltman in the ring. He had a solid run as the 1-2-3 kid winning tag gold a few times and even putting on a hell of a match with Bret Hart. In the NWO he had a decent run with the US belt and a solid ladder match with Eddie Guerrero. Then of course he came back and joined DX and did fine there too and managed to win some gold. Without DX he didn't do so hot, but some guys are best suited as role players in a stable or tag team. I'm in no way shape or form calling for the guy to be a Hall of Famer but I often think he gets too much unwarranted criticism. Even if his in-ring career is over, I'd like to see the guy get his personal life in order. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The answer to TMR [44] was indeed "Perry Saturn". Twenty something emails have resulted in a 95% Correct Guess Ratio. You know what that tells me? I fucking suck at this gig. Nah everybody has their off week I suppose. However I have been exercising the idea of asking readers to send me their own riddles and answers. Then I'd pick my favorite from the cluster and feature it in my next column. Not completely sold on it yet though. Anyways, the mystery man behind this riddle is a former WWE wrestler who was released by the company some time over the last couple years.
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Nobody's perfect but damn I'm fucking ugly as hell.
Like horror movie worthy / I always struggled to sell.
I was trained by a Hall of Fame tag team but it's hard to tell.
Titles alluded me / Get close and you'll detect a smell.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
If you visit LOP's Columns Forum frequently, than it should come as no surprise that we love to host big events and tournaments year round. The C.S.I. just concluded last week and it kicked off way back in early January! While the tournament I'll be running doesn't start until late summer or early fall, the powers at be have put together a contest with international implications. In June, UK vs. US is slated to begin as American columnists battle British writers in a clash for ultimate bragging rights. I suppose whether it becomes an annual event hinges on how well the first edition goes. The quality and creativity should be magnificent since this contest won't be open to anyone such as the C.S.I. Each team will only include a handful of writers and with so many awesome columnists around these parts, it won't be easy getting a spot on either squad. Stay tuned though because come tourney time, The Candyman will whoop some foreign ass (and lead the Americans to victory of course).
How about that Celtics/Bulls series to open up the first round? My goodness! That's gotta be the most exciting seven game series I've ever watched. My poor Celtics are really going to feel the absence of Kevin Garnett during their second round tango with the Magic. Dwight Howard's going to have a fucking field day under the rim. But hey... at least Boston has the home court advantage during the series. The Cavaliers will coast into the Eastern Conference Finals as will the Lakers I'm afraid. Even if Artest locks down Kobe to some extent, L.A. is too solid of a team to be denied by Houston. The most entertaining and competitive series in the second round should be Nuggets/Mavericks given where both teams are at this point in time. Dallas won't have an answer for Chauncey Billups and it will be their downfall. Who's going to stop him, Jason Kidd? Are you kidding me!?
Plug my shit right round right round. When you go down. When you go down down.
cicero is like the main attraction of dirty minded teenage boys everywhere. His barely legal works are hilarious. - International Fun Slide [j]
And with that, the lights fade to black. Taking next week off would be nice however rest is for the weak! I've booked myself into a corner and will be posting every Sunday until at least early June. First things first... I must respond to a challenge thrown down by my buddy in the Columns Forum, James_A. You might recall him from the Excuse the Aggravation parody which we did not too long ago. This will be the first time I've gone solo in ages! If you happen to be a huge Aqua Teen Hunger Force fan such as myself, I hope you've been checking out the new episodes lately. The writers still haven't lost their swagger after 80+ shows. Don't pick ATHF over feedbacking me for one second though. Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and I'll reply if you sound desperate enough. I owe Dr. Monkey big props for tag teaming this mother fucker with me. Alright I'm on a seven day vacation as of right now but don't forget who wears the pants in this relationship. Later homies.
