Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [44] - Third Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
By SkittleZ
Apr 26, 2009 - 10:59:06 PM
[44] - Third Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
We're back at it, again! I'm actually watching Backlash live on pay per view right now so I'd say The Candyman is one dedicated mofo. All was going well too up until that anti-climatic "I Quit" match between the Hardyz. And then my Edgykins won his NINTH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Tears of joy I tell you. (sigh) Hello once again my Fruity Followers. This is SkittleZ and I'm here to satisfy all involved. Whether I will or not is a completely up to me so don't get your hopes up, nincompoops. Dr. Monkey has graciously returned to aid me once again in this quest of.... er whatever we're attempting to do here. And how many chapters will it take? Five? Ten? Twenty!? Nobody knows! I just try to keep you guessing, people (cue the riddles). Oh and after a quick glance at Rhodes & Dibiase's wrestling tights, a girlfriend of mine who's at my house has inaccurately named the duo L-Butt and Princess. Try figuring that one out.
Nicole Bass
I'm still convinced she is a transvestite to this day but that's not important I guess. After landing on the map in ECW during 1998, Bass made her WWE debut at WrestleMania XV by destroying poor Tori to help Sable retain the Women's Championship. Bass was supposed to play Sable's bodyguard but that didn't last long as she soon entered a lengthy feud with Debra. The odd couple pairing of Val Venis and Nicole Bass had some funny segments but probably featured more uncomfortable moments if anything. The pair picked up a big win over Double J and Debra at Over The Edge '99 in a mixed tag team match. Bass then had a short termed alliance with Ivory before she suddenly disappeared. Now given the sheer girth of a presence such as Bass, I sincerely doubted she'd be kidnapped or abducted. Well come to find out, she had left the company on her own terms and filed a sexual harassment claim on the WWE and Steve Lombardi! Damn... you must be an ugly bitch to claim The Brooklyn Brawler assaulted you. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I'm pretty sure my brain deleted this file somewhere along the way because I remember almost nothing about Ms. Bass's time in WWE outside of her attacking Tori. I just remember tales of her getting her head busted open from a chair shot and claiming Vince and Co. forced her to glue the wound shut rather than stitches or staples. Got to say I'm surprised if the Brawler really did what he was accused of, I had Nicole Bass pegged for more of Pat Patterson's type. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Oddities
Oh mercy me. In late 1998, The Jackyl (ring a bell?) formed a stable consisting of social rejects which he labeled The Oddities. And what a freakish cast of characters it was. You had the giant Kurrgan and some Brazilian monster known as Giant Silva but the best had to be Golga. That shit cracked me up to no end. Whenever you can take an older veteran wrestler, dress him in a conquistador-type mask and a Cartman t-shirt and it doesn't completely bomb, you've done something right. I think if anything this explains the type of audiences wrestling brought in at the time. The Oddities became huge fan favorites and it was hard not to join in as the Insane Clown Posse led them to the ring many times by song and dance. No gold ever made its' way into the stable's possession however which is kind of a bummer. Or is it? Perhaps I should hold my tongue more often. This seems like something right up Monkey Man's alley! SkitZ' Candy Rating:
You know Skitz, I'll admit that I had a soft spot for these guys and gal. This group should have failed by all stretches of the imagination way before it ever did. You basically took leftovers from another horrid stable, the Truth Commission and added in even worse elements. It was like the face version of the Dungeon of Doom, except instead of setting out to destroy Hogan they just set out to dance. Adding Howard Stern regulars like Hank the Angry Dwarf and Beetlejuice never are a good sign. In fact, I don't really ever remember them accomplishing anything other than beating Taka and his gang of nobodies. Oh well everybody is the best at something, unfortunately these guys were the best at being good for nothing. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Owen Hart
From a wrestling fan's perspective, I understand how it could be hard to talk about deceased wrestlers but I never had that problem. Even ten years ago when Owen fell to his death. Could it be that I was just getting into the product and hadn't really had time to see Hart's whole body of work? Probably. But I respect what he did for the sport without question. I always felt Owen being added to the Nation was a nice twist and made sense since he'd been feuding with DX since his brother Bret's exit from the company. This comedian Jason Sensation was brought in for a few weeks to impersonate Owen and holy shit was the dude spot on! He paid for it dearly though as Hart folded the kid up like a pretzel via the sharpshooter. With the Nation disbanding, Owen kind of floated around for a little while before forming a very solid tag team with Jeff Jarrett. The duo would go on to capture the Tag Team Titles and even retain the belts at WrestleMania XV. Unfortunately as we all know, Owen Hart passed away during the Over The Edge pay per view in 1999 after plummeting an estimated ninety feet and crashing into the ring. The Blue Blazer was an awesome gimmick too. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
My favorite Hart family member (sorry Plan). Not only did he have some excellent matches and an excellently paced feud with his brother but his work with HBK in particular really sold me. Those two really just put on a show every time they got in the ring together. Fast forward to the fallout from the Montreal Screwjob and Owen was finally given a chance to take the spotlight. Owen and HHH would enter into a pretty lengthy on again off again feud that stretched even into the DX/Nation feud where Owen ultimately sided with the Nation. Unfortunately he was misused during the bulk of his Nation stay. The last months of his career saw Owen forming a bond with Jeff Jarrett that due to a "injury storyline" where Owen quit wrestling due to injuring Dan Severn, Owen would end his career as the Blue Blazer. Even though the comedic act was perhaps closer to Owen's real life comedic nature, it was a shame that such a great wrestler was in such a role. When Owen died it was probably one of the most shocking wrestling moments for me ever, and it was a shame to see such an underrated talent have such a tragic end to their career. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Paul Bearer
Most are soon to forget but Paul Bearer played a big role in the company during the late 90's. He was on live television every week and always involved in either The Undertaker or Kane's storylines. After years of service, Bearer would turn on The Deadman at SummerSlam 1996 and align himself with Mankind. However a year later, Bearer began warning Taker that his brother Kane was on his way to exact revenge. And I'll tell ya... it was such a pleasure to see Paulie get his ass kicked every now and then during the late 90's. The dude was trapped inside the Hell in a Cell with Stone Cold, thrown in a sewer, etc. I truly believe Bearer is underrated as a manager and excelled at the role. Though it's probably difficult for most people to remember after the 2004 Great American Bash. That concrete crypt match still gives fans nightmares to this very day. Good thing I'd taken a hiatus from wrestling at the time because that shit would have soured me big time. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
For years Paul Bearer was the corny pale-faced manager of the Undertaker yet something changed during the Attitude Era. The guy went crazy and not only developed a personality but became somewhat of an asshole. First he brings in Mankind to beat up the Taker, then he starts some weird mini stable adding Goldust to the mix. Then things get really crazy when Undertaker's brother Kane show up to play. Of course you also have the side story of Paul Bearer banging Undertaker's mom and being Kane's dad. Which speaking of which, how freaking huge does Undertaker's mom have to be to be able to bang Paul Bearer and produce Kane? Poor Paul, you finally stop dressing like an extra from the Adams' family and start talking about banging chicks and then someone goes and nearly crushes him in concrete. There's no love anymore. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Prince Albert
Albert is another Attitude Era wrestler who I always felt was better than advertised. Funny enough, he actually debuted on an episode of Sunday Night Heat in 1999 by saving Droz from a beat down at the hands of Big Bossman. Albert and Droz quickly teamed up and became a regular tag team in the WWE (LOL @ The Pierced Pals). When you look back, Albert was part of some very solid tag teams during the early stages of his career. After Droz was paralyzed in late 1999, Albert was recruited by Trish Stratus as one half of T & A along with Test. Once Trish got involved in The McMahon storyline, Albert would find himself the center piece of X Factor with X-Pac and Justin Credible. I originally thought the trio would have some longevity but things fell apart and Albert ventured out to kick off his singles career in mid 2001. There was a short Intercontinental Championship reign during that summer too. Albert wouldn't be alone for long however as he quickly turned face and started tagging with Scotty 2 Hotty. Come back to me, Hip Hop Hippo! SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Wow, I totally forgot how much of a damn mutt of tag wrestling Albert was. You know though, lasting as long as he did being named after a dick piercing is pretty impressive. Being cast aside by the Big Bossman due to the debut of Bull Buchanan. Let me reiterate that point. The Big Bossman tossed Albert aside for Bull Buchanan, how crazy is that. Then he went from being a dick piercing to being the "A" in TNA. You know how you know your stable is going to fail? When Albert is your monster. X-Pac and Justin "Don't Call Me Aldo Montoya" Credible. So here you had a guy who points to his dick, a guy who looked like a dick, and a guy who used to be named after a dick. God bless the Attitude Era. As for the Hip Hop Hippo, I refuse to acknowledge it. Why you ask? Simply because I'm an asshole. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Raven
It would be ill advised to judge Raven strictly on his WWE tenure since he's been with several different wrestling companies and it was easily Levy's least successful run. Forget his time with WCW. All it takes is a quick glance at his work in ECW and TNA to know what the guy brings to the table. Raven never got off the runway in WWE as his debut came in a feud with J.R. and King. He became a permanent member of the Hardcore Division and while it was entertaining from a fans' perspective, this should have been an omen of things to come. Raven probably won the damn Hardcore Championship 39 times but that's about all he accomplished. In 2002, he worked behind the commentary booth for a while and was actually pretty good. However we'd see Raven return, lose to Tommy Dreamer (subsequently banished from RAW) and spend the rest of his WWE stint as a commentator before being released in early 2003. I'd say it was missed opportunities because if Raven had been built up properly from the start, who knows? An extended program with Undertaker wouldn't have been out of the question (since The Deadman feuds with all the freaks). SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Yeah Raven is a tragic tale of missed opportunities during his WWF run. One of the more under appreciated guys on the mic there is and a more than acceptable brawler. While the Hardcore division was a natural fit for him it just seemed like he was being pigeon holed right from the beginning. Even his WrestleMania match with Kane and the Big Show is criminally underrated at times. What sucks for me though, is the fact that the guy never really got to shine in other areas. Like Skitz said a Raven vs Taker feud could have made sense and even on a smaller scale a IC title run would have been nice to see. I just hate to see talented guys get added to the "future endeavors" list when they are better than they got to show. Really is a shame. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Rikishi
Rikishi was an employee of the WWE for much longer than most modern wrestling fans remember. Although it's probably for the best as one half of The Headshrinkers and The Sultan are probably periods of Rikishi's life that he'd like to forget. After a brief run on the independent circuit, he would return to the company as Rikishi. He would quickly find himself a member of Too Cool and that's where his popularity really soared. Fans couldn't help but juke and jive during Too Cool's post match dance number. But the real crowd pleaser was the stink face. I lost count of how many unfortunate opponents found their face smothered in Rikishi's sweaty cheese crack. In retrospect, he could have stayed in the same gimmick the entire time and done quite well but the WWE attempted to turn him into a main event talent by revealing Rikishi as the man who ran down Stone Cold at the 1999 Survivor Series. The fans weren't buying it and Rikishi returned to his previous role within a few months. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
He has good reason to forget the Sultan, way before he "did it for the Rock" Rikishi was busy running around as a tongueless goon who was feuding with Rocky Maivia over the IC belt. On the other hand I actually dug his initial run with the Headshrinkers and always had a soft spot for those guys and the way that they were booked as a couple of tough island boys. When Fatu the Headshrinker became Fatu who was out to "make a difference" then I wasn't sold so much. Something about wearing bright colors and going to run down areas to speak just didn't seem like something a Headshrinker would do. The dancing fat man that Rikishi would eventually become was a much more fun character and outside the stink face I got to admit that a little part of me still marked for the guy. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Ryan Shamrock
Here is your classic example of Attitude Era tomfoolery. Many might not even remember this petite blonde skank. Could have passed for one of Godfather's ho's any day of the week and I mean that with the utmost respect. Dubbed as Ken Shamrock's little sister, Ryan hit the scene in January 1999 where she caught the eye of Val Venis immediately. The two became an item for a few months while her brother Ken tried to keep Ryan in line. The Ministry had made a habit of kidnapping WWE Divas to sacrifice them and Ryan was no exception. The best part was Foley found her down in the boiler room the very next week. Ryan would disappear from television for a while before returning alongside Terri Runnels and Jaqueline as the colossal failure known as P.M.S. LOL... remember Meat? Wow what a bust (and I'm not talking about breast implants either). Shamrock was shown the door but welcomed with open arms by WCW. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
What did this chick ever even accomplish? From a storyline point of view she was brought in as Ken's sister whom Val Venis banged to further their feud. So pretty much she was random Val Venis sex toy #412 and a member of a failed all girl group (yeah I'm counting Meat). Hall of fame bound, I think not. Hall of shame? Perhaps. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Sable
Perhaps I'm wrong but wasn't Sable the one to kick off the Playboy Diva trend? Surely, the woman deserves a standing ovation based on that alone (excluding Chyna of course). Sable debuted at WrestleMania 12 as the valet of Triple H but once it became known that Hunter liked to rough up the females, Marc Mero came to the rescue. Because of how fucking hot she was, Sable's popularity skyrocketed and it eventually seemed like Mero was holding her back. She would go on to win the Women's Championship and feud with Mero for the better part of 1998. A bitter rivalry with Mero's girlfriend Jaqueline would lead to Sable dropping the title before ultimately winning it back at Survivor Series. WWE then turned her heel and she was pretty talented at being a bitch so the company ran with it for several months. However Sable left the WWE in mid 1999 and sued for sexual harassment after she supposedly refused to go topless. One thing I've noticed during this jog down memory lane is that bitches back in the Attitude Era screamed "rape" left and right. Must have been the fad back then. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I was never a big Sable fan, even back in the day she looked old. She's one of those people that you see today and say "you look the same as you did ten years ago." Then you realize that even ten years ago she looked 45 and her age just balanced out. Then again she's banging Brock Lesnar and that dude is a monster so maybe I'll just shut up and play nice. Even if the tat on his chest does look rather phallic. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Sgt. Slaughter
Here's hoping Slaughter enjoyed that WWE Title reign back in 1991 because he's been shit on ever since. The poor guy just couldn't get a break. Whether it was being dissed by D-Generation X, punched in the balls by Chyna or stunned into oblivion courtesy of Steve Austin. He did do a great job putting over DX when the group first took off. His boot camp match with Triple H and being handcuffed to the Ninth Wonder of the World at WM14 stick out in my mind. Slaughter spent a good portion of his time defending Vinnie Mac along with the Stooges and paid for it repeatedly. The Sarge gave his biggest contributions backstage helping out the companies' rising stars. Beyond that, Slaughter makes an appearance once in a while for a cheap legend pop or to put over a newcomer. I still wonder if it was his idea to tag with Snuka at Night of Champions '07. Don't think I've ever feared for a retired wrestler's life more than I did that evening. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I used to get so mad when they'd randomly bring Slaughter out as a surprise legend as if he'd stand a chance against what ever random guy he faced. As far as the "Attitude Era" most of my memories of Slaughter are his rivalry with DX, in particular the spit shield incident. Screw the Attitude Era though, Slaughter's most "attitude era like moment" took place when he shot Hulk Hogan in the face following their World Title bout. If that doesn't scream attitude then I don't know what does. When the actual "Attitude Era" arrived he bitched out and just got his ass handed to him on a nightly basis. The old Sgt. Slaughter would have given the new Sgt. Slaughter a melvin and stepped on his boots. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Shane McMahon
When I first found out Shane O Mac's age, it caught me a little by surprise. With an accomplished business man such as Vince McMahon, I figured he'd get his son's face on television as soon as he grew a few pubic hairs but Shane was actually in his late 20's at the beginning of the Attitude Era. The swerve they pulled on fans at the '98 Survivor Series was absolute gold. Who the fuck saw that coming!? One...two... taste the bird, fucker! Shane O Mac made for the perfect snob son of Vince and with the unlimited resources at his disposal, ran with the European Championship for a few months. His feud with Test turned out to be pretty good but it wasn't long before the little bastard went behind his old man's back and purchased WCW! 2001 was probably Shane's best overall year as he gave spot monkeys like Jeff Hardy and RVD a run for their money. My favorite Shane O Mac match to this day has to be the street fight with Kurt Angle at King of the Ring. Like his father, Shane would jump from storyline to storyline. Booker T's manager, getting demolished by Kane, teaming up with Vince against DX, etc. I'm sad to report the dreaded gray hairs have taken over Shane's head. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Shane is one sick bastard, that's for sure. I'm not saying Vince is the most sane man I've ever seen in my life but Shane turns it up a few notches. How many men as wealthy as he is do you know that would take the risks he has? The man has taken sick bump after sick bump and even has showed a little aerial skill as well. I don't know of any part time wrestlers that are hitting the "coast to coast" aka the Van Terminator as seamless as Shane. Plus his inclusion into the Austin/McMahon feud injected some new life to it and gave it a bit of a second wind. You really got to give the guy credit too, it isn't like he picks the runt of the litter to go after (ignore X-Pac) he picks the biggest guy in the room and spits in his face. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Shawn Michaels
Some question whether HBK was really involved in the Attitude Era due to his four year sabbatical from the wrestling ring. Though if you think back, Michaels was constantly on television between 1998 and 2002 (just not on a consistent basis). He was even assigned as WWE Commissioner for a good stretch. I look at it as even if you took away those four years, Michaels was key in kick starting the Attitude Era. It's no secret that D-Generation X and Stone Cold Steve Austin changed the face of WWE programming in late '97. As the reigning World Champ, HBK played a major role in what was to follow. For example, the Montreal Screwjob (sorry Bret marks) and his intense program with Taker were far different than what fans were accustomed to at the time. Not to mention Michaels would return triumphantly in 2002 and silence all of his critics. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
The best wrestler of my generation without a doubt. While he may not have been the biggest part of the Attitude days, nobody can question how influential Degeneration-X was to that time. The things that Shawn and Hunter were doing at that time were things that nobody had ever done in a WWF ring. They were like an Apatow comedy translated into a wrestling skit. What they did for the dick and fart joke years ahead of it's time. It wasn't all just comedy gold though, Shawn and Hunter weren't just anti-Vince they were anti-establishment all together. Not to mention that as big as Austin was, it was HBK who passed the torch at the time. Even though his smaller contributions weren't nearly as much, what he did in the bit of time he was with DX more than made up for it. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Stephanie McMahon
Around the same time as her big brother, Steph was brought into the spotlight although from a completely opposite angle. When Vince's Corporation budded heads with the Ministry of Darkness, it was inevitable that the boss and Taker would cross paths as well. As things heated up and became more personal each week, Stephanie was kidnapped by Undertaker's minions and laid on his symbol to be sacrificed. Once the two stables merged, Steph began a kayfabe relationship with Test which turned out to just be a teaser of things to come. It wasn't long until daddy's little girl hooked up with the evil Triple H. And we're not talking fuck buddies... Hunter drugged the bitch and ran her off to a drive thru wedding chapel! That's how you treat a lady my friends. When hubby tore his quad in May 2001, Stephanie was revealed as the owner of ECW during the InVasion storyline and that was around the time she had a little work done on her speed bumps. Because next thing you know, those babies were way out there and Jericho loved to comment on Steph's enhancements. I always thought she was underrated as a wrestling personality. Steph's work as SmackDown General Manager wasn't too shabby either. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
While I can't comment one way or another on her storyline contributions being that I don't see what transpires behind closed doors, I can say that the few interviews I've seen with Steph have always painted her as a pretty down to earth chick. Which considering that 90% of her on-screen time was portraying a bitch, it's good to see a different side of her. Aside from her Jericho interactions the McMahon/Helmsley Era period will always go down as her greatest on-screen role. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Steve Blackman
Honestly, I can't even remember the time frame for Blackman's WWE debut. If you're reading this and jumping up and down, please drop me a line because I'm drawing blanks. The constant highlight packages of The Lethal Weapon turned my head but not like glass shattering or pyro shooting out from the stage. It was kinda cool to see a skilled martial arts expert bust out with some ninja like moves but that's probably more to do with the fact that I was 11 years old. I was too young and naive to know any better. Did Blackman ever win any gold? Ah yes... the Hardcore Championship (who didn't?). Oddly enough, The Lethal Weapon's peak would come in random pairings with shmucks like Al Snow and Brian Christopher. I will give him props though because Head Cheese was the SHIZNITE! Come to think about it, what the fuck happened to Blackman? Any light bulbs flickering, Monkey Man? SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Blackman was always just a pretty bland guy. He had some pretty solid skills but his gimmick and moveset always translated better into his matches with brawlers than it did traditional wrestlers. The random pairings always helped get Blackman over simply because it was during these times that he was able to show some personality. The silent bad ass gimmick can only carry you but so far. Ultimately though, when you bring a bag of weapons to the ring with you, getting stuck in the hardcore division only seems natural. As for his post WWE days, I honestly couldn't tell you. Last time I saw him was on CNN during the whole Benoit thing, since they decided to try and talk to everybody and their mom at the time. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Steven Richards
Stevie came to the aid of The Blue Meanie in 1999 and the two began teaming regularly in a reunion of sorts from their bWo days in ECW. Richards was stuck with the impersonator gimmick and would come out every week dressed up as some other bastard on the roster. Dude still has nothing on Charlie Haas but that deals more with my own personal taste. Richards was soon downgraded to Heat but got repackaged as a conformist seeking to censor everything in sight. He'd run out during a Diva striptease and throw a blanket or billboard over the scantily clad female much to the crowd's chagrin. Surprised there were never any riots. Richards proved a great mouthpiece for the Right To Censor stable and they've gotta get the nod for most annoying theme music in pro wrestling history. Admittedly, your ears get used to it after time. After RTC fell apart, Richards was without a cause and jobbed his ass off for the next few years. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Big Stevie Cool, ah how I loved thee. For some reason I always thought of him as a smaller HBK. Such a shame, the guy always busted his ass and even accepted his role as jobber to the stars while guys with far less talent got pushed. That's nothing new though and Stevie sucked it up and kept going. The self proclaimed GM of Stevie Night Heat did have one accomplishment in the WWE though, he was a 22 time hardcore champion. Not sure if that's a testament to his ability or the lack of prestige the hardcore title held. Either way, an accomplishment is an accomplishment. On a side note, be weary guys and gals when doing google searches for Steven Richards because apparently that's the name of a gay porn star. Chalk that up as a lesson learned I guess. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Do I really even need to comment on this one? * Monkey urges SkitZ to say something competent * Oh alright. Like many, I would have to say the Texas Rattlesnake is my favorite inactive/retired wrestler of all time. In his prime, there was never a dull moment when Austin was on television. The guy could do it all (well maybe not a shooting star press or 450 splash) and was an absolute riot. He is in the same class as the Hulkster and Nature Boy but I would even say he's surpassed what those two did for the business. All you've gotta do is take one look at the 90's wrestling boom to realize the impact he had on the culture and popularity of pro wrestling. A six time WWE Champion, the only dude in history to win three Royal Rumble matches, winner of the 1996 King of the Ring, multi-time Intercontinental Champion, multi-time Tag Team Champion; the list of accomplishments is ridiculous. Unfortunately after WrestleMania XIX, Stone Cold's neck was so fucked up that he had to call it quits several years too soon. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I was so glad when the man I knew as Stunning Steve Austin debuted in the WWF. For years I was a fan of the guy and anybody who tries to say he wasn't a technician in the ring simply needs to look at his older WCW matches. That's neither here nor there though, as soon as I saw Austin in a WWF ring I was ready for some big things. Sure the "Ringmaster" gimmick was terrible but when Austin purposely lost a match to Savio Vega in order to get rid of The Million Dollar Man things really started to pick up for Austin. The lone wolf attitude he showed during that storyline is what would build him into the rattlesnake we'd come to love. Of course the night he won the King of the Ring tournament is a night no one will forget, I remember being on vacation out of state and listening to the PPV on the television at the vacation spot (it was scrambled) and being ecstatic the moment Austin was declared the winner. Add in the fact that he was involved in one of the most entertaining storyline feuds with Vince and his corporation and that he was involved in one of my favorite WM matches with Bret Hart and you have a guy whose legend status can't be denied. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Tazz
I'm starting to realize how little success these ECW stars have had when switching over to WWE. I can just picture Vince behind the levers screaming "payback's a bitch"! Tazz actually had an awesome debut. The WWE hyped it with several video packages and at the 2000 Royal Rumble, Tazz made his debut in front of the New York City crowd and choked out the previously unbeaten Kurt Angle. How the company went from that high and then followed it up with having Tazz feud with Big Bossman and Bull Buchanan is beyond me. Tazz would then be subjected to the Hardcore Division, feud with J.R. and King, Right To Censor and join team WCW/ECW in the InVasion era. And as if things couldn't get any worse, Tazz wasn't even a main factory in the storyline. Instead, we'd constantly see Austin making an example out of Tazz by beating the shit out of him in front of others via a stunner or belt. Oh how the mighty fall so fast. Tazz would retire from in-ring competition and find comfort behind the announce table. I don't blame him either. Fuck knows what other bullshit the company had in store for Tazz. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Taz's (fuck the other z) story is one of those that pisses me off to no end. The guy was one of the biggest bad asses on the planet in the later part of his ECW run and outside of being small really didn't have what I consider to be many strikes against him. Of course with the financial trouble that Paul E. and company where in it was only logical that Taz would end up in WWE eventually. When he choked out Kurt Angle I just knew my fears of him being poorly handled were unwarranted. Unfortunately though most of his time was spent being a bitch. He was treated as someone who was just above jobber in the Hardcore division and don't even get me started on his treatment by the main event guys. I finally thought the guy was gonna catch a break one week on Smackdown when he "re-debuted" after being trash talked time after time by Triple H and when he came down the aisle wearing his trademark black towel I thought the mood was about to change. It wasn't meant to be though as Triple H got the win that night and that was about all she wrote for any type of major push for Taz. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Terri Runnels
I don't really dig chicks who smoke (or wear far too much make-up for that matter) so I never cared much for Terri Runnels. If you managed to get her in bed, there's always the fear of ripping the poor gal in half. Nonetheless, Runnels debuted as Marlena and Goldust's manager. I never really felt like her and the Gold One clicked so once they parted years later, I was all for the move. Terri would become major eye candy and spent most of her time participating in degrading contests like jello wrestling and bra & panties matches. Terri could never wrestle a lick but probably benefited at the time because of the MILF/cougar boom. The bitch had a lovely salute to the crowd and seeing her get stink faced by Rikishi at SummerSlam in 2000 was simply awesome. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I could never really take Terri/Marlena too serious because all I could ever think of was the chick from the York Foundation. Serious props to any fan who actually remembers what I'm talking about there, jobber stables for life. Like Skitz said she was pretty much just a generic female valet who would spend the later part of her run being involved in matches involving mud, jello, and random crap of that nature. Shame we never got to see how the Pillman angle got to play out. Either way, Terri isn't Hall of Fame bound and really never accomplished much aside from being thrown around by Chyna. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Terry Funk
Cue another legendary figure who I wasn't sure should make this series. The Funkster stuck around WWE less than a horny virgin couple on prom night so therefore I had to give this one further contemplation than usual. But I think his epic run as Chainsaw Charlie is what swayed me! Like Monkey Man mentioned in the last column, Funk and Foley made a great duo and it's too bad the two of them couldn't have lasted longer as a tag team. Their program with the New Age Outlaws in early 1998 was gold and they would even take part in some hardcore classics against each other a few months down the road. The Funkster became more of a road agent but he'd pop up on TV every once in a while. Such as the 1998 King of the Ring when Taker chokeslammed Funk right out of his sneakers! SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Mad props to Skitz mentioning Taker chokeslamming Funk out of his shoes, classic moment there. As far as the Attitude Era is concerned Funk's run was just alright. Don't get me wrong, Funk is a legend but not for the things he accomplished during his late WWE run. I loved the Foley/Funk duo and their matches with the New Age Outlaws but was a little underwhelmed by his overall performance. He did have a pretty good interaction with Stone Cold on Shotgun Saturday Night during that show's run though. Classic case of Austin not fearing or respecting anybody in his heel days and Funk not taking any lip from anyone. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Test
We'd first set our sights on Martin as a bodyguard of Motley Crue during a performance of there's on RAW during late 1998. Vinnie Mac must have jizzed his pants over Test's sheer size because Martin kicked off his wrestling career for WWE just a few weeks later. Probably due to his inexperience, Test was booked as a heel member of The Corporation. The stable didn't exactly do wonders for him but Test would receive a big push after being revealed as Steph's kayfabe boyfriend and feuded with Shane over the summer of '99. To this day, the "Love Her of Leave Her" Street Fight from SummerSlam is my favorite Test match (though admittedly there's not much to pick from). The accolades are minimal as I believe all he ever did was win the European, Hardcore and United States Championships. Hell it could be said that Test's biggest success while with WWE was banging Stacy Keibler. It sure as hell wasn't his tag team run with Scott Steiner because they were downright painful to watch. The Testicles era was decent though. SkitZ' Candy Rating: (Too soon?)
I was never a big fan of Test honestly. Ol' horse face just never did much for me in terms of in-ring performance. He always seemed like Kevin Nash Lite to me, and being a big Nash fan that just wasn't something I was trying to see. As Skitz said though his match with Shane was good but Shane has that uncanny ability to have a good match with anyone, which is weird coming from a non-wrestler. All in all it was a shame to see Test's life come to such a tragic end but it still doesn't change my opinion of his wrestling career. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The answer to TMR [43] was indeed "Kurt Angle". Not a horrible week for readers overall. The final result saw a 61% Correct Guess Ratio and most of you narrowed it down to Benoit and Angle. Which is still somewhat pitiful since there's absolutely zero chance of Chris Benoit every being inducted into anything remotely involving World Wrestling Entertainment. It's far past his in-ring accomplishments, ladies and gentlemen. Instead of reliving those tragic events however lets set our focus on me outsmarting you ignorant bastards.
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An odd group in WCW / Their leader would guide 'em.
The tide turned and I'd get multiple chances to fight 'em.
Female clothing's relevant / Hard to tell what's inside him.
And I got really comfortable with one household item.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
I wanted to send a congratulations to my Main Page amigo Mazza for his well earned victory in the grueling C.S.I. tournament which was held in LOP's Columns Forum. He beat Sean_Taylor by ONE SINGLE VOTE so both men really deserve a round of applause. Sheepster put together the craziest tournament I've ever laid my eyes on so major props are in order for that fluffy fucker as well. Mazza is the man of the hour though after relatively coming out of nowhere to make a huge name for himself. The first few months of 2009 witnessed Mazza's rise to prominence which included winning February CotM and a Main Page promotion. Victories over the likes of Skaos, Degenerate, 'Plan, Dr. Monkey and others proves that Mazza rises under pressure. The overall tournament was just amazing with all things considered.
The NBA playoffs have been pretty solid for the first week. A little predictable but we've seen a good number of awesome games. Game three of the Lakers/Jazz series in particular turned out to be epic (mostly due to L.A. losing in heartbreaking fashion). The Pistons never brought it whatsoever as LeBron's crew had their way with Detroit and now have tons of time to rest up for the following round. Denver looked mighty impressive in games one and two against the Hornets but I see that evolving into a lengthy series. Above else, the Celtics/Bulls program is the one I find most difficult to predict an outcome. Because if Chicago pulls off an upset in game five, Boston's fucked. But at the same time, does such a young team have the resolve to knock off the defending world champions? Don't let it happen, basketball gods! I'll curl up on my bed and cry for days. Or until Kobe Bryant tastes defeat again.
Plug it like you've got a pair, son!
Nocalicious produces the hottest fucking sigs in all of LOP. Well that's my opinion. Gotta kiss his ass since he does mine! - The Noc List
Jimmy's dropped another gem pertaining to three key WWE individuals. The kid delivers so do yourself a favor and click. - Project CF XVII - Meeting Expectations
Alrighty then. Time to pack it up and go home, kiddies. I'm still quite amazed that this column managed to get finalized and posted before Monday. When I woke up this morning, it was miles away from completion. Not to mention I had to speed over to a nearby train station and pick up fellow LOPer Johnny Boomerang. Yes I was forty minutes behind schedule but like they say, it's better late than never! Thought I'd treat the guy to a free show before he heads back over to his native U.K. This does NOT mean I fancy the foreigners now by the way. I prefer to look at it as my one good deed of the year. Enough about that crumpet eating schmuck though. Let me know if this was up to snuff or amounted to squat. Feel free to do so at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) if you're feeling lucky on this fateful day. Until next time, this is SkittleZ reminding you that wrestling is best served in three courses? Never say never my friends! Later homies.
(Too soon?)
