Posted in: Taste My Rainbow TMR [43] - Second Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
By SkittleZ
Apr 19, 2009 - 1:33:48 AM
[43] - Second Chapter Of The Attitude Era Reflection Manual
Don't look now but The Candyman might have a new woman in his life! Yes these are exciting times for a young bachelor such as myself so I won't jinx it by going into further details. All you need to know is I've got a date this Friday, bitches! Howdy partners. I'm SkittleZ and this is that naughty fantasy known as Taste My Rainbow. The column you cling to for hope but ends up failing miserably on every occasion. Hopefully, the weather's brought you excellent temperatures like the ones we're currently getting here in the Northeast. It's practically scorching outside (note the heavy sarcasm). We're just trucking along today as we near the midway point of me and Monkey's endless quest. If you didn't catch the first chapter for some reason, then that's a mystery to me. Why even bother reading this if you missed the beginning!? It's people like YOU that piss me off. Please leave now before I have security remove you forcefully! And they do tend to get a little rough with troublemakers (wink wink).
Ivory
If my memory serves me correct, Ivory debuted in early 1999 as the valet of Mark Henry and D'Lo Brown. Major kudos to her for not getting the fake hangers like every other Diva does upon entering the business. I always felt Ivory had a nice natural rack but that rat-like face of hers never did it for me to be honest. Once the cocoa tandem disbanded, Ivory set out on her own and fared pretty damn well in the Women's division. Ivory's time in the sun came in 2000 when she was brainwashed by Steven Richards and turned into the librarian we all despised so fucking much. Her Women's Championship reign while with RTC saw Ivory receive ridiculous heat from the Attitude fans and the WWE capitalized on it nicely by placing her opposite of Chyna. Ivory would serve as the female trainer in Tough Enough where we were able to see a somewhat lighter side to her personality. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Ivory is one of those chicks that never really did too much wrong in my eyes but at the same time never did a whole lot right. She just struck me as one of those middle road, straight laced type women wrestlers. Even though Ivory wasn't a bad wrestler she wasn't the best just as she wasn't the worst looking diva nor the best. She was basically the mashed potatoes of the Women's division. She never really made the meal but a little here and there is a good thing. At the same time, if you shove her down my throat too much I'm gonna get sick. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Jaqueline
I always enjoyed Jackie's work while with the company as she could put on a good match with any competent Diva on the roster. And despite her face looking like it was molded out of black wax, I often fantasized about being taken to the woodshed by Jaqueline when she was in her prime. Those cannons are simply out of control and I would snuggle up to them any day of the week. Jaqueline shoved her way into the ongoing Marc Mero/Sable storyline as Mero's new lady friend and quickly helped strengthen the Women's division. I didn't give Jackie enough credit back in the day because Sable was all the rage but she turned into a well respected veteran in WWE. A woman all about the business who perhaps didn't get enough love during the latter stages of her career. However there was a Cruiserweight Title reign for Jackie in 2004 (did I read that right?) so maybe I'm an idiot. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Miss Jackie was one lady who I thought always got the short end of the stick. When she came over from WCW she had no choice but take notice of her sheer toughness. Yet for some reason she was treated like enhancement talent for most of her tenure. Sure she had her share of victories but her wins always seemed like just a way to put over random face diva when they beat her. Shame too, maybe if they only realized how long she was gonna be in the business she wouldn't have taken the fall for so many flavor of the month type divas. Guess that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Jeff Jarrett
My earliest memories of Double J was of his feud with Razor Ramon heading into WrestleMania 11 but a good bit of the following two years is vague (probably for good reason). Jarrett always seemed to bounce around back then until 1998 where we witnessed the guy become a solid upper midcard wrestler for the organization. One of my favorite highlights was his hair versus hair bout with X-Pac at SummerSlam '98 where Double J had his rock band mop shaved off. The buzz cut brought Jarrett some good luck however as he went on to win the Intercontinental Championship a handful of times before ultimately dropping it to Chyna in an epic Good Housekeeping contest. Double J had did the job and after attempting to blackmail Vinnie Mac, landed in WCW where he did most of his damage. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Jeff Jarrett is the perfect example of solid midcard, Intercontinental title level talent. Thankfully as the Attitude Era started coming into full swing, he got rid of the "luscious locks" that just screamed "territory days." He put on some great matches with the likes of DX and even a young Edge but my favorite WWF JJ moment came in the form of his tag team with the late Owen Hart. I don't know what it was about Owen that just screamed great tag teams, but he managed to be involved with quite a few of my favorites. Their styles just seemed to gel together so well with Owen being the high flying technician with JJ playing the role of the old school heel brawler. Sadly their pairing also led to one of Jeff's more dramatic moments as JJ broke down (understandably) following Owen Hart's death and seemed to be one of the more visibly shaken guys there. In fact he would pay tribute one last time a mere eight days after Owen's death by defeating the Godfather (Owen's opponent the night he died) via sharpshooter to capture the IC belt. Things started to go down hill in the later part of his run though, up until his departure. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Jerry "The King" Lawler & Jim Ross
Oh snap! The Attitude Era just wouldn't have been the same without J.R. and King behind the desk calling Monday night RAW every week. You had the Oklahoma cowboy and the semi-retired legendary wrestler budding heads on a consistent basis. Lawler was so damn perverted and sexist that Ross couldn't justify The King's actions even if he wanted to. So instead, J.R. spent most of his time poking fun at Lawler's multiple marriages and obsession for young busty women. It seemed like J.R. was constantly defending WWE's top babyfaces against The King while Lawler always sided with the badass heels to save his own ass. The best part was how fucking fast The King would throw Ross under the bus whenever the opportunity presented itself. Unfortunately, King would become a natural good guy over time and the bickering between him and J.R. ceased. The final nail in the coffin of the Hall of Fame announce team was when Ross was drafted to Friday night SmackDown last year. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Once upon a time these guys were the "it" team and really delivered on a weekly basis. Back when J.R. talked about the match and King pretty much made fun of whoever the babyface was. The team really fed off each other and followed the never fail formula of heel announcer/face announcer. During the Attitude Era nobody put over the intensity and emotion of the show like good ol' J.R. while King was more or less a Bobby Heenan for the new generation. Unfortunately over time the King started focusing more on zingers and womanizing than he did on the match and duo started to suffer a little bit. Though I guess all good things must come to an end eventually. Still I'll never forget the classic line "some people like long legs, some like short legs, me....I like something in between." Monkey's Random Ratings:
Kaientai
These shady characters covered the Oriental demographic back in the late 90's and really weren't too painful to watch either. The infamous feud with Val Venis comes to mind first and foremost because of the insane climax to the storyline. The little old Asian dude from Kaientai had a young sex slave who had the hots for Val and ended up hooking up with the former porn star. However just when it seemed like Venis had saved the damsel in distress, Kaientai ambushed him during a match and carried him to the back. Security officers burst into a room where we witnessed a bound Venis lose his dick courtesy of a sword. I dunno... maybe I'm sick but that Asian dude yelling "I choppy choppy your pee pee" made my day. Anyways, Kaientai would eventually reduce to just the duo of Taka Michinouku and Sho Funaki. They became the stereotypical Japanese comedy bunch and I fondly remember them being eliminated several times during a single Royal Rumble. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
My memory of Kaientai isn't that great for some reason. I remember Taka being a great wrestler then surprised when he was put into a comedic group. Then again given Vince's lack of love for the little guys, I guess I shouldn't have been but so shocked. Still, all I recall that vividly is Val Venis and "choppy, choppy, your pee pee." That and the infamous "INDEED" overdubs by Funaki. Which speaking of which, can anybody actually name the other members of Kaientei outside of Taka and Funaki? Without references that is. Didn't think so. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Kane
Hopefully, the Big Red Machine saves all of his matches on VHS or DVD so he can reflect to keep his troubled mind at ease. After many failed gimmicks and a fuck ton of hype, Kane made his debut at Badd Blood 1997 where he dropped Undertaker on his fat head and cost his brother the very first HIAC match. What followed was an intense rivalry between siblings which waged on for the better part of three years. The Big Red Machine had some excellent feuds with Austin, Foley and others but my favorite time period may have been in 2001. Kane dominated that year's Royal Rumble match and tagged with The Deadman for the majority of '01. In many ways, The Big Red Machine changed fans' perception of big man wrestlers due to his agility and quickness. While there was only the one 24 hour World Title reign in mid '98, Kane won his fair share of gold over the years. Even after 2002 when his credibility evaporated faster than the average American's 401K. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Kane aka Glen Jacobs is bound to have a rabbit's foot up his ass. Not that I don't like the guy but not too many people get to bounce back after two failed gimmicks. Though the fault shouldn't be placed on him, I mean who thought a wrestling dentist or a cheap knockoff of a recently departed wrestler would work. Still when he ripped that cage door off and tombstoned the Undertaker every body was in awe. The guy was a monster to be reckoned with and for much of the early part of the Attitude Era not many people did. Unfortunately the WWF blew a big chance and took the World title from Kane after a mere 24 hours. His dominance from then would slowly start to fade as he started to become more of a hired hand than a monster hell bent for destruction. The final nails in the coffin would come when Kane first spoke and then when he finally unmasked. Not to say he hasn't regained some of the lost momentum but he's never fully gotten back on track. Still, Kane's debut was one of the most memorable ones from that era. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Ken Shamrock
The mixed martial artist turned pro wrestler. Long before ever showing his mug on WWE programming, Shamrock was a staple in the UFC promotion. This was long before the MMA boom though and after refereeing the epic Hart/Austin submission match at WrestleMania 13, The World's Most Dangerous Man witnessed first hand the money up for grabs in WWE. In less than a year, Shamrock would find himself wrestling Shawn Michaels for the WWE Championship on pay per view and followed that up with a pretty memorable feud with The Rock. My balls always twitch uncomfortably whenever I see replays of the steel chair shot he took from The Great One right before WM14. Shamrock's intense fighting style made him interesting to watch but since his personality didn't endear him to many fans, The World's Most Dangerous Man spent most of his short WWE career as a heel. He played a pivotal role in the Corporation which suggested Shamrock's stock was on the rise. Kenny had a respectable run and snagged a few Intercontinental Championships along the way but was out of the company barely two years later. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
The first time I ever saw Shamrock was on some random MMA ppv years ago that I got for free due to some cable mishap that gave me free pay-per-view for a weekend. Seeing him break some dude's jaw in dominant fashion in roughly a minute was a sick thing to see and I was a fan instantly. Needless to say I was a fan when he came in as a guest referee for what would go down as one of my favorite WrestleMania matches of all time. When he returned to the WWE as an official member for the roster, I was more than curious as to what he could pull off. To say his run is under appreciated would be a huge understatement. He had feuds for the World title, reigns as IC champ and tag champs, and a King of the Ring win. Let's not forget that not only did he defeat the Rock at WrestleMania (even if it was reversed) but he also made him tap out on route to his KOTR win. I think the main thing that hurt Shamrock was his lack of "wrestling personality" but no one could deny his in ring intensity that more than made up for any of his shortcomings. Monkey's Random Ratings:
K-Kwik
Hard to believe Killings was only with the WWE for a year. Oh his partner was Road Dogg? I retract my previous statement then. Nonetheless, it's good to see R-Truth make his way back to the WWE after competing all around the world and calling TNA home for a good bit. With Billy Gunn temporarily sidelined, K-Kwik came to the aid of Road Dogg and the two seemed to click in the hip hop department. They didn't make for a bad filler tag team either. Gunn was back before long and after DX split for good, K-Kwik was a one man show. The guy was lightning quick and moved around the ring with ease. He had a magnetic personality and it's a damn shame WWE couldn't find anything better to do with Killings than let him rot away in the Hardcore division. K-Kwik was on jobber duty during the InVasion angle and the company released him shortly afterwards. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Killings' initial run with the "E" was as good as midcard tag team filler can be. Even though his pairing with Road Dogg screamed "names drawn out of a hat" somehow the duo made the team work. It just wasn't meant to be though as Killings was relegated to head of jobber committee after Road Dogg got shown the door. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Kurt Angle
Has there ever been a more entertaining Olympian (LOL @ Mark Henry)? A young cocky Kurt Angle tried his hand at pro wrestling after years of persuading from the likes of Paul Heyman and Vince McMahon. Angle debuted at Survivor Series in 1999 and spared no expense at boasting his winning streak before matches and in the locker room. That was until Tazz jumped to the WWE from ECW and choked out Angle at the 2000 Royal Rumble. The loss did little to set Kurt back as he quickly won both the IC and European Championships before losing the pair of belts at WM16 without ever getting pinned! Angle's involvement with Stephanie made for some drama filled television but the next year (2001) was when Kurt really broke out. Coming off an impressive World Title reign, Angle engaged in an awesome rivalry with Chris Benoit and then led the way for Team WWE in the InVasion era. Kurt traded the WWE Championship back and forth with Stone Cold but after the sputtering storyline came to a halt, Angle was back to his heelish ways. Kurt would blossom into a Hall of Fame caliber wrestler but sided with the wrong team after Vinnie Mac took away his vacation time. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Describing Angle's run during the Attitude Era is like describing two totally different people. Upon his debut he was the straight laced wrestler who was hated for the reasons that people loved Hogan years before. He was about the Three I's and his humorous "cookies and milk" clean persona made him the butt of many jokes. The joke was on the fans though as he went on for weeks racking up quite the winning streak and would display a technical wrestling ability not shown in years. Then there was the side of Angle that slowly emerged years later, where the "intensity" he always talked about really started to shine. It was during this time that Angle started to get away from the funny parts of his character in exchange for a no non-sense style. This is the Angle that has come to be the most well known as it's still the one he portrays to this day. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Linda McMahon
It's hard to see where Linda fits into the whole McMahon equation (besides popping out Shane and Stephanie) but I suppose there's gotta be one sane family member to keep affairs in order. Most likely due to the combination of her position in the company and lack of acting ability, Linda was only used sparingly during the Attitude Era. She was the permanent babyface who often stepped in and flexed her muscle when hubby and the kids were getting out of control. Linda's interaction with Austin and Mick Foley was enjoyable while it lasted but the company attempting to turn her into a bitch was definitely ill advised. The woman is simply too sweet to gain anyone's hate! She resembles an elder lady who would have her chef's whip up a batch of cookies for complete strangers. The stunner she "sold" at the RAW Homecoming in 2005 however was even worse than the one Donald Trump took at WrestleMania 23! My eyes burned for days. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I didn't even think it was possible to be bland if your last name was McMahon until I saw Linda. I'm not sure if it's the obnoxiously outdated WM 10 theme song that she always comes out to or if it's just the natural sweetness aura she puts off. Either way, an Era named "Attitude" had almost no use for someone so wholesome. She was simply a storyline excuse to keep things in check when the odds were too stacked in the heels favor. Good thing she can sell companies on her product because she sure as hell can't sell a wrestling move to save her life. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Lita
Yes her face isn't exactly flawless but I always found Lita tremendously attractive (up until 2005 of course). After a nice stint in ECW, Lita signed with WWE and debuted alongside Essa Rios. She caught fans' attention almost immediately with her aerial attacks on Rios' opponents while the referee was distracted. It was only a few months later when WWE came up with the ingenious concept to combine Lita with the Hardy Boyz to form Team Extreme. Matt and Lita would make out seductively while Jeff stuck to suicide dives and daredevil maneuvers. The trio accomplished a ton together; Jeff & Matt were always in the Tag Team Title hunt while Lita never lost a step in the Women's Division. Lita struggled to keep peace between the Hardy brothers as they entered a small feud in late 2001. Fortunately after a short hiatus, Team Extreme returned in unison at the 2002 Royal Rumble. Lita would concentrate more on the Women's Championship after the Hardy Boyz split. The next four plus years wouldn't be so kind to Amy Dumas... SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Lita was actually one of the first women's wrestlers I gave two shits about. For years, women's wrestling to me was just generic and bland and always seemed to be about 10 years behind their male counterparts. When Amy started leaping all over the place like a cruiserweight she closed the gap pretty fast. She also was part of a pretty special time for women's wrestling as for the first time it actually was starting to be treated as something more than just TNA bullshit. While her exit will be remembered for the wrong reasons, her days during the Attitude era were filled with solid wrestling that was way ahead of it's time and spots that would make some men cringe. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Luna
Here is one Canadian female I'd never get intimate with and I've sexed up some questionable women in the past. Luna returned to the WWE in 1997 as Goldust's side dish and the two brought a whole new meaning to "What Not To Wear". Luna spent the majority of 1998 feuding with Sable in a true clash of beauty and the beast. The real life animosity between both ladies only aided their ongoing rivalry. Despite her best efforts, Sable always seemed to come out on top. Luna could never get her hands on the Women's Title as she failed to strip the belt off Ivory in late '99. The odd pairings that WWE were so found of back then continued when Luna linked up with Gangrel in the ultimate freak couple. After a real life confrontation with Sable, Luna was out of the company in early 2000 and I say good riddance! SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I'm gonna simply say this:
Luna, you sucked then and you suck now
So it was written suck, so suck you shall
If not sucking was a contest, just throw in the towel
I've seen vacuums that don't suck like you know how
Your suck is that of legends, and you should be proud
If the sun is to greatness then your suck is a cloud
When the epic play of suck concludes be sure to take a bow
And listen as they appreciate your suck good and loud Monkey's Random Ratings:
Marc Mero
At the expense of ripping off Monkey's last excerpt, I'd like to sum up my thoughts on this individual with a few personal lyrics.
I'd rather be raped by whales than watch you compete
I'm talking wrestling and boxing - Neither was a treat
And please don't let my hatred for you seem discreet
You couldn't satisfy Sable and If we were to meet
At a live wrestling show or on some random street
I'd smack you for the minutes lost on my couch seat
Then perhaps hire some thugs to haul off and beat
Your talentless ass so bad you'd start acting petite
Marc Mero's chances of success were always bleak
Getting out shined so decidedly by a chick is weak SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I was a sucker for Johnny B. Badd back in his WCW days and his uncanny Little Richard resemblance (LOLLER SKATES @ Little Dick). He even debuted by throwing himself in a feud with a guy who I was becoming pretty found of and another WCW guy in Triple H (OMG WTF @ Terra Ryzing). Sadly Marc was in the shadow of his wife and even though his heel turn was well done and provided a few good moments, ultimately believing a guy who used to finish guys off with a move called "The Kiss That Don't Miss" and shot confetti out of an air gun was never going to be perceived as a badass. I will give the devil his due though, the TKO finisher he came up with was pretty wicked. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Mark Henry
After failing miserably upon his debut in 1996 as a good guy Olympian, Henry was later shuffled into the Nation of Domination where he continued to make people reach for the remote control. To be honest, Henry's entire WWE career has been a snooze. Well except for those few Jerry Springer-esque relationships with Chyna and Mae Young but it can be argued that Henry added little to those angles. The Sexual Chocolate era is by far my favorite because we witnessed a fun lovable Phat Albert character instead of the emotionless lump of shit that trounces around the ring nowadays. The fact that Henry's career highlight was winning the ECW Championship 12 years into his tenure speaks volumes on his status during the Attitude Era. Henry needs to retire already and lose some fucking body fat before he croaks. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
I always assumed that Henry must have some dirt on one of the McMahons. Like maybe he walked in on Shane banging an underage girl or caught Vince jacking off on a sleeping diva or something. I mean the guy has a habit of not only hurting wrestlers but himself as well. Any time the guy is in a match with one of my favorite wrestlers I can't help but fear for their safety. I guess props for dodging the bullet from the "future endeavors" gun but I really wouldn't be sad if something bad happened to him tomorrow. Let me clarify, I don't wish death but maybe a good solid case of bowel leakage. So much that he has to wrestle in diapers and eventually quits after the embarrassment. See, and you thought I was heartless. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Mean Street Posse
Oh were do I begin? Sweater vests and cargo pants never mixed well with pro wrestling in my opinion. The best part about Joey Abs, Rodney and Pete Gas is that two of them were real life childhood friends of Shane's. Joey Abs was actually a legit wrestler who was brought in to be the worker of the stable. I don't care what anybody says... a group resembling over aged frat guys gets a thumbs up for me every time. The Mean Street Posse occupied most of their time in WWE helping Shane in his quests to retain the European Championship and teach Stephanie's boyfriend Test a lesson. Abs, Gas and Rodney joined the endless pit that was the Hardcore Division in early 2000 but the end was in sight. All three of them briefly held the Hardcore Title at WrestleMania 16 and added (at least for a short period) a solid heel tag team to the division. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Christ, these guys were like an Old Navy commercial that wrestled. When these guys debuted they were like 50 members deep before they cut it down to the best of the best....Did I seriously just write that? Out of the all the guys the best we could find were Joey Abs, Pete Gas, and Rodney? I always thought it was funny that Rodney was simply Rodney. No nicknames, no last name, just Rodney. Then you have Joey Abs (who actually was decent) whose name sounds like he's a mob guys nephew who fucks up a lot and his uncle has to come clean up his mess. Finally we have Pete Gas who was the token "chubby" friend there to boost the self esteem of the other guys. On a semi related note, anybody else think Pete Gas looks just like the host on Pros vs Joes? The WWE really should start producing "where are they now" bits and give me some new info on these guys stat. Actually I'm just kidding, I could care less. Except for Rodney, somebody hook me up with dude's digits so we can pound a few brews and talk about old times. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Michael Cole
Plugging Cole in this series was something I gave serious thought to during the brainstorming stage. Did he really deserve to be listed in such an inauspicious class of entertainers? Hell no! I just threw him into the bunch for shits and giggles. Cole got his start as an interviewer but it soon became obvious that he'd be set up with an announcer gig down the road. He was on SmackDown forever too. We're talking like nearly a decade. Fans never seemed to rally behind Cole like they have so many other WWE commentators but I'd just contribute it to his lame personality. The way he hyped SmackDown after the brand extension in 2002 and constantly suggested the blue brand was the superior show never ceased to annoy me. The best of Cole would be the ass beatings he's taken at the hands of various heel wrestlers during his time behind the desk. And who knew the word "vintage" could summon so much aggravation? SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Jim Ross kicking Michael Cole in the balls, best Cole moment ever. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Mick Foley
He may not look the part but Foley really is a living legend. However unlike so many other acclaimed pro wrestlers, he was mostly heralded for the severe beatings he took continuously over his lengthy career. After some excellent work in ECW and an extensive gimmick overhaul, Foley made his WWE debut the night following WrestleMania 12 as Mankind. Given the mind games, swerves and longevity of his feud with Undertaker, it has to be considered one of the greatest rivalries the sport has ever witnessed. During those first two years we saw all three faces of Foley which I'd say is a testament to how tremendous the guy was with character development. I would dare to say Foley gave some of the best promos the industry has ever seen. And as his popularity heightened, Foley would capture three World Championships (along with several other titles). The Hardcore Legend was always putting over other talents to do what was best for the business. A class act who bore the appearance of a homeless fuck. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Ah, Mrs. Foley's baby boy. Not only is Foley one of my favorite wrestlers from the Attitude Era but he is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time period. I started following his career during his WCW days, and I believe my first dose of Foley came in the form of the "Chamber of Horrors" match. I was disappointed when he disappeared from WCW and at the time didn't get to see his awesome ECW run. When he popped up on television attacking the Undertaker I was ecstatic. Not only did Mankind put the boots to Undertaker unlike any person has ever been able to do single handed but he was also the first guy to hand Undertaker multiple losses. Hell the fact that a taped match where WCW revealed that Foley was winning the WWE title beat out a live Nitro was truly a testament to his appeal. Add in the fact that he has never shown any signs of having an ego and has even come back just to put people over and you have a guy who I can't say one negative thing about. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Miss Kitty
Not bad for a hot little piece of ass. She was brought in during mid 1999 as Debra's assistant but didn't really ever get too involved. That was until Jarrett lost a match to Chyna where the stipulation stated Miss Kitty was now property of The Ninth Wonder of the World. Instead of turning Kitty into an eternal sex slave, Chyna dressed her head to toe in a similar dominatrix get-up. Miss Kitty became known as The Kat and instantly a crowd favorite. Things progressed quickly when she won the Women's Championship just a few months into her WWE career. All good things must come to an end and by that, I'm referring to Harvey Wippleman taking away the Women's Championship in a Lumberjill Snowbunny match (I kid you not). The Kat spent the majority of 2000 feuding with Terri "Angry Nips" Runnels and was released shortly after being involved in an angle with Right To Censor. Not a bad year and a half career but she was simply a flavor of the week that stuck around too long. Some natural ability would have done her good but the wrestling Gods couldn't have cared less. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
She'll be forever known as the chick that took her top off at a wrestling event. Of course this led to an event where Mae Young took her top off (yep, naked Mae Young) so I got to say the negative totally over shadows the positive on that one, in more ways then one (way to set back women's wrestling). Who ever thought banging Jerry Lawler would keep your job? Take note youngsters who may be on the chopping block, allow the King to blast his cannon in your sleeping quarters. Monkey's Random Ratings:
Naked Mideon
What would this series be without this happy-go-lucky fellow? Most wrestling fans remember Mideon during his tag team days in the mid 90's as one half of the Godwinns but it's what came after that was truly great. Well after his time with the Corporate Ministry of course. I'd like to hunt down whoever came up with the concept for Naked Mideon and kiss them on the cheek because sheer brilliance hasn't been displayed so well since. Witnessing Mideon run around randomly with a black g-string can only lead to awkward moments or hysterical laughter. In an era where streaking is commonplace, I'd say the gimmick fit in just fine. The fact that Mideon was pasty white always reminded me of Will Farrell in Old School. Sadly, the gimmick did little to earn Mideon a new contract because he was out with the trash sooner rather than later. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
Ol' Phineas I. Godwin (PIG) was in luck during the Attitude Era because every stable needs a resident jobber. So when "evil" Undertaker formed the Ministry of Darkness it was time for a good old fashioned gimmick change. Enter Mideon.....evil hog farmer. Well maybe not evil hog farmer, but I like to think of it that way. Of course nothing lasts forever and eventually the Ministry would disband much like stables do and Mideon was lost in the shuffle. It's okay though because creative thought of the ultimate way to keep him over, take his clothes off. Call me what you will, but a pasty white dude in a g-string and a fanny pack, randomly running out and doing the cabbage patch is entertainment in my book. Dick Johnson wishes he was on Naked Mideon's level. Monkey's Random Ratings:
New Age Outlaws
You wanna talk about a complete tag team? This was it right here. After a couple tag team busts, Billy Gunn finally made it click with Road Dogg when the two dubbed themselves The New Age Outlaws. Working as heels did wonders for the duo because they were able to learn what ticked off the audience and what made them jump for joy. As the new D-Generation X fell into place, the crowd interaction naturally won over Gunn and Road Dogg with the fans. They had the catchy promos and did the flashy anti establishment bit which really urged marks to jump on the NAO bandwagon. The success is there as well with numerous Tag Team Championship reigns and high profile feuds against the Nation, Corporation and Rock 'N Sock Connection. Once Billy Gunn turned heel in 1999, the pair never could gain back the chemistry they once held. Their work in TNA reminds me of a high school reunion gone terribly wrong. SkitZ' Candy Rating:
If someone had told you that one half of the Smoking Guns aka Rockabilly was going to form one of the best tag teams of the 90's with Jeff Jarrett's Roadie (a member of the cursed Armstrong family nonetheless) you more than likely would have laughed your ass off. Somehow they made it work though. These guys were the epitome of two midcarders being thrown together. I guess one of the key components though was that they complimented each other. While Gunn was pretty decent in the ring he was bland. Road Dogg was just average in the ring for the most part but just had a natural charisma that you couldn't help but watch. There feud with Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is what really opened the door for this team and the future they'd have. Key reason why the Attitude Era was such a success, they found ways to get just about everybody over, and the Outlaws are proof. Monkey's Random Ratings:
The answer to TMR [42] was indeed "Chris Jericho". Muhahahahaha! I knew you bastards would fall into the masterful trap I set in my last column. The 21% Correct Guess Ratio backs that up too. Many of you assumed I was talking about Triple H with the "suffering around WrestleMania season" hint. Believe it or not, poor Y2J has an even worse Mania record than The Game. And as soon as I said "looking for you face to bury my knees in", people again suggested Hunter. However if you watch, HHH doesn't drive an opponent's face into his knees with the pedigree. He simply rests his nut sack on the guys' neck and squeezes his thighs together.
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Not too long ago, I may have been considered the best.
Opponents begged me to stop but I had to wait to rest.
With natural abilities such as these, I must be blessed.
I was Hall of Fame worthy but now it's anyone's guess.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
The general mood among the I.W.C. after the latest WWE Draft appears to be pretty positive (which is surprising). While there were a few lame duck trades and surprising moves, the main one that jumps off the page at you is Chris Jericho to SmackDown. Y2J needed this in the worst way and I've been a strong supporter of the switch since last year's Draft. This sets up Jericho for the next couple of years with fresh feuds galore, the opportunity to team up with my Edgykins and a much anticipated program with The Undertaker. Plus now with Orton, Cena and Hunter out of sight, Y2J can constantly remain in the title picture and have a realistic shot of snagging the World Heavyweight Championship (or whichever one ends up back on the blue brand). You've also gotta look at how many up-and-comers are on the SmackDown roster now and Jericho's ability to work with several of them. Learning from a veteran like Y2J never hurts on your way up the company ladder.
Holy shit! What a wild opening day for the NBA Playoffs. I was totally taken aback by the surprise road team victories that took place yesterday. Even without Kevin Garnett, I thought Boston would roll over the Bulls at home in Game One but Derrick Rose put up some monster numbers and Ray Allen couldn't buy a bucket. As expected, LeBron James and the Cavs mollywhomped the has-been Pistons. But then Dallas took care of the Manu Ginobili-less Spurs and the Rockets nearly raped Portland into a coma. One key factor that looms large is all these huge injuries plaguing teams coming into this postseason. KG, Ginobili, Tracy McGrady, Allen Iverson, etc. It fucking sucks because this is the time when the stars of each team are supposed to shine brightest. And a few miracles will have to take place in order to avoid a Lakers/Cavs NBA Finals at this point. I say let LeBron finally have his moment of glory... at Kobe's expense! (sorry Hustle)
Please plug me twice as hard as you plugged her...
I haven't even read this! But Pen's columns are scarce and we are both big CM Punk marks so here's to him. - Post WWE Draft 2009 - A PEN15 Column
Alright time to put a lid on it. Monkey Man and I are tired and need a few days to recharge our batteries. Don't fret though because we shall be back next Sunday with another chapter hot off the press. But before then, the Backlash edition of For The Win will be up on Friday. I will probably have to beg Mavsy to write with me as he's still depressed from our horrific win/loss records. It can't get much worse so shouldn't that be motivation to keep chugging? Teenagers these days are void of any logic. Nonetheless, I need to hear from my Fruity Followers. Do me a favor and hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) if you've got the balls (or ovaries). I've just returned home from HOOTERS following a UFC pay per view and work beckons me tomorrow so it's time to crash. Later homies.
