Posted in: Taste My Rainbow Taste My Rainbow [40] - Examine The Irritation (Número Dos)
By SkittleZ
Mar 22, 2009 - 12:28:00 AM
[40] - Examine The Irritation (Numbre Dos)
They just can't keep me away from this place! I'm noticing this is beginning to become a weekly thing. You bastards are getting spoiled! (sigh) I really should know better. Nonetheless, we're here now so there's no point turning back. Welcome to my humble abode once again, Fruity Followers. I'm SkittleZ and this is my majestic diatribe known as Taste My Rainbow. The column that waxes before each appearance. Today I'm accompanied by my partner in crime, James_A! If you visit the LOP Columns Forum, you probably remember us teaming up in the epic C.S.I. tournament in early February. Doesn't ring a bell? Just check out the debut of Examine the Irritation right here then. With WrestleMania 25 quickly approaching, we've realized this calls for another meeting of the minds. Jimmy and I share an intense dislike for the overall feel of this upcoming event and we've decided to vent our frustrations in ways that would make Shakespeare roll over in his grave.
With co-hosts (in alphabetical order) James_A and SkittleZ.
Welcome to the column where the hosts have more crabs than a seafood restaurant! Yes, that's right, it is time for the award losing column “Examine The Irritation!”
Fuck yeah it is. Feels like an eternity ago that we ran roughshod in the CSI tournament! Well up until we were eliminated in rather dominating fashion. That kinda sucked. But those unfortunate events are in the past now. SkitZ and Jimster strike back! Er.... strike again!
Yes that's right folks and this time, we're full of piss and vinegar. And before we were just full of vinegar. SkitZ you wanna elaborate on what's making our bowels boil?
Ummm WWE's creative writing staff. The whole lot of them (<--- I'm not even British and look how they've got me talking). I've been watching RAW a lot more closely since Edge has been on the show lately and noticed Jericho's being pussy booked to hell.
Yeah the fact that my favorite wrestler is floundering in this angle of has-beens makes me want to stick a hot knife into my eye. Oh and the fact that Mark freaking Henry is in a more important match than Jericho doesn't really help either.
Whoa whoa now my illegal hombre. What is this Mark Henry as Jericho's superior nonsense all about? Come clean and spill the beans.
This is a crime. Not only is Mark Henry not kept off the card but he's inserted into a match where, if he wins, he will be granted a title shot during anytime of the year until the next WrestleMania. Meanwhile, if Jericho wins his match, he merely beat a bunch of old guys passed their prime. Jericho literally has nothing to gain but a lot to lose in terms of credibility and main event status. He's already fallen from #1 on RAW to #3 (possibly even #4 since HBK could possibly defeat Taker at WM.) I'm pissed!
Well let’s try to rationalize this for a second, Jim. Perhaps the WWE has big things in store for Y2J at Mania. I mean who knows... we could see Flair, Austin and Hogan all in one ring at the same time kicking the shit out of Jericho. It's WrestleMania 25 so therefore the possibilities are endless!
Oh goody. We can have another Austin moment without him getting in the ring for an official match. As much as I like Austin, I'd like him to stay away from the ring for a while. It's only reminding me that my favorite wrestler can no longer get inside the ring because he's a crippled parallelogram.
That's certainly understandable. You wanna know what's bothering me? Ask me why I'm ticked, Jimmy.
Why are you ticked SkittleZ?
Because the WWE isn't confident enough in one Adam Copeland to allow him to face Big Show ONE ON ONE (hence no one else) at WrestleMania 25. Even though they trusted Edge enough to put the World Title around his waist eight fucking times!
Yeah that's pretty messed up on WWE's part. It seems like there's this certain law of physics that's being applied in the WWE. Anytime the belt goes around the waist of someone who deserves it, the belt is slingshotted back to Cena in order to make money. Listen, the WWE has just laid off a bunch of wrestlers, have had their stock go to a decent $14 in the middle of a recession, and they still feel the need to sell more Cena merchandise and promote the hell out of 12 Rounds. They took the belt off my boy Jericho and now it looks as though it's going to happen again with your boy Edge.
LOL @ 12 Rounds. That movie looks less appealing than The Marine if it's even possible. All I know is if my Edgykins doesn't retain the World Heavyweight Championship at Mania, I'm going to have my Puerto Rican buddy Degenerate use his computer schools to hack into WWE's official website and infest the place with nasty viruses.
If Jericho doesn't win his match, I have a certain horse who's head would look mighty fine in Vince's bed. You know, if Vince's bed isn't already filled with Cena. It's times like these where I miss a John Cena with attitude and not the bland poor man's Hogan that Vince wants to make him out to be. That would sure make the main event of WM more interesting.
Exactly. Like our good buddy XanMan (irony anyone?) often says, can we not go one motherfucking WrestleMania without John Cena in a World Title match!? Share the spotlight you selfish prick! I know it isn't entirely his fault. Actually, it mainly falls on Batista's shoulders for missing Mania in the first place and screwing up the whole line-up!
Actually SkitZ, if Batista wasn't injured then Cena and him would be facing off at WrestleMania in an exciting repeat of their SummerSlam match.
I've watched the match on a number of occasions and found it to be pretty good. Nothing extraordinary but definitely solid. Getting back on track though... If Bats didn't stave off surgery forever, he could've been ready in time for WM25. Then Cena/Batista and Edge/HHH would have headlined the show!
But didn't you just complain that Cena was hogging up the main event?
Absolutely. Because he's involved himself in Edge's affairs. Cena could've easily accepted defeat after losing his championship rematch, gone out the next week and challenged the likes of Austin or Hogan to a match at Mania. But no! Cena stuck his nose in when Edge, Vicky and TBS are trying to resolve their tangled love triangle. I blame Guerrero for this too though. If she wasn't such a raging whore, none of this would have ever happened in the first place!
Vickie Guerrero is a slut. A hot raging slut who, if she posed for Playboy, would definitely make WrestleMania more exciting. Doesn't that say something about the quality of this WrestleMania? Seriously, to say that this ‘Mania is tremendously underwhelming would be a tremendous understatement.
WM25 disappointing, eh? You might be on to something there, Jimbo. We're stuck with another triple threat main event at Mania, Y2J is being fed to those bloodsucking senior citizens and Orton/HHH part 7 is in full gear. If I may ask, who's in MITB this year? THE Brian Kendrick? Umaga? Rey Rey? Santino?!
Nope none of those guys who would seem to be a perfect fit. Instead we are treated to five guys who've previously been in there, one guy with absolutely no business being there, and newcomers MVP and Kingston who seem to be the only ones that are at that level. I'm thinking that this party mix of individuals is to somehow keep this year's MITB winner a surprise. If Punk wins this though I'm gonna be pissed. Not because I don't like Punk but because guys like MVP, Christian, or even Kane would benefit so much more from a win here.
If Montel Vontavious Porter doesn't exit Houston as Mr. Money in the Bank, it'll be a travesty of justice. Christian has an outside shot of course but let’s be serious for a moment (cue Lance Storm).... Vince has taken shits that have meant more to him than Jay Reso. WWE has stalled long enough with Porter's development. The guy is like a lubricated asshole.... just send in the narrow vegetable already!
Thank you for that very vivid picture of WWE's treatment of MVP. I have to agree with you though on the point you made with Christian. There really wouldn't be much point of putting MITB on him if Vince doesn't have any faith in him to be a World Title contender. MVP or Kane would be the right move in my opinion. Before you bastards harp on me for my Kane idea, MITB made Edge. MITB even rewarded RVD a WWE Title. To me, Kane wouldn't seem any worse of a champion than CM Punk. Kane's put up with a lot of bullshit and a MITB win and the subsequent cash-in could make up for that in some way. Plus carrying the briefcase could very well re-establish some of the credibility he once had. What do you think SkitZ?
You've lost your marbles I'm afraid. Look... fuck Kane. He was so 1998. Kane didn't stand a chance in 2003 and he sure as hell won't strike gold in '09. MVP is the sure fire winner bottom line. There are more important issues at hand however. Please assure me Big Show won't stroll out of WM25 as the new World Heavyweight Champ with Vicky by his side? I mean fuck Edge's wife. She's a material item that can be replaced. The World Title is what's really important here. If the chick's gotta take a tombstone or chokeslam every now and then, so be it.
Lost my marbles? My marbles are safely tucked in the space between the bottom of the base of my penis and the beginning of my ass crack. Kane could re-establish himself if the WWE fucking tries. If MVP can re-establish himself after a 22-week losing streak, so can Kane. About the WHC match, I actually wouldn't mind if The Big Show walks out of WrestleMania with the championship because something would've actually happened at this piss poor abortion of a WrestleMania. This WrestleMania seems to be going through the motions. One guy gets injured and this whole card messes up because WWE wanted to keep things fresh. Let me tell you, the only thing fresh about this WrestleMania is the big steaming dung they're treating us to!
Really the entire card from top to bottom leaves much to be desired. It's just gave me this really sour taste in my mouth (imagine that). Sure HBK/Taker and Jeff/Matt will be good shit but as for the rest? Mania doesn't even have the potential to give me blue balls. Given how monumental this event is, I want a show that's gonna make me bust the biggest most gooey cum load ever. I can't even get stiff off this shit!
So a battle royal involving 25 women won't get you stiff? Man... You really are a homo. But that's not the point. The point here is that this WrestleMania's starting to look less and less impressive as the weeks go on. Speaking of which, it looks like the Tag Team division will inevitably be buried once and for all once MorriMiz square off against the Super Carlito Bros. for a unification bout. Your thoughts on that Candyman?
Sheer brilliance. Morrison and Miz have been tearing it up for a year and a half on all three brands. They've easily been the top tag team of the company since pairing up in late '07. Here we sit two impressive title reigns later and Miz/Morrison are on the verge of greatness. Carlito/Primo are awesome for all the Mexicans who watch SmackDown but in no way should they go over Miz and Morrison at WM25. Good to see the tag division getting some love and I honestly don't mind merging the two belts since the champions frequently appear on different shows anyway. The match should be pretty entertaining though.
The match could be entertaining but I honestly do not know where WWE would go once the feud between these teams are over. Listen: Two of the top teams from different divisions are going to have this big quote unquote "dream match" to see who's really the best team. Does this sound familiar? Like, does Cade/Murdoch & Londrick ring a bell?
Yeah but these two current tag teams don't have such drastically different styles as the ones previously mentioned. All four men wrestle at a quick pace and can take to the air at any possible moment. Miz/Morrison and Carlito/Primo are two young promising teams who definitely won't get more than ten minutes to show their stuff on the big stage but you're retarded if you don't think a few crazy spots make their way into this bout.
I wasn't ragging on the match itself but rather the booking surrounding the match. I don't know SkittleZ! I just don't know! I'm not living in the present like you are! I am the future! Why am I yelling again?!?!
*breathes heavily*
Anyway speaking of the future, it looks like Rey Mysterio and JBL are gonna go at it for the IC Title any day now. My question to you: WTF?
I share those exact sentiments, Jimbo. I'll even be the bigger man here and avoid the "oh they've feuded two or three times already in the last few years" rant because I don't need it. How rare is it in pro wrestling that opposing styles mesh well and provide a thoroughly satisfying match? Because I smell shitty filler! THIS is what's supposed to redefine the Intercontinental Championship? Flapjacks Bradshaw vs. The Mexican Jumping Bean!? These two should be in a match together alright.... just not by themselves. JBL and Rey Rey for MITB I say! Not a one on one title match where the entire escapade will be predictable and average. I'll certainly choose JBL to win seeing as how the WWE always goes against their own logic. Mysterio's slayed every fucking giant in the company since Kane tried to sell him into the sex slave market last summer. Therefore, he'll be booked to lose at Mania to "shock" all the smarks out there who think a Rey victory here is certain.
Oh boy Double Double E! Swerving the fans by making a guy who just won his title retain??? That's incredibly innovative! The double swerve!
The last IC match we had at WM was a very good match between William Regal and RVD whose styles were different but meshed well. The tough guy champion vs. The high (and I use that term in more than one way) flier. Is this what WWE intends to do? Just pick up where they left off like there wasn't some giant 7 year drought of the IC Title being defended? Argh this WrestleMania! Why the hell isn't Shelton defending his title? In fact, why the hell isn't Shelton Benjamin ever defending his title? This is ludicrous and I don't mean the rapper with the catchy songs about butts.
This displeasure erupting from you makes me a very happy man, Jimmy. Shout it from the rooftops, son! I think it should just be implied that Benjamin will compete in the MITB ladder match every year. Fans of his out there expecting anything better can forget it. Shelton was born to be a midcarder (a solid one at that) and he shall rot there for the remainder of his existence.
All I'm saying is that if Shelton's going to hog a MITB match spot for himself, he shouldn't hog the U.S. Title along with it. Stupid lazy ass bookers just never feel the need to exert any effort in the midcard and this WrestleMania's midcard should serve as proof. The MITB match is half assed and thrown together while the first IC Title match in forever will suck because of lazy booking and poor build. Is there any saving grace in the midcard scene in this WrestleMania?!?!?!
Don't give up all hope just yet! While others may be skeptical, I truly believe Matt/Jeff (if given time) will deliver big time at Mania. Whether it's a standard wrestling bout or a grudge match with weapons and random chaos. The intensity being shown by both men is WrestleMania worthy and Jeff will be doing his damnedest to monkey flip big brother into perennial main event status.
Just like you're secretly trying to launch me into main page status eh? But alas I nearly forgot about this match. This has been the one with the most build around it (dating back to the Royal Rumble where Matt screwed his brother over.) These two closed out the year as champions. Jeff's been constantly improving both in the ring and on the mic while Matt's always been reliable in the ring despite having a severe lack of personality. A grudge match between the two brothers at the very event where they made their names known will be something to remember. I can see this going past WM converging at SummerSlam in a Ladder match ala Eddie/Rey (except without a kid involved... At least I hope not...).
You think they can stretch out the Hardy brother feud until SummerSlam? That may be pushing it but hey.... we could be talking feud of the year candidate in September so I'll cease the questioning. I still feel the hostility radiating from your keyboard, Jimster. You need a chill pill and I know what will do the trick.... some word association!
There you go again sounding like my therapist. “Don't raise your voice at me Jimmy. Stop hitting my dog in the mouth Jimmy. The pencil sharpener isn't a penis pump Jimmy, etc.” Go ahead with those word associations SkitZ. I get plenty of practice so I'm a freaking pro at this!
Oh really? We shall see in due time.
Mark Henry.
Big Titty M. John Cena.
Non-proportional gorilla arms. Kelly Kelly.
The Rock says: Hermaphrodite. Vickie Guerrero.
Mexicunt. Evan Bourne.
Shooting Sperm Piss. Carlito.
Carly the Underachieving Bitch. Christian.
I am Christian. MorriMiz.
Metro sexual love partners. Kane.
Call the career suicide hot line. Jack Swagger.
Lesnar with extra saliva. Jeff Hardy.
Matt Hardy with extra charisma, personality, extremities, agility, overall likability, mic skills, spot monkeyism, and ladders. Matt Hardy.
Obviously not Jeff Hardy. R-Truth
Repetitive Rotations of Rap. Ted DiBiase Jr.
Daddy gold digger. The Bella Twins.
You'd think twins would show more coordination. Vladimir Kozlov.
Deaf Hitler. Hornswoggle.
Horny little bastard. Beth Phoenix.
Blonde Chyna 2.0. William Regal.
Team U.S. is soooo going over Team U.K. in the LOP Cup.
Last one: Kung Fu Naki.
Vintage Funaki!
That one was a tribute to your Asian roots, Jimster. You're welcome.
And that was a tribute to Michael Cole who shares his first name with Michael Phelps who you bear resemblance to. And even share his favorite hobbies!
There's nothing wrong with recreational drugs. And it's just to relieve the stress which work places on my feeble frame.
Hey SkittleZ! Don't recreational drugs make you wanna rap?
I've been known to spit some rhymes while I’m blazed out of my mind. I nearly made an album once you know. Full of hits like "Captain Crackhead" and "P.M.S." that would've taken me far in the hip hop industry. True story. Well... the first part anyway.
Whatever happened to the rest of the story? Did the hip hop industry smoke you out of the business? Were you too much of a trailblazer for them?
Nah. I suddenly realized one day that I was 100% Caucasian and the only white man who can do rap justice is Eminem. Besides, I'm much better at this column writing gig. You know what I mean?
Not a word of it. Maybe if it rhymed and had a slight rhythm to it I might know what you're getting at.
You're a bastard and a greasy one at that. Alright we need to wrap this shit up before it all goes to hell. Will WM25 be epic?
Taker/HBK will be. Other than that, there doesn't seem to be anything "OMG" worthy. Your thoughts?
It'll be good but nothing close to what it could've been if WWE didn't botchify every storyline. And injuries shouldn't even play a factor dammit. With the steroids they've got out these days, Batista should have been back in the ring by No Way Out! Like I've said many times before, I wipe my ass with WM25.
By that logic shouldn't have Kennedy been healthy all year and chasing the WWE Title?
Well Kenneth is different. He's far too busy starring in straight-to-DVD films chock full of sucktitude.
That's embarrassing. I thought these cats were entertainers! What a lying, hypocritical jerk! Any last words SkittleZ?
You haven't heard the last from Jimmy! He'll be back as soon as I run out of things to write about. Until then, it was an absolute joy.
Ahhh Joy Giovanni. The whole reason I have this darned S.T... erm... Until the little white lice on our pubes are rinsed away with this damn spicy shampoo, you'll be examining the irritation from us time and time again. Be happy we do this for you people. Our humiliation is your gain!
The answer to TMR [39] was indeed "CM Punk". Initially, I appeared to be catching most of you with the "less sun" swerve in the last clue but more and more people caught on as the days progressed. A 64% Correct Guess Ratio ain't too shabby but I want that percentage to drop at an alarming rate! With the following riddle, I dug deeper than usual to make you dim witted fools work a little harder.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Help me please for I've seen many heads roll.
I've done my fair share and it's really taken a toll.
Beaten and battered / Only once did I approach my main goal.
I've battled demons, animals and someone now without a soul.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
So old DaveyBoy is stepping down after all these years? I guess my PPV prediction contests really took alot out of him. Nah in all seriousness, I idolize DaveyBoy for many reasons. Like most, I first stumbled upon LOP and particularly Davey's columns by searching on Google for WWE predictions and reviews. After following his columns for a few weeks, I emailed DaveyBoy and bravely challenged him to a PPV Prediction Contest. The competition would carry on for two years from emails to the Columns Forum to the Main Page where I am now. The wise veteran showed what he was made of by soundly defeating me two consecutive years but there's more to it than that. Very few have given this site as much as DaveyBoy has over his six and a half years of column writing which is why the guy is an LOP legend. He's helped me out in more ways than one and I'm forever grateful to Davey for what he's done for me and LOP in general. To say the Wonder from Down Under will be sorely missed is an understatement.
Kevin Garnett is back, baby! The Boston Celtics had hit a rather tough stretch with KG out where the team struggled in areas in which they usually excel. Boston may be out of reach of the Cavs for best record in the Eastern Conference but they need to concern themselves with Orlando. Boston has a huge game coming up against the Magic and with the two teams sharing near identical records, the game will have huge playoff implications. Plus it looks as if they'll be meeting in the Conference Semifinals so the Celtics need to send a motherfucking message! Boston's won three straight since Garnett returned to the line-up and you've gotta figure the team's about to go on one of their signature winning streaks. I'm still praying like hell they meet up with the Lakers in the NBA Finals so Kobe Bryant can be denied ANOTHER championship. Then my life would truly be complete.
After a short hiatus, Mavsman is back in the gym. However all the training in the world won't save him from the beat down he's gonna receive in the next FTW! - Nothing But Net #14: Connect Four
The show is over, folks. I've got the pot stirring for next Sunday but following that, it's back to every two weeks for the foreseeable future. I need more time to myself especially with March Madness well underway. There's so many games going on during the first few days that the shit is in at all hours. From watching it during breakfast to dozing off during games at night. It only comes around once a year so you gotta love it. Speaking of events that take place once a year, I'm still trying to decide whether I should order WM25 on pay per view or go hang with the homies at HOOTERS to view it there. The voices in my head are leaning towards Option B since it'll save me a fuckton of money but we'll see. If you've got any HOOTERS pictures full of scantily clad women or words of wisdom to bestow upon me, please be so kind as to send them my way. Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and I shall write you back when the schedule clears up. Until then, take some birth control pills and stop being such a bitch. Later homies.
