Posted in: Taste My Rainbow Taste My Rainbow [38] - Did My Mistress Ruin Me Or Save Thee?
By SkittleZ
Mar 1, 2009 - 4:18:05 AM
[38] - Did My Mistress Ruin Me Or Save Thee?
Chinese food is the SHIZNITE! It may not always agree with your digestive track or mix well with other foods but the stuff serves as a wonderful delicacy. And what the hell is wrong with pork dumplings!? I personally love them but it seems like everyone I ask or offer finds them repulsive. Do you enjoy pork dumplings? Well shut up because I don't care. Hello one and all! I'm known as SkittleZ and this is my neglected birth child Taste My Rainbow. The column that will sleep with anyone to fit in. Yes I'm back a little earlier than expected but that's only because I missed you guys so damn much! Actually, that statement holds no truth. What really happened is my Simona Lisa can't escape her la familia long enough to be my sex slave so I'm stuck with nothing better to do on this Saturday evening. No special guests this time around but rest assured I've cooked up a dandy! In a literal sense of course seeing how I can't cook worth shit.
Pfft! Who needs comedy when you've got TNA? I try to be as optimistic as the next guy but I've never found any interest in the company and its' wish wash product. And there's always signs or instances that further convince me why I don't watch Total Nonstop Action. Just Friday night I was surfing around LOP when I came upon the TNA Forum. There were ten threads inside and four of them were titled "Where the hell is Christopher Daniels", "Don west, where does this awesome heel turn lead?", "Hottest free agents" and "TNA What If 2". Fear, anger, disappointment and constipation have consumed the whole lot of TNA fans. I often wonder whether they truly believe TNA will pass for acceptable programming or if the marks are doing their best to stay loyal. And imagine how many of them regrettably switched back to WWE as their saving grave. Poor bastards.
The Intercontinental and United States Championships have both been BANNED from being defended at all future Mania's! No the WWE hasn't gone that far but doesn't it feel like it!? I realize some people make too big of an issue over it but they do make a valid point nonetheless. Every year when WrestleMania rolls around, IC and US Champs are lazily placed in the MITB Ladder match. What happened to elevating talent to the main event? Both title belts have been shit on and forgotten about. The Punk/Regal feud was the perfect opportunity to right the ship! But no... the company couldn't wait to speed through their program like a rushed masturbation session. Instead of waiting until late January, WWE reignited the rivalry in early December and it has all but fizzled out by now. Pat Patterson probably can't even sleep at night (due to the abnormally large dildo sticking in his ass). Oh and the United States title is doomed until MVP retrieves it.
Vicky should be lucky enough to have two gorgeous men battling for her affection. I need the public's opinion here because The Candyman has been arguing with ridiculous amounts of wrestling fans for nearly a week now. Perhaps I'm a bit biased but I'd rather witness Edge vs. Big Show for the World Heavyweight Title at Mania rather than Edge/Cena for the 57th time. I know the latter suggests a better quality contest but its all about storylines and build up these days! Not to mention the WrestleMania main events are supposed to be epic. Why broadcast it on free television a few weeks prior of the event? Doesn't make much sense to me. Because you're fucking mental if you believe they can hold off on Cena's title rematch for another five weeks. All I know is Cena's barking up the wrong tree because my Edgykins will prevail!
Alicia Fox can sink my battleship any day. Seriously, she is one sexy bitch. While I'm not so sure about the dude she's managing (DJ Gabriel? WTF!?), you've gotta start somewhere. I swear he looks like a Chris Masters/La Resistance fusion gone horribly wrong. If my memory serves me correct, Ms. Fox was the one smooching all over my Edgykins last summer backstage before Vicky got wind of it. So the chick has already been with the company for close to a full year. Get that tenure under your belt, woman! With the rate that Divas come and go these days, let us hope Alicia makes her stay in WWE a lengthy one. Fuck Christian! She is all I need to tune in for ECW every Tuesday. I'm not going to sit over here and pretend to be absolutely obsessed over her since I have no idea where she even came from. One quick glance from head to toe tells me everything I need to know. The Land of Extreme is a danger zone for most so here's hoping she survives and ends up on RAW because SmackDown doesn't get much face time on my television.
If you've bothered to follow my columns with any kind of consistency, you may recall one from September where I went into detail discussing how my passion for wrestling had somewhat hindered my marriage. This is basically a follow-up and me attempting to fill in the blanks since then. That column was the most personal piece I've written to date and while this doesn't stand a chance of coming close, I really have no idea which direction this may go. I've pretty much been in cruise control since last fall and I think now is appropriate a time as any to bring the topic back to the forefront. I Guess Wrestling Is My Mistress Too generated a tremendous response so in a way I owe my readers a first hand account of what's transpired over the past five months.
As summer came to a close, things were still rocky and unstable as ever between Cindy and me. It was one of those classic scenarios where the harder I tried to spend time with her, the more I just pushed her farther away. The days began to merge into one another to the point where my life felt like a videotape that some cold hearted asshole kept rewinding every 24 hours. Not noticing at the time, I clung ever tighter to wrestling during this period. I worked in a dark and depressing warehouse Monday through Friday from six in the morning until three in the afternoon. Once I arrived home, I'd clean up and spend some down time before finding something half way constructive to do. That was becoming increasingly difficult given me and Cindy's fading relationship since ideas and suggestions to patch things up with my wife consumed my afternoons. And it would all go to waste as my wife would arrive home from work, change clothes and either head to school (community college) or go meet up with her friends.
Countless nights I would spend alone in our bedroom. Practically wasting away in front of the television screen and my trusty laptop. I had a group of really good friends and I would hang out with them frequently but they had their own lives to attend to. School and girlfriends would occupy most of their time so I would seek refuge in all I had. Professional wrestling and more specifically, WWE. At the expense of sounding like someone in desperate need of counseling, Monday and Friday nights would make the pain go away. It may have only been two hours of relief but damn were they spectacular. CM Punk had been shafted out of the World Heavyweight Title but Chris Jericho's awesome heel turn had brought him back to the top of the mountain. In the midst of all this, Y2J's grueling feud with HBK was reaching a fever pitch and I joined many other fans in a few weeks of fantasy euphoria after the two were scheduled to face off one final time in a ladder match. Would Michaels finally be granted the World Title reign which he'd so rightfully deserved for six years? But how could they take the belt off Jericho so quickly after the excellence he put forth all summer long?
Once the show went off the air, reality would set back in and I'd do my best to not think of what Cindy was up to. Since I'd returned home from Connecticut the previous month, she didn't like me calling or text messaging when she was away. Rather suspicious I know but she had good reason to act the way she did. Out of paranoia and anger, I spent several nights calling and leaving ill advised voicemails on her phone when she'd be out late night after night. To clear my head, I'd dive into my laptop to write or chat with friends. After weeks of writer's block (or more aptly titled wife's block), I'd rediscovered my love for writing and spent many nights brainstorming or working on new topics. Triple H appeared to be dominating the landscape on SmackDown and he was waving the WWE Title just out of reach for Jeff Hardy to grasp like bait. Would Hardy ever get his time to shine? I wondered if me and Cindy would ever shine again like we did for over three years. Just when darkness began to settle in all over the place, a ray of sunshine burst through... only to fall victim to an untimely eclipse.
We had some close friends who lived down state which we'd been wanting to see for a while. Cindy and I decided to go visit them one weekend at the beginning of October. I can't stress enough how fucking ecstatic I was for the trip because I knew we'd be together all day long. That's how unfortunate things had become between husband and wife. I was the equivalent of a little kid on Christmas and while I did my best to conceal it, I'm sure it shown through. Everything went really well and it had that relationship altering feel to it as if we had turned a corner. However when Monday rolled around, things were more of the same on the home front. I spent another Monday night by myself glued to the TV for RAW since we were coming off a damn good pay per view in No Mercy. Y2J was still champ but I was delighted to hear he and HBK had put forth a Match of the Year candidate. Unsurprisingly, Trips walked out with the WWE title and Hardy's dreams were crushed again. Orton and his flunkies were the hot thing to watch though. While the Legend Killer was still selling his injury, the ever apparent alliance between him, Rhodes, Dibiase and Manu was what most wrestling fans were investing their time in.
There was so much going on with WWE's product at the time that it was impossible not to feel excitement from a fan's perspective. It would drain away the very next morning when I woke up for work. Now I've never been the intrusive type and always respected my wife's privacy. But how much is private when you two are contractually bonded for life? The one day I decided to play investigator is one more day than I wish I would have. After logging into Cindy's email account, I came across some pretty disheartening material. I won't get into what I read exactly but it was obvious my wife had found someone else to comfort her during our hard times. Impulse kicked in right away. I woke my wife, shoved the laptop in her face and asked for an explanation. Instead, I was blasted for going through her personal space and told she would not stop seeing the individual. It was at that point the hurt on my heart became far too heavy and I knew it just wasn't in the cards for us. Keep in mind outside of Cindy's family, I had no relatives within a thousand miles. I thought about what would be best and told her that I had to get out of there. Out of that house. Out of that town. Out of that state. I worked for the remainder of the week, said goodbye to everyone, packed up my belongings, had one final dinner with my soon-to-be ex wife and sped away at eighty miles an hour.
Twelve and a half hours later, I reached my father's doorstep with a broken heart and internal pain like nothing I've ever experienced before. I blindly figured putting a ton of distance between me and Cindy would heal everything at a faster rate but I was so wrong it wasn't even funny. The important thing was that family now surrounded me and I could begin to move on with my life. Easier said then done. Because of bills and lawyers, me and Cindy were in constant contact for the first several weeks. It didn't help that I cooped myself up inside rather than get out and catch up with old friends. My father runs a family painting business so finding a job wasn't a problem. But even when I had a great day at work or something in particular boosted my spirits, divorce papers or text messages asking for bill money would play the role of ultimate buzzkill. And I'd been with the woman since February of 2005! No matter what I did, her face was everywhere. Almost like the memory of her was suffocating me and it seemed like I would never be allowed to come up for air.
As October turned to November, we talked less and less. I rarely left the house other than for work or food. Besides that, I kept to my bedroom except for quick visits to BEST BUY so I could purchase more WWE based DVDs. Thank God wrestling was on three (sometimes four) times a week and it didn't suck dick because I needed a pick-me-up wherever I could get one. Survivor Series had arrived before long and I buckled down like the diehard fan I am. Cena and Edge both made triumphant returns and business was really picking up in the wrestling world. Adam Copeland's return from the ass beating he took at SummerSlam couldn't have come at a better time. When you've watched wrestling forever, words can barely describe what it feels like to follow your favorite wrestler on a weekly basis. Engrossed in their latest matches, feuds, background shenanigans, etc. Not only had The Rated R Superstar returned, but he'd done so in impressive fashion. As if someone had flipped a switch, Edge was WWE Champion for the sixth time and I couldn't be more happier. Until he disappeared from view and the surrounding four walls in my room glared back at me.
Coincidentally enough, we were painting and doing some carpentry work for good family friends of ours. They have three daughters who I grew up with and the opportunity gave me the chance to hang out with them and take my mind off of my recent divorce. Only for so long though. Right before Christmas, we finished up and it was on to the next job. The smiling faces were non existent once again and the holidays reminded me of my ex wife something fierce. I let my emotions get the best of me and I was foolish enough to bring up getting back together during a phone call with Cindy. Suffice to say it didn't end well. She set me straight and I was at a loss for words. With no other option, I trucked on as the calendar year concluded and January was upon us. I finally began to grow complacent with the fact that things would never fall back into place for me with Cindy but it did little to change my mood. Those around me couldn't tell anything was still wrong with me because I just bottled it up inside. And I assumed it would remain like that for the foreseeable future. That was until late January when my friends introduced me to someone new.
That someone turned out to be a young lady by the name of Simone. For weeks, I had been telling my two closest friends that they needed to help me find a new lady friend. See these two were a couple so whenever we would chill, I was essentially the third wheel. Well I'll give Jimmy and Katie big kudos because did they ever come through. I could've been stuck with some trashy girl from the other side of town who just wanted to get drunk and fuck. That wasn't the case and I couldn't have been more thankful. This was the kind of girl you could bring home to Mom and Pops. We're talking build a future with material. This could actually lead somewhere! Because to be perfectly honest, I could've hooked up with any piece of garbage for a night or two of satisfaction. Anyone can. I was only interested in finding someone who would enjoy my company as much as I relished theirs. Simone just happened to classify as Exhibit A. I played my cards right and we connected right off the bat. Simone is naturally nice, beautiful, generous, caring and she has a great sense of humor. I struck gold!
Like any true wrestling fan, I was skeptical of how she would react to my wrestling fandom. Was I dealing with a chick who would nod in awkward approval but inside question my maturity level? Is this a girl who would be happy for me but would do anything in the world to avoid having to watch? Or did I get lucky enough to land the lady who dug that kind of thing and snuggled up to watch alongside me twice a week? Well Option B proved to be the winning candidate and I was perfectly contempt with that. Can't win 'em all, right? Sunday rolled around as did the 2009 Royal Rumble. Whatever plans Simone and the others had would be put on hold or scheduled around the Rumble because there's no way I was going to miss an event such as this. Jim and KT came over and watched the show with me. Simone started texting me smack dab in the middle of the pay per view and wanted me to pick her up. I like to thing I did a noble thing in getting up during a pay per view I payed forty bucks for to go pick up some girl which I'd known for less than a week. But see there's the catch. This wasn't just any female. She was special and therefore I was at her mercy. If duty called, I would've ditched the rest of the show to be with her. Vulnerability and the longing for affection played a big part but the story is still the same.
I brought Simone back to my place and we'd only missed the JBL/HBK match and the beginning of Edge/Hardy. Shit... if I was going to miss any match on the card, that or the ECW Title bout would have been my initial choices. We sat there and the four of us watched intently. It should come as no shock that I was struggling to properly divide time between Simone and my Edgykins. Then there was a turning point. When Matt swung back and cracked his brother over the head with a steel chair, Simone jumped up and down on the couch with the rest of us and I probably popped a massive boner. The mark-like expression on her face told me all I needed to know. Simone was a keeper! The Royal Rumble match was much of the same and we were sucked in from Entrant #1 to Entrant #30. Later that night, I found out Simone attended college at Hofstra University which resides on Long Island in New York. The school is two hours away but that didn't bother me too much until I was informed she was due back the very next day for the beginning of winter semester. Just when I'd met this incredible girl and everything was clicking, she was leaving and didn't plan on coming back home for months.
Me and Simone stayed in touch once she returned to school and after several late night conversations, we came to the conclusion that I should drive down on the weekends. The atmosphere down there was off the charts. I met her friends and we're always up to something. Restaurants, parties, movies, you name it. Not only did Simone open up to me but she opened up her entire world to me and that takes a lot of trust and comfortableness. After how horrible of a year 2008 turned out to be for me, 2009 couldn't have kicked off any better. Every mental image of Cindy vanished, every depressing thought and every haunting memory evaporated into thin air when I was with Simone and I couldn't appreciate what she'd done for me enough. This girl had swooped in on my life and picked me back up. I seriously can't remember the last time I had as much fun as I have over the last four weekends. My relationship with Cindy had started to dissolve in April of last year and I legitimately hadn't felt truly happy about life in general until I met Simone.
Even if things don't ultimately work out with Simone, it won't matter. Because of the state I was in when she came along and gave me my second wind, I sincerely doubt I'll ever forget Simone until the day I die. Perhaps one day, I'll attempt to put into words for Simone just how vital this time is that she's graciously awarded me. It's been five or six weeks and I've already had the time of my life with this girl. Consider me one lucky bastard if this trend continues because I was in a tough spot which looked downright daunting for the most part. Simone has done so much for me that I'd miss a thousand wrestling shows if that's what it took to make her happy. Hell I missed No Way Out a few weeks ago. WrestleMania 25 is going to be a historic event and I'd pass on it in a heartbeat to be elsewhere with Simone. The same goes for Backlash, SummerSlam, Survivor Series and so on and so forth. But it should be like that. Wrestling will always be there for me. But will Simone? It's growing increasingly difficult to award time to something which cannot give back rather than spend it with someone who I'm eternally grateful for befriending.
I will forever be a wrestling fan and nothing can ever change that. But at the same time, I'm a human being with wants and needs just like you. My biggest passion for the longest time was wrestling but I like to think I've set my sights on an even bigger passion. One which will loom large whenever wrestling tried to sway me like its' always done in the past. Only time will tell of course but my priorities have been adjusted and that's a start. Simone has stolen me away from wrestling for the time being but the mark in me will eventually seek out my first love. Fortunately, I'm far better prepared for round two.
The answer to TMR [37] was indeed "Cody Rhodes". Oh dear. No tabulations even needed for this one. For the first time since I introduced my riddles, the reception has resulted in a 100% Correct Guess Ratio. Yep you read that right. Now while I knew this was far from my toughest, never in a million years did I fathom every single one of you Jews would guess it correctly! Relish in it while you can, douchebags. Back to the drawing board for yours truly.
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Am I a monster? That can certainly be debated.
People shook their heads and bellowed overrated.
I came in with much hype but immediately faded.
I'm worthless to most and the gimmick's outdated.
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Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
Holy shit there's going to be a lot going on in the month of March. First up, a special edition of Fact or Fiction showcasing a handful of awesome CF columnists is right around the corner. I haven't quite figured out what's so special about it yet but I, along with the other five participants, will do our best to keep it readable. Keeping up with the bi-weekly posting, we've now got two more TMR's scheduled before April (March 15th & 29th) so try not to wet yourself. And at the very end of the month, me and Mavsy could very will be whipping up a monumental two part (double the pleasure you know) FTW in honor of the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania! It was Mavsy's idea not mine for you who are already dreading it. Throw in March Madness, the conclusion of the 2008-09 NBA season and its almost too much to handle. Speaking of basketball...
The Boston Celtics are going to repeat as World Champions this year and that's all there is to it. Write it down. Make a few phone calls. Get the t-shirts and hats ready. The only weakness Boston had coming into this season was their bench. Not an enormous issue by any means but the losses of James Posey and P.J. Brown stung like a bitch. Just when people began turning to Kobe Bryant and his faggot Lakers to take the title in '09, Celtics management snagged Stephon Marbury and Mikki Moore right before the trade deadline! Not only is Moore younger than Brown but he just so happens to be lankier and more athletic. We all know Marbury can be a hothead but added to a team chock full of veteran leadership where he's playing off the bench? This is looking extremely promising for KG and his Bean Town buds!
All our relationship needs is a little plugging now and then.
Well that came together relatively fast. I'm going to hit the exit doors now before I commit some illegal act or crime which I can never take back. Damn... warm weather and Spring Break can't get her quick enough! I'm visiting my Moms and she lives in Lake Havasu, Arizona. It's a long ass plane ride but well worth the ear popping and stale peanuts. I've seen her for a total of ten or eleven days since I moved out nearly three years ago so it's about time I dropped in for a few weeks. Until then, I guess I'll just seek comfort in pleasing you nincompoops with my literary talents. Nothing new. Did you enjoy your stay here at the Rainbow Workshop? Alright now that sounded far too gay even for my liking. Let me reword that. Were you satisfied with my efforts? Was the above material foul and inadequate? Please let me know now or forever hold your peace. Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) and I'll try my best to get back at you in a reasonable manner. Alright I'm leaving now. Never apply lubricant in the presence of males and you'll be able to lead a rape free life. Later homies.
