Posted in: Hustle Is Posting Right Now Hustle Is Posting Right Now: Volume 31 ("Ask Hustle" Edition)
By Hustle
Jan 30, 2009 - 7:05:36 PM
What's poppin, Noc?
"I am only a fighter, in the form of a writer.."
Wale brings us this week's intro line, and he delivers it very nicely. I've been a fighter my entire life, and at this stage in my life, my fighting is done through my columns. I'm doing this for my people who haven't had a voice, and who haven't had someone to speak for them.. to speak to them. It's still crazy to me that I continue to hear from people who are happy to have a columnist they can relate to on some sort of level. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the column that is more expensive to write than any other column you'll read anywhere. This is Hustle Is Posting Right Now, and that makes me the man labeled as The People's Champion.. Hustle. How's everyone doing on this Friday in late-January? We've got a lot to get to in this column, so, uh, I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
It's been a little while since I've done this (if you ask me, it's been a bit too long), but it was definitely time to bring it back. I mentioned it last week, but it's now upon us. You've had the questions for me, and that means I have the answers for you (I hope so, anyway). Young folks, old folks, churren, and babies.. this.. is.. Ask Hustle. My crystal balls have the answers to life's greatest mysteries. Let's open the mailbag:
Why do you like John Cena as much as you do? (Steve B.)
I could just do the lazy thing here and provide you with a link to the pro-Cena columns I've done, but I'm in a good mood, so I'll actually go ahead and type things out. The answer to that question is both simple and complicated at the same time. First of all, as I've mentioned before, I'll like any wrestler that is, in any way, "urban". It's a character that I can understand, so until they really fuck up, they automatically have a fan in me. I liked Cena's "Ruthless Aggression" character, but it was when he started rocking the throwback jerseys and sneakers that I really became a fan. Jerseys and sneakers? If you've ever seen me, you know that's how I roll most of the time. It was fun to see a wrestler with the same fashion sense that I have. I tried to make that sound as hetero as possible, but it was really difficult to do.
Another thing I like is the simple fact that he knows how to work a match. Some people confuse "knows how to work a match" with "uses every wrestling move ever created in all of his matches", which is their own damn fault. It's easy to tell that he's a fan of wrestling himself, as he knows how to piece things together to create a story when he's in the ring, and he's been able to do so for a while now. He's a better seller than he gets credit for (then again, he's pretty much a better everything than he gets credit for). He has the natural ability to get a reaction out of live crowds, which is a talent that most wrestlers would kill for. Ask Charlie Haas what he'd be willing to do if he could get crowds to give a flying fuck about him, and not whatever stupid imitation he's doing on Raw on a weekly basis.
If you're going to do something, you'd better be putting your all into it. That's how I feel about just about anything in life, and that appears to be how Cena feels about his job. He lives, eats, breathes, and sleeps the wrestling business. There are only a handful of guys that are active wrestlers who can fit that description, and he's definitely one of them. When someone is doing something they really love doing, it shows. It doesn't have a whole lot to do with how you perform in the ring, but it's still a major reason why I'm a fan of the guy.
I love, love, love the fact that nothing seems to bother the guy. No matter the stage, no matter the crowd reaction.. he just goes out there and does his job. A lot of folks could stand to learn a thing or two from that way of thinking. To have the proverbial ice in your veins would help us all out, no matter what it is we do. As I mentioned in my column a few months back, his performance against Rob Van Dam at the One Night Stand pay-per-view is a perfect example of what I'm talking about, as are all of his matches at WrestleMania. He seems to approach every match he does with the same mentality, which is what you're supposed to do. Any of you that are, or have been, athletes know that you can't pick and choose when to "bring it", but instead, you must "bring it" on every play, every down, every set, every shift, every game.
Basically, with the way I watch wrestling, and with what entertains me, John Cena is about as perfect of a sports entertainer as there is on the planet right now. The key words there are "sports entertainer", folks. No, he isn't the greatest mat technician alive. No, he isn't hitting 720-degree flips. However, he does everything you would need and expect from one of the top guys in sports entertainment.. he knows how to work, he knows how to get a crowd reaction, he brings a "big fight" vibe to every one of his matches, and he isn't completely worthless when he has to cut a promo. Winner winner chicken dinner. If you're not a fan of the man yourself, I'm really sorry to tell you that it's going to be a looooong next several years for you. I'm not actually sorry, because I'll be here to rub it in and laugh at your temper tantrums and complaint sessions.
What's your favorite style of rap? (Skyywalkkerr)
Honestly, I don't even think I really have a favorite style of rap. If you're asking what I think you're asking, anyway. I've never had a long-term preference over anything, whether it was East Coast, West Coast, Midwest, Dirty South, Underground, Mainstream, or anything else. I seem to have phases where I'll listen to one type more than the others for a while, but those never seem to last all that long.
When it comes to stuff from the South, I usually just listen for the beats or just to be able to dance, on those rare occasions I'll be at the club or something. Yes, there are the few exceptions to that rule (Outkast, Chamillionaire, Ludacris, Lil Wayne, Killer Mike, Scarface, UGK, Young Jeezy, T.I. to name a few), but that's generally how it goes. Most of the rappers from the South will be the first to admit that they aren't the greatest lyricists to ever grab a microphone. There are a few artists that aren't all that great on the mic that I still really enjoy, though.. artists like Project Pat, Bohagen, Eightball & MJG, Juvenile, David Banner, and Trick Daddy. The current scene down South is better than it was a few years ago, that's for sure. People like Ace Hood (seriously, folks, watch out for this guy), Rick Ross (I don't know why, but I'm a fan), Flo Rida (don't let "Low" fool you, because the guy can actually flow), and the aforementioned guys like Wayne, Cham, Luda, Jeezy, T.I. all putting in major work.
The Midwest sound has been something I've been a fan of since the mid-90s, with people like Bone Thugs N Harmony (still my favorite group of all-time), Do Or Die, Twista, Crucial Conflict, and Common leading the way. As the years went on, people like Eminem, Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Proof, and Atmosphere all won me over, as well. Originally, it was the rapid-fire flows that made me a fan of the Midwest sound. When Bone, Crucial Conflict, Twista, and Do Or Die all came out, it was a sound that I had never experienced before. That sound seems to have made way for just an overall creative vibe, because the Midwest constantly comes out with some of the better lyrical stuff that you'll hear anywhere.
No, I'm not going to sit here and give a play-by-play of my entire rap favorites list, nor am I going to give the history of every scene in the country. However, I will say that, right now at this very minute, the West Coast rap scene is probably what I enjoy most. If you ask me the same question tomorrow, my answer might be different, but for now, I put four fingers up with two twisted in the middle. I can't help it. I'm from as far West as I can be as a citizen of this great country. The hip-hop scene in Hawaii, although not all that well-known yet, takes it's laid-back vibe from California, Arizona, Washington, Oregon, and the other states that make up the West Coast adventure. Speaking of West Coast hip-hop.. yes, Chepo, another shout-out. Lemme know how the music is going.
What are some surprising facts about you that most people may not know? (Shawne)
I'm usually a pretty open book, either in my columns or when it comes down to actually conversating with people, so there probably isn't a very long list of little-known factoids about me. Let's see.. right off the top of my head, I can think of a few:
- In my life, I've visited a grand total of 26 countries
- I don't eat vegetables
- Cockroaches are my only real fear in life
- I'm an absolute beast on the drums in Rock Band 2
- I wear a size 13 shoe (well, I wear one on each foot, but you get the point)
- I have a borderline case of ADD (surprisingly enough), as well as a minor case of lactose intolerance
- I bite my fingernails
- I used to work at a Pre-School
Wow. As I look back at that list of things, it really shows me just how much of an open book that I am. I've never been afraid of discussing my life, both past and present, with people, and that probably will never change. Some people aren't fans of that, and I suppose I can understand why, but damnit, I'm me. That's how I roll. I'm sorry that my list of factoids wasn't the biggest or the best that you've ever seen (no homo), but eh, it's something.
What non-PPV wrestling DVD is your favorite of all-time? (Mike Barren)
I'm sitting here, looking over at both Ric Flair DVD sets, so they both immediately come to mind, but although they'd probably rank in my Top 10, neither one is my favorite of all-time. To make things easier on myself, since you didn't specify, I'm not going to count any of my RoH DVDs, even though most of them are "non-PPV". I probably could've thrown a good 30 or 40 of those DVDs onto the list if I really needed to.
Honestly, I think the "Monday Night War" set might get the nod here, with "The Rise & Fall Of ECW" coming in at a close second. Both sets were not only very well done, but represented a great time in pro wrestling history. The battle between WCW and the WWF every Monday night, however, was such an amazing time to be a wrestling fan, so it needed to be the top choice for me. Sure, the MNW DVD was incredibly pro-WWF in the way history was told, but really, that fact didn't take a whole lot away from the set.
Since we're talking about non-PPV wrestling DVDs, I figured I'd share a future column idea that I'll be working on (thanks, Johnny). A while back, I created a Randy Orton superstar-specific DVD set, and I listed what matches, promos, and moments that I'd include in the set. The column was a hit, and I said I wanted to do another one just like it, so my next DVD creation will be a "Monday Night War" set, and what I would've included if I was in charge. Needless to say, it'll be different than the version we got. There's no timetable on that one, but I just wanted to let you folks know that it's in the works.
When Evan Bourne makes his return, do you think he'll continue having a big push? (J.D.)
I don't see why he wouldn't continue having as big of a push as he had when he was injured, as long as his injury didn't strip him of just about all of his speed and athleticism. Honestly, though, I'd either bring him back on ECW or on Smackdown, because those rosters are in dire need of extra bodies, much more so than Raw is. ECW is an absolute mess right now, and Jack Swagger's growth could possibly become stunted because of it. Swagger needs more than Finlay, Tommy Dreamer, and The Boogeyman as top faces to feud with. Bourne's size, speed, and high-flying offense is a nice contrast to what Swagger brings to the table, and a feud between the two could be something nice.
Regardless of what brand Bourne returns on, it's obvious that someone in charge is a fan of his. He was involved with some big names, and in some big storylines, in such a short amount of time with the company. For him to be so quickly moved over to Raw, even in a part-time capacity, is incredible. His popularity with the fans simply couldn't be denied. He was getting some of the best face pops in the company, on any brand, week in and week out before he was injured. When you combine that with his breathtaking style, it isn't even a question, in my mind, that he'll be right back to having a big push.
Now if only they could find a way to push him without having to let him say a word on the mic..
What are your favorite comedic movies ever? (John Doe)
Eddie Murphy's "Coming To America", without question, is my favorite comedy to ever be created. From beginning to end, it's something that keeps me in absolute stitches every time I watch it (which is a lot, both on DVD and when it airs on one of the HBO channels on my digital cable package). Whether it's Randy Watson and his band, Sexual Chocolate, or Joe Louis being 137 years old, it's just a non-stop laugh riot for me and my associate ("C", for those who have been readers of mine for a while).
In recent years, there are a small handful of movies that stick out as being especially funny to me. "Anchorman" is one of the most quoted movies ever in my circle of friends, and it's probably only topped in sheer number of quotes used by "40 Year Old Virgin" and, of course, "Coming To America". "Superbad" is another favorite of mine, due to just how real the movie was. It wasn't your typical Hollywood bullshit story, but instead, it was a near-perfect depiction of how most teenaged guys act and talk, my friends and I back in high school included. Basically, it's a really good era for comedy movies, in my opinion.
However, one recent movie has come the closest to approaching "Coming To America" levels (although it still has a long ways to go to get to such levels).. "Pineapple Express". I watched that when it was in theaters, and I was literally in pain afterwards from laughing so hard and for so long. Seriously, my entire body ached. I had heard that the movie was funny before I watched it, but holy hell, it was everything I could've hoped for, and so much more. If you haven't watched the movie yet, I really don't know what you're waiting for. It has the Hustle Seal Of Approval on it, so you go right on ahead and rent it at your local video store, or just go ahead and pick it up for Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etc.
Where do you see your life 10 years from now? (Kyle W.)
Well, first of all, it would be nice to have a wife and at least one kid by then. If it's not a Cuddy Buddy, I'm not looking for any sort of commitment right now, but damn, in 10 years, I'll be 36 going on 37, and it would be rather unfortunate if I haven't found the woman of my dreams and had a Hustle Jr or a Hustlina at that time in my life. By the way, no, I won't name my daughter Hustlina if I have one. That's scary. Funny, but scary nonetheless.
I just thought about how funny it would be if I were still writing these columns in 10 years. I don't know whether it's awesome or pathetic that it's a very distinct possibility that I very well could be writing columns in 10 years, but it sure as heck is. Just thinking about writing my 3700th column makes me giggle like I haven't done since I was a little girl. I guess to celebrate that high of a column number, I'd have to write about the 3700-year-old Terry Funk, who will probably still be wrestling at the time. Stay tuned for that, I guess.
As for everything else in my life, I try not to really think about things to that extent. I like to live my life on a day-to-day basis, as you never really know what lies ahead of you. I've witnessed far too many people who never got to see "tomorrow", and because of that, I pay as much attention to "today" as possible. Seriously, folks.. live your life. Have fun. Enjoy the blessing that we've all been given. Spend as much time as you can with the people you care about most. Make today as enjoyable as you possibly can, and if you're given the gift of seeing tomorrow, set out to make it even more enjoyable than today. Lather, rinse, repeat. As Slim Thug said: "I'm frustrated, but you gotta smile, your time is dated.. you never know when showin your love might be belated".
Who are your favorite columnists to have ever put out work for LoP? (John Doe)
Let's see if I can get through this without angering anybody or hurting anybody's feelings. I doubt any of that will happen, but when it comes to people reacting to things I say, you just never know. Someone somewhere is bound to take something as a direct insult, or the usual clowns will try to stir shit up, blah blah blah.
Raw Is Snapple would be my favorite LoP columnist of all-time. It's been forever and a day since he's posted a column, but I remember reading his work years back and loving it. When I read a column, I don't necessarily need a faux Wikipedia page to be presented to me. I just want to be entertained, whether it's through humor or just plain old creativity. Snapple's columns had both of those, and had enough to spare. "Wrestling In A Bottle" was one of the first wrestling columns I ever read, and it was one of the main reasons I even started becoming a regular at LoP, both on the main page and the forums. He was also a damn good poster at LoPForums.com, and it sucks that he seems to have found some sort of a life (well, it doesn't suck for him, I suppose) and doesn't post anymore. One of the best sports posters I've encountered in my years of posting there, that's for damn sure.
In more recent times, romans_3:23 would get the nod from me. His style is so easy-going and fun to read, and I liked the mix of sports talk that he'd always include in his columns. Obviously, I like to throw in sports talk with my columns, and really, the "When In Rome" series was one of the inspirations for that. His columns always had a little bit of sports talk in them, which was nice. Sometimes it was just about his favorite teams, or at least the local teams, but sometimes it was just general sports talk. As for the wrestling content itself, I always loved the way he could tie religion into his subject matter without it coming across as preachy. He wasn't out there saying that what he believed in was right and if you didn't believe it, too, you'd burn in the deepest, darkest section of hell. He was just flexing his creative muscles, and doing things that nobody else was doing in their columns. Obviously, I'm a fan of that idea. Something else that made me a fan of the guy was just how frickin nice he is. This might sound corny, but talking to him, even just a little bit, makes you feel good to know someone like that, like your life is just that much better because of it. Awesome dude.
Although he and I have definitely not always seen eye-to-eye on things, aisce gets a special mention for his work. You'd be wasting a lot of time if you tried to search for columns that were better written than anything he was a part of. Not only were his columns well-written, but he tackled topics that most people wouldn't even try to touch. For example, I think back to his column praising The Great Khali back when damn near everyone and their baby mama couldn't stand Khali. He put on one of the most persuasive arguments I've ever read, and he had people instantly switching from "I hate that nigga, Khali" to "I guess I tolerate that nigga, Khali". Again, this was long before the "Khali Kiss Cam" happened, and people started to actually cheer for the guy. aisce may be in possession of some sort of black magic computer virus that spreads into people's CPUs and makes them change their minds about things without realizing it. Lord knows how many anti-Cena arguments he completely picked apart and destroyed on the Forums.
DaveyBoy is the top of the class of the current LoP main page writers, in my opinion. Yes, he's going to be "retiring" before too long (a sad day), but he's been a solid presence on this site since the 1950s, or somewhere along those lines, anyway. He's been one of those writers that you could just count on to deliver some quality reading, time and time again. It feels like he's been a part of a million columns by this point. In case I forget to do so when the day comes, I want to thank you, DB, for everything you've done since you started writing, and for providing so much entertainment for the thousands of folks who have clicked your links.
I wouldn't feel right if I didn't give props to Tito (or Mr Tito, for all of you old-school LoP readers) for everything he was able to accomplish as a columnist. Before "Believe The HIPE", there was "Mr Tito's Phat Daily Column", and without the success of the PDC, there's no way in hell I would've thought about doing a daily column. Sure, he has had his share of haters through the years, and definitely his share of drama, but there's no denying what he's done for LoP, and for the wrestling column world in general. I still get e-mails from people who mention that he was the person who first got them into reading columns. It's just crazy to think of how many people know his work.
Why does Cody Rhodes still have a job? (Courtney)
Ha.
Well, if you're going on skills alone, I haven't got a motherfucking clue why Cody Rhodes still has a job. He hasn't shown a whole lot of improvement since the day he debuted on the main roster, which is a shame, considering his bloodlines and who he's been working with. He's just so bland, and he hasn't learned a second facial expression to use yet. It's the same damn face, no matter what's going on, whether he's mad, confused, happy, speaking normally, yelling, breathing, etc. He's the son of, quite possibly, the most charismatic man in wrestling history, and the brother of one of the better "Attitude Era" wrestlers, and he seems to have the personality of a wet napkin. That's just disappointing right there.
While we're talking about Cody Rhodes, I have something to bring up that doesn't really relate to this particular question. Can someone explain why there's so much homoeroticism going on with The Legacy? In all my years of watching wrestling, I've never seen a group of guys that do so many promos breathing heavily while staring into each other's eyes, as they stand less than a foot away from each other. Come to think of it, why the fuck are they all breathing so heavily in the first place? Are they all asthmatic? They'll just be standing backstage and they're breathing as if they just finished the Boston Marathon. One more question while I'm on the subject.. why in the blue hell are they always walking around in their wrestling tights? Orton will come out and wrestle in the opening match on Raw, and you'll see Cody & Ted in their wrestling tights at ringside.. then you'll see them backstage towards the end of the show, and they're all still in their tights! Put some motherfucking clothes on, you fucking fucks! Do they arrive to the arena like that? If you attend a live event and you happen to catch the wrestlers arriving at the arena, can you tell me if their car pulls up, and they all hop out wearing nothing but wrestling trunks and boots? I really hope they don't do their grocery shopping like that. It would be juuuuust a bit strange and would probably cause people to crash their shopping carts into one another.
You folks really shouldn't let me rant like that.
What was the last WWF/WWE music CD you purchased? (Ron O.)
It's been a while. The day before never, as a matter of fact. Yes, I have yet to spend a single dime on wrestling music CDs, as I would much rather just download certain tracks instead. I just don't have an urge to listen to Steve Austin's entrance music like that, I suppose. There's nothing wrong with buying the CDs, for those of you that continue to do so, but it's just not a thing I do. It might surprise a lot of you, but I didn't even buy John Cena's album. No, seriously.. I didn't buy it. A friend of mine did buy it on the day it came out, though, so I was able to listen to it, but I haven't purchased one for myself. Not yet, anyway.
That's actually how it usually is with me and wrestling-related CDs.. a friend of mine will buy it, and I'll listen to it that way, burning a copy for myself if I see fit to. As big of a wrestling fan as I am, and have been, I just couldn't find myself needing to buy entrance music to listen to in my own time. The closest I've ever been was with whatever the hell the album was called that the WWF put out years back that featured rappers remaking entrance music of various superstars. It had people like Wyclef and Method Man on it. I still didn't buy the album, but I actually thought about it at the time. Once again, though, I had a friend who bought it, and I just bummed a listen off of him.
Mickey Rourke at WrestleMania? Seriously? Why? (John Doe)
Yes, apparently so. Or not. Or so. Or not. Or so. Or maybe. Or maybe not. What's wrong with him being there, if he does go ahead and show up? It will get a lot of mainstream coverage by the media, which is always a good thing for the business. The amount of coverage will go up if Rourke wins the Academy Award for "Best Performance By An Actor In A Leading Role" on February 22nd, which he will be favored to do. Mainstream coverage for wrestling, as long as it isn't about a wrestler who killed his wife and son before killing himself, is something that you just can't put a price tag on.
The idea of him having a wrestling match with Chris Jericho is interesting, and if we can deal with Bam Bam Bigelow VS Lawrence Taylor, Big Show VS Akebono, and Big Show VS Floyd Mayweather at WrestleMania through the years, then we can definitely deal with Chris Jericho VS Mickey Rourke. People might forget that Rourke is a former boxer, so it's not like they'd be putting Jericho in the ring with Andy Dick or someone like that. Yes, I realize the match wouldn't be a five-star classic, but it doesn't need to be for it to be a success. Back to Show VS Mayweather.. that match was a success because it was a hit in the mainstream media, and it didn't completely suck. The fact that it was actually quite entertaining was just icing on the cake.
Even if it's just a brief appearance, though, and not an actual match, I welcome the idea of Mickey Rourke at WrestleMania, without a doubt. If you listen to any of the interviews he's done since filming "The Wrestler", it's crystal clear that he respects the business, the sacrifices that wrestlers make, and the effort they put into what they do. He's brought a new interest in the business to the table, and it's only fitting if he appears at the biggest wrestling event of all-time.
Angelina Love or Velvet Sky? (Juan)
I think I've gone over this in a previous column, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're new to my work. This is an easy choice for me, because I don't think Angelina Love is very attractive at all, while Velvet Sky is one of the better looking women in recent wrestling history. She's easily the best looking woman in TNA at the moment. White women aren't usually known for their asses, but she definitely has herself quite a nice one. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help but going there.
Both women have a natural heel ability that they possess, though. They do a really good job of portraying people who think they're better than you (perhaps they're not playing characters there?), much like Maryse does over on Smackdown. A lot of times, heel women seem so phony and forced with whatever character they're playing, but not those two. I applaud them for that. I'm sure they're both nice women, though.
Will Kofi Kingston win a World Title within the next 365 days? (Al)
I'm pretty proud of myself. Along with this question, I got several others that were along the same lines about various other wrestlers, with people giving me credit for calling the future better than most people seem to be able to do. I had four different e-mails asking about Kofi winning a World Title, with various timetables, but this e-mail came first, so it's the one I'm going to answer for everyone.
Yes. Yes, damnit, yes, I do think Kofi will have a World Title reign by the time January 30th, 2010 rolls around. Some people are probably snickering a bit as they read that, but that's fine, because a lot of those people were the same folks snickering at the thought of Jeff Hardy ever being any sort of a World Champion, as well as the same thing happening for Matt Hardy, Jack Swagger, CM Punk, etc. Kofi's in a really good spot right now as a member of the Raw roster. He's a former Intercontintental Champion, one of the more over faces around, and someone who is able to put on exciting matches on a weekly basis. It doesn't matter whether he's in the ring with a smaller wrestler such as John Morrison, or a larger wrestler such as Kane.. when he's in the ring, he does things that make people say "wow". The fact that he's made alliances with top names such as CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, and John Cena in his time on Raw also helps him tremendously, as the company he keeps allows him to appear to be a bigger name in the eyes of those who don't immediately look at him as a main event contender.
If/when Kofi wins the World Title, it'll be a "test run", just like Jeff Hardy got. The type of title reign where they have a name with a lot of buzz surrounding it, so they take a chance and give him a title reign to see how the crowd takes to it, how the officials feel he performs as the guy, etc. It'll be a short reign, but if the crowd reacts well, and if the people in charge think he did a solid enough job, it'll keep him in the title picture. Even if the crowd doesn't react all that well, he's still a solid upper-midcarder, so it's not a huge loss.
I'm not saying this will happen or anything, but I think a heel turn may be necessary for Kofi to truly reach the lofty status of being a main eventer. Yes, he's a really good face, but that's exactly why a heel turn may be in order to take his character to the next level. He's so happy-go-lucky and likeable that it could be big-time heat if he turns heel, especially on someone like his former tag team partner, Punk, or someone smaller like a Mysterio. Doing something like this would also serve to help him build more mic skills, as his promos would be able to be more dynamic and complex than as a happy face. Again, I'm not saying that the heel turn will happen, or that it's even necessary for him to win a World Title, but it's something that could easily improve his status in the company.
I figured I'd take this time to briefly go over my thoughts on this past weekend's Royal Rumble pay-per-view. I've spent so much time in hyping the event up, so it would be somewhat strange if I completely skipped over the results here. That, and this helps make the column seem a bit longer. It's like the typed out equivalent of a pair of socks stuffed down your pants, I guess. Here goes:
- The Jack Swagger VS Matt Hardy match, as I expected, was the worst match on the card. That's not saying that it was terrible or anything, but it was just too bland to have been a part of such a big event. I would've preferred a CM Punk VS William Regal rematch for the Intercontinental Title or something. Swagger retaining was the right move on a few different levels, so I was happy with that. Matt's post-match reaction to losing the match was interesting, and even more so after the rest of the night played out.
- I liked the Beth Phoenix VS Melina match. It had a few slow spots, and I think Beth's title reign probably should've ended on something more devastating than a roll-up, but it was still a good match nonetheless. The door is clearly still open for another match between the two somewhere in the very near future, which is another positive. It's not like Raw has that many top heel Divas to challenge Melina, so Beth only makes sense for a little while longer. I'm a little surprised that nobody else seemed to pick Melina to win the match. In my mind, it just seemed like such a clear outcome, but reading other people's columns and postings, I was one of the only ones who felt that way. Strange. The best part of the match itself, however, may have been the guy in the crowd with the gigantic sign of Borat's face that merely said "Very Nice" on it. I had to pause the DVR when I first saw that, because I started laughing so hard that I couldn't pay attention to the match anymore. Kudos for that, whomever you are. It is a little strange that you created such a huge sign to only use twice, each time for less than a second.
- I know I picked John Cena to retain the World Title against JBL, but when JBL announced his "If I win, I'll take you off the hook" plan to Shawn Michaels, I actually expected him to win the belt. JBL defending the title against Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania just made a lot of sense to me. When Shawn hit both JBL and Cena with Sweet Chin Music, it was the perfect set-up for that to happen. He would've helped JBL win the title, just as he had asked, and he would've had a chance to take a little bit of frustration out on his "boss", all at the same time. Not that I wanted JBL to become the World Champion, but again, it just made a lot of sense. Oh well. Hi, haters.
- To the few people that e-mailed me after my recent Jeff Hardy column, laughing at the idea that Matt Hardy would ever turn on his brother, I merely have one thing to say to you.. LOLOLOLOL. In yet another turn that could be seen from a mile away as it was playing out, Matt is now a heel, and hopefully that means he'll have some sort of a personality again. Lord knows he didn't have one as a face. History is working against this storyline, though, as Matt and Jeff don't have a great track record working against each other. In fact, their matches against each other were downright bad. They were both different wrestlers back then, though, so I'm hoping they can put on watchable matches now. As for Edge, he looks as if he'll make a run at Ric Flair's mark for most World Title reigns before his career is over. It's almost ridiculous how quickly he goes through title reigns. Flair's record is definitely in trouble, which is a shame.
- That was one of the better Rumble matches in recent history, in my opinion. It definitely had the most displays of athleticism of any Rumble in history, that's for sure. Fucking hell, even Big Show had a sweet escape from elimination towards the end of the match. It was just a nicely booked match, pretty much from the very beginning, with Rey Mysterio and John Morrison having some fun spots against each other. Rob Van Dam's return got a big yawn from me. When it was announced that his return was a one-night-only deal, I immediately stopped caring. Bring him back permanently, and we'll talk. No, he's not my favorite wrestler ever, but he could be a nice addition to any of the rosters. Randy Orton winning the Rumble is definitely an interesting choice, and the angle going on with him against the McMahon family has plenty of potential for some good TV. I'm a little upset, though, because Orton eliminating Triple H to win the match was the only thing preventing me from having a perfect night on my predictions. Picking the first four matches correctly, followed by my Rumble pick being the final elimination.. not a bad night, though, I guess. Better than most people I've seen, anyway.
Writer's Note: The Super Bowl is this weekend, in case some of you hadn't already realized that. As a huge sports fan, it should go without saying that I'm excited for the game. The Arizona Cardinals have been a great story thus far in the postseason, but seeing as how they're the division rivals of my San Francisco 49ers, I can't justify rooting for them to win it all. Well, actually, the main reason that I'm picking the Pittsburgh Steelers to win is because, well, their defense is other-worldly. Yes, QB Kurt Warner and the rest of the Cardinals offense are hitting on all cylinders right now, but the Steelers defense presents problems that they haven't had to deal with yet. I think the Pittsburgh defense will be able to put pressure on Warner and force him to make mistakes, which is something he hasn't really done in the playoffs. I'm thinking something along the lines of a 24-13 victory for the Steelers. My MVP prediction is Pittsburgh LB LaMarr Woodley. Sorry, Cardinals fans. Well, as a 49ers fan, I guess I'm not sorry, but you get the point.
Writer's Note Part Deux: I know my MMA Guru, Treisk, will disagree with this prediction, but I just have to go with my homeboy BJ Penn tomorrow night against Georges St Pierre. I've been ready like Freddie for this fight since the day it was announced. One of the biggest rematches in UFC history, this has all the makings of an absolute classic fight. St Pierre is about as perfect a specimen (no homo) as you're going to find in the MMA world, and I respect the hell out of him as a fighter and what he's capable of. That said, though.. BJ is simply ready for this fight. One of the top Jiu-Jitsu practitioners on the planet, he has the added motivation of trying to avenge an earlier loss to St Pierre that is fueling him, as well. I see this fight lasting a while, perhaps even going the distance, but I'm going with Penn by Submission sometime in the fourth round. I'm F'N pumped for this one, ladies and gentlemen. I can't even fully describe it in words. If you get the chance to, go ahead and order the pay-per-view.
What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "Nike Boots" by Wale.. "Two Words" by Kanye West, Mos Def, & Freeway.. "Ordinary People" by John Legend.. "Turn Your Lights Down Low" by Bob Marley & Lauryn Hill.. "The Essence" by The Lox.. "Tease Me" by Chaka Demus & Pliers.. "Never Felt This Way" by Brian McKnight.. "Livin On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi.. "Lost" by Gorilla Zoe.. "Changes" by 2Pac.. "How Do You Want It" by 2Pac, KCi, & JoJo.. "Keep Ya Head Up" by 2Pac.. "Down 71 (The Getaway)" by Bone Thugs N Harmony.. "Superstar" by Luther Vandross.. "Here We Go Again" by DMX.. "100 Bars Of Death" by Ya Boy.. "Kill Em All" by Twista.. "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson.. "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.. "P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson.. "Brooklyn Girls" by Charles Hamilton.. "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam.. "You Ain't A Gangsta" by The Game & Cory Gunz.. "Flex" by Mad Cobra.. "Anything You Want" by Fiji.. "Save Room" by John Legend.. "Dead On Em" by Cyssero.. "My Life" by Chamillionaire, Slim Thug, & Trae.. "Cuddy Buddy" by Mike Jones, Twista, & T-Pain.. "Put On" by Young Jeezy & Kanye West
Another week is gone, and another banger is in the books from yours truly. Thank you for continuing to ride with me. Keep those "Ask Hustle" questions coming, folks. I've been getting some good ones. You people always seem to come through and deliver for me when I ask for things. The next AH will be dropping in a few weeks, I'm sure. Next week, however, I'll be taking a look at the ECW brand. In my opinion, they're in dire need of some major changes, so I'll be getting my Mr Fix-It on and trying to improve the brand on a realistic level. Next week's column also marks what will technically be my one-year anniversary as an LoP main page columnist. My debut column was on February 10th, and next week's column drops on February 6th. It's been a helluva year, that's for sure, but I'm just dropping a "normal" column, instead of something extravagant and celebratory. Keep your peepers peepin for that one, as usual. Until then, from a place where it never snows, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.
”I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meetin quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda..”
"See, that's the difference between you and I.. you get money, and you get crazy.. I get crazy, and I get money..”
