Posted in: Hustle Is Posting Right Now Hustle Is Posting Right Now: Volume 30 ("Rumble Moments" Edition)
By Hustle
Jan 23, 2009 - 7:37:44 PM
Noc, I think it's time for some new bannerage. What say you?
"Never lose, never choose to.."
This week's intro line is brought to you by the man who, in my opinion, is the single greatest rapper that has ever lived, and the man who is the subject of the brand new movie, "Notorious".. Notorious BIG. I can't be touched, and I just can't lose. It's just not in my blood to do so. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to yet another edition of the column that keeps its pistol right inside of the armrest.. Hustle Is Posting Right Now. January is almost over, which is absolutely insane. The years seem to go by faster and faster as I get older. Speaking of things going by quickly, I'm paying to get this posted, so, uh, I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
WWE's annual Royal Rumble pay-per-view is coming up this weekend, and it's been my favorite non-WrestleMania show of the year, every year, ever since I was Lil' Hustle, knee-high to a Junebug. Alright, well, perhaps I was juuuuust a tad older than that when I started watching the Royal Rumble, but I couldn't really find another excuse to say “knee-high to a Junebug”. Anyway, in honor of this weekend's show, I figured I'd do something involving a Royal Rumble theme, and I decided on delivering my Top 30 moments in the entire history of the event. I'm going to do this just like the Rumble match entrances themselves, and because I like to make things complicated for myself, the #1 "entrant" is basically the 30th biggest moment for me, while the #30 "entrant" represents the biggest moment. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's get it on and poppin..
#1: Chyna Wins One For Equal Rights (1999)
Say what you want about Joanie Laurer now, but there's no denying just how popular she was during the height of her run in her time with the WWF. She was cheered more than most of the men on the roster at the time, which is saying a lot when you look at how stacked the WWF was and how popular wrestling was, in general, in the late-90s. It only made sense that she would be the first (and thus far, the only) female Rumble participant. Not only was she insanely popular, but she was just about the same size as a lot of the men in the match, anyway. No, she didn't step into the match and start destroying people, but damnit, it was still a historic moment, and her elimination at the hands of Steve Austin was a fun moment, as well.
*BZZZT*
#2: The Ultimate Warrior VS Sgt Slaughter (1991)
A lot of people dislike this match (as well as the storyline as a whole) for one reason or another, but personally, I've never really seen much of a problem with it. Yes, they put the WWF Title on an Iraqi Sympathizer mere days after the beginning of Operation Desert Storm, but as far as heel turns go, Sgt Slaughter turning his back on America was one of the better ones. The fans hated the guy. Keep in mind, this is back when kayfabe actually meant something in wrestling, so it wasn't just some wrestler pretending to hate this country. No, to the large majority of fans, this man actually did turn his back on the country he loved for so many years, and was now supporting the country that we were at war with. One of America's problems is that it is full of people who can, on occasion (understatement?), be blinded by some sort of twisted patriotism, and I think it was a good idea to take advantage of that for business reasons. It was a good idea with Slaughter, and it was a good idea with Muhammad Hassan, who I still feel was on the receiving end of a raw deal.
*BZZZT*
#3: ...
Hmm.. that's odd. Nobody stepped out for this one.
*BZZZT*
#4: Lex Luger Strikes A Pose (1993)
Yes, he debuted as "The Narcissist", which didn't do jack as a character, but it was still a really big debut, as he was one of the biggest young stars during his time in the NWA and WCW. He was a former member of the Four Horsemen, and those guys were considered the absolute elite of the business for years. Even as a youngster, I understood how big it was for him to be in the WWF, and although it wasn't very long before he turned face with a completely different gimmick, it doesn't undercut the magnitude of him being there. I also remember his debut being really, really gay, with him doing bodybuilder poses in a mirror while Bobby Heenan stood by and looked on as if he wanted to straddle Lex right then and there. It was something that, if it happened on TV today, you'd have to immediately change the channel if someone walked into the room while you were watching it. There are other columns you can read if you're looking for your fair share of homosexuality, so I'll just leave it at that.
*BZZZT*
#5: Broken Hart Foundation (1994)
Owen Hart's heel turn was the beginning of the love affair that most people had for the guy, and it's really easy to see why. It was a well-done turn, and the storyline pretty much writes itself.. one brother is jealous because the other brother is more popular and has more success. It's a winner. Bret Hart was already a big star, and was on his way to becoming a huge superstar, and with each big victory he had, it seemed as if little brother was becoming more and more upset about it. Owen, to that point in his career, wasn't looked at as much more than a good technical wrestler, as well as a solid tag team guy. You didn't hear many people talking about how he should be winning singles titles and being a future Hall Of Famer, but if there was anyone in the company who could get people to see him in that type of light, it was Bret. He did just that, but it started at the 1994 Rumble, and, minus the post-match interview flub by Owen, was a very well-done turn, as I mentioned earlier.
*BZZZT*
#6: Hardy Boyz VS Dudley Boyz - Tables Match (2000)
One of the countless chapters in, quite possibly, the greatest tag team feud of this generation (Hardyz VS Dudleyz VS Edge & Christian). It was one of the greatest tag team feuds of any generation, actually. The atmosphere of Madison Square Garden helped this one out a lot, in my opinion, although it didn't really need a lot of help to be special. These guys just stepped their games up whenever they were in the ring together, no matter what combination it was in, and no matter if there were tables, ladders, or chairs (oh, my) involved or not. Jeff's Swanton Bomb off of the balcony and on to D-Von, who was lying prone on a table below, ended the match and gave us a memorable moment that was replayed in highlight packages for years.
*BZZZT*
#7: The Undertaker VS Shawn Michaels - Casket Match (1998)
This one isn't really on here for the match itself, although the match was enjoyable, as it always is when these two square off (remember that for later in the column). This is on the list because of the injury Shawn Michaels suffered by taking a back bodydrop over the top rope, where he clipped the edge of the casket with his back. It was what led him to what he thought, at the time, would be a permanent retirement. Of course, that isn't what happened, but he still went over four years without wrestling again. When I watched the PPV, I noticed he clipped the casket, but it wasn't one of those things that you watch and immediately cover your face while saying "OH MY GOD" because of how brutal it looked. It just seemed like a minor slip or something, and that was it. Looking at it now, it's a perfect way of showing just how dangerous professional wrestling can be, and how something so minor can end up in absolute disaster.
*BZZZT*
#8: The Undertaker VS Yokozuna - Casket Match (1994)
This one damn sure isn't here because of the match quality. However, the ending and aftermath of the match were some of the most memorable minutes of the entire 1990s, in my opinion, especially to an 11-year-old that was sitting there watching it live, like I was at the time. It sucked to see Taker lose, especially considering the fact that he fought off what seemed like a billion other wrestlers before finally succumbing to the odds. It was after the match, though, that is what people remember most, because of how over-the-top it was. It might be a good over-the-top, and it might be a bad over-the-top.. it all depends on your personal preferences.. but it was over-the-top, one way or another. This muthafucka died and floated to Heaven right before our very eyes!! I don't see how you can't get excited for that shit. In fact, it needs to happen again soon, only now it can happen with better special effects. Oooh.. sounds like fun.
*BZZZT*
#9: Ric Flair VS Vince McMahon - Street Fight (2002)
Fresh off of Ric Flair's surprising (somewhat surprising, anyway) return to work for Vince McMahon after Vince purchased WCW, this match makes the list for a few reasons. First, the match itself was entertaining, which is obviously important. It was also in the middle of a fun storyline, with both men competing for control over the company. Finally, it was a nice test to see whether or not Flair could still "go" in the ring. Not that Vince has ever been the greatest wrestler or anything, but Flair had ring rust to shake off, and it was easily the biggest match he had been involved with in years. Add the "WCW Hometown" crowd of Atlanta to the mix, and you have a great candidate for this list. While I just said that Vince has never been a great wrestler, he's one of the better entertainers that the industry has ever seen. He has such a natural ability to draw emotion out of the fans, whether it's us cheering him or booing him. He can play a hated heel for several months, then do one little thing, and he'd be a beloved face the very next week. He's just great at what he does. He helped Flair get even more over as a face, not that he really needed the help. Even the little things in this match were fun, right down to Vince stealing Flair's daughter's camera and using it to take pictures of Flair, who was bleeding profusely right in front of his family.
*BZZZT*
#10: John Cena VS Umaga - Last Man Standing Match (2007)
This was my choice for 2007's Match Of The Year, not just for WWE matches, but for any match I saw that year from any promotion on the planet. It was such a good match that even Cena Haters were going out of their way to praise it, and even going the extra mile of not giving the same tired ass "Cena Was Carried" excuse they used for any other match of his they enjoyed. I guess that means they really dislike Umaga, but that's a different conversation for a different time. Anyway, I've always been a fan of Last Man Standing matches, and whatever name variations different companies give them. They're guaranteed to be brutal fights, based on the match premise alone. These two were able to throw in various different spots that hadn't been used in LMS matches of years past, which is definitely important for gimmick matches every now and then. The end of the match, with Umaga being choked out in a top rope-assisted STFU was something unique, and was well-written, as it showed that even the big, bad John Cena needed something extra to put the "Samoan Bulldozer" down for the count. I would definitely like to see another match between these two in the future, but for now, I'll hold on to the memories of this match.
*BZZZT*
#11: Big Red Domination (2001)
In the 2001 Royal Rumble, Kane put on a performance for the ages, eliminating a grand total of 11 other wrestlers before finally being eliminated himself. This is still the gold standard for Rumble dominance, and chances are, it's a record that will never be broken. I mean, that's just crazy. He nearly eliminated half of the people entered in the match. That's amazing, but it might just be even more amazing that he eliminated all of those people, and he still didn't go on to win the match. Scotty 2 Hotty? Elimination was quite hair-raising. Raven? Nevermore. Steve Blackman? Eliminated with robot-like coldness. Grandmaster Sexay? Danced his way out. Albert? Pierced himself into history. Al Snow? Right out on his Head. Saturn? Needed more time to get dressed. Honky Tonk Man? Hunka Hunka Tossed Out Wrestler. Tazz? He only lasted a short time. Crash Holly? He wasn't quite to scale. The Rock? Pancaked his way out of the match. Kane's performance in 2001 was truly spectacular.
*BZZZT*
#12: Bret Wins! No, Lex Wins! No, Bret Wins! Lex! Bret! (1994)
One of the better endings to a Royal Rumble match ever took place in 1994, when both Bret Hart and Lex Luger hit the floor at the same time, leading to the first and only tie in Rumble history. Lex had dropped his "Narcissist" gimmick, and had become the new "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan/Hulk Hogan hybrid, donning America's colors and becoming the goody-goody face that was pure money back in those days. Bret was still a somewhat new member of the main event scene, but was still completely over like Grover. They were definitely two of the odds-on favorites to win the Rumble that year. This is one of those things in the wrestling business that need the right mixture of skill, luck, and timing. If you're booking a tie between Bret and Lex, you can't have Lex screw up and hit the ground a second-and-a-half later than Bret did, etc. First and foremost, I applaud both men for getting it right at a time and place where they only had one chance to do so.
*BZZZT*
#13: Poor Loser (1992)
When Hulk Hogan turned his back on WCW and all of his Hulkamaniacs in 1996, it shocked the wrestling world right down to its foundation. Looking back to the end of the 1992 Royal Rumble match, however.. we really should've been ready to start booing the guy. Hulk was just eliminated by fellow face Sid Justice, and the crowd, surprisingly enough, didn't really dislike the move. Hulk was the biggest face in the history of the business at the time, so to see him eliminated from a Royal Rumble without the fans seeming to care too much was strange as hell. People were even booing him. People.. were.. booing.. Hulk.. Motherfucking.. Hogan. It was starting to look like Bobby Heenan was right about Hulk all those years, and that he really was only out for himself. If you look back at it now, it really was a dick move on Hulk's part. In a match where "Every Man For Himself" is shoved down our throats by the announcers 40 to 50 times, he was eliminated by someone in a legal and completely clean way. He couldn't seem to understand why one of his buddies eliminated him, however, and grabbed a hold of Sid from the outside, making him easy pickings for Ric Flair to come by and eliminate him and win the match. It just didn't make a whole lot of sense for a face to be doing something like that, especially to another face. Sid's lack of post-match reaction screams of Hogan's ego, as it would be a natural reaction to try and dismember the man who eliminated you in such a fashion, but he basically said "Aw shucky darnit" and walked away like it wasn't a big deal. Then again, we are talking about the man who once famously said in a promo that he had half the brain that Scott Hall and Kevin Nash did, so it's somewhat difficult to tell.
*BZZZT*
#14: The Animal Unleashed (2005)
Evolution was on top of their game in 2004, and one of their members, Batista, was becoming increasingly popular with fans, even though the group was a heel faction. They were all "cool" heels, but Batista was drawing people in with his intensity, continued improvement, and even for his amazing ability to completely sweat through a designer suit just by walking to the ring. Seriously.. have you folks noticed that about him? He's the type of guy that could sweat in sub-zero weather. His sweat glands must be the size of dimes. It's insane. *ahem* Umm.. anyway.. it was becoming clear that big things were in his future, and people were beginning to hope for a face turn on his part, just to see him go head-to-head with Triple H, who was the World Heavyweight Champion at the time. When the Rumble came down to Batista and John Cena, it was like looking into the future. It was an exciting end, but Batista came out victorious, and the "Which Belt Will He Challenge For?" drama was on and poppin. We all know where that eventually went, but on this one January night, it was clear that The Animal had taken the huge first step on his way to main event superstardom.
*BZZZT*
#15: HBK B2B (1995 & 1996)
It's somewhat cheap to include this since it isn't one single moment, rather two moments, but hey, this is my column, and I make the rules. Shawn Michaels was quickly becoming one of the biggest names in the industry at the time, and he was universally looked at as someone who would become a future World Champion. Even before he ever won a Royal Rumble, he was still one of the highlights of the match every year. His athleticism was on display all the time, whether it was "skinning the cat" when someone tried to eliminate him, or just taking bumps for the bigger men in the match. The mid-90s were "his" time, though. He was transitioning from a midcard talent to a main eventer, and naturally, winning the Rumble was the perfect way to make that transition. He wasn't successful in winning the WWF Title in 1995 because of his Rumble win, but in 1996, at WrestleMania 12, he finally achieved his boyhood dream and won the belt in the classic Ironman Match against Bret Hart. Yet again, a wrestler's main event career was made at the Royal Rumble.
*BZZZT*
#16: McWinner (1999)
The Steve Austin/Vince McMahon feud was setting the wrestling world on fire, and having Vince compete in the 1999 Royal Rumble was a nice way to continue that feud. Obviously, Vince winning a match of any type isn't going to happen all that cleanly, no matter how jaaaaacked dude is, and this was no exception. McMahon lured Austin into the concourse of the arena, where his Corporation was waiting to ambush Austin. They beat him down and took him out, although he was still alive in the Rumble, which was still going on in the ring. McMahon made his way back to the arena to do commentary, and when Austin finally returned to the match, there was no doubt who he was going for. It came down to both men at the end, and thanks to a timely distraction from The Rock, Vince McMahon was the winner of the Rumble. I know a lot of people that have complained about McMahon winning such a match, but really, what's so bad? It's not as if he went wild and dominated half the roster or anything, and he didn't even get to keep the title shot he won as a result of winning the match. It further fueled the Austin/McMahon and Austin/Rock feuds in doing so, and it helped introduce Big Show to the WWF. Where's the negative in all of that?
*BZZZT*
#17: Survive If I Let You (2000)
The IWC was buzzing over the news that ECW superstar Taz had signed with the WWF. He was one of the best names to ever compete in the original ECW, and people had wondered how he'd fare in the "big leagues" for a while. Really, there weren't many better places for the guy to debut than in his home city of New York, which was also one of ECW's biggest spots to put on shows. The set-up was nice, too. Kurt Angle, who himself had just recently debuted, was undefeated and had a mystery challenger to face at the Rumble. People knew it was going to be Taz. Most people did, anyway. When the lights went out, the heartbeat came on and led into the entrance music, and the TitanTron video played, the Garden crowd went nuts. If you're just judging things on crowd reactions alone, Taz should've been on his way to becoming the World Champion within his first few months with the company. It damn near seemed like he was being groomed for big things, too, because he completely tore through Angle as if he was Colin Delaney. Injuries (and perhaps some other factors) derailed his in-ring career, but it was still damn fun to watch Taz wrestling as part of the WWF roster, even if it was for far less time than I would've hoped.
*BZZZT*
#18: Game On (2002)
He had just spent eight months on the shelf because of a torn quadriceps muscle, but when Triple H returned to action in early 2002, he appeared to be on a mission. He was a lot bigger in the upper body region, which makes sense, considering that he couldn't exactly work his legs out like he probably wanted to, but the guy was back, and people were happy to see him, even though he was one of the most hated heels in the company when he was injured. I wasn't a huge fan of the new face Triple H, and definitely wasn't a huge fan of the lack of mobility he had upon his return, but it was still good to have him back, as he's one of the best in the world at what he does.
*BZZZT*
#19: Long Live The Deadman (2007)
When The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels became the final two men in the 2007 Royal Rumble match, most people were expecting it to be electric. Two of the biggest names in the history of pro wrestling, squaring off in their home state, with the winner going on to WrestleMania 23 with a World Title shot. Even though Taker had been wrestling since Jesus Christ was his tag team partner, he had never won a Royal Rumble, and was probably the biggest name to never have done so. The end of the match was almost like another match all by itself. Usually, when a Rumble comes down to its final two participants, it isn't going to be much longer before the match ends, but these two went one-on-one for close to ten minutes, and the crowd was eating out of the palms of their hands. It was every bit as electric as people were expecting it to be. It was the best Final Two showdown in Rumble history, and when it was all said and done, Taker had finally won a Rumble and went on to face Batista at WrestleMania 23.
*BZZZT*
#20: A Wrestling Clinic (2003)
In January of 2003, it would've been very difficult to find two better technical wrestlers on Earth than Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. Putting them in a one-on-one match at the Royal Rumble made Wrestling Nerds all across the globe need a change of shorts and puffs on their inhalers. Usually, it's a nip-slip that does that to them, so for it to happen with women nowhere in the equation, it was something special. The match was just as I described it in the title.. an absolute wrestling clinic. It didn't need all the spectacular spots, gimmicks, or any of that jibberyjoo. It was just two great wrestlers going one-on-one. The standing ovation that Chris Benoit got, in a loss, was a very nice touch. It's not something that is done very often, but if anybody was deserving of one, it was Benoit on that night.
*BZZZT*
#21: Little Man, Big Underdog (2006)
Rey Mysterio was the sentimental favorite heading into the 2006 Royal Rumble match. He was the smallest man in the match, and we were just two months removed from the passing of Eddie Guerrero, one of Rey's best friends. Other than the most hardcore Rey fans, and possibly conspiracy theorists, nobody really thought Rey had a shot at winning the Rumble, but he sure was a great story. When it came down to Rey and Randy Orton, a lot of people were finally starting to think that he just might be able to pull it off. I was on the other side of the fence, as I figured that Orton would use his elimination of Rey to carry on his heel character. Then.. it happened. Rey Mysterio was the winner of the Royal Rumble. Rey.. Mysterio.. winner.. of the Royal Rumble. Wow. It still sounds strange. Sure, it propelled him to have one of the worst World Title reigns in recent memory, but he still got the reign, which is something most wrestlers never get to have. Perhaps those conspiracy theorists were correct, though, and that Rey would never have won the title if Eddie hadn't passed away. We'll probably never know.
*BZZZT*
#22: The Beginning Of Something Special (1988)
Nobody can say it was the biggest or the best Royal Rumble match of all-time, but without the very first Rumble, nothing else on this list would've taken place. Jim Duggan was one of the biggest names in wrestling history to never have been a World Title. Those who only know Duggan because of his occasional appearances on Raw these days don't quite understand it, but "Hacksaw" was constantly one of the most over performers on the WWF roster, year in and year out. The fans absolutely loved the guy, and they ate his shtick up with a spoon. Hell, they still do, for the most part. Things were a bit different with the Rumble back then (no World Title shots on the line, 20 wrestlers instead of 30, etc), but it was still a rather large feather in the cap of the person who was able to say they won. Nobody will ever be able to take that away from Duggan.
*BZZZT*
#23: The Rattlesnake Strikes Thrice (1997, 1998, & 2001)
It's pretty fitting that nobody has ever won as many Royal Rumble matches as "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. He's the biggest name the business has ever seen, and the peak of his career was as entertaining a time in wrestling as most people have ever seen. In 1997, his feud with Bret Hart was already off to a fast start, even though it had technically just started. They just seemed to click right from the beginning. That was the best feud of all-time, in my opinion, and it was fun to see it continue at the Rumble. I still remember Austin eliminating people from the match, leaving him alone and with time to wait for the next entrant, so he perched himself atop the turnbuckles and.. well.. waited. When Bret's music hit, Austin's look was priceless, as he put both of his hands on his head and had a look of fear on his face. Good times. 1998 was when Austin took his career to the upper level, and it all started with his Rumble win and a trip to WrestleMania that year, where he won his very first WWF Title. 2001 was the year of the greatest WrestleMania ever, WM17, and the classic Austin/Rock match was set up by Austin's win at the Rumble that year. He's accomplished a lot of things as "The Rattlesnake", and a large majority of them started with winning the Royal Rumble.
*BZZZT*
#24: Not Your Garden Variety Street Fight (2000)
It's tough not to like the WWF Title match that Triple H and Cactus Jack put on at the 2000 Royal Rumble. It had just about everything you could ask for (other than Luchadore-like high-flying, I guess).. a hated heel, a beloved face (one that was bringing back one of his other beloved personas, no less), a hot crowd (the face's hometown crowd, at that), a well-written feud, blood, barbed wire, and two men willing to put their own bodies on the line to take the other one out. They brawled all over the place. They bled. They sweat. They gave us as close to a five-star match as possible, and a lot of people would say they did give us a five-star match. I was actually pretty surprised when Triple H retained his title, as most of the signs were pointing towards giving Mick Foley one last run with the belt, but it wasn't the end of the world or anything. The match gets extra bonus points for the puncture wound Triple H got on one of his calves. That was gross. He barely let it get to him, and he continued wrestling through it, although I'm sure it was killing him and making it tough to walk, let alone run and do wrestling moves. Props for that.
*BZZZT*
#25: Canadian Violence (2001)
This is only Intercontinental Title match on the entire list, but boy, is it a doozy. Take Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, and add a ladder to the mix, and you have a classic match. When people think back to this match, they usually remember one of two different spots.. either Jericho locking Benoit in the Walls Of Jericho on the top of the ladder, or Benoit's dive through the ropes where he was met with a vicious chair shot smack dab in the head while he was still in mid-air. Both of those are remembered for good reason. By now, the Walls spot has gotten old, as Jericho has performed it in every Ladder Match he's participated in since then, but watching it at the time was extremely cool. That chair shot was crazy as hell. I remember watching the show with a few of my friends, and we all jumped up out of our chairs when it happened. It would later come into play as people would discuss the effects that shots to the head may have played on Benoit's death, but nobody was thinking about that at the time. We simply got to sit back and watch a great match between two of the very best that have ever done it.
*BZZZT*
#26: Toothless Aggression (2004)
Because of his world-class technical wrestling ability, Chris Benoit was one of the very first members of the IWC Hall Of Fame that I can ever remember seeing. The internet fans fell in love with the guy from the beginning, and their love went with him from Japan to ECW to WCW and finally, to WWE. They wanted to see him succeed, but the main problem was that he just didn't fit in with the stereotype of who Vince McMahon usually pushed to the top of his company. First, he was smaller than most of the "main" guys from the past, and he didn't exactly have natural charisma and mic skills to help carry him beyond the size problems. He was mostly viewed as an upper-midcard type of wrestler, and one that would be a permanent contender for the Intercontinental and/or United States belts, but nothing more. When he won the Rumble, people's opinions started to change about the future of main event wrestlers in TitanLand. Yes, Benoit had title shots in the past, but placing him as the winner of the Royal Rumble had him on an entirely different level in the company, and in the eyes of many fans. Even the biggest of cynics were thinking that maybe.. just maybe.. the smaller guys could be getting a chance to shine, and this was the first step. The next month's No Way Out pay-per-view (I see you, Chepo) was the second step, and those steps continued with Benoit winning the World Title at WrestleMania the following month. It all started right here at the Royal Rumble, though, and it appears to still be going strong today, a whole five years later.
*BZZZT*
#27: Unsportsmanlike Conduct (1995)
While this was merely a moment in Royal Rumble history, and not a title change or Rumble victory (it wasn't even a match, period), this is probably the biggest moment the event has ever known, just for the amount of coverage it got in mainstream circles. It was all over ESPN, CNN, your local news, and in magazines. Of course, I'm talking about when Bam Bam Bigelow shoved New York Giants legend Lawrence Taylor, which set up their match at WrestleMania 11. When I say it was all over, I mean that it was all over, folks. The fact that one of the most famous players in the history of football had attended a pro wrestling event and was disrespected like that was big news to most people. I remember places reporting it as if it was real, and it was one of the most heinous acts of douchebaggery they had ever witnessed. Sure, the match they had was one of the all-time stinkers, but the press they had because of the storyline made up for it, I would think. Well, in the eyes of the only people that matter, anyway.
*BZZZT*
#28: I Quit! I Quit! (1999)
Those who watched the WWF Title match between The Rock and Mankind at the 1999 Royal Rumble will probably never ever forget it, and for good reason. Mick Foley was out of his mind for allowing those chair shots to take place, whether or not Rock actually did hit him a few extra times in the heat of the moment. If you've watched "Beyond The Mat", you'd have a true sense of understanding about just how brutal the shots were, watching Mick's wife and children bawling and not being able to watch what was taking place. For a man to have his hands tied behind his back, so that he has absolutely zero protection from stiff chair shots, is insanity beyond words. Not surprisingly, it left Mick's head split wide open (the hard way, obviously). The match itself was good, but those chair shots are the shining moments, without question. I also liked the creativity of the way the match ended. Nobody actually expected the great CactusJackMankindDudeLoveMickFoley to say "I Quit", so hearing him say the words to end the match surprised a lot of people. But wait.. it wasn't him quitting! It was someone replaying a clip from the pre-show where he uttered the words "I Quit" during a backstage promo! ZOMG~! Such conniving fuckery!
*BZZZT*
#29: Heeeee's Baaaaaccccckkkkk (2008)
I bet most of you expected me to have John Cena's shocking return as the moment on this list, but like the moment itself, I'm here to surprise the fucking fuck out of people. Until the day I stop being a wrestling fan, if that day ever comes, I'll never forget watching this pay-per-view and hearing the opening second of Cena's entrance music. Through my conniption, I noticed that the Madison Square Garden fans were going crazy for him. The notoriously smarky MSG fans were giving a huge face pop to the man they supposedly hate. Sure, it went back to a somewhat mixed reaction after a few seconds, but what it showed people was that a lot of these clowns are either full of shit, or they're too busy trying to be smarks. When their guard was down, they actually.. *gasp*.. enjoyed something, instead of sitting there, bitching, complaining, and breaking everything down like fools. They had to try and save face, though, so they started booing him, even though everyone sitting around them had just seen them mark out for the guy. Oh well, I got extra enjoyment out of seeing Cena win the match because of that. Hi, haters. Thanks for making wrestling even more fun than it already was.
*BZZZT*
#30: The Real World Champion Proves It (1992)
The 1992 Royal Rumble match is still my favorite of the 21 Rumbles thus far. Many have called it the most star-studded one in history, as well, and it would be tough to argue that point. If you want the short answer for why this is my top pick, and not Cena's return, I'll put it this way.. Cena's return (and the win that followed it) didn't directly win him a World Title (and, actually, the win didn't even lead to him winning a World Title in his title shot), while Flair's win did just that. Starting off at such an early spot in the Rumble, Flair had to go quite a long way to win the match, and believe me when I say that he was a target for just about every second that he was in the ring. He went into the match with a lot of enemies, and he made some more during the match. It seemed like people were just taking turns teeing off on him, and he just took a beating. Bobby Heenan's job on commentary was probably the single best wrestling commentary I've ever heard for any match in any promotion at any time. He's always good, but the roller coaster of emotions he went through as he watched his main man in the match was simply brilliant. He was excited, he was angry, he was depressed, he was high-strung, he was ecstatic, he was thankful. It was really fun TV to watch.
It took me a good week-and-a-half to narrow a list of 50+ moments down to the list you've just read, but I did it, and I'm pretty happy with the choices I made. Obviously, it's a personal preference list, so your own list might be completely different, and that's perfectly fine. Feel free to send me your lists, if you'd like. I'd be glad to see what everyone else thinks. Before I end the Rumble theme, however, I might as well go ahead and give you all my quick predictions on this weekend's 22nd edition of the event, since people always seem to ask me, anyway:
WWE Title - Jeff Hardy VS Edge
The fact that the WWE Title is on the line almost feels like a secondary point here, as the main story being pushed is the seemingly never-ending streak of terrible luck Jeff Hardy has been having recently. Because of the hit-and-run accident from a few weeks ago, he wasn't going into this match at 100%, and last week's pyro incident only made things worse for him. I was probably the first columnist here to predict Jeff would win one of the "big" titles, and even when I first made the prediction, I said that it wouldn't be that long of a reign. I stand by that prediction, as I don't see him walking out of the Rumble with the title. He'll show off his heart and determination and give it his all, however, but Edge gets the win. After the match, Matt Hardy runs out to attack Edge, and as he's gaining the upper hand, Christian makes his return and evens the odds.
Winner: Edge
World Title - John Cena VS JBL
We've seen these two face each other on numerous occasions, and they usually tend to deliver a hard-hitting brawl that is more entertaining than people seem to expect. I doubt this will be any different, even with the added storyline piece of Shawn Michaels working for JBL. This, in my opinion, is an easy match to predict, and it's for one reason only.. with WrestleMania 25 right around the corner, the company is definitely looking to give us the biggest card possible, and that can't happen if JBL is in one of the co-main events. Nothing against JBL, because, even to this day, he's really good at what he does, but he's just not on that level anymore. Not with names like John Cena, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, and even Shawn Michaels right there on Raw. Michaels refuses to follow through on an order from JBL, distracting the big Texan, and allowing Cena to pick up the win. This gives us the Michaels VS JBL feud that is obviously coming, and it makes people happy, because Shawn doesn't have to continue to look as if someone has just shot his monkey. Other than lame-ass Cody Rhodes and his "I Can't Show More Than One Emotion" face, Shawn's "I Saw This In A Commercial For Feeding Starving Children In Africa" face is the most annoying one going in the business today.
Winner: John Cena
Royal Rumble
Maybe it's just me, but this year's edition of the Rumble seems to be slightly less predictable than usual, which is in no way a bad thing. Some people swear up and down that Triple H will be victorious, and some people will say the same about Randy Orton, while others say it about The Undertaker. First and foremost, this is where I think Umaga makes his return to the company. He's been ready to return already, and really, can you think of a better place for him to do so than at the Rumble? The rest of the unannounced entrants will be a hodgepodge of midcarders, and maybe there will even be a legend or two thrown in there, just like "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in last year's match. I forgot where I read it, but I saw someone saying how cool it would be for Hulk Hogan to return here, but I highly doubt that takes place. Like him or not, I think Hulk is "above" that type of return. Maybe he could just pull up to the arena before the show, tell the fans they should find someone for him to wrestle when he comes back, drive off, and then not be seen again. Anyway, I think this is Triple H's time. Whenever a face has to go completely out of his way to be a part of a match, like he has so far, it usually means he's set to win it. Smackdown General Manager Vickie Guerrero has made life difficult for Triple H in recent weeks, and he's had to jump through hoops to qualify for the Rumble (which includes tonight's episode of Smackdown, but I won't spoil anything for those of you who would like to watch). It's his time, both at the Rumble and at WrestleMania, I'm thinking. Whether you love him, hate him, or feel extreme indifference towards him, you have to admit he's jobbed a lot at recent WrestleManias, so this might be some sort of a "reward" for him doing so.
Winner: Triple H
ECW Title - Jack Swagger VS Matt Hardy
Honestly, I could do without this match on the card, and that's not because of my Matt Hardy dislike. Well, it's partially due to my Matt Hardy dislike, I guess. It mostly has to do with the fact that I'd like to see this feud end already, as it isn't really doing much of anything for people. Yes, when someone loses a title, they usually get a rematch right away, and this is Matt's shot at regaining the ECW Title, but let's be honest.. this is the worst match on the entire card, hands down. They could go ahead and add a last-minute addition of Hornswoggle VS The Boogeyman in an Evening Gown Ironman Match, and it would still be more interesting than this. Honestly, Matt winning the title back here makes the original title change completely pointless, and because of that, I think Swagger wins here. That way, Matt can move on to something "bigger", and Swagger can continue to improve with new competition. I still can't fully believe they put the title on him so quickly, but that's neither here nor there, I guess. We're this close to Jack Swagger VS The Boogeyman as ECW's top feud, ladies and gentlemen. Let that one sink in for a little while.
Winner: Jack Swagger
Women's Title - Beth Phoenix VS Melina
I've been looking to this match for a while now, as you'd know by following my columns in the last couple of months. Both women can actually wrestle, which isn't always a pre-requisite for a WWE Diva match. Because of the long pause due to Melina's injury, it feels as if these two have been feuding for at least a year now, but it hasn't given us a very long string of matches. I don't see any way this feud ends at the Rumble, no matter who wins, especially now that Rosa Mendes has been introduced into the mix. I do think it's Melina's time, however, and I see her picking up the win, only to be attacked after the match by The Glamazon and The Glamazon's #1 Fan, setting up a rematch down the line, perhaps at No Way Out.
Winner: Melina
Writer's Note: We're only a few short days removed from Barack Obama being officially sworn in as the 44th President of the United States, and I have yet to fully grasp just how historic it was. It wasn't even 50 some-odd years ago that someone like Obama wouldn't have even been allowed to use the same water fountain as most people, and here he stands as the leader of the free world. Amazing. Now begins the process of Obama supporters crossing their fingers and hoping that he isn't anything more than a slick talker and no better than a Car Salesman. He's been selling for a while, and the country is buying, so we'll see what happens from here on out. Let's be real with each other, though.. it can't be worse than the Bush Era has been.
Writer's Note Part Deux: Can we please stop praising Baltimore Ravens QB Joe Flacco as being anything more than a slightly above average rookie now? For a QB to complete 33 of 75 passes over the course of three postseason games isn't acceptable. It's downright awful, and yet, people have been praising him, calling him "The Next Ben Roethlisberger" and using words like "superb", "spectacular", and "amazing" to describe his performances in the NFL's second season. The Ravens didn't make the postseason because of Flacco, and they didn't win either of their postseason games because of him, either. It was a smothering, turnover-forcing defense that helped them, as well as a solid running game that features numerous people gaining yards for them. Hmm.. a tough defense, a solid running game, and a QB that isn't scaring defenses? That sounds like what Baltimore had with Kyle Boller for years. They could've saved themselves the trouble and just stuck with Boller if that's what they wanted. Could Flacco turn out to be something special? Yes, of course he could. It's just far too early to be giving him the sort of praise that a lot of people are giving him, especially based on the lackluster results he's giving us.
Writer's Note Part Ekolu: You know, I was watching America's Best Dance Crew (Yeah, I said it. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?) a little while ago, and I noticed something. Have you ever seen Bow Wow and Lil Mama in the same place at the same time? Yeah, I haven't, either. I think there just might be something to that. They look exactly alike, and now that Bow Wow thinks he's some sort of thug, they speak alike, as well. Hmm.. someone look into that and report back to me when you get the results. These are the types of things that are on my mind at random times, people.
Writer's Note Part Quattro: It might not be next week, but sometime within the next couple of columns I do, I'm bringing back "Ask Hustle". For those of you new to my work, "Ask Hustle" is somewhat self-explanatory. You hit me up and send in questions that you'd like me to answer. They can be about anything at all.. wrestling, MMA, sports, music, life, love, etc. Nothing is off-limits. All you need to do is e-mail me the question(s) and leave me some sort of name that I should call you when I do answer your question, whether it's your real name, a nickname, or whatever. If you don't leave a name, you'll be referred to as "John Doe" or "Jane Doe", so be warned. If you've been a reader of mine for a while and have sent me questions in the past that I have yet to answer, feel free to send them to me again, as I had a lot of questions saved on my old computer when it went thhhhhppppp. I've still got enough for another AH or two, but to build the collection back up, go ahead and send them in again.
What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "Still Tippin" by Mike Jones, Slim Thug, & Paul Wall.. "How The Hell" by Ludacris, Project Pat, I-20, & Young Buck.. "16s Wit Me" by Ya Boy.. "Bomb Bud 2" by DJ Quik.. "Hustler's Story" by Notorious BIG, Scarface, Big Gee, & Akon.. "Streets" by Bone Thugs N Harmony, The Game, & will.i.am.. "My Lowrider" by The Game, Paul Wall, WC, E-40, Chingy, Techniec, Crooked I, Lil Rob, & Ice Cube.."Welcome To Jamrock" by Damian Marley.. "I Got You Babe" by Mario Winans.. "Cult Of Personality" by Living Colour.. "Under The Influence" by D12.. "We All Die One Day" by Obie Trice, Eminem, 50 Cent, & Lloyd Banks.. "Love's Holiday" by Earth, Wind, & Fire.. "Palm Pilot" by The Game & Money Mike (Katt Williams).. "Breathe" by Fabolous.. "Song Cry" by Jay-Z & Mary J Blige.. "Juicy" by Notorious BIG.. "Notorious Thugs" by Notorious BIG & Bone Thugs N Harmony.. "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains.. "My President" by Young Jeezy & Nas
We're 30 HIPRN columns deep now, folks. Thanks for riding with me yet again. Through all of the crazy shit, beef, and missed deadlines, you're still here. I appreciate that. Continue riding with me next week for yet another banger, one that may or may not be an "Ask Hustle" edition. Whether I get to do a UFC 94 preview with Treisk next week or not (not looking likely because of how long it takes me to do), I'll be mentioning it, anyway, as Hawaii's own BJ Penn steps into The Octagon with Georges St Pierre in what should be a Fight Of The Year candidate. Keep your peepers peepin for that. Until then, from an uncomfortable chair, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.
”I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meetin quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda..”
"See, that's the difference between you and I.. you get money, and you get crazy.. I get crazy, and I get money..”
