Posted in: Hustle Is Posting Right Now Hustle Is Posting Right Now: Volume 47 ("HIPRN 25" Edition)
By Hustle
May 27, 2009 - 1:39:02 AM
Like Dwight Howard, this is definitely Magic..
"How in the hell could you stop me?.. Why in the world would you try?.."
This week's intro line is presented by Maino. I don't feel that anybody can stop me, other than myself, and really, there's no reason for anybody to even attempt it, so why bother? What the fuck is poppin, world? Welcome back to yet another edition of the column that is shopping for a record deal.. Hustle Is Posting Right Now. That must make me the ringleader of this crazy circus, and I go by the name of.. Hustle. I'm back, it's Tuesday once again, and I'm in the house. Well, technically, I'm not in the house, unless some of these Kinko's workers live here, but you get what I'm trying to say. We're getting closer to the time where I won't have to come here to post my columns anymore, and that's exciting news for me, and I'm sure it is for all of you, as well. Know what else would be exciting? If I moved on with this column, so, uh, I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
This week, we're going with a simple topic, and in celebration of the news that I'm bringing back The HIPE, it's something that I did a few times during my daily run. Yes, ladies and gentlemen.. submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society.. I give you my look at who, in the entire wrestling world, is having the best time right now, whether it be because of their win/loss record, titles held, news tidbits, or anything else that is going on. I show no bias here, and I give it to you the way that it really should be given. Ladies and bros, I give you.. The HIPRN 25~!
25. Tyson Kidd - He isn't going to be the highest ranked member of The Hart Trilogy (foreshadowing~!), but the faction's presence should bring more attention to Kidd and the great work he's been putting on since he debuted with ECW. For the time being, I think he's going to take a bit of a backseat to David Hart Smith, but eventually, his talent will win out, and he'll be the star of the group, in my opinion. He's been solid in every aspect thus far, even in his limited time on the mic, and while I'm not saying he'll achieve anywhere near the level of success that Bret Hart has, I do think that he's the "Bret Hart" of the group and will be the singles star down the road.
24. Vladimir Kozlov - I was, quite possibly, the first person to predict it the first time, and while I know that some are predicting this the second time, I'm still predicting it.. Kozlov is set for a pretty big push. He was built up pretty well on Smackdown in his initial push to the top, but once he took on Triple H at Survivor Series, his momentum came to a quicker halt than when you hit the sidewalk after jumping off of a 100-story building. He was never able to recover from that, and he eventually got lost in the shuffle. Now, he appears to be in the middle of another nice push, but there's no Triple H on his brand now. There's no Undertaker on his brand now. He's in a perfect situation to be dominant and push around the smaller faces of the ECW roster. I stick by my original idea that, if the company is going to give Tommy Dreamer one final run with the ECW Title, Kozlov should be the one to take it from him, beating him into retirement in the process. We shall see. Oh, and he needs to rock that military outfit more often. Hell, he needs to rock that military outfit while he wrestles, as well. That would make him one of my Top 5 wrestlers, guaranteed.
23. Christian - Perhaps a little low for the reigning ECW Champion, but while he's finding a nice groove since his return, he still hasn't been setting the world on fire or anything. He's giving us a solid performance every single time he's in the ring, though, and he's helping groom Jack Swagger as a future stud in the business. He deserves a spot here in the rankings just for that. Realistically, I think his title reign ends at Extreme Rules, whether it's to Swagger, Dreamer, or anybody else, but for now, he can enjoy this spot, and so can all of you.
22. Jerry Lawler - It was fun to see him involved in a big-time TV main event like he was on Raw. He's definitely not going to be a full-time wrestler again, but he's still crazy over, and I enjoy seeing him get to share a little bit of the spotlight every so often. I've seen some people complain about it, but really, what is it hurting? It's not like he was a main focal point for the match or anything. I'd understand if he wrestled for 90% of the match, and ended up pinning Randy Orton cleanly or something, but for what it was, it was perfectly acceptable in my eyes. He only gets a couple matches a year, if that, but he makes the most out of them. Too bad he still has to work with that worthless fuck Michael Cole every week. I was thinking about ranking Lawler in my Top 10 just for having the patience and overall zen-like quality to not have strangled Cole to death on live television. You're a stronger man than I, King.
21. Big Show - He's still feuding with John Cena, and he's still being booked as an unstoppable force, which should be how he always gets booked. You'd think that would be obvious, but he's definitely had his share of really bad booking during his WWF/WWE tenure, but at least things are working out for him now. Sure, he'll eventually come out on the losing end of the Cena feud, but he's had a lot of (justifiable) success against the man that people have viewed as some sort of God-like creature, unable to lose, no matter the situation. It'll be interesting to see where Show goes from this feud, though. As long as I don't have to see him kiss Vickie Guerrero again, I should be alright.
20. The city of Denver - Their basketball team won Game 4 of the NBA Western Conference Finals to even up their series with the Los Angeles Lakers at two, and now they also look like the better and more mature side of the "WWE VS Denver Nuggets" shenaniganery. All the people in the sports media world who have been taking WWE and Vince McMahon's side throughout this entire thing are probably changing their tune after the horrendousnessessess that was Raw this week, and I can't really say that I'd blame them if they were. If you were a non-wrestling fan tuning in to see Raw based on the buzz it has been getting in the sports world, and you watched the "McMahon/Kroenke" segment, every bad stereotype of wrestling that you've ever heard would've come true right before your very eyes. *sigh*
19. Carlito & Primo - With the weak state that the WWE tag ranks are in, Carlito & Primo's work looks even better. Their biggest current threat is a bumbling, stumbling The Brian Kendrick, and his search for some tag partner that isn't a jobber of some sort. These two were just starting to really click, and I hope this Kendrick storyline is going somewhere that will give us at least one really good wrestling match, but at this point, I'm not too hopeful. You know, Carlito & Primo VS The Brian Kendrick & Paul London would be megafun. I'm just saying.
18. Lisa Marie Varon - Better known as former WWE Women's Champion Victoria, Varon has signed with TNA and will be making her debut on this week's episode of Impact. As of this very second, I haven't read the spoilers yet, but I'd be shocked if she isn't immediately in line to face TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love, or maybe even to face Kong right away, giving Love the ability to feud with someone else. Then again, it's TNA we're talking about here, so she might debut as Cody Deaner's redneck ex-wife, leading to a lame feud with ODB for the love of Cody. Cross your fingers, folks.
17. The Miz - His win/loss record hasn't exactly been stellar (his real win/loss record, that is), but he continues to grow as an asshole heel character. He's that guy that just gets under your skin, and you really want to see him get his ass kicked by someone somewhere. He's so good at this that I hope they never turn him face, as it just isn't something I'd be able to buy into. I also have to give him credit for coming a long way in the mic skills department. It wasn't all that long ago that he was embarrassing himself as the host of the Diva Search, in case you forgot, and really, I wouldn't blame you if you did forget. When the inevitable occurs, and John Cena finally destroys Miz, it'll be interesting to see if he can keep his momentum up, or if the defeat will push him all the way back down the rankings towards jobber status.
16. Old school ECW Marks - Hi, Irishsara. Why are the old school ECW Marks making this list? Well, with Mick Foley currently on top of the TNA landscape, with Stevie Richards having a somewhat important character in TNA, with Raven and Shane Douglas being TNA's newest acquisitions, with Team 3D as the 472-time tag champions, and with Tommy Dreamer still chugging along in the new school ECW.. well, things are good for those fans. For the rest of us, not so much, but I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy, so ECW Marks, get your shine on. TNA haters, look on the bright side.. it looks like WCW isn't the mid-90's wrestling organization that TNA would like to become, so that point of irritation is tossed out the window now.
15. Randy Orton - He almost gets this spot by default. Technically, as the #1 guy on wrestling's #1 show, he should be ranked much higher, but much more of the focus in his storyline with Batista has been on the challenger, making him almost secondary through everything. Orton's been through a tough few months with his storylines, but I don't put him at fault for a huge majority of it. I still say he was made to look like a fool in far too much of the Triple H storyline (which isn't over yet), and nobody can help Batista at this point. He's still putting in solid heel work every week, though, which I can't just ignore.
14. Kofi Kingston - He's now lined up for a shot at the United States Title next week on Raw, and the only reason he isn't ranked higher than this is because his victory last night will be forgotten, for the most part, because folks will focus more on all the shots at the Denver Nuggets organization that were sprinkled throughout Raw. He should be able to do his part to make that a really good title match, though, and I'm really looking forward to it. There are weeks that Kofi will appear to be on the verge of truly breaking out into the upper-tier, and perhaps a run with the US Title will help him on that front. I still think he's a heel turn and a move to Smackdown away from being a true star, though, but that's neither here nor there at this point.
13. Triple H - Yes, even without appearing on WWE TV for weeks. The reason is simple.. I feel that, somewhere deep down inside, he's looking at Raw's slumping TV ratings as a personal victory. He's smart enough to know that there's buzz floating around about Raw being "stale" and that Smackdown is the new "it" show, and he's probably just delusional enough to think that his absence is the reason for Raw's recent problems. I've talked to people that are huge fans of his, and even they expect him to run wild once he returns to Raw, appearing in several segments every week and taking up around 30 minutes of on-air time. I'm really, really, really not looking forward to that, especially if it's going to mean making Randy Orton his bitch once again.
12. David Hart Smith - While I thought there were way too many restholds and stalling in his "debut" match against Finlay on last week's episode of ECW, it still showed plenty of promise for someone that I hadn't been impressed with previously. The fact that the company gave him nearly 20 minutes to main event an episode of ECW this soon after coming up to the main roster speaks volumes of how impressed they are with him, and really, their opinion means much more than my opinion, as well as the opinions of any of you reading this right now. Some people need to understand that.
11. Vince McMahon - The entire "McMahon VS Kroenke" segment from Raw was like taking 20 or so years of Vince McMahon humor (for better or worse) and rolling it up into a chewable 5-minute vitamin. The idea of it was really funny, and there were even bits and pieces of the segment itself that were funny, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a real waste of time, and it was clearly more for Vince's amusement than for ours. However, he was having an absolute blast out there, and I can't really fault him for that. He's ranked so high because he got exactly what he wanted out of the segment and the publicity surrounding the entire "battle". Let's just hope it's all over now. I don't want to hear the Nuggets mentioned in any way on WWE television again.
10. Michelle McCool - Whether I like it or not, she's in the middle of yet another push, and it's one that may lead her to become the first Diva in history to own both the Women's Title as well as the Divas Title. Sure, that doesn't mean a whole lot, considering the short history of the Divas Title, but it's still something that will be pushed as quite the great accomplishment on WWE TV. Personally, I think McCool is helping to absolutely waste Gail Kim's talents, but that's why I'm here doing this and not writing for the company myself.
9. MVP - He continues to get the "rub" as a member of the Raw roster, this time having interaction with John Cena during Raw's main event, and eventually scoring the pinfall for his team in that match. A lot of his doubters have had their opinions changed since he moved to Raw. Not even his biggest fans could've expected him to have a mini-feud with Randy Orton already, become one of the more over names on Raw, and score the pinfall in a match that included Cena, Randy Orton, Batista, and Big Show. Meanwhile, he's still the US Champion, and he's still involved with solid and potentially solid feuds with the likes of Kofi Kingston, William Regal, Matt Hardy, etc. Ballllliiiiinnnnn~!
8. Batista - I'm still not a fan of the guy, but he's been looking pretty dominant recently, easily taking out multiple people with ease seemingly every time he's on-camera. Now, if he could only solve the problem he has with how ridiculous he looks when he runs down the ramp towards the ring, he'd be fine. Seriously, I give him props for wrestling on Raw wearing a full Los Angeles Lakers uniform, complete with basketball shoes. It looked funny, and I'm sure it wasn't in his real comfort level, but he did it, anyway. What a team player.
7. Main Event Mafia - When people said TNA was treating it as if the MEM were "bigger than TNA itself", others scoffed at the comments, passing them off as mere hyperbole. When Sting pinned Kurt Angle at Sacrifice, telling everyone watching that being the leader of the MEM means more than being the TNA Champion, it only proved the statement to be 100% actual factual. That alone gets the MEM ranked this high on the list. Not even Jeff Jarrett himself (the founder of TNA, in case he hadn't already made that crystal clear to you in the 900 times he mentions it every week) gets to be booked "above" the title. Good show, MEM. Good show.
6. AJ Styles - Completely ignoring the stupid cop-out booking to end his match at Sacrifice against Booker T, AJ continues to be on a roll in the ring. It's a bit of a hollow roll, but it's a roll nonetheless. In actuality, this Legends Title garbage needs to go away already. It's not a real title, and it never should've been treated as such in the first place, but he's making due with the hand that he's been dealt, and I can't really fault him for that. I'm hoping that he moves away from the phony belt soon, and eventually moves back towards fighting for the real belt in TNA. No, not the Knockouts Title, although there might be fun times to had there. I feel dirty for saying this, but I could deal with Mick Foley VS AJ Styles for the TNA World Title. Make it happen, TNA.
5. Umaga - This might be a little high for the "Samoan Bulldozer", but I like the fact that he's been so no-nonsense in coming out and destroying CM Punk every week. He continues to get the best of Punk, although I'm totally expecting Punk to be victorious (and understandably so) in their Samoan Strap Match at Extreme Rules. As for the promo he cut on Smackdown.. well, I'm holding my final decision on it until I see where they decide to go with it, but I thought it was kinda cool that he spoke, and spoke well. Sure, the "humanizing" of his character might be a bad thing, and it certainly didn't work too well for Kane and Abyss, but again, I want to hold my final opinion until I know what they have in store. Maybe they'll completely forget about it and put him back to normal this week? Who knows? We shall see.
4. Jeff Hardy - I like that he's showing a bit more personality in his promos recently, and he got to pick up a big victory over World Champion Edge in a non-title match, which allowed him to choose a Ladder Match for the Extreme Rules match stipulation. The back-and-forth discussion about his future with the company should be answered at Extreme Rules, if not sooner. If he wins the title, I'd say he's signed a new contract and everything is fine on that front, but he loses the match, it might be time to start saying our goodbyes to young Jeffrey. Either way, I'd be downright shocked if his match with Edge wasn't exciting as all hell. I'm excited for it.
3. - What? You were expecting someone else?
2. Beer Money Inc - Damn, there's a lot of TNA personalities involved in the Top 10 this week. I'm sure this catches some people off-guard (just wait until you see who's sitting in the next spot, though). However, they've been one of the more consistent positive aspects of Impact on a weekly basis, and it's almost impossible to find positive things about that show every week. They're now next in line for a shot at the TNA Tag Titles, which could keep them ranked quite high on this list, but I wanted to take this time to praise their work recently, and to thank them for not making Impact 100% awful.
And, finally, the person who holds down the #1 spot in this edition of The HIPRN 25..
1. Mr Kennedy - Some of you will understand just how painful it is for me to put Kennedy in the #1 spot of any column other than "Most Injury Prone Wrestler", but really, I don't see how it could even be argued at this point in time. He made his return on Raw this week, coming out during a segment involving the current WWE Champion, and then was placed into a huge 10-man tag to main event Raw. Personally, I would've had him return and be immediately involved in the US Title scene, but the fans popped for him, so they were happy. This definitely isn't the first time that he's been pushed to a good spot, though, so we'll just have to wait and see where it goes from here, but for my money, he's having the best week or so in all of wrestling, exceeding expectations from the get-go. His facial hair needs to go, though.
Damn.. Mr Kennedy at #1, multiple TNA personalities in the Top 10, and people like Batista and Michelle McCool ranked in the top part of the list? No John Cena whatsoever? That's a big "fuck you" to anybody who thinks I'm biased in my columns. I feel that I need a shower now, though. It's just making me feel filthy to have some of these people ranked the way I did.
Hustle Highlight Of The Week: Lyoto Machida VS Rashad Evans from UFC 98. That says a lot on how slow of a week it was in the wrestling world, though. I'm a huge fan of Rashad Evans, and I picked him to win the fight by 4th-round KO, but damn, that performance by Machida was impressive as all hell. Easily the most impressed I've ever been by any of his fights. That said, though, I hope something wrestling-related can take the HHotW crown next week.
Honorable mentions include Jeff Hardy VS Edge from Smackdown, Umaga stunning the world by cutting a promo in perfect english on Smackdown, the end of the Finlay VS David Hart Smith match on ECW (because that meant the 20-minute borefest was over), the news that former WWE Diva Victoria has signed with TNA, John Cena in a Lakers jersey and matching headband, and the fact that Big Show was able to find a basketball jersey big enough to fit him.
Writer's Note: This has been a ridiculously good Conference Finals round in the NBA Playoffs. Both the Lakers/Nuggets and Magic/Cavs matchups are going back-and-forth, and as a basketball fan, I love it. As a Lakers fan, though, it's taking years off of my life. They frustrate me beyond belief. There's really no reason whatsoever that they should be getting outmuscled, outhustled (no pun intended), and outrebounded by a Denver Nuggets frontcourt that is smaller than they are. Thankfully, they still retain the home court advantage, and they're a much better team at home than they are on the road, but it's still enough to make me pull my hair out sometimes. I do think they'll win the series, but now it's probably going to be in seven games, and not six like I originally predicted.
Writer's Note Part Deux: You know, if the story that Mr Kennedy is injured again turns out to be true, I won't know exactly how to react. On one hand, I've never been a fan of the guy, and I always love poking fun at his fans that have hyped him up too much since his debut a few years back. On the other hand, though, it's not like I have Michael Cole levels of dislike for the guy, and it's quite sad to see how much bad luck he has had. You almost couldn't even write a movie script and have a wrestler encounter that much bad luck all in a row, but the truth is stranger than fiction sometimes.
What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "I Remember" by Krayzie Bone.. "Touch Me, Tease Me" by Case & Foxxy Brown.. "When I'm With You" by Tony Terry.. "Joy" by Blackstreet.. "Before I Let You Go" by Blackstreet.. "Virginia" by Clipse.. "Da Introduction" by Bone Thugs N Harmony.. "Down '71 (The Getaway)" by Bone Thugs N Harmony.. "1st Of Da Month" by Bone Thugs N Harmony.. "Old Times Sake" by Eminem & Dr Dre.. "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" by Jay-Z.. "Visionz" by Wu Tang Clan.. "Santeria" by Sublime.. "7 Grams" by Jay Rock.. "Look At Her" by One Chance & Fabo.. "Getto Jam" by Domino.. "Run Away" by Bubba Sparxxx & Frankie J.. "They Sayin" by The Game & G.Malone.. "Is This Love" by Three Plus.. "It's Goin Down" by Celly Cel.. "Ordinary People" by John Legend.. "Birthday (Remix)" by Flo Rida, Rick Ross, & Brisco.. "Everything" by Young Jeezy & Anthony Hamilton.. "In My Hood" by 50 Cent.. "I'm Supposed To Die Tonight" by 50 Cent.. "Good Life" by Kanye West & T-Pain.. "Still Tippin" by Mike Jones, Paul Wall, & Slim Thug.. "Cutty Buddy" by Mike Jones, Lil Wayne, & T-Pain.. "911 Is A Joke" by The Game.. "Bklyn Masala" by Masta Ace.. "Lyrical Arsinist" by Cyssero.. "Psychosocial" by Slipknot.. "You Got Me Wide Open" by Booty Collins & Bernie Worrell.. "In The Still Of The Night" by Boyz 2 Men.. "Honestly" by Ekolu.. "Come On Pretty Baby" by City Side.. "No One" by Maoli.. "Darling Angel" by Rebel Souljahz.. "The One" by Rebel Souljahz.. "I Love You" by Rebel Souljahz.. "Take Me Away" by Laga Savea & Fiji.. "Lifetime Lover" by J Boog.. "All Bets On Ace" by Ace Hood (the unofficial anthem of HIPRN).. "Overtime" by Ace Hood, T-Pain, & Akon.. "Glass House" by Atmosphere.. "City Lights" by Method Man, Redman, & UGK.. "I'm Dope Nigga" by Method Man & Redman.. "I'm Sprung (remix)" by T-Pain & Stat Quo.. "Candyman" by Dirty.. "Live & Learn" by Joe Public
That about does it for yet another edition of HIPRN. It's bagged, tagged, and ready for consumption. Thank you to each and every one of you for riding with me yet again. Next week.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page.. I'll be dropping yet another "Hustle Original" of some sort, so definitely keep your peepers peepin for that. Until then, however, it's time for me to glide like Clyde, nah'mean? From the Heart Of Polynesia, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.
”I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meetin quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda..”
"The same reason y'all could love me is the same reason y'all condemn me.."
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