Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back for the third edition of Smarks Court, I am your host, Mazza and with me as always is Uncle Joe. Joe has been a naughty boy this week and violated three bitches, one heshe, a chicken and most importantly a Court order preventing him from posting in the columns forum. We shall get to that piece of housekeeping after today's schedule is complete. The trial of Plan certainly garnered a lot of attention and throughout the start of the voting period there were never more than a couple of votes in it. In the end however, the outcome was quite clear. I would like to thank everybody who took the time to deliver their verdict, this concept can only work with your participation. Now before we get to the official verdict reading, I would like to showcase some of the comments that we received about Randy Orton.
There were those who agreed that Randal is really clogging up the works:
By Clark
And there were those that jumped to Randy's defence:
By johnnyz4282
It is now time for me to head over to Judge Joe for the final verdict.
The People Versus 'Plan - The Verdict
Judge Joe: The verdict... is . . . my niggas . . . NOT GUILTY
Plan: Oh what's that? Am...am I not guilty? Was...oh...was I right? Was that CPR guy proven WRONG in his own court?! Hah! Kiss my arse Mazzwinn! This means I now officially become senior Brit on the Main Page of course. Good times. Hold on. I want to bask.
*Basks*
Aaah. Life is good. But seriously, I enjoyed it Mazzwinn. Good debate and I would love to come back one day.
Mazza, stick two fingers in his arse when he sleeps.
Mazza: I would but I am worried we will never get rid of him then. Plan, it was close but just too many Fred heads out there to save your sorry arse. Rest assured though, you will be back and you will be punished. I do like to think however that Randy read the last Smarks Court and decided to step up his game at Bragging Rights just to prove me wrong. Oh well, I guess you better put this bad boy to bed Joe.
Just like I do wit your sister, eh?
Not taking the bait Joe, we have still got another case to do. So Plan has been let off with 60% of the jury voting in his favour and I am now 1 and 1 in my legal career. I am not too happy to have a loss under my belt so early into Smarks Court's history but the IWC have spoken and I have to respect that. For our next case we welcome Doc Monk to the courtroom.
Yo Joe, er I mean Mazza, come here real quick.
*Joe whispers sweet nothings into Mazza's ears*
What the fuck do you mean he is not here? I sent him that summons 2 weeks ago.
Well he said there was this super important Tourney in Amsterdam somewhere, so he called up Roman Polanski and that Austrian dude who was fucking his daughter, made arrangements, scored a plane ticket and just went, man.
I'll go postal on that motherfucker. He thinks he can flee the country? He posts daily, we can get his IP and hunt him down. There cannot be too many simians performing surgery in the Holland.
Well last time me and Monk hung out, we were getting fucked up with Waldo, Houdini and Carmen Sandiego, and I imagine he's learned a thing or two from those bastards.
Who on earth is Carmen Sandiego? Never mind. Lets get on the case and get his arse in the dock for next time. So I guess we better wrap this up then by dealing with your little indiscretion last week. How do you expect anyone to take our sentences seriously if you don't?
. . . Cause I'm that nigga?
There will have to be repercussions Joe, you can't just go around doing what you want, when you want.
But this is America baby; land of the free, home of the E-gull. Besides, the first shit was all rigged because you were the judge AND Prosecutor. How was I supposed to fight that fairly?
Hey don't worry about my views, besides, I am immune to prosecution as this is my frigging Court.
Nigga, I can outconvince you on a fair court anytime on Earth, anywhere in space, homeboy.
A challenge hey, I tell you what then, double or nothing you cannot convict me. If you win, you are off scot free; if you lose, I get to throw some more punishment at you next time out. I guaran-damn-tee victory on any subject you can throw my way. Pick your poison, bitch.
Ok. You claim that the Miz sucks and shit, but it is I who say it is JoMo El HoMo aka John Morrison who is the weaker of the two.
Well Plan is still sitting outside, he will judge it, he has nothing else going on in his sad little life. HEY PLAN, YOU WANNA JUDGE A CASE?
Plan: You think you can insult me and I'll just come running?! I'll judge this farce...but don't tell me I didn't warn you.
Right, lets get it on (no homo).
Well I guess that means it is now time for Smarks Court to bring you...
Case #003 - The People Versus Mazza
Judge Plan: Mazzwinn, you are charged with thinking Orton is boring a...what? We already did that? What's that? Who the fuck is JoMo? Oh. Him. Well call him by his name for fucks sake. ...kind of dumbass nickname is JoMo? Right. Ok. Mazzwinn, you are charged with thinking that JOHN MORRISON is a better main event prospect than The Miz; how do you plead?
Mazza: Not guilty! And before we go on, I cannot believe that a guy named "Plan" says JoMo is a stupid nickname. How on earth did you people vote in your favour, you pink motherfucker.
Judge Plan: You forgot to say "your honour". You will do it from now on or I will hold you in contempt of court sir. Man I love this job. Now, your case. PRESENT IT BITCH!
Fuck you Plan, if it wasn't for the Court, nobody would ever read your magenta ramblings, that is enough of you making this case all about you. Onto JoMo and right off the bat I would like to present as evidence Exhibit A:
Now you maybe wondering what the hell Pat Patterson has to do with all this. Well my answer is everything. History has shown us that there are plenty of people who enjoy a little boy on boy action who hold positions of power and influence in the pro-wrestling world. Now I present to you Exhibit B:
Look at these abs. I am a married father of one and can totally see why people go homo for JoMo, especially when he makes his entrance in slow-mo. Now, do you think that Pat would not guarantee Morrison a world title run for a ride on brown starfish pain? Let me step away from this direction for a while as the last thing the Court needs is a visit from GLADD.
The Miz and Morrison clearly have totally different skill sets. Mike Mizanin talks a good game whereas Morrison plays a good game. It is not by random chance that they are the brands that they are. Morrison's future is so bright that some say he could be the next Shawn Michaels, and lets face it, we are going to need a new one pretty soon. For a few years now he has been floating around that mid card championship level and has put on great displays against many a worthy opponent. He is in a strong position on the brand where he is most likely to make an impact. It was this time last year where Jeff Hardy, a man with similar skills first made his rise to the top of the blue brand.
Now lets look at The Miz. Now who could we compare this guy too? A heel douchebag who in-ring is a couple of notches below the guys in his division yet can string a couple of insults together reasonably well. In fact, the guys around him are so bland with a mic in their hands, that despite his wrestling shortcomings, he is given the midcard title for entertainment value. Can you tell who he is yet? I present Exhibit C:
That's right, The Miz is Santino Marella V2.0. Sure Miz maybe a little better inside the squared circle but he is nowhere near as entertaining on the shtick. And that is a common misjudgement that people make about Mizanin. People, the guy is not that good on the mic. Sure, he is better than a lot of the boring hacks that are clogging up TV time but do not get it twisted, he is not the second coming of the Rock. In short it will take a miracle for The Miz to step out of the congested Raw midcard to challenge the likes of Hunter, Cena and Orton for a main event spot and a move to SmackDown would quickly expose his in ring weaknesses.
Now I am not saying that Morrison is anywhere near the finished article. He has a lot of areas in his game that need to step up a gear before he can claim that main event status. Contrary again to popular belief, I think Morrison is not bad on the mic. He says good things but they don't come across as that powerful at the moment. A lack of charisma is also something that is levelled at him and I think that is where the issue is. That said, I do thing that he is getting better. Miz is clearly stronger in that department but it was Morrison who had to turn face after they split as a team and hit the ground running as a face, something he had not been too comfortable with in the past. The fact is, JoMo's flash and brash attitude makes him a lot more suited to being a heel and despite his weakness in the charisma department, he has done a very good job since the split and the move to SmackDown, taking on a title that was last held by Mysterio and Jericho into the bargain.
Now lets move onto the more important side of things, what he can do in the ring. The Friday Night Delight is just that to watch. He has what I like to call sexy offence. While he can be a little over spot-happy at times, he is also solid in other aspects of his in-ring work and that is what puts him a step above other spot monkeys in the business. As he matures as a performer and the early osteoarthritis kicks in, he will learn to move away from the spot moves more in the same way that Michaels and Edge have done. In short, I think that if Morrison's development continues at the current rate, he will soon be one of the guys you can count on to pull a good match out of anybody and will be able to turn a good gimmick match into a great one come pay per view Sunday.
Judge Plan: *Snores.* Huh? Oh shit. Erm...points well made Defence! This Court finds you no...what? Wait for.... The fuck is a jury? Oh. Fucking hell. I guess it's your turn then Joe. Make it quick Prosecution. Can't believe this is keeping my attention off the Judge Dredd movie. That's some awesomely bad shit right there.
Unlike Mazza here, I will not pander to the homosexual demographic of his readership, nor will I stoop so low as to denounce the character of a totally unrelated person in order to make my point. Why is the Miz better? Let me present to you, the jury, Exhibit D:
While I like this promo, damn near love it, I can acknowledge that it is not the greatest on earth. But make no mistakes about it; the guy can talk. And that right there is why I can claim that Mr. Mizanin has a better prospect of being a World/WWE Champ before Morrison. While that might not have been the greatest promo, John Morrison would of have to have had his promo edited 4 times by the production crew, had sex with Satan, and it still wouldn't be a third of what the Miz delivered there. For all of the mathtards in the jury, that equals to not good. And as history have shown us, people who can talk have a MUCH higher chance of succeeding over someone who can't.
Let us put aside the promo ability; let's talk about in ring skill. I will give Morrison his due; his flips are pretty and are as eloquent as the stars in my niece's ICarly diary. And that's about it. The man has obvious flipping and spinning talents, which are nothing to laugh at, but that is all he has. As of what I've seen of him, and it is substantial, he knows no submission holds other than the standard sleeper and maybe chin lock. His punches are laughably weak, and as stated elsewhere by me, his forearms are weak and are on par with Diva elbows. He often looks lost and doesn't know how to transition from move to move. Seeing as how his move is a split legged corkscrew moonsault (StarShip Pain), you'd think he would attack the midsection early and often, but no; random punches, and moves just for the sake of moves.
Now let's forgo ring skill. He has no charisma, ok well maybe a smidgen . . . no, he has none. When doing the Dirt Sheet with Miz, whatever he had of a personality was somewhat evident, as soon as they split, his charisma went down the toilet faster than a newborn on prom night. He doesn't have any sort of presence in the ring, no 'wow look at me'' factor outside of his overall flippyness. And now is when I bring in Exhibit E:
One Matt Sydal, aka Evan Bourne. You may think to yourself "what the heck does Bourne have to do with this case?" And the answer is everything. Bourne can be just as flippy as Morrison, and flashy as well, but he is much more charismatic. He also lacks mic skill, but that doesn't mean he's not charismatic. Bourne works a stiff style, with some very nice kicks and realistic punches and a sick flying sideways forearm smash. Bourne bumps like a madman, making his beatings that much more impactful and allows him to gain sympathy from the crowd. His comebacks are also excellently timed, as evident by the crowd eating that shit up when he counters let's say a pump handle slam into victory roll. His facial expressions are top notch and selling is superb as was mentioned. He also puts in little touches in his moves to make them even more spectacular. His SSP is awesome, due in part because he grabs his ankles while doing so, giving the impression that he's in the air forever. He is everything Morrison should be, but isn't. I know I made a point about Miz being able to talk, and Bourne can't. But Bourne has charisma, and can authentically generate pops with the pumping of a peace sign. We don't know about Morrison because Smackdown is edited, and they probably pump noise in the replay.
The Miz on the other hand, is on track to be a main eventer and World Champ. Like mentioned, the guy can talk, and will get better. Has a look that Vince loves, and we all know Vince loves guys with certain looks. He uses a ground and pound style akin to which is often a staple to many a heel in the early years. His style can mesh with a lot of the other styles found in the WWE. He knows a variety of submissions, and knows how to effectively counter someone's move and make it seem harmful looking than it should. HE works a stiff style of offence, which looks realistic and makes his offence look better. He throws nice punches and knows how to get a crowd to boo the hell out of him, by taunting, sneering, and doing usual dastardly tactics. It isn't groundbreaking, but the Miz gets "it". And that is where I will make my other point.
Admittedly, the Miz was terrible in the beginning, very much so. But he improved. He progressed as the matches went by, and little by little, his bite was catching up to his bark. Take his Cena matches for example. He kind of held his own with Cena, until he got his ass handed to him. The next night, it looked like more of the same, but Miz surprisingly dominated Cena for 90% of the bout, by being more aggressive, no nonsense and countering Cena's moves. The story being told was that he learned from his mistakes from the night before, and improved. He lost, but that the story was that the Miz more than held his own with the WWE's top dog. Look at his matches with Kofi. After taking Kofi's finish and watching him and being bested by it for so long, he learned to throw himself to the outside to give him room to recuperate and nullify it's effectiveness. Again, it goes back to the Miz learning from mistakes and being better because of it; not only in his matches, but in his career as well.
I will admit, I liked Morrison when he started, because I saw a wealth of potential, but the problem with him is that he is the same at which he started; only his jacket is a little bit furrier, and hair a lot darker. Mazza also compared Miz to Santino Marella, but what Mazza failed to realize is that Santino is actually a very good wrestler, for those who have followed OVW or have seen his past matches under the Russian gimmick. So in turn, Maz played Miz a compliment. And Santino has more charisma and selling ability in one fingernail than John has in his body. So suck it, Maz.
*Checks watch. Yawns.* Oh. You done? This Co...not finished?! Oh for.... What now?! Hurry the fuck up!
I am going to wrap this up because we have a plane to catch for Amsterdam and sooner we get this fruity judge out of here the better. First things first, Sydal is good but there are a couple of major things in his way. One, he looks like like a cross between a long lost Jonas brother, a 9 year old girl and L-Man and secondly, after the whole Rey as World Champion booking nightmare, do you really think the WWE are going to put a world title on someone who is only a smidgen taller than my middle leg?
The Miz has improved a lot thanks to his partnership with Morrison, but even if he continues his improvement, the best he has to look forward to is a career in the upper midcard. That is IF he continues to improve. If he remains stagnant, he is only a few missed PPV and Raw appearances away from a future endeavours letter. If I was Mike, I would try and take precautions now and start fishing for a seat next to good old JR at the SmackDown announce table. There is no shame in becoming the next Tazz (but obviously without as much wrestling skill).
As for Morrison, he is coming along just nicely. His progression may look slow but you have to remember that he was already a tag, Intercontinental and ECW champion BEFORE his partnership with the Miz. His style and panache (yeah Joe, I am fishing for the gay vote again using words like that) guarantee him a midcard role for the next 10 years in the WWE and that is if he does not improve at all. If however, like I suspect, he continues to gradually improve his game and master his craft, I can see a main event career for JoMo along the lines of an un-injured Edge or an un-incarcerated Jeff Hardy. The Prosecution has taken pot shots at Morrison's ability in all aspects of work and although these are not totally unfounded, they are extremely exaggerated. The fact is simple, The Miz is the Marty Jannetty of the pair and you, the IWC and jury need to vote for my acquittal. The Defence rests.
The Judge doesn't give a shit. Joe. Finish it.
First of all, I don't like your goddamn tone 'Plan. Second, just because he didn't train Stu's Dungeon doesn't mean he isn't good. Thirdly, how can Mazza even ask the question IF Miz is going to improve when we all know he already has, and Morrison hasn't? Miz has improved, and will continue to improve. In the end, though, as gay as this may sound, the guy who has had his heart in the business since he was young almost always makes it to the top. The Miz has stated in almost every interview, even before he got to Tough Enough, that he wanted to be a pro wrestler. Not a movie star, not a pro track star, a wrestler. It is very obvious that Morrison doesn't have the same passion nor drive as the Miz has. He has a great look and flashy offense, but that isn't always the key to success. Even fellow wrestler and beloved IWC dude AJ Styles claimed that Morrison can only 'flip and look pretty".
Now, the Miz isn't great; far from it. He needs to develop a few more consistent moves (his stolen running corner elbow is a great start, and needs 2 or 3 more signatures), and get a little better on the mic. He can also stand to learn to sell a smidgen better, and he could probably stand to get a new finish; something nastier. But make no mistake about it, he has the pieces and slowly but surely, he is putting them together.
I have stated Morrison's weaknesses, his strength, and even showed you what the final product (Morrison) should be (Bourne). Ultimately, this argument will boil down to who can connect with the crowd more based on their respective heel/face alignments, backing of management and most importantly, luck. Who will go down to an injury first in a sport where the top dogs get them? Who can avoid bad publicity in this, a Post Benoit World? And, what do they need more at the time: a major heel or face? I think the Miz has the answer for all of those questions.
I will admit that the John ceiling is higher, but he lacks a ladder with to reach it with. As the world's first and true Miz fan, I reach out to you the jury, to find Mazza guilty of lying, and may his pants be set on fire.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, you have heard both sides of the argument and must now retire to render your verdict. Try to at least say something mildly interesting; we've sat through enough dull crap here already. Mazzwinn is right; Miz is horrifically over-rated by just about everyone just because he cut a couple of promos ripping Cena. Joe is right; Morrison is showing little to no development in the ring and he really has no idea how to meld moves together unless he's in there with someone more experienced. If I had my way you'd both get punished.... Court adjourned; I'm going the fuck home and I hope I never get asked to do this dull-ass shit again.
...honest.
So there is another edition of Smarks Court done and dusted. Be sure to tune in next time as there are a lot of unanswered questions. Will Mazza be convicted in his own courtroom? Will Joe and Maz find Doc Monk? Have we seen the last of Plan? Remember, it is your civic duty as a member of the Internet Wrestling Community to have your say on my destiny. You can send me your verdict at smarkscourt@live.com or alternatively send me PM at the forums or post your verdict in my feedback thread. If you feel that John Morrison is a better prospect for the main event scene in the WWE, then vote not guilty on my case. If however you think that The Miz has got that much more star quality, vote guilty and put an end to all of Joe's legal woes. Your comments and feedback are also very much welcome and if you know of anyone that should be put on trial, send their names my way and they just might find themselves in the dock explaining their actions. We will be back in two weeks with the verdict and a new case but until then...
Yo, fuck you 'Plan. Bitch nigga.
...he has been Uncle Joe, I have been Mazza and Court is adjourned.
