Posted in: The Classic Paper Review The Current Paper Review - Vol I - Extreme Rules 2009
By Mazza
Jun 9, 2009 - 4:19:07 PM
Writer’s Note: Long before I started writing columns and joined the LOPForums, I would often pop by Lords of Pain to check out the latest news in the world of wrestling. It was during these visits where I first came across The Wrestling Menu. Like many others, after one read I was hooked in and I found myself waiting for the Wednesday after a pay-per-view just to see DaveyBoy’s thoughts. It has now been a couple of months since Davey’s retirement and I have decided that the post-PPV void needs to be filled and so I am stepping up to the plate. For those of you who read my Classic Paper Review column, there will be some slight differences in style as I try to keep some of the essence of The Menu alive. The reviews will be a lot shorter and I will keep Davey’s legendary rating system in place. Before I get going, I’d just like to point out that I am definitely not trying to be the new DaveyBoy because those are some massive boots to fill. All I am trying to do is create a review column for the readers of LOP and your feedback and ideas will be much appreciated in the coming months.
Vol I – Extreme Rules 2009
Welcome one and all to the very first edition of The Current Paper Review (oh no, he didn’t go there did he?), I am your humble host, Mazza. So here I am about to tackle my first current PPV review and the nerves are kicking in. Being geographically challenged, I don’t get to watch pay-per-views until Tuesday nights. Sometimes I am strong enough to make it through a couple of days without taking a peak at the results but more often than not, I go into the event knowing what has happened. Extreme Rules was no exception to this but I was certainly intrigued by the number of title changes that would occur. It definitely looks like being an interesting event.
ODE TO THE MENU
The Event: Extreme Rules 2009
The Date: 7 June 2009
The Place: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Before we get underway with the review, here is a quick reminder of DaveyBoy’s review key. I always say that if it aint broke, don’t fix it plus because I have not done one of these reviews before, I cannot make my own point of reference just yet.
<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F] (Armageddon '04)
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: No Way Out '07)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Unforgiven ‘08)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: Survivor Series ’08)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Armageddon '08)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: No Way Out '09)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: Royal Rumble '09)
80+: Make sure that the video or DVD is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]
Kofi Kingston defeated Montel Vontavious Porter, Matt Hardy and William Regal in a Fatal Four-Way Match to retain the United States Championship
We start out with a face alliance with MVP and Kingston working together but this is short lived as Kofi takes out both MVP and Hardy with a vault to the outside. The action is fast paced and hard hitting with all four men making their mark. With the match warming up very nicely, Regal knees Porter to the outside before hitting Hardy with a suplex. He then tries to throw Kingston over the top but Kofi rebounds and hits the Trouble in Paradise for the win out of nowhere. This was as good an opening to a fatal four-way match as I have ever seen and it was a real disappointment to see it end so abruptly. Five more minutes and we could have been looking at a much higher rating. The crowd seemed really high for both MVP and Kingston and I can see great things in the future for both men. CPR Rating: 7.5
Chris Jericho defeated Rey Mysterio in a No Holds Barred Match to win the Intercontinental Championship
Jericho starts out in unorthodox fashion by cutting a promo about Mysterio masks from the merchandise stand to the ring. Little Rey Rey starts out the match with a lot of aggression, using the top of the announce table and ring steps on the outside. Jericho finally gets himself back in the match and he slowly and methodically works over the champion before missing a springboard dropkick. The match settles down from this point and we see some nice counter wrestling and a flurry of two counts. Jericho eventually takes the action to the outside again before putting Mysterio in a head lock and trying to remove his mask. Rey breaks free and we go back to counter wrestling with missed attempts at a 619 and Lionsault. Mysterio eventually manages to hit the 619 to the back of Jericho’s head but he gets caught in a Codebreaker as he tries to vault from the top rope. Jericho is however slow to cover and only gets a 2.9.
A frustrated Jericho goes to the outside and grabs a chair but Rey manages to dropkick it into his face for another long two-count. Mysterio then uses the chair for a leg drop and drop toe hold before setting it up in the middle of the ring. He vaults off the chair but flies straight into The Walls of Jericho. Rey manages to grab the chair and nail Jericho with a shot to the head whilst in the move. Rey then looks to finish the match with a 619 but as he goes for his finisher, Jericho pulls his mask off. Whilst Rey covers his face, Jericho rolls him up to become nine-time Intercontinental Champion. Jericho celebrates with the mask and the belt. This was more than a solid match but the action was a notch below their Judgment Day encounter. The ending however was all full of win as Jericho’s Midas touch shows no signs of disappearing. This is the first time in a few years that I have looked forward to watching Mysterio as it seems that Jericho has finally brought the little guy out of booking hell. CPR Rating: 8.5
CM Punk defeated Umaga in a Samoan Strap Match
The match starts out with the classic speed against power style. Both men go for the quick finish but each can only hit two turnbuckles before Umaga goes to work with the strap and takes control. Punk tries to rally but it isn’t until he uses the strap to land a low blow that he gets himself back into contention. A running knee/bulldog combo sees Punk get to three turnbuckles before The Samoan Bulldozer gets three quarters of the way to victory himself. Umaga then goes to the top rope but is pulled of by Punk. He gets to three turnbuckles once more but Umaga goes for Samoan Spike before he can touch the final turn buckle. Punk avoids the move, nails the Go to Sleep and hits the final turnbuckle for the win. To be honest, I did not really enjoy their encounter at Judgment Day and I thought that this was better. They used the strap well and the match was just about the right length with a nice ending. CPR Rating: 7
Tommy Dreamer defeated Christian and Jack Swagger in an Extreme Rules Triple Threat Match to win the ECW Championship
The match starts out with Swagger trying to convince Christian and Dreamer to fight it out amongst each other to no avail. It gets hardcore pretty quickly as Swagger gets double teamed with a Singapore cane courtesy of Dreamer and trashcan lid courtesy of Captain Charisma. The alliance soon ends though as Dreamer tries to cover Swagger. Hardcore experience is the name of the game as The Innovator of Violence controls the action for a while with a host of weapons. Christian and then Swagger take turns at taking control from there and a big spot sees Christian powerbomb Swagger who in turn superplexes Dreamer onto a trashcan. This move gets two counts for Christian on both of his challengers. Christian and Swagger then both go for finishers on each other but this allows Dreamer the time to take out both men with a crutch and hit a DDT on Swagger to become new ECW Champion. An extremely emotional Dreamer mouths the words “thank you” as he celebrates with the fans. If this is Dreamer’s last hurrah it was a nice touch on the WWE’s part. He genuinely seemed a bit choked up by it all. The match itself was nothing special and far from ground breaking but I guess that may not have been the point. CPR Rating: 6
Santina Marella defeated Vickie Guerrero and Chavo Guerrero in a Hog Pen Match to win the Miss Wrestlemania title
Before the match we get a rather disturbing backstage segment with Chavo pretending to be a pig whist hyping Vickie up. Vickie comes to the pen and announces that it will now be a handicap match with Chavo joining her in the match. Vickie stays outside the pen as Santina and Chavo throw mud at each other. Chavo throws slop at Santina before Ms Marella throws Chavo into a separate pen with pigs. Chavo acts like he has been thrown into a cage full of hungry tigers but gets back in the main pen and takes control. He then tags in Vickie but Santina stalks her with a slop bucket. Chavo comes in for the save and tries to throw the slop over Santina, who ducks leading to Vickie taking the hit. Chavo tries to apologise but he also meets the same fate allowing Santina to pin Vickie for the victory. Auntie and nephew then argue in the mud. What on earth? This was awful. I am all for a bit of comic relief but Santino dressing up as a woman and rolling around in mud with Chavo and Vickie Guerrero is just not funny in the slightest. This was a total waste of time which could have been given to the guys who opened the show. CPR Rating: 2
An angry Vickie argues with Edge prior to the next match and Edge tells her to find a divorce lawyer.
Batista defeated Randy Orton in a Steel Cage Match to win the WWE Championship
The bell rings and Orton tries to quickly climb out of the cage and almost makes it (if that had actually worked I would have marked out like crazy and I’m not even much of an Orton fan) before Batista eventually pulls him back in. Batista uses the power game and dominates but Orton tries to escape the cage at every possible moment. The crowd seems restless with the Batista offence and when Orton gets an opening, he takes control and once more tries to escape the cage. He is almost out when he sees The Animal on the mat and he comes back down and gets ready for a punt. Batista dodges the move so Orton tries to escape the cage one more time. Batista stops him in his tracks and gets Randall in position for a Batistabomb. Orton manages to avoid it but misses and RKO attempt before Big Dave finally hits his finisher to become five time world champion. Well Batista is rarely interesting so an injured Batista should by all rights be close on unwatchable. This could have honestly been a lot worse but it was still far from good. Keeping it relatively short just about gives it a pass. CPR Rating: 5.5
John Cena defeated The Big Show in a Submission Match
Cena starts out by trying to dodge and weave but the power of the Big Show is just too much for him. The pace is extremely slow as TBS works over Cena who eventually turns the tide for a short time with a sleeper hold. It is not long until Show is once again giving us a snoozefest of epic proportions. Quite why the fans were all into this match whilst giving stick to Orton and Batista encounter is beyonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Sorry, I must have dozed off for a moment. I wake up to find Cena locked into an abdominal stretch which Cena powers out of but soon finds himself in a headlock. Super Cena escapes once more and hits the Attitude Adjustment but he cannot lock in the STF and soon gets caught with a massive punch. Somehow Cena recovers yet again and hits Show with a top rope Fameasser. He ties Show’s leg up in the ropes and finally manages to lock in the STF, eventually leading to the tap out. The closing couple of minutes pretty much saved this match. I understand that a submission match needs to be dragged out but these guys are far from Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. Cena comes out looking great and tapping will not hurt Show a great deal following a dominating performance. I on the other hand, come out needing a caffeine fix. CPR Rating: 6
Jeff Hardy defeated Edge in a Ladder Match to win the World Heavyweight Championship
These guys have come along way and it must be a proud moment for both men to have made it to the main event, fighting for the World Heavyweight Championship in a match that they not only revolutionised, but made them famous. The long time rivals start off by feeling each other out but it is not long until the ladders come into play. Both men miss moves early on as we see Edge spear, and Jeff dropkick the ladder. We see Edge place Hardy in the ladder and lock in a Sharpshooter and Jeff drops Edge onto an upside down ladder as both men continue to show that they still have new things to bring to this style of match. Jeff gets out the BIG ladder and hits a Twist of Fate before climbing. Edge senses a Swanton and escapes to the other end of the ring. Jeff topples the ladder over and grabs onto the harness holding the title but Edge pulls him down.
The spots continue as Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind from the big ladder before we have a bit of a Wrestlemania 23 flashback teased. Jeff sets up Edge on a ladder between the barrier and ring and he climbs another ladder. Edge gets up and climbs the ladder Jeff is on and they fight at the top until the ladder topples over and both men go crashing through the other ladder. They make it back to the ring and this time it is a Wrestlemania 17 flashback that is teased. Jeff goes for the title whilst Edge climbs another ladder and goes for a spear. This time however, Jeff is wise to it and turns it into a Twist of Fate. Both men slowly make it to their feet and battle it out underneath the belt. Edge knocks Hardy off the ladder but Jeff proceeds to pull Edge’s legs and body through the rungs leaving him trapped. Hardy climbs to win the World Heavyweight Championship whilst smiling in Edge’s face. This was a very good match that lived up to the high expectations but it was just a little short of being one of the all time memorable bouts. They showed that they had not yet used up all the ideas and the finish was a very nice extension of the Money in the Bank ending from Wrestlemania 25. A big pat on the back to both these guys for still being more than willing to risk taking insane bumps. CPR Rating: 9
CM Punk defeated Jeff Hardy to win the World Heavyweight Championship
JR is in the ring ready to interview the new champion when CM Punk’s music rings out and he comes to the ring, MitB briefcase in hand a referee in tow. A spent, shocked looking Jeff can hardly make it to his feet as Punk jumps from side to side and the crowd do not seem happy. Punk hits the Go to Sleep but Hardy somehow manages to kick out to a huge pop. Punk picks him up and Hardy gets a two count with an inside cradle. Jeff struggles to get back to his feet and Punk nails a second GTS to successfully cash-in the briefcase for the second year in a row. Whereas the booking for the cashing-in has rubbed a lot of people (myself included) the wrong way, I have to say that this was a really exciting couple of minutes. You could have actually believed for a minute that an absolutely knackered Hardy may have survived. It was more of a short segment than a match but still easily passable and more interesting than at least a couple of the other matches on the card. CPR Rating: 7
EXTREME RULES CPR RATING (58.5/90) = 65
Overall, Extreme Rules scored a B on the DaveyBoy Grade Scale which I have to say is a big success considering that I did not really have high hopes for the event. The two big Smackdown matches were very impressive and the two big Raw matches were not as bad as they could have been. The booking of the event was a little strange however. Since Wrestlemania, we have all had one ear open at the end of a PPV for CM Punk’s music and it would not have been a shock for him to cash in against Edge at Extreme Rules. Few were expecting Jeff Hardy, who is supposedly in contract negotiations and wanting a rest, to defeat Edge here so with one shock down, I am sure many people were not expecting a Punk cash-in. It does seem a little odd that the WWE would give Jeff a transitional reign that makes the average Copeland reign look like The Fabulous Moolah’s 84 year run as women’s champ.
THE ROAD TO THE BASH
Of course that is not the only championship that had rather curious booking at Extreme Rules. In the lead up to the event there were rumours that Batista was carrying an injury and needed surgery. Raw has been and gone and Big Dave is still holding the title and the WWE have also announced his injury. I was wondering just what in the blazers was going on until a nameless source provided me with a top secret audio recording (please note that although there appears to be no logical reason for his release, Umaga is not the nameless source)…
*Booking Meeting – Somewhere in Titan Towers – Sometime last week*
Batista: Vince, I've torn my bicep.
Vince: Dammit Dave, you are becoming worse than Kennedy.
Randy: Sweet, does that mean I can retain then.
Vince: I guess that makes sense.
Steph: Wait one minute.
*Steph makes a call*
Steph: Paul can start back full time on Monday.
Vince: Great, carry on as planned.
*A pissed off looking Randy storms off, only stopping to take a dump in Maryse's bag*
I mean let’s face it, it makes sense that if one top face is injured, you bring back another who is at home twiddling his thumbs. The problem is that they botched Raw. Now take a look at this idea which was smuggled out of the bookers meeting by another nameless source who was apparently so upset with this idea getting rejected, she quit the company on Monday:
Michael Cole: And we finally get to the main event where Randy Orton will have his rematch against the Animal, Batista.
*Vickie Guerrero comes onto the stage*
Vickie: Excuse me... EXCUSE ME!!! I have just been informed that this match will now be a no-disqualification Triple Threat Match
Time to play the Game…
*Triple H comes down looking pissed, sledgehammer in hand. He backs Orton into a corner as Batista steps aside... BAM! Trips nails Batista in the head... Orton looks confused. Hunter signals to him to pin Batista but BAM! Sledgehammer to Orton. The Game pins Randy, wins the title and goes back to kicking Batista. Flair comes out to talk him out of it and BAM! Sledgehammer to Flair! Steph comes out and tries to calm him down and BAM! Sledgehammer to Steph! A pissed Vince and Shane run to the ring and BAM!-BAM! Double McMahon Sledgehammer delight. Aurora Rose runs out to see what happened to her mummy and BAM!... wait, have I gone too far?*
Now you would think I’d have a point to all that but the fact is I don’t. I just love evil Triple H beating people down with sledgehammers, call it a guilty pleasure. What I do think however is that the top end of the Raw card is extremely stale at the moment. We are still getting Wrestlemania rehashed and the feuds weren’t even fresh in April. The draft has done nothing for the Raw main event and the problem is that it is so stacked right now, the good work being done by The Miz, MVP and Kofi Kingston is unlikely to help them penetrate Raw’s big 5. A double turn seems to be the only thing that can freshen it up because I am really not looking forward to Orton and Hunter again. A Trips heel turn would help but with Batista injury and Cena’s movie career, it will leave Raw very thin on face power. Unfortunately however, with The Bash only three weeks away, I cannot see past Randall and The Game fighting over the WWE Title one more time.
Smackdown however is an entirely different prospect. There are so many things that could happen come The Bash that it is all a wish-wash in my mind. I will be more than happy to see Mysterio and Jericho continue their feud and with the de-masking, I think it is a pretty safe bet that they will square off once more in three weeks. I would also expect CM Punk to defend his title at The Bash in a triple threat against Edge and Hardy due to the whole craziness of the events at Extreme Rules. With John Morrison’s star currently rising, I would also expect to see him get back on a pay-per-view card and I think the WWE could do a lot worse than placing him in a feud with Edge.
When it comes to ECW, I am never too sure what is going on. I highly doubt that they can drag out another Swagger-Christian PPV match, let alone a repeat of the triple threat. I think it may well be time for Christian to move to one of the main brands, maybe Raw to freshen up the main event, and let the “All-American” American win the title from Dreamer to continue his “main-eventer in training” training. My final thought is that I think it is time that the Colons are shown a little respect. You’d think that with only one set of tag team champions in the company that they could get at least one PPV appearance. Now as much as I would love to see them feud with Haas and Benjamin, I feel it is high time that Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase get some kind of rub from being in the Legacy. It looks like that match is now on the horizon but I still think it is more likely to happen on Raw than The Bash.
So that wraps up the inaugural edition of The Current Paper Review. I hope that I have managed to get rid of any mid-week boredom you may have been suffering from. Feedback, as always, will much appreciated, good, bad or indifferent and you can drop me an email here or pop by my feedback thread in the forums. Thanks for reading and don’t forget to check out the UK versus US tournament in the Columns Forum. Catch you next time.
